Its all a god damn lie. Everything. I don't matter. She could never love me. She will never love someone so broken and weak. And I let her in like an idiot. But she's just like everyone else. She will abandon me. She will decide I'm not good enough and she will leave me. I guess its what I deserve. I'm nothing but an embarrassment and a waste of space.
I laid in my bed at the manor, trying to muffle my sobs of anguish. Things had gotten tense between Narcissa and I. I don't know what I did to get her to hate me so much, but I handed her my two weeks earlier today. They can get her another auror to protect her from harm. Someone better than me. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve anything.
Everything is heavy. Everything is dark and cold and hopeless. Like a dementor constantly feeding off me. All I can do is lay in bed and stare off into space. I just want to die.
A loud strained sob escaped my lips then as the thought of death crossed my mind. I won't be a burden to anyone or anything anymore. The idea seems so freeing. In death, I'll be free.
"No!" A pain stricken voice whispered in the quiet room.
I jumped, not realizing I wasn't alone.
I shrugged off the comment as I shook with cries.
I felt a soft pair of arms wrap around me and pull me against their owners chest as they began to softly cry too.
"Please Eda... Please don't go." She whimpered.
"I can't stay..." I choked out in a whisper. "You hate me Narcissa... Why are you here?"
Narcissa's breathing hitched, her body tensed as I uttered those words.
"Hate you? What are you talking about?" She asked softly, tears streaming down her rosey cheeks.
I sniffled.
"Narcissa you told me to never touch you again. You pull away from me. You're cold and distant and short with me all the time. I can't stay here. I made the mistake of letting you in and as usual it backfired on me. Its better if I just disappear and we never see each other again. It..." my voice broke.
"It would be better if I was dead. Better for everyone and everything."
"NO!" Narcissa cried, pulling me to face her, she cupped my face and made me look in her tear filled doe brown eyes.
"I'm so sorry Eda. I have been cold and distant. I have treated you terribly. And all because I'm a coward. I'm terrified of you. I'm terrified of the things you make me feel. The way your presence can make my world shine brighter than the sun and all the stars in the sky. Your kind soul makes my heart melt and your smile makes me feel like everything is going to be ok again..."
"Cissa..."
"Don't leave me darling. I love you. I'm so in love with you and it terrifies me. But I want to be terrified. You are my angel. I cannot live without you my little dove. Please!" She was sobbing into my shoulder now. "Please stay with me. You are my everything. I can't do this without you."
"You love me?" I whispered.
Narcissa nodded and smiled through the tears.
"With every fiber of my being." She kissed me soundly, I immediately returned the kiss, melting into her.
"I love you too Cissy. I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise me." She begged.
"I promise."
She nodded and pulled me back to her.
"I need you. I need to have you with me. I need your love. I want you by my side as my bestfriend, my lover, my everything."
I choked and wrapped my arms around her, giving her a tight squeeze.
"I need you too Cissa. I need you like I need air in my lungs."