-• survive •-
There's two ways you survive; either as a predator, or the accomplice of a predator. I'm neither. People like us never get the opportunity to act beyond the limits set by the world. We are mere preys. So the smaller we hide, the higher the chances of our survival. Now with my safest hideout gone, I was vulnerable and exposed. More than the emptiness of losing my mother, I was scared of the loneliness that awaited me. How many kids like me are orphaned everyday? Probably millions. I'm not a special case, and that, that terrifies me.
"Tara," I look up from the clean hospital floor. What smelled like disinfectant until yesterday, now reeks of blood and death. People here are used to it. I wish it was that easy for me. "I know it is not a good time to tell you this, but we can't afford any delay. You're not an adult yet, but as the only family of Scarlett, you can make the decision."
I frown. "What decision?"
"Organ donation," he answers.
I suck in a deep breath. "Are you suggesting we pull off the life support?"
He crouches to my height, meeting my eyes with his light brown ones. "Her insurance won't cover for the life support, Tara. And you're not earning yet."
"We- we can sell the house?"
He sighs. "Tara, you're not thinking practically. The house is the only property left for you. It's your home." He grabs my hand in his. "Let go of her, Tara."
"Let's wait another day-"
"Another day adds another zero to the bill, Tara."
"So what!?" I scream and get away from him. "I'll be an orphan, Uncle Garett! That's my mother! My mother, God damnit!"
He rushes closer to calm me down. "Shh, take a deep breath," my harsh breath settles feeling his hand run down my back. "Try to understand, Tara."
I shove his hand off and walk inside the ICU. My mother lay on the bed, attached to different machines, eyes closed, her body completely motionless. I sit by her side and grab her hand in mine. "Mumma, wake up." I plead pathetically. "You promised me. Don't do this to me, Mumma. I've no one. I'm so scared to be alone." My sight blurs with unshed tears and I wipe them away with the back of my hand. "Mumma, you hear me right? You know I'm here, by your side. You can feel me, don't you?" I ask desperately. "I know you do. Nobody here believes me, Mumma. You hate it when people undermine me, don't you? Tell them off for me, Mumma. Prove me right. Wake up, Mumma! Please! Please! Please!" I beg, soaking her hand with my tears as they flow down my cheeks heedless. I feel my entire body tremble with grief and hopelessness, as if I'm sucked into a cube of neverending heights with no way out.
A hand rests on my shoulder and I turn around to throw myself in the arms of warmth. Her hand was so cold it froze mine. I couldn't bear holding it any longer. Uncle Garett pats my head gently, letting me cry on his stomach.
When I pull away, I see the consent paper in his hand and stretch mine to take it. He appears surprise but lends it in my palm.
"Pen?"
He removes one from his pocket and hands it to me. I sign at the end of the form.
"Your mother will be proud of your decision." He smiles at me. "We'll quickly prepare for the surgery."
I watch him leave the ICU hurriedly and turn to look at my mother. If her soul is watching down on me, I hope she isn't saddened to see me let her go so easily. I wish I could tell her money shackled my hope back. I had no say in this decision.
The doctor announces her dead at 12:01 in the midnight. I leave the hospital with Uncle Garett in his car.
"I'll take care of the funeral. Don't worry, okay?"
I nod at him and rest my head on the seat, watching the city pass through the window.
We reach his home in fifteen minutes. Janet and her mother awaits our presence in the living room. The moment I enter the house, my best friend throws herself in my arms and cries. For me. Because now, she too pities me.
I put up a strong facade in front of them. As my mother's good friend, they are sheltering me and providing me with food. The least I can do is not burden them with my grief. My mother's demise is mine to bereave alone.
I don't leave the room given to me for three days, not even for the viewing at the Chapel in the Funeral home. I wasn't prepared to see her in a coffin.
Janet comes next morning and knocks on my door. When I open it, my eyes fall on the black dress she holds in her hands.
