It's almost two in the morning and I can't stop pacing. I'm assuming Everest went to the party after the game, only that he texted me about ten minutes ago. Absolute gibberish.
It's just a mash of letters and now, I'm pretty sure he's drunk. I know he can handle himself, even if he is but he'd been doing well. Eating a lot of chocolate but refraining from alcohol.
I don't know if I should call him. I'm also half terrified that he's going to be having sex with some girl. Which is fine. Cool. Because like I've reiterated, we aren't anything and he's used to fucking and alcohol. I'm anticipating a stomach twisting sort of emotion though, if I do realise that he's with a girl, which I do not want to feel. That sole feeling complicates things tenfold.
I throw my phone on my bed and walk around my room, Leia in my clutch.
This is stupid. I shouldn't be stressing so much. I look down to Leia, "I'm stupid. And Mr Stupidly Attractive is making my brain hurt."
I don't think she listens to that but whatever. I walk her over to where her little bowl of food and water sit, letting her eat. Ripley's fast asleep in her cage, curled up in the corner.
I run a hand through my hair, yawning as I walk into my bathroom. I hate staying up late and prefer waking early in the mornings. I debate taking a warm, cosy shower because it always helps relax me enough to tire me out.
Just as I go to turn it on, my phone rings from my room. My eyes shoot open as soon as I see the contact name. I hurriedly pick up.
"Everest?"
"Violet Fawn." He sounds like he's smiling. He clears his throat, "I think we have a slight little problem."
My face falls, "You're drunk?"
"Nope. Negative. Nay." He babbles. I narrow my eyes, disbelieving but he clarifies, "I think I could fly. I am as high as the sky."
"Um-" I walk back into my bathroom, "That's not a great alternative."
So he just got high instead of drinking? Both of them seem just as bad. That doesn't seem like a solution whatsoever.
"I think it's perfect. And it probably won't kill my liver so that's a plus, right? Anyways, shh. I need to tell you the slight little problem." He rambles but I realise something. There's no party noise around him, not even distantly.
"You're not at a party?" My eyebrows pinch together.
"Aw, come on, Vy. You stole my proclamation. That's what I've been gearing up to this whole time-" He sighs and then regathers himself, "I heard you live in that big manor."
"Yeah. So you didn't drink tonight?" I ask, still a little suspicious.
"Nope. So is your room on the right side or the left?"
"Left. What did you do instead? Just smoke a load of joints?" I ask, turning on the shower to let it heat up and trying to make sense of what he's saying. If he's telling the truth.
"Yeah. They were a doozy. Pretty strong. Hudson Tempest weed is like crazy good weed." He says and I hear some scuffle so I'm assuming he's walking outside somewhere.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't drink. That's a pretty big step." I encourage. Especially if he was surrounded by the environment.
And then my eyebrows slowly furrow as I actually comprehend the questions he was asking me. The questions he was asking me. Hold on—
"Where are you?" My eyes start to widen.
"The left side of your big manor."
I think I almost drop my phone. I don't and clutch it tighter, hurrying out of my bathroom. There's no way he did this. Nobody in their right mind would.
No. I am not gonna see anybody, I assure myself, as I walk across my room. He's playing me-
Everest Jones is standing outside of the left side of my big manor. Beneath my window.
I do drop my phone now. He's insane. He's stupidly insane and I don't think he really realises what he's doing here.
"Are you crazy?" I whisper-hiss as I step out onto the balcony and he tucks his hands into his pockets, hood over his head. The moon enlightens his sharp features when he looks up to me with a smile. I'm a few levels up so he has to crane his neck back.
Oh my god. He's at the manor. Here. This is way too far. If anybody finds out, I'll be buried alive and they'll send him to juvie again. But Mr Everest over here, looks like he doesn't have a care in the freaking world.
"For you." He kicks a rock and grins, "Crazy for you, sweet Violet Amory. Hey, what's the shit that Romeo says in the balcony scene?"
"You haven't read that yet?!" I exclaim, "The test's tomorrow and that's one of the first scenes."
He gets on one knee, completely ignoring me and raises a dramatic hand, "It is the north and Juliet's-"
"Quiet." I hiss, scouring to make sure nobody's around. The pool's right behind him and sometimes Grayson goes for night swims. I don't even understand how he got in here-
He lowers his voice, still smiling, "It is the north and-"
"East." I correct.
