6 months later.
Adjusting to life without Leah was hard. The last few months had consisted of promotional events and preparations for the release of my album and subsequently, appearances on radio shows and entertainment channels to discuss my newly founded success. My album had reached number one in the iTunes chart just two weeks after its release. I had received messages of congratulations from people I didn't even think new I existed. My Dad was beyond proud of me, Ellie and Lydia cried almost every time it was mentioned and I knew that somewhere out there, Leah would be watching this whirlwind unfold and she too would be proud of my success.
Tonight, it was the Brit Awards and I had been nominated for best breakthrough artist, album of the year and song of the year. When we received the call to tell us that I had been nominated, we originally thought that Gavin was pranking us but now that I was getting ready, it was beginning to feel real.
As I stepped onto the famous red carpet, the photographers shouted my name from every direction, it was overwhelming at first but I soon settled. I felt confident tonight for the first time in while, I was wearing smart green trousers, a matching blazer and a dressy top, not wanting to stray too much from my stage attire and wanting to help the promotion of fashion being gender free. I gave several interviews but one in particular made my heart drop. Dawn Wiley, from London Entertainment Daily had pulled me aside for a chat, I always enjoyed chats with Dawn as she brought humour to them.
"Alex! Thank you for giving us at LED a few moments of your time!"
"No, thank you! It's always a pleasure to speak to you."
"What's it like being at the Brits? This time last year you played your largest gig of 3,000 I believe? Now you're selling out arenas and nominated for THREE awards. Sum that up for me?"
"It's an honour and a privilege to be honest. I never thought I would get to this point and being here tonight makes all of the hard work and the sleepless nights worth it."
"I bet! What's one thing you hope to achieve through your success?"
"As rehearsed as it sounds Dawn, I just want to inspire people. Not just those with a passion for music but those with any passion in life. I want to inspire them to never give up on the dreams."
"I think that's the thing that draws a lot of people to you, Alex. You have never lost your roots, you have stayed incredibly grounded and down to earth. How have you managed that?"
"I've surrounded myself with people who are the same. You know, my two best friends Ellie and Lydia, when I first started this they used to discuss where I would take them on holiday when I released my first album, they talked about private jets and private islands. When the album was released, they invited me over for a face mask and movie night and we ate £1 popcorn from Tesco. The money meant nothing to them, it was their proudness of me that they held onto and I think having people like that in my life has helped me to remember who I am."
"Speaking of people in your life, how's that going? Anyone we should know about?"
"Unfortunately, you won't be getting a front page story from me, Dawn. I've been focusing a lot on the album and the upcoming tour so I haven't really got time for wining and dining right now. Unless you want to grab a drink after?"
"Always the charmer, Alex! I have to ask or the fans will kill me. When you say there's no one special right now, does that mean there's a potential fans could see a reconciliation between you and Leah Williamson who I've been told is here tonight representing the Lionesses?"
Keep calm, Alex. Breathe. You're being recorded.
"I didn't actually know Leah was coming if I'm honest. There is no need for fans to fret, Leah and I ended on good terms and of course if I see her tonight I'll be wishing her well in all she does."
"Alright, not quite the reconciliation the fans have in mind but looks like we're out of time so I'll let you go. Good luck tonight!"
"Thanks, Dawn. For everything."
I made my way to my seat, constantly wondering if Leah would actually turn up. We hadn't spoken since the night I left her in bed on holiday. We exchanged a few messages to arrange the collection of my stuff from her house and she congratulated me when my album reached number one but it was surface level. I didn't know how I would react if I was to bump into her. She hadn't yet gone public with Harriet, I don't know if that was out of respect for me or whether she was afraid of how our fans would react if she jumped into a new relationship. Either way, I appreciated her giving me time to heal before that was shoved in my face. On the other hand, I couldn't forget what she had done on me. When I think about how silly I must've looked getting dressed up to impress Leah whilst she stood at the door texting someone else about how much she missed them and had realised she didn't want me. I decided to put Leah out of my head, I was here to enjoy myself and even if I left empty handed, I was nominated and that's all that matter to me. Ellie was sat to my right and clenched my hand as they began to read out the nominees of Best Breakthrough Artist.
