"But first, drink." Akshara announced, taking a sip of her tea and watching me curiously.
I swirled my thumb alongside the rim of the cup. I eyed the tea with curiosity but also a sense of unwontedness. I was never a big fan of change. I liked the mundane repetitiveness of my every day routine. I liked my coffee black. I liked my tea black. No sugar, no milk. I has never been the one to try new things.
"Actually can I apologize first?" I said, looking up at Akshara.
"Why?" She replied, taking another sip of her tea, the pupils of her eyes dancing with the lights hanging above the kitchen island.
I gripped the cup with my hand, trying to take solace in its warmth. For a man who was so used to keeping it poised and inexpressive due to the nature of my job, I wasn't doing a very good job of it in front of her.
"I won't be relieved till I apologize first. I promise I'll have the tea later." I said, pushing the cup back towards her.
"Oh no, we got all night for your apology. Tea and kachoris first." She retorted, pushing the kachoris and tea towards me again. "Or else the door is right there. You can leave exactly the same way you came in."
Damn. She knew the ball was in her court. And she was also confident I wouldn't leave without apologizing. Especially after I went through all the trouble of getting here in the first place.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. So eat."
"You know, I am the one who usually gives the orders."
"At your hospital. This is my house. And I'll be the ones to give the orders around here."
But I'll be the one giving orders in the bedroom. Where the hell did that come from? I shook the clearly very suggestive and inappropriate thoughts from my head. I should not be thinking about her that way.
"You do know that I'm your boss right?"
"You do know we're not at work right?"
"But I'm still your boss." I said again; trying to convince I don't know who? I should not be getting this comfortable around Akshara but I was. And I couldn't understand why.
Being around her was making me feel all these emotions that otherwise I had become immune to. The anger I had felt this morning —it was all new to me. I had never acted that way before. Ans I had definitely not travelled to someone's house at midnight in pouring rain to apologize. So why her?
"At work. Now...we are...," her voice trailed off. I guess even she wasn't sure what we were.
"We are?" I probed because I hoped she was able to label whatever this was between us. Because all I was doing was drawing blanks.
I felt something toward her. A connection. Something undefined. Something that I don't think I'd ever be able to describe in words. But I felt safe. Ever since I met her at the bar a few days ago, she was the only person that made me feel safe. And that to me was a very new, unexplored territory. I had never felt safe before.
I could feel Akshara's brain working on overdrive to answer the exact same question that I hadn't been able to answer all this while.
"Stop trying to distract me. You can't get out of drinking the tea and eating my world famous kachoris!" She exclaimed.
Changing the topic I see. Guess even she didn't have an answer to question that had been bothering me for days now. What were we?!
"World famous?" I teased.
"Well, all my friends are settled around the globe so yes, I'd say that's pretty world famous." She gave me a bright grin, making me chuckle. She was so proud of her kachoris.
"You have an answer to every single question, don't you?"
"Every single one," she nodded proudly.
Except one.
"So now try it! Hurry up!" Akshara slammed her hands against the kitchen in a bid to act as a cheerleader.
"Okay, okay." Here goes nothing. I reluctantly put my mouth against the rim of the cup, taking a small sip of the tea, just perfect enough to give me a taste of the aromas but to not cause an issue in case it began to make me gag.
The first gulp hit the back of my throat as the aromas of the ginger, cardamom and clove mixed together with the creaminess of the milk began to mingle together. My eyes opened wide open as I tried to describe the taste that I was feeling. I took another sip of the tea. And then another. And then another. Why was the taste so addictive?
"So how is it?!" Akshara was looking at me in eagerness. Her eyes were sparkling curiously bordered on happiness as she watched me enjoy her tea.
"It's...good! I...like it!"
And he did like it. A lot actually. And he didn't like many things.
"See! I told you you'd like it!"
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you."
Akshara gave me a proud smile. "I know you don't trust easily, but you should try it. Just like you should try new things. You may just be surprised by what's out there."
"Akshara..."
"Abhimanyu."
I took a deep breath. I was here to make an apology. And now when I was actually ready to apologize, why were my words failing me? Coherent sentences and an apology from the heart. That's all that was needed. Easy. Simple. As it should be. But it wasn't. It felt like the apology was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever be doing in my life.
I played around the rim of my cup, avoiding eye contact with her. "The way I acted this morning. It was unfair. It was rude. And I'm really sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm very sorry. You did not deserve it." I
"Apology accepted." Akshara stated simply, taking a bite of her kachori before drinking her tea.
Wait a minute, that's it?! Apology accepted? Simple as that?! "Wait, what? So you're not angry?"
She shook her head, "I was angry before, yes. But you apologized. So why would I be angry now?"
"But do you not want to know why I acted the way I did?" I was still in disbelief. How was she so accepting? Who even was she?
"I'm sure you had your reasons. And I'm not going to intrude on you if you don't want me to. I'm just happy that you acknowledged your mistake and asked for forgiveness. That's more than enough for me. You don't have to explain your reasons to me as long as you are able to explain those reasons clearly and concisely to yourself."
"How can you be so understanding?" I decided to ask her the question that had been on the back of my mind since I met her. This girl baffled me, surprised me at every step of the way.
"I...I dunno." She replied, pondering over my question. "I guess because I just had a feeling that you someone who would understand you?" Her voice was unsure of her own words.
Something. There as something between us. A connection. There had to be. Because she made me feel safe. Heard. She made me feel. Feel the way no one else had made me feel before.
"Can I share something?"
"Yes. Of course."
"The man you met this morning, in the elevators, Vikram."
"Yes."
"He is —was my best friend. My only friend you could say."
I looked up to see the lightbulbs going off in Akshara's head. "Your girlfriend cheated on you with him!" She exclaimed.
"Yes, but how did you know?" I raised an eyebrow.
"When you came to restaurant —the first day we met when you got shit faced drunk —you told me how your girlfriend cheated on you with your best friend. You didn't tell me their names though."
"Oh right. That night. Well, now you know."
Silence accumulated around the room as neither of us spoke a word. "Can I ask you a question?" Akshara asked, breaking the silence.
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
How am I doing?! No one had ever asked me that before. How was I doing?
"I'm good."
"You can share with me you know. You can be vulnerable too. I won't judge."
"It's not about that. It's just..."
"Just what?"
"No one has ever asked me how I felt before. So I don't know how to exactly answer that question." My voice broke as I said that. 30 years on this god forsaken planet and not once had anyone ever asked me how I felt. Asked me if I was okay.
"So I'm asking you now. How are you doing, Dr. Abhimanyu Birla?" Her question was clear, concise and left no room for error.