"It is the east and Juju is the son." He smiles like he's real proud of himself.
Did he just call Juliet juju.
"Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon-" He continues dramatically, still on one knee as I look down to him, a little laugh spurting from him when his eyes catch the floor, "Aw. There's a puddle of water that looks like your little face, Vy. Look."
"Everest." I urge him to look up at me and he swings his head up, "You can't be here. Seriously. Please, you have to go."
He frowns, "But I don't want to."
I brace my hands on the balcony, the pool's water reflecting on the both of us in the quiet night air, "But you need to."
"But I came all this way. You owe me, Violet Fawn. I spilled punch over this girl all because of you. And she was nice so I feel bad." He looks at me accusingly, "But not as bad as you should feel."
I run a hand across my forehead, "What are you talking about?"
"Doesn't matter. What matters is that you can't turn me away. Juju didn't turn away Romeo. I'm guessing, I dunno. I really need to start reading that shit." He lifts from his knees and then just plants himself, right there on the floor. Legs crossed like this is the most casual thing, head arched back to look at me.
He smiles this sort of soft smile and I wonder if he knows how weakening that can be, "Come down to me."
"Everest."
I'm more hesitant than I've ever been with him. There's no security cameras around this side of the manor but around every other corner, there is. If anybody wakes up and sees him in our house, the amount of trouble he could get into would be bad. Bad bad. It's making me nervous.
"Violet." He whispers back, in this sweet tone, half mimicking me.
Ugh. I look around and then look back into my room. I glance down to him again and point, "Five minutes. And then you have to leave."
He nods repeatedly, lips lifting, "Hurry up. It's cold and I'm pretty sure I heard a coyote."
"Would I fight it off for you?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Probably." He grins, "You're a dancer. Upper body strength and stuff. Oh, you could so take a coyote, Vy. And I'd be right there to cheer you on."
I shake my head at him, my own smile curving up. This is so unbelievably reckless but I know him enough now to know he's not gonna leave me be. Five minutes. He'll go back and nobody gets him into trouble.
I turn away from him and walk across my bedroom, so nervous I might pee my pants. I pull on a hoodie again, using that and my hair to cover my scar, rushing out and down the staircases.
The manor's dead silent. Nobody's awake thankfully. I hurry towards the back and finally, with extreme caution, open up the back door leading to the pool. I cringe when it creaks slightly as I shut it, before turning around to him.
"Vy!" Everest looks like a kid on Christmas, "I found a baby bird."
Oh my god. He's literally cradling a little baby bird that looks hurt, Everest's face contorted as if he would protect that thing with his life. It is such an odd sight that I have to take a second to comprehend.
Everest Jones is, clearly, very high. In my house. By my pool. Standing in all his attractive glory and tending to a baby bird nestled in his arms.
What is the universe.
His eyes flit up to mine and he stops for a second, seeming very intoxicated when those eyes graze over my body. My silk shorts peek out from underneath my hoodie and I'm scratching at my arm. There's not much to see but he's faltered like there is.
I clear my throat and reiterate, "You can't be here, Everest. The— the manor's security protected everywhere."
"You should bump up your security then, sweetheart. Little old me made it in easily." He smiles and then looks down to the bird, stroking a thumb over it gently, "I can't see you. Stop hiding in the shadows."
"I like it here." I mutter, "Makes me feel cool."
"I prefer you in the light."
He's looking at me, with such intent. As the silence stills around us and I don't move from the door, he starts to take slow steps towards me. It makes my breathing hitch as I watch him near me, doing nothing to stop him. Every pretty feature of his getting clearer by the step.
Only a few hours ago, he held me in the rain and the knowledge lingers. I can see it in his expression; he's concerned. He didn't want to leave it at that. Is that why he's here? No.
He stops just before the shadow of the building, standing in the light whilst I remain in the dark. He came to the freaking manor.
Everest Jones came to the freaking manor.
"Hi." He whispers.
"Hi." I can't look away from his eyes.
The way the rain fell. The way I slinked into his hold. The way his chin rest atop my head, his whispers in my ear. The way I had to leave.
I divert my attention down to the bird in his arms so I don't have to think about. I take a step and outstretch my arms for it, remaining shadowed. Gently, Everest places her in my arms and my heart sinks as I look down to it.
It chitters slightly but doesn't make any move to flee or fly, so I'm assuming its wings are hurt. Or broken. Tenderly, I lower myself until I'm sat on the floor and can get a good grasp on it.