"Thanks, I'll be down in thirty." I whisper and take the dress from her, closing the door just as she opens her mouth to say something. I don't think I am ready for a conversation yet. Words sound heavy to my ears.
The dress doesn't fit me. It is loose on the sides. I don't think Janet mistook my measurements. I probably lost weight in these last few days.
I apply a light dab of make up to my face, hiding the dark eyebags and pale lips. My hair lacks the usual lustre it had when Mom took care of them. Now they look lifeless and dead, like her. I throw them in a ponytail and leave the room.
Williams family stood in the living room waiting for me. I offer my apologies for making them wait. Uncle Garett waves it off and leans to hug me gently. I stand motionless in his arms.
I've never been to a funeral before. From distance, I always found them creepy. People dressed in black, standing around a dead body, offering prayers or peace, like some sort of cult, it appeared weird to me. People watching down at dead looked miserable.
And misery, I hate it.
But maybe misery didn't hate me.
When we reach the cemetery, Aunt Jenna, Janet's mom helps me out of the car. I walk inside with heavy heart. People start arriving, faces I've seen, faces I haven't, all of them offer me their condolences, I accept them blankly.
When they prepare for the burial, I gather enough courage to walk closer to the casket. Unlike at the hospital, where she looked pale and dead, here, dressed in a white gown, sleeping so peacefully, she appeared like an angel. I place the white rose I got for her from Dave's garden on her chest. My hand reaches to touch her gloved one and I stroke it gently. It was the same hand that fed me when I was too busy to eat, the same hand that caressed my head when I couldn't sleep, the same hand that wiped my tears for me.
Yet today, as the tears roll down my cheeks, no hand reaches out to me for she lays lifeless, her motherly warmth missing.
"Tara," Aunt Jenna helps me up and pulls me back to her side.
They descend my forever sleeping mother into the grave, tossing soil on the closed casket offering their last goodbyes. I breakdown in Aunt Jenna's arms, sobbing like a child in a day-care that's left alone by it's mother. But at least it has hope of her return. Mine left me forever.
We return home in the evening and I lock myself inside the room. It was Janet's brother's room. He left to the University two years ago. I remember how happy Janet and I were that day. He never let us enjoy during a sleepover. As a smart child, he always needed pin drop silence in the house to study in peace. He'll be coming home tonight. To offer me his condolences. I don't need it. I need this room. To grieve alone and in dark.
But when the doorbell rings, I knew I had no choice. Grabbing my bag from the side, I start to pack my things to shift in Janet's room. All I need is a place to sleep, so sharing a bed with her is not a problem. It's her company that I find hard to bear. I don't want to be surrounded by people right now. But it's not that I can make decisions here. Beggars can't be choosers.
I leave the room and descend the stairs to the ground floor.
"What are you planning to do now?" I halt mid staircase hearing her brother. From the tone of his voice, the conversation sounded something serious. I wonder if the topic was me.
"What else? We'll have to find a good place for her." Jenna speaks in defeat.
"Why? Why can't we keep her here!?" Janet objects fiercely.
"Janet, we must think rationally right now. Do you think we can afford her living expenses? We'll have to be her legal guardians to take care of her. And to be honest, we're not ready for that. I don't want to take her in and then make her feel like an outsider."
"I'm sure she'll appreciate that more than us throwing her in an orphanage!" Janet snaps.
"Janet!" Her mother raises her voice. I flinch back. "Your father has to send half of his earnings to his parents. Your brother is still in the university! You'll be leaving for college in two years! What about her? Can you imagine how helpless and miserable we'll feel when we send you to college but not her? I don't want that on my conscience."
"So you rather leave her to feed alone in the outside world than keep her in the house and help her overcome the grief?" Janet whispers in disbelief. "Why? Because you can't afford her? Kindness is not expensive, Mom."
"Living in this world is!" Her mother snaps. "The discussion on this topic is over. Shut up and sit down. We adults have things to do."
