Outer Banks, the airport
July 16th, 2020
12:24 pm
Sarah began to sob a little, as Sheriff Peterkin handcuffed Ward and shoved him in the police car without any word. I couldn't believe that what JJ had told me was true, since it had all happened so fast, but more than that, I struggled to realise I was the reason why Susan was still alive and justice would be made for Big John. It meant a lot to all of us, because it meant Big John had actually died that night, but also because our friend could start grieving his father for good, and I, for one, was sure it would help.
I looked at Rafe, who looked devastated but more than that, he looked angry. In his eyes, I saw it, it felt like somehow the woman was wrong and his father was not a murderer, which was understandable. Growing up with someone you trust and learning overnight that they killed someone must not be easy for anyone, and especially not for Rafe who praised his father and only saw the good in him. Rafe walked up to John B, determined, which led us to look at him, and out of nowhere he began to punch him, as Sarah screamed in fear.
"This is all your fault! You're taking my father away from me because you didn't get to save yours!" Rafe barked throwing more and more punches.
I came from behind him and placed my body in between his and John B's, since I just knew he wouldn't hit me and would stop throwing punches in case he'd accidentally hurt me. I read in my boyfriend's eyes anger, but more than this I read despair and sadness. I could imagine seeing his father being arrested was hard and especially since he had tried to stop this, but beating up John B wouldn't change anything. I hated to interfere in Rafe's fights because it was cringe and I hated when this happened in movies, but this time it's not like I had the choice and someone else would do it.
"John B, Sarah, go!" I told them as Rafe stopped punching the man. "Come on! Get out of here!"
The two of them ran away and I watched them for a few seconds until I heard Rafe groaning behind me and as I turned around he grabbed me and pushed me away from him with so much strength I fell on the ground. I hated him for not seeing I was just trying to help but it didn't take him long to realise what he had just done and so he broke down on the ground and started sobbing. I sat up more properly and hugged him against me, as he began shaking and sobbing more and more.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he sobbed but part of me just knew he wasn't only crying because of this. "I'm so sorry"
"It's okay, just breathe," I voiced as slowly and softly as I could. "Come on breathe my love, breathe in and out"
He wrapped his arms around me and I bit my lip trying so hard not to cry, because I had to be brave for him. "They can't take him away from me Tess, they can't," he cried as I held him tighter and shook my head.
"You need to let him go," I mumbled against his skin and I kissed his head gently.
We watched more police cars arriving, and we stayed there, on the ground in the middle of the landing runway, as I tried to calm my boyfriend down but nothing seemed to work out. He sobbed in my arms for what felt like ages and I held him tighter and tighter, forgetting we weren't the two only humans on Earth, because in this moment all that mattered to me was him. I caressed his hair and kissed his head as his grip around me only tightened, and even though his arms were hurting and squeezing me because of how tightly they were wrapped around me, I didn't dare to complain because it was nothing compared to what he was going through.
I didn't want him to be sad, to cry, and it wounded me deeply inside to hear his desperate sobs. It maybe lasted a few minutes, but those instants felt like whole years and even though I made it not to cry, the sight of who I loved being devastated that way was difficult to handle. When two policemen came closer from us to tell us they'd bring us home, he begged them to let him see his father, but of course they declined and it destroyed him even more. I held him against me the whole time, trying to reassure him but he was so broken that none of my kisses or words helped him. That's when I realised no matter how much of an abusive and shitty father Ward was, Rafe would always love him, because it was his father and no one would replace him.
(...)
Outer Banks, Thornton's house
July 16th, 2020
8:55pm
"So we have.. chocolate chip cookies, brownies or my personal favorites: strawberry cupcakes," I offered him as I stepped in my bedroom with all those things in my hands.
Rafe sighed and I got on the bed, laying all the things on the nightstand next to him. I sat down and looked down at him, before kissing his cheek. It had been rough hours for him, and nothing made it to draw a smile on his lips. I had offered him a hundred things already, but all he had in mind was his father, and how he didn't make it to save him. He couldn't believe he forgot to put bullets in the cylinder and I didn't find the strength to tell him I had been the one emptying it a few days earlier, when I was scared he'd loose his shit. Which he did.
He opened his arms and I understood he wanted me to lay against his naked chest so I did. "You're all I need," he voiced, as my nostrils filled up with his amazing scent.
His skin smelled so good it reminded me all of all those times we had spent together. All those nights we had shared together, when our sweat mixed and when he ended up holding me tightly in his arms, whispering me sweet things as I fell asleep. All those days we spent, arguing or loving each other, it depended on our mood. I smiled and drew circles on his chest as he slid his hand under my nightgown and began to draw forms on my back as well.