"Hi, dear." I whisper to its dark, hurt eyes, "It's alright."
My stomach plummets. It's helpless and small, blood covering some of its body and wing. It's also fatigued and seeing such a little thing, in so much pain, is going to make the tear dam burst if we don't help her.
I look up to Everest, "You have to take her to a vet."
"Are you crying?" His eyebrows furrow, amused.
"No." I look down to the bird, "Listen to what I'm saying."
"Vy, it's fine." He assures, "And the vet's a half hour away and I can't drive right now."
"So who drove you here?" I challenge.
"Mr Punk." He rubs at his bloodshot eyes, "Mr Punk did not approve. I like when people don't approve."
"Clearly."
The bird chitters again, shaking slightly in pain. In this instant, my resolve completely strengthens and I don't care what he has to say about it. I stand up and do my best to stand tall.
"You're taking her to a vet. You've technically broke into my house so you're going to get in the car with Mr Punk and get Clarice the help she needs." I state. I should point my finger in his chest for emphasis but I'm a bit preoccupied with the bird.
He blinks a few times, a little hazy, "Clarice?"
I look down to the bird.
He blinks. Realises and I witness the judgement pass over his features.
"We don't have time to deliberate name choices." I hurriedly wave him off but just as I go to hand him the bird, he steals the moment and snatches me towards him, out of the light.
I'm quick to duck my gaze, making sure my scar covers the left side of my face. When I crane my neck, my hair falls back and makes the scar visible so I somehow have to remain like this. Only he's tugging me closer, pulling back my hood.
I reach up and stop his hands where he's tugging the material down and our hands touch, the warmth palpable enough to make us pause. My head's bowed and he's pulled me close enough for my forehead to almost touch his chest.
The air's filled with all that sudden uncertainty from earlier again.
Everest starts shaking his head, his tone somber, "No. If we gotta have it out, we will." He sounds abruptly adamant, "You have to tell me what's going on with you, Violet. Why won't you let me see you?"
What do I say? I'm marred now. Tainted with the repercussions of a glass bottle. Stupid glass bottles filled with alcohol thats ruined my life.
I go to step away but he pulls me back, "I'm not letting you hide." He whispers so softly, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on, Vy."
"Nothing's-"
"Something's wrong." He shakes his head, not letting me speak. He says gently, sounding almost pained, "Something's wrong and I know it and I've been sick to the fucking stomach since you drove away. You were sad, so sad. And I watched you leave and went to a fucking party that I couldn't give less of a shit about because— Violet, I know something's wrong."
My voice is shaky and I turn away from him again, "You don't know anything."
"I told you in that hospital closet. If I know anything, even if it's not Romeo and Juliet's sonnets or how to pass history or how to...disable security systems," He takes a breath, "I'll always know when someone's hurting."
It's silent again before he poses the question once more, a notch above a whisper like he wants to reach out, "Why won't you let me see you? Truth."
And I know in this moment, there's more depth to it than not letting him see just my face in the rain, or now. I think I've always yearned to be seen. But I've lived in the shadows, learning how to blend into the wallpaper for so long that suddenly becoming visible, terrifies me.
He scares me. Everest Jones somehow manages to look at a person and its as if he can see right through to your soul. Despite his humour, his façade, he might be the most attentive person I know.
What do I do when I hate what's on the inside? When I've grown to loathe what he wants to see.
What am I to do when I fear being invisible but more than that, I fear someone truly seeing who I am? Because what if they hate the innermost parts of myself as much as I do?
What am I to do when somebody else leaves me too?
I muster up a whisper, "You need to go-"
"I will jump into that pool and take you with me." He challenges immediately.
What? My eyebrows furrow-
In an instant, I'm spun around and my legs are swept up from underneath me. I have to slap a hand over my mouth to stifle a scream so it doesn't echo and wake up everyone in the manor, though I am definitely not calm right now.
My hoodie's ridden up, so have my silk shorts and I'm over Everest's shoulder. He's tall enough for me to become discombobulated being upside down like this.
"Everest- no, Ev, Ev, Ev-" I repeatedly smack his shoulder when he braces one forearm around the backs of my thighs and starts to walk us to the poolside.
I sling all my hair over one shoulder and try to lift myself up but there's no use. He's kicking his converse off and setting Clarice in a towel gently on one of the lounge beds.