I inhale a deep breath.
"Elliot, go to your room. You must be tired from the long travel."
"Isn't Tara occupying my room right now?" He questions.
I look down at the bag in my hand.
"Oh, right," Jenna murmurs. "Would you be able to adjust in the attic for a while? I'll clean it for you. I'm sure the poor girl would appreciate some space for now."
"Yeah, that's fine." He agrees.
I quietly head back to his room and close the door gently behind me. Putting the bag on the bed, I start to unpack my things, wondering how many days I've before I'm finally uprooted from the familiar environment and dropped somewhere unknown. A sigh leaves me at the thought.
While I unpack the bag, a chit falls to floor. My eyes flicker to it and brows furrow together.
"If something goes wrong, reach out to this Mail ID. Add your name as the subject and then send it."
"An empty mail?" My brows knit together.
She nods. "It's enough to get the message delivered. Whoever comes, follow whatever they say, okay?"
I gasp and pick up the piece of paper, unfolding it to see if my guess was correct.
vsc@quickmail.com
I bite my lower lip in contemplation. Even if mom told me to reach out to this mail id, but I don't know who it is. I didn't even bother to ask her about the person.
A knock on the door startles me so hard I accidentally drop the chit to the floor. Quickly picking it back up, I clutch it in my fist and rush to open the door.
Dark brown eyes look down at me in concern. "Elliot," I sigh.
"Are you okay?" He asks softly.
I don't even know why I panicked.
"Yeah," I nod. "Come in," I step aside to let him in.
"No, it's okay." He shakes his head, his dark blonde hair flopping along. "I just stopped by to ask if you're doing fine? I'm so sorry for your loss."
I force a smile on my face. "Why are you sorry? And I'm fine."
"If you say so," he mutters. "Take care. And let me know if you need my help."
"Yeah, I will." I assure.
He ruffles my hair like he does for Janet and heads upstairs to the attic room. I close the door gently and go back to the bed, unfolding the chit as I sit down.
I spend the next two days trying to make a decision. It's when Uncle Garett sits me down with a social worker that the restlessness sets in. I get through the meeting uncomfortably and request for a three days time to prepare myself.
"Janet!" I don't even knock, I barge in.
She sits up from the bed hurriedly. "What happened?"
"I need to use your laptop." I say.
"Yeah, sure." She nods, motioning towards her desk. I quickly sit down on the chair and open her laptop. "Everything okay?" She stands behind me curiously.
"Yeah, I need to send a mail."
"What happened to your phone?"
"It's a blackberry." I deadpan.
"Oh, right I almost forgot." She chuckled. "In the era of foldable phones, you're using a blackberry."
I roll my eyes and open my mail account.
"Who's this?" She leans down to take a look at the paper in my hand.
"I don't know. Mom told me to send a mail on this ID if something goes wrong." I answer.
"What?" She whispers in shock and pulls a chair to sit beside me. "Will it help you from the whole orphanage fiasco?"
"Let's hope it does." I murmur.
She hums and watches me type the mail id before I hit send. "An empty mail?"
"Yeah, she said it's enough to get the message delivered." I answer.
"Tara," Janet grabs my hand, looking at me worriedly. "This feels suspicious."
"This is my last hope, Janet."
"But-"
"It's not that I've anything to lose." I shrug.
That shuts her up and she retreats.
We spend the entirety of the day in her room, waiting for the reply. My anxiety spikes up everytime I refresh the inbox and a new mail pops up, but it fades when I see the sender ID. The reply doesn't come.
I go to school the next day to keep myself distracted. Sitting through the lectures was tougher than I thought. All the pitiful looks thrown at me made me feel suffocated. After getting home, I spend the rest of the day sitting in front her laptop, waiting for the reply.
It doesn't come.
"Was your mother serious when she told you that?" Janet whispers to me in the middle of the class.
