I got a blank space baby, and Ill write you name
Trying to get some sleep sucked, even though I wasn't in a rock hard bed anymore I still couldn't sleep, my mind just wouldn't shut off. I looked at my side desk to see that it was 3am I groaned and turned over pushing my head into my pillow, I stayed like that until I just stopped trying and gave up.
I scrolled on my phone and even though I follow loads of people my feed was dead. After a while of trying to entertain myself I get up and go to my mirror, I used to do my make up when I couldn't sleep, even though I hated taking it off there was something so therapeutic putting it on.
I got out some of my make up and began to put it on, I decided to put some music on while I did it, not too loud though, I wouldn't want to wake up my uncle, even though I haven't herd him come up yet.
After about 10 minuets I had done most of my make up, I didnt do too much so It didnt take me long, I put my stuff away and got up from my vanity, The song 'sex drugs etc' came on and I began to dance, my room is smaller here so there wasn't much room but I still danced around.
After the song had finished the next began to play and that's when I stopped, my heart beat picked up and my mind went blank. The song bohemian rhapsody came on by queen, and all of a sudden I was back in Fez and Ashtrays house dancing in the lounge with Ash to this song, he was shaking his head giving me a looked to say 'what are you doing' but after seeing I wasn't going to stop he got up and joined me. We were never officially together but something told me he was going to make it official back then.
After the memory faded I was pulled back to reality, I realised I needed to see him, so I did what I thought was best.
I went to see him.
After being able to leave the house without getting caught by security or my uncle I began to walk to their house. It was pretty much pitch black outside but I knew exactly where I was going. It was getting to the end of autumn meaning it was a lot colder now so my crop top and leggings with an oversized jacket didnt really do much for me.
After walking about 10 minutes I finally arrived, but before I could get to the door I saw a gate stopping me. When the hell did they put this up?
I look at the gate to see a pin pad with numbers, I try at least 7 times to try and guess it but non work so Instead of walking all the way home I climb the gate. Even though the gate is 2x my height I am somehow still able to get over it even though my leggings are now ripped and my ass has been pocked with about 5 spikes.
I make my way up to the door and just stand there, I'm not even inside and I feel safe, the warmth the house brings and the smell of weed fills my nostrils. Even though I have fully quit and plan on staying clean the smell still brings me joy.
I knock on the door, a quite tap fills the silence, after waiting a couple of seconds and hearing nothing I knock again, then again and after my 5th time I begin just banging on the door. I need to see them, I have caused so much pain I need to know there okay.
Just as I'm about to bang again the door fly's open and I see Fez stood there in his joggers with no top on and Ash behind him with a shot gun, I flinch as I see the gun is pointed at me.
"What the fuck" I say, Ash quickly removes the laser that was pointed at my chest and brings it down to its side disabling it. I look between Fez and Ash to see their both confused and somewhat shocked.
"What are you doing here Eli" Fez says In a quite voice, it comes out quite yet it looks like Fez has said too much.
"I got released today- well technically yesterday and I needed to see you" I say, a million things are going through my head but as soon as I look at the brothers I'm lost for words.
"Its 4:50 In the morning Eli" He says, I just stand there not knowing what to say, he doesn't look mad, I cant tell what he is feeling right now and it makes me even more nervous. "Just come in" He says as he stands back going into ash as he opens the door to let me through.
"Thanks" I say as I get past them. As I enter I feel the tension rise. I look around to see the place is still the same, bowls are randomly placed around showing that there is obviously two boys living here.
I stand there awkwardly as I see Fez try to talk to his brother with some sort of sign language that only they would know.
"I don't-" Before I let Fez speak I interrupt, I need to tell them I'm sorry for hurting them for making them go through what no body should go through.
"I'm sorry" I say quickly, Fez just looks at me with sorrow, I look at Ash to see him looking anywhere other than my eyes, I just look down to my hands hoping to find the words to say but again my mind goes blank.
I sigh as I gain confidence to speak "I didnt realise what I had done till it was too late, and I know I have caused you so much pain and so much suffering, and I am so, so sorry that I did that" I say I don't look at them, I don't want to see the pain I have caused and the pain I can't take back.
"There Isn't enough sorry's for me to say but If I could go back in time and change what happened I would" I say. There is a long pause I don't know whether to continue with my apologies or just shut up.
"I wouldn't want you to go back and change what happened" Fez says, I look up to see him looking straight at me, a tear holding on for dear life trying not to escape. "What happened really fucked a lot of people up, including me, but I wouldn't want it to change, because I hope this made you better, I hope you look at life differently, and I hope for your sake your better" He says, his words cut deep and I take it all in not wanting to miss a word.
"I am better" I say, he doesn't say anything just stares straight at me with a deadpan expression.
"I-" he is suddenly cut off by Ash.
"You have said that before" He says, he looks angry, he has every right to be angry.
"I'm sorr-" I try and say, but again I get cut off.
"I don't want apologies" He says, he looks older, as I stand there sweat dripping from my hands and my face telling a thousand words I take in what he looks like. His hair is longer yet it looks like he has had it trimmed only a couple of days ago, his voice is deeper and I can see muscles practically ripping from his black top, He has had that top since I left, I can remember wearing it, it used to look big on him, now it looks too small.
"Its late" Fez says trying to diffuse the situation, Ash is clearly mad but like Fez said it is late I shouldn't even be here now.
"I'm gonna go" I say as I head towards the door, Fez just outs his arm out stopping me from going.
"You can sleep on the Couche and we can talk in the morning" Fez says, I don't think staying here is the right idea, I haven't talked to them, Ash clearly hates me and I swear every time Fez looks at me its like he is relaying what happened.
"I can't" I say, Fez just furrows his eyes brows. "My uncle doesn't even know I'm here and don't you think I should come through another time" I says, he just shakes his head.
"What so you can go home and not come through for 2 months, feeling guilty and drowning in self pity" He says, wow way to soften the blow Fez." I'm not letting you walk home at this time, and your uncle isn't even their, he is in France" Fez says as he locks the door and moves into the lounge.
"He told me he was seeing me in the morning" I say as I think back to the note he left on the fridge.
"Something came up" He says, I guess that's why I didnt hear him come in.
I see Ash leave and go in his bed room, I sit on the Couche and see Fez standing around.
"I am sorry you know" I see Fez scratch his head in discomfort "I didnt realise what had happened until I woke up in the hospital" I say.
"Its okay I forgive you" He says, I smile at him but he gives me a sad look "But I will never forget what happened" He says, I nod knowing its going to take time. Fez leaves and I sit on the Couche, I go to lay down when I hear someone come walking down the hall, I expect to see Fez again but when I look I see Ash with two blankets and one of his pillows.
I watch as he stops from coming close to me and just puts the stuff on the chair opposite me, I watch him walk out with no words being said just him and his anger filled aroma. I get the blankets and pillow and get comfy, the smell of his cologne sends me into a deep sleep.
I miss you Ash, you don't even realise it.
Please comment and vote
Hope you all liked
Love you all x