"You are not throwing us into the pool. It's freezing and the middle of the night and if anybody wakes up, I'll get into trouble. You'll get into a lot more trouble—" I suddenly shut up when his large hand rises a little higher up the back of my thighs.
He drawls, "What have I been trying to tell you since day one? A little trouble's fun."
"Ohmygod." I muffle into his t-shirt, clutching him tight when his hands tease me more, "I'm gonna die. Death by Everest. My gravestone's going to say Death by Everest."
"I'd rather it say death by Everest's mighty dick but that's for another day. We'll get there eventually." He quips nonchalantly and lifts me higher, "You know what I do when I'm upset?"
"Drink?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Well...yes but-"
"Fornicate?" I add, "Irritate law enforcement? Lengthen your criminal record-"
His hand rises higher until it's over my ass and he applies enough pressure to make me squirm, "How about you stay quiet when I've got you in such a compromising position, sweetheart?"
Duly noted. I swallow, not thinking I'm capable of speaking even if I wanted to. I think my knuckles are turning white from how much force I'm fisting his t-shirt.
"I get restless. This feeling like I need to escape my skin sometimes so instead of the...incriminating or sexual things, I jump in the shower and turn it to the possible coldest temperature to try and shock me out of it. Before I do something stupid or the feeling gets worse." He confides to me, "The adrenaline takes everything other than the shock away. An escape."
That makes sense. A lot of sense. I search for escapes, like him, but they usually come in the form of hiding in my armoire, or painting like a madman in my art room or holing up in the theatre auditorium. Escapes like Everest's differ from mine and have stipulations. Like-
"But-" I mutter, "Warm showers are so cosy."
I can practically hear his grin, "My dick will be cosy enough to warm you up afterwards."
And just before I can scream or outright protest, the weight of the water crashes around me and I hear him follow, the freezing temperature of the pool causing my whole body to lock up. Everest jumps in and I blink to try and open my eyes, just as he pulls me towards him underwater, one large hand spanning across my waist.
It's so icy, so unbelievably cold that every nerve of mine is electrified with adrenaline. Bubbles spring from his lips when he lifts my legs so they're wrapped around his lower back, before pulling us both above water.
Our gasps sound out immediately from the cold, our heads breaking through the surface. I clutch Everest close and breath heavy, slicking back my hair with both hands and trying to rid the smile on my face. I don't know why I'm smiling but the thrill, it felt insurmountable in the moment.
The air's drowned out with our ragged breathing, blinking away the water sliding down my hair and skin. I glance down to Everest, whose holding me by my thighs so I'm taller above him. Oh god.
He's wet. Very wet and right now, with his hair all dark and messy. With the blue eyes twinkling and jaw all sharp from the spotlights. With that smile, rising higher as he looks me over, he's a sight for sore eyes.
God.
"You're looking at me." He breathes and I'm still hyperaware of our position. My legs locked tightly around him, wet bodies together, arms braced around the back of his neck.
I nod and quietly admit, the air terse between us, "You're pretty to look at when you smile."
His smile falters then, sobering slightly as a softness brims his eyes. He almost looks taken aback, which consequently takes me aback. I wouldn't have thought that's an unfamiliar compliment to him.
He swallows and the sight almost makes my smile rise higher. I find him infinitely prettier when the cockiness fades, for just a moment.
I tilt my head back and use both my hands to slick back my hair behind me. Looking down, Everest's trying to blink away the strands in front of his eyes so tenderly, I use my hands to brush his hair back. His head tilts slightly into my hand as I do.
It shouldn't feel so intimate. So tense and quiet and just...us.
"So, do you usually sneak into girls houses and toss them into pools?" I question, my hands locked around the back of his neck.
His head's tilted back to look up at me when he smiles, "Oh, yeah. Daily occurrence, baby. You're my third one today-"
I go to get off him in contempt but his laugh sounds out and he doesn't let me leave, bringing me closer to him, "Kidding. I'm kidding."
"You went to a party."
He nods, "And if I told anybody that I went to a party and didn't fuck, they wouldn't believe me. But my penis has neared no pussy today."
"Cool." I shrug, "Not that I care— or anything."
He gasps, "You don't care about my penis?"
"No." I deadpan, "I do not."
"That's unfortunate." He tugs his lips down and subtly, lifts his hips up into me. Oh. My hands dig into his shoulders and he smiles, "You seem to care."