"And the award goes to... ALEX RYAN!"
I smiled in disbelief and hugged Ellie before heading to the stage to collect my award. I couldn't bring myself to say much so I simply thanked those that helped me get to this point, the fans and gave a shout out to my Dad who was watching from home. I returned to my seat, swapping places with the person who was responsible for keeping it filled in my absence.
Song of the Year went to Adele, I wasn't surprised at all. She had been my inspiration since her 19 album. Her ability to blurt all of her feelings out and then put them into song was something I tried to mimic in a way, putting my own spin on it. I clapped and cheered as she made her way on stage, and in true Adele fashion she hugged each of her fellow nominees on the way up.
As the show began to come to a close, there was only one award left. Album of the Year. What a privilege to be nominated in the same category as these artists. I settled back into my seat, eager to see who the winner was going to be. They brought out music legend Diana Ross to present the award, I was insanely jealous of whoever the winner would be, imagine accepting an award from someone like Diana Ross.
"And the award goes too... The incredible and mesmerising voice of ALEX RYAN!"
I froze. I literally didn't move. Ellie was pulling at my arm, squealing in my ear and jumping up and down. Did Diana Ross just call my name? My heart began to beat so fast, I could hear it in my ears. I stood up, wiped the tears from my eyes and walked towards the stage to collect my award, Diana kissed my cheek and told me she loved my album.
"Well I'm never washing my cheek again, did you get that on camera?"
The crowd laughed as I spoke my thoughts aloud.
"Okay... Where do I start. Firstly, I would like to thank Gavin Gregg who was the first person to give me a chance, without you I would not be standing here today in more ways than one. I want to thank my parents, my beautiful mum who is no longer with us, and my dad who ensured I always had support, love and encouragement in everything I dreamed of. I want to thank my two best friends in the world, Ellie and Lydia, they have been my strength in the darkest of hours, my two biggest fans screaming the lyrics to my songs at the beginning of all this, they have toured the world with me and I know they will continue to do that for as long as they can. I want to thank my fans for your continued support and love. I exist as Alex Ryan simply because of YOU. You have given me a life I could never have imagined and I promise that I will continue to give back to society through the continuation of my donations and funding to those not as fortunate as I.
Lastly, and probably most unexpectedly, there is someone who I believe is in this crowd tonight somewhere that deserves a thank you. Leah. Leah, you travelled the length and breadth of the country with me, in between matches and captaining your country. You sang the words to my songs louder than I have ever heard anyone sing them, you watched my gigs live as you travelled for matches, despite me playing the same songs I did when you'd watched the night before, just so I knew you were there. When I first met Leah, I was on my way home from a gig that was meant to be my international breakthrough. It was a bit of a flop and I was flying home to reconsider my career in music. Leah, who was just another passenger on the plane then, told me 'when you are doing something you love, you always feel like it could've gone better.' And I have carried that with me since that day. At the end of every show, I repeat it in my head reminding myself that the little mistakes I made were only amplified to me because I was lucky enough to be doing something I love. So to Leah, the inspiration every girl needed in this country, thank you.
The crowd erupted at this. They cheered for a long time before I could say my final words, chanting my name and stamping their feet.
"And to the tabloids - if I'm front page tomorrow for mentioning my ex and not because I just won album of the year with my debut, we'll have issues! Safe home everyone, I'm off to write a song about this."
The crowd, once again, let out a loud echo of laughter and then began to cheer as I posed for a picture with Diana and my award and exited the stage. I spoke with Diana for a few moments before running, literally, back to my seat to find Ellie. I jumped on her, like a hyper little kid and we sat like that as we watched Coldplay close the show. The camera zoomed in on us a few times and we sang into it, making idiots of ourself but the crowd just cheered. This was the best moment of my life since that night Leah told me she loved me.