I felt lethargic for some reason. Maybe the lack of hydration, food and sleep was finally taking a toll on my body.
"No, she was playing a prank." I retort sarcastically.
Janet clicks her tongue. "Then maybe she trusted the wrong person."
I sigh. I did too.
"We need to do something, Tara! Otherwise you'll be sent to orphanage -" she stops abruptly when the principal's secretary interrupts the class.
"Taranya Chauhan?"
I raise my hand.
"You've a visitor."
I look at Janet. She stares back in shock.
"Who-Who is it?" I ask slowly.
"He says he is a relative." She answers.
I get up shakily and quickly clutch the desk when the surroundings in my sight take a sharp spin.
"Tara!" Janet gasps, holding me just as I go unconscious in her arms.
The next I wake up, a blank white ceiling comes into my sight. I grunt in discomfort, my head feels like it was hit by a brick.
"Tara," Janet whispers at my side.
I force my eyes wide open and look to the side. Janet's face becomes visibly clear.
"Are you okay?"
I frown, looking around and realising I was in the hospital. When I struggle to sit up, she helps me. With another look at the room, I sink in the reality of where I am. Indeed in the hospital, but a VIP room. My eyes go wide in shock.
"What the fuck!?" My head snaps to my friend's direction. "Who brought me here? Do you know the bill? I'd have to sell my kidney and it still won't be enough!" I panic.
"Tara, calm down. Calm down!" She forces my shoulders back. I lie down in defeat. "The bill is taken care of."
"What? How much long was I out?"
"Two days." She answers.
I look at her gobsmacked. "Wh- What happened to me?"
"What else? Weakness." She mumbles. "The doctor advised us to not disturb you. You needed the sleep."
"Us?"
"Right," she leans in immediately. "Tara, you won't believe what happened when you were unconscious! Remember the relative that came to meet you at the school?"
I nod.
"He is your-"
The door suddenly opens and a man enters. I have to raise my head to take in his full height. He looks otherworldly. Jet black hair pushed back, a sharp jaw, slightly crooked nose under which sat plump pair of lips. I see such men in fiction and fantasy, not in reality. My eyes widen the closer he gets, making it impossible for me to look anywhere but him.
Janet sits straight in alarm. When I look at her, she subtly points to him with a nod.
"What?" I whisper.
She places a hand on the side of her face, concealing herself from him and mouths something to me.
I widen my eyes in question.
She rolls her eyes but continues with her dramatics.
"Is something wrong?" A gravely deep voice interrupts.
My gaze darts to him. His onyx eyes looks down at me in question.
"Who- Who are you?" I swallow.
"Yuvraaj Singh Chauhan," he replies curtly.
I nod before his words sink in my mind.
Yuvraaj Singh Chauhan.
Yuvraaj Singh Chauhan.
"Chau-Chauhan?"
He nods. "Your brother."
The elbow holding me up slips and I fall back on the bed with a thud. Janet reacts instantly, holding my arm in concern.
"You- You're kidding right?" I look at him suspiciously.
He removes something from the inside of his blazer. It's a wallet. He flips it open and shows me his driving license.
Yuvraaj Singh Chauhan.
Age: 32
DOB : 22/
He puts it back in before I can read the whole thing.
"You're thirty-two?"
He nods.
"When did my mother have you?"
"Never." He answers. "We've the same father but different mothers."
Oh.
That's a lot to take in after losing a parent, realising I'd be sent to orphanage soon, getting admitted to the hospital and waking up to see my thirty-two year old brother in the flesh before me.
I gouge his face for any emotion. He doesn't seem happy to see me. Neither sad. His face shows nothing. That's the problem. He is too blank for me to figure him out. Like a canvas that's void of colors.
"Is- Is our fa-father alive?" I ask hesitantly, hoping I don't offend him by calling his father our father. I mean, it's true. But I don't know where my limits as his half sibling lies.
"Unfortunately."