"I do not." I swallow. But there's this rush, of wondering. I could feel him when he just lifted his hips and I wonder, what it'd be like. To feel pleasure like that. I've never known it and I've heard, like most, that Everest's stupidly good at sex.
He turns us, lifting me until I'm sat on the edge of the pool. My legs dangle in the water and he stands between them, hands planted besides me on the poolside.
"You've never fucked. But you've done other things." He says, things he already knows. I nod, looking away from him, "With Dean?"
My chest freezes at that. Even just the name. The memories make it all feel much worse so I just gently sway my legs, sinking into myself.
"There's no need to be shy, sweetheart. Sex, fucking, whatever, it's natural. It's fun and never anything to be ashamed of." He nudges my jaw with his nose so I look back to him, "You can talk about it without restraint. And if with anyone, you can talk about it with me."
I guess that's true. I've been more comfortable with him than most people and I guess that's a result of his outright shamelessness. There's a security that comes with receiving no judgement from him, that I've never really known before.
He's wild. Blunt. So free to be whoever he wants. It's so, so alluring to me.
So I brave myself and look down to my hands, speaking into the quiet night, "Dean always tried to put his claim on me. Even when we were little, I was always seen as...his. Always expected to be his girlfriend." I look up and he's close, right underneath me and listening so I continue.
"He lost his virginity when he was fifteen. And he'd always subtly flaunt it. Like I should be trying to work for him and his affections now that he's had sex. Like now, I was the one privileged to be with him."
"He always made me feel so small. And he always told me that girls-" I falter, hating the pit in my stomach. Silence ebbs for a moment, "Girls our age aren't as pathetic as me. They're less shy and they do sexual things and he made me feel like so much less than them because I didn't want to so— so when he tried to, one time, I sort of just let him. I thought it was what I was supposed to do."
I don't realise Everest's hands are braced on my thighs until his fingers start curling. He quickly removes them before he hurts me and I look to him, witness to the emotion in his eyes. Dark and angry and sad.
"He— he touched me, down there." I tuck my hands under my thighs and can't bear meeting Everest's gaze, shameful, "I was fifteen and scared and I didn't want to. It didn't feel good so I told him. He stopped, thankfully, even though he was a little mean. Ever since, guys have kissed me and try to do stuff but I can't-"
My head drops between my shoulders and Everest tips my chin up so we're close. I try to stop my lip from trembling but it doesn't work and he whispers, "Tell me."
My voice is shaky, "I feel incapable. Stupid and it makes me panicky."
He doesn't leave my eye contact, every word enunciated strongly so I know he means it, "If anybody makes you feel anything but safe and beautiful, they shouldn't have free fucking reign over their dicks."
"But-"
"No buts. No arguments. You're not incapable. Every boy that's touched you and made you feel like that should burn in hell. Sweetheart," Everest's hands brace my thighs, "Your worth isn't measured by douchebags. You're worth more than letting things happen because you think they're supposed to. You realise that?"
I pick at my fingers and Everest nudges me again to look down to him. His wet lips tip up slightly, "Say it for me."
"Say what?" My eyebrows pinch.
"You're worth more. You're worth it all." He says.
"That's a pretty good affirmation-"
"You're worth it all. Say it." He raises his chin.
"Everest-"
"Say it. Sayit. Saaaayyy-" He starts to raise his voice so I hurriedly slap my hand over my mouth, his hair all messily damp over his forehead.
I quickly say, "I'm worth it all. Please be quiet."
"Louder." His voice is voice is muffled against my hand. He's grinning like a cheshire cat.
I square my shoulders and take a breath, trying to let his words sink into me. I try to say it a little more confidently, "I'm worth it all."
I swallow and remove my hand just enough for him to answer when I whisper, "That was good, right?"
"You're perfect."
If I could remove one thing about myself, it's the way I blush so rapidly. An automative, hurried reaction. Not even seconds pass before I can feel my cheeks flaming and Everest's smile rises until it takes up his whole face, enlightening all of his other features.
The pool's always been architecturally pleasant. It's large, always cleaned and made to look pristine. The small canopy besides is is held up with pillars, sun beds underneath it. It's a large expanse, the water reflecting on the both of us where I sit on the edge and he stands between my legs.
Somehow, with him here and the night around us, it feels so small. So encased around just the two of us.
"Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow. Later."
My eyes snap wide open, my heart sinking into my stomach. Grayson's voice, nearing us from around the corner of the manor. The fear that rips through me makes me feel momentarily nauseous.
I can practically feel my face paling; reality snaps me back. The repercussions of this could be bad; for me, for him. Grayson's temper is much worse than Sage's. He caught me with a boy, who was proper and academic and nice, when I was sixteen and secretly threatened to get his parents fired from their firm if he came near me again. Poor Alex.
If he catches me with not-proper, wet in our pool with me, Everest Jones, he'll murder me. Us.
"You have to hide." I look to Everest, my tone deadly serious, "Now."
Everest's eyebrows pinch, "And where do you expect me to-"
Grayson's footsteps near so impulsively, I grab Everest's shoulders and shove him underwater. I drape my legs over him as much as I can, gesturing for him to crouch against the side of the pool. We just have to pray Grayson doesn't walk around to the other side. Or gets in.
"This is your fault." I whisper shout, "So I'm not sorry."
I turn over my shoulder just as Grayson approaches, phone in his hand. His white collared shirt is lazily half open, blonde hair all ruffled when he pauses in his footsteps, eyebrows furrowing in utter confusion.
"Vy?"
"Hi." I manage to smile through the crippling nerves. Everest's hands are around my ankles. He's right there. Grayson's right behind me. My hands start to quiver.
"What are you doing?" He tucks his hands in his pockets, looking me over.
"Swimming." I clear my throat, "I just needed some alone time."
"With your clothes on?" He raises an eyebrow.
I look down to my soaked hoodie and skirt, glancing back up to him, "Yup."
God. Please, leave. I don't want to suffocate Everest-
Oh. Oh, he's definitely not suffocating.
My fingers have to suddenly fist the edge of the pool when I feel his lips lightly press against the skin of my thighs, where he's hiding. I spare a glance down to him and can just about make out a smirk. Uh oh.
"Are you having a fucking crisis? Should I get Azure?" He stands where he is, perplexed.
"No. I'm-" I sharply inhale when Everest's hair brushes against my inner thighs and his head nears a very dangerous spot, "Fine. No crisis."
"...Okay. I'm going back insid-"
My hand abruptly slaps down in the water when Everest's teeth gently nip at my skin, so so close to my core. He's pulled back my wet skirt, just to taunt.
"Yeah. Cool. You do that. I'm just gonna enjoy-" Is that his tongue? "The water. Gonna enjoy the water." My legs lock around Everest's head, inadvertently trapping him there. I have to fight back the way my head wants to tilt back when he leaves lingering kisses. His fingers dig into my skin, spreads me apart.
Grayson says something, looks seriously concerned for my wellbeing before he saunters off and I hurriedly pull Everest up. Instantly, he leans over me until my back's flat against the poolside and he's above me.
He's breathing heavy after being underwater, beads spilling off him when he tugs me forwards my by thighs so his crotch meets my spot and I arch, gasping. His lips are almost at mine when he shakes his head feverishly, "I need to fucking kiss you, Vy."
He's leant over me, consuming all and any presence around me suddenly.
I shake my head, my eyes flitting shut. It's so overwhelming, all of him. I can tell he sees how roused I get so easily because he looks like he wants to eat me alive. His hair's sharp, wet, begging for me to tug and god, I'm so unfamiliar to this feeling of wanting. It's such a needy feeling, so desperate to be felt. So much harder to suppress than all the others.
"My brother almost just caught us." My body arches from the ground when his large hands start to slide up my waist, "This— is bad. We shouldn't-"
"And yet you're just as turned on as me." He proves it when he tugs me forwards again and the slight friction makes a small whimpering noise leave my lips. My legs rise to wrap around his lower back.
He leans further over me until I can feel his body weight, "Is it the fear of getting caught, Vy? Of people seeing?"
I can't keep still. I can't fathom his dirty words, how I want to hear more of it when I shouldn't. My arms are above my head, fingers wringing together as I lightly squirm.
"Are you naughtier than you let on, Violet Fawn?" His lips drawl down my neck, "Pray tell."
"Ev." I breathe, turning my face in towards his neck.
I can't stop my legs from apprehensively locking around him tighter and he lets out a groan, into the crook of my neck. All I can remember are the times we've gotten so close and now, it feels like if I don't do something with this desire, we're bound to implode.