I gulp. "Oh," my eyes drift to my friend who offers me a forced encouraging smile. I look back at him. "Is- Is he here?"
"Yes," he answers. "He went to visit your mother."
"But my mother is dead." I frown.
Janet grips my wrist, glaring at me with a sweet smile. "He means your mother's grave, Tara. Her grave." She enunciates.
"Oh, right." I nod. "Sorry, I'm a little out of it today."
He unclasps his hands from the back and steals a glance at his wrist watch. "Take some rest. We're leaving soon." With that, he turns and walks away.
"Le- Leaving where!?" I ask loudly.
My question is answered in silence. The door closes in his exit and I fall back on the bed in shock. "What the heck!?"
"I should be saying that to you!" Janet hops on the bed beside me. "What the heck, Tara!? You've got a fucking hot brother!"
My nose scrunch in disgust. "He's thirty two."
"So? He's still hot. Like so fucking hot. Like, oh my God! The hotness that radiated from him can melt the glaciers. He is harmful to the environment, Tara. Oh, he is so hot. Oh my god!" She waves her hands around her face.
I roll my eyes and turn to the other side.
"Tara!" She forces me to face her. "Your father is hot too!"
"Ew, shut up!" I shove her hand away.
She laughs at my reaction.
I sit up to think clearly.
"You look relieved." She comments after sobering up.
I shrug. "I don't know, Janet. Feels too good to be true. I know it's saving me from going to the orphanage," I trail. "But what if this is nothing but another hell in the disguise of a long lost family?"
She worries on her lower lip thoughtfully. "You said you have nothing to lose. And your father looked genuinely concerned for you, Tara. He was the one to allow me to come here to keep you company. Your brother was against the idea." She shares.
"Then where was he all these years?" I ask her. "I don't know. It feels weird. Like a day ago I was an orphan but now I've a father and a brother?" I shake my head. "Ridiculous."
"It was a possibility, right? Your mother never told you anything about your father but neither she ever said he is dead." Janet suggests. "And your mother was the one to give you that mail ID. I'm sure she knew who it belonged to."
I cross my arms on my chest, looking at the painting on the wall absentmindedly.
It just doesn't feel right. People like me can't afford things working out for us so easily. As if behind it prevails something even more darker that's enough to push us deeper in the misery. I'm used to treading around on my toes, sniffing and prodding at everything new before touching it. Yet, this was thrown into my arms when I was the most vulnerable. The feeling is nerve-wrecking.
"What are you thinking?"
I sigh heavily. "I'm scared."
"Just give it a chance, Tara. It's a last option you have." She says to me.
The door opens again and in enters my recently introduced half brother with a paper bag.
"Your discharge process has been taken care of. Change into this and we shall leave." He hands me the paper bag.
"Whe-" before I can complete my question, he was out of the room. "Wow, he is infuriating."
"C'mon I'll help you change. I suggest you take a shower first."
I nod and get down the bed, following her directions to the bathroom. It was no surprise the place was sparkly clean. For some reason, I felt guilty using all these luxury. My mother had to suffer in general ward when she was fighting cancer while here I am, basking in the amenities of a VIP room for something as measly as a physical weakness. Talk about unfairness.
I wash up and wear the dress bought for me. It fits me perfectly. But it is too modest. From the neckline to my arms to my knees, it practically covers everything. I wonder who chose it.
When I leave the bathroom, Janet snickers at my sight. "You look like a nun,"
I roll my eyes.
"And I thought Elliott was protective." She adds in amusement.
A knock on the door grabs our attention. "Come in,"
Yuvraaj enters the room, looking at me from head to toe. He nods in satisfaction. "Shall we?"
Janet hands me my backpack. "Where are we going though?"
"Graveyard. To meet our father." He answers.
Ooh, here we go. Things are gonna get interesting now.
The next update will be on Saturday. One chapter on Wattpad and a mass update on Scrollstack.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment. Makes my day.