God, I'm so very clearly not used to this. So sensitive to the slightest things but I'm also so...riled. I don't know what I want but I know it needs to be more.
"Tell me why it feels like I'm mad. Unable to think, if it's not to do with you." He gets closer to my jaw, "Tell me why this, you, all of it, is so fucking maddening. A sort of mad I want to revel in."
We're close as if we're obsessed and I don't know why, it feels like we can't get enough. A raw, deep desperation that somehow ends up with us all over each other. Like this, now, where he's everywhere and I succumb to his hold on me.
I want him to kiss me. To make me feel pleasure like Everest's known to incite. I want to know, to not feel like such an outsider. But above it all, I want to feel good and I want it with him.
My hoodie's wet, hair draped over my cheeks and shoulders and the floor beneath me is wet too. I can't really see anything but Everest's shoulders, streaming with water droplets, his pink lips. Right there.
My eyes pinch shut and I try to snap myself out of it. It's not working.
"My mind— is dead. It's dying." My breathing hitches when I feel his lips graze my neck again.
"Don't say that, baby." I can feel his lips tip up. He drawls out his next words slowly, dragging his wet lips against my neck, "I'd prefer to fuck you brainless instead."
I go to slap my hands over my face, trying in any attempt to hide my beetroot blush but he doesn't let me, keeping them above my head on the floor.
"Open those eyes for me." He singsongs, like he's getting impatient, "Let me see you."
It takes me effort but I manage to open them, my eyebrows pinched together and my chest rises unevenly. Everest's eyes look me over and then he's shaking his head, muttering, "Fuck me."
"Kiss me." I surprise myself by whispering, though I know it came from the truest part of myself right now.
Everest looks like he just swallowed a rock, blinking back at me and unchanging his expression.
"Ev." I crane my neck slightly to try and urge him but it's difficult when he's got my arms held above my head, "I want— I want you to kiss me."
"Stop. You're going to fucking kill me."
"Ev."
"God, not like that." His hips shift and I watch his jaw tick. He lowers closer and I brace myself, holding my breath. Kiss me, kiss me, "Say my name in any way but that before I fucking fall to my knees."
And his lips meet mine in the same sentence, snatching my breath for himself. His hand spans out under my jaw, tipping me upwards in a strong hold so he has whole access to my lips. My body arches, my fingers curling where they're restrained at the feeling of those lips. So much softer than I remember them.
He breaks for just a second, my fingers fisting his t-shirt when I gasp, "Everest." My thighs squeeze, the fluttering so unfamiliar, "I'm-" I can't articulate, can't really think properly and Everest acknowledges it, keeping his lips and nose against mine briefly.
His thumb slowly caresses my wrists where he holds them both, such a tender touch in contrast to his explosive kiss, his addicting passion.
"Bring me to my knees." He whispers against my lips, "All the time, Vy. I prefer it, being at your mercy."
My legs squeeze around him tighter and I shut my eyes, "I'm at yours." I open my eyes to make direct, simmering eye contact, "I'm at yours-"
His lips take mine again, passionate and perfect. I whimper into it and he catches the noises, all for himself. Like he wants to take every bit of myself and I'd let him willingly.
I squirm my wrists and Everest loosens his grasp enough for me to hurriedly slip out of them, reaching up to find his hair. I slick it back and without realising, I tug slightly when Everest's tongue slips into my mouth.
I pull back, eyes wide, "I'm sorr-"
"Again." He's breathless, just a little less than me. Blue eyes flick feverishly from my lips to my eyes and he brings my hand back to his hair, smirking into a kiss he places at the corner of my lips, "Show me what you got."
His lips mesh with mine and I'm still a little hesitant when I run my hand up from the back of his neck, into his hair. Water slides between my fingers, down my arms from how damp his hair is. I don't want to hurt him-
Everest nips at my bottom lip and like a reflex, my hand tugs. Harder than before and I feel it, the way he smiles against my lips now. I do it again, arching his head back so he can't touch my lips and his eyes flutter shut.
"Don't do that." I swallow, "I might hurt you hard if it's a response."
"And what if I like it?" He taunts, his chin still tilted up, "Will you deny me, baby?"
I swallow, feeling the rush of sensation to my core at the way he speaks. I've got his head in a hold and I know he could easily pull out of it but he doesn't. I test the waters, tugging just a little and his eyes shut again. His adams apple bobs.
I breathe out, "You like the pain."
His eyes are still shut when his lips curve at the corners, "Don't deny me it." And then he lowers and makes his voice whispery, needy with a smirk, "Please?"
"I don't think I can hurt you." I feel my stomach sink. If that's what he likes, what he prefers and I've never even been with a boy, I won't measure up to the countless girls he's been with.
It's not like I believe I would, I just— I feel so much smaller because of my inexperience. And my inexperience has only ever led me to be taken advantage of, putting my emotions on a platter to be slaughtered.
"Violet." He whispers, eyes looking me over now.
"Hi. Yes." I respond, snapping out of it. I smile meekly but he doesn't buy it.
"You're in your own head, sweetheart." His forehead's almost touching mine and I melt into it, his closeness.
"I run there a lot. I'm sorry." I say quietly, "I imagine a little tiny door. You know? Like the miniature ones for the mice in cinderella? It's safe in there."
"You're safe out here too." He smiles, this gentle sort of smile that makes my stomach flip.
His hand braces my cheek but as he brushes back the strands of hair plastered there, his skin meets my scar. It doesn't hurt but it's still sensitive and my body locks up.
I freeze. Completely. Unmoving.
I pray. I pray to god that he didn't just notice and I find my eyes squeezing shut, hoping that this moment passes. That nothing changes. Please.
But I can practically feel how much his body tightens in tension and the apprehensive way his thumb starts to move back my hair. I should run. Far away so he can't see the scar but I know he's already seen it and I'm frozen. Stuck. Fleeing to that safe spot in my mind.
I'm not breathing either, my hands starting to shake by my side. I keep my eyes shut and feel the way he glides my hair back for me.
"Violet." His voice cracks, "Vy-"
"Please don't speak. Nothing. Don't do anything so nothing has to change." I bring my arms to cross them over myself, wanting to curl up and away somewhere.
It's not working, nothing's working and I'm starting to tremble the longer the silence ebbs between us. It's a disgusting scar, trailing down my jawline. It's a mark I'll hate every time I look into the mirror and this position, of letting someone see into my vulnerability, I put myself in it. It's my fault.
I don't realise a tear trails down my cheek until Everest's hand cups my cheeks, close and with strength and comfort, urging me to open my eyes. I shake my head no. I don't want to.
"Please." He sounds so torn. I barely hear him.
Please don't think I'm disgusting. Please don't ask me questions.
My eyes open and I'm met with a world of emotion. He's almost vibrating with how he looks as if he's fighting to restrain it but his eyes don't even flit to the scar that his thumb settles next to. He's only looking between my eyes that are glassing over. I know he realises, that this has been what I'm concealing.
"It's nothing. And I'll never be able to explain it so please-" I beg, breathing, "Please don't ask me any questions-"
In one swift instant, his hand slides under my head and pulls me to his chest. Everest's still leant over me, I'm still lying on the poolside and I fight hard not to sob into the embrace he's pulled me into. He slides another arm under my back, leaning me upwards and I lift my arms, clutching his neck.
"You hid and I didn't—" His whisper's shaky, against my neck, "Please don't run to your place in your head." Everest urges, "Run to me instead."
I hold onto him tighter, unable to fathom it all. How we went from that to this and to how I feel like I could let all my defences fall.
What is he doing to me? Why do I want to let him take all the reigns, lead me into the chaos he's already inciting?
"I need-" I'm barely able to speak, "Your weight. Please."
He knows from that classroom, how I need the cramped feeling. The sense of compression so he holds me tighter and lets himself lean some body weight onto me. Immediately, it's like my chest lightens.
He turns his face so it's against my neck, "Who hurt you, Violet?"
I shake my head, "An accident. It was just an accident."
It's stupid of me to expect him to believe me but we both know I'm not going to say anything else. It's a passing knowledge, a silent understanding that I'm not going to confide. Instead of trying to coerce me, Everest holds me close. I'm eternally grateful for it. I don't want to have to lose this, this embrace for this moment where I can't tell him why.
I'm hiding against him, within his strong arms and I'm finding myself at a peace that simultaneously pacifies and terrifies me. My face is tucked against his neck when he whispers, softly, "You're safe out here too, Violet. With me."
I believe him. It feels like nothing can get me here, "Cross your heart?"
His lips briefly meet my neck in a gentle kiss, "Cross my heart."