"It'll get better," I reassured him. "I'm sure Ward is very proud of you"
"You think so?" he demanded.
"Mhm," I nodded confidently, as he kissed the top of my head and squeezed me in his arms, as if feeling me against him made him feel better, so I smiled.
Ward had been an awful father to him, according to me, and he was the reason why Rafe was doing drugs and had bad anger issues. Rafe would have needed a loving parent figure, but one who set boundaries and actually cared about his education and future. So of course, it wasn't the right timing to just tell him what I thought about his dad and how abusive he was because right now he needed me to reassure him and be there for him, even if my comforting words were lies.
"I just wanted him to watch me become a better man. I wanted him to be there at important events of my life. Of our lives," he said, his voice breaking.
"Like what?" I asked him.
He laid kisses on my head and I was sure it was just to give himself some time before speaking, because it was too much for him. I couldn't imagine if my father was taken away from me, how hard it would be. He was my whole life, had always loved me and protected me, he was my hero, my role model. More than just being his daughter I was his number one supporter, and so he was, for me. He spent countless nights watching me sleep in my hospital bed, holding my hand when I was scared I wouldn't make it. Without him, I was nothing.
"Like our wedding," Rafe spoke, his voice trembling.
I couldn't believe he meant those words, and had actually thought of it before. We had been dating for a few days only, and even though this summer had been crazy and our bond was only growing everyday, it was soon for wedding promises. I loved him like I had never loved a man before, but it was all going too fast, and once more, we weren't in a movie. It was real life, and hearing him speaking of our relationship that way made me tear up for several reasons.
I teared up because it showed me my love for him was reciprocal, and maybe the tough and brutal Rafe Cameron was ready for some changement. But I also teared up because I was scared. I was scared of what life had in store for us. I had been on the island for a few weeks only this summer and I had been shot at, beaten up, began to get addicted to drugs, found myself a man who loved me, broke my heart and loved me again, found $400 mil in gold, lost it, and then had it again, broke my best friend's heart, my boyfriend almost shot someone but I saved her without knowing it, and his father was about to be judged for the murder of my other best friend's father.
"Oh baby," I tried not to cry, kissing his lips softly. "We're young, we have time for this okay? I'm only 17"
"Yeah," he sighed. "How are you still in love with me after all I put you through?"
I smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know, maybe I should just break up with you cause you're such a pain in the ass," I joked, a smile on the corner of my lips as I pulled away from him in an attempt to get up but he grabbed my arm.
"Ain't no way," he breathed, before cornering me with his chest and attacking me with soft and wet kisses. "Come here baby, don't ever leave me"
He pushed me to lay flat on the bed, my back on the mattress, as he got on top of me and caressed my cheek with his thumb. I wrapped my arms around his neck and applied pressure on it so that his face was closer from mine and I got to kiss his lips. It was gentle, nothing rough, nothing too passionate, just our love, soft and sweet laid on our lips. "Tess, hold on," he broke in as he pulled our lips apart.
"What?" I asked gently, hoping he wouldn't ruin the mood because we both needed some distraction; especially him.
"Was it scary?" he asked out of nowhere and I didn't really understand what he was referring to. "This afternoon, when I pulled the trigger, were you scared?"
I sighed. "Rafe really?" I complained, kissing his lips again but he didn't kiss back, like he usually did when he was mad or unsatisfied because of something I had said or done.
"Just answer the damn question," he ordered loudly. "Yes or no, did I scare you?"
I rested my head back on the pillow and looked up at the ceiling, looking for the right words to use. I didn't want to make him feel bad for anything, and I had planned on talking about it another day, but since he felt like bringing it up then, I had to respond to his question as stupid as it was. "Yes," I replied.
"But you would have been proud of me if I had saved my dad, right?" he tried to reassured himself. "Right?"
I thought of it for a second and sighed, looking at him. "No, I mean.. that would make of you a murderer Rafael," I answered.
He groaned and got up from the bed, which made me sit up crossed legs, just to look at him. He started pacing back and forth in my room, mumbling things I couldn't hear nor understand, as his eyes filled with tears and he moved his hands to follow his words I assumed. He looked so focused on his short sentences I didn't dare to break in or cut him off, I just tied up my hair in a ponytail for more comfort and watched him loosing his mind.
"Where's it? Where did I put it?" he asked a bit lower as he started opening my drawer. "Come on, Tess did you take it?"
"Did I take what, Rafe?" I questioned.
He didn't respond but as he shoved his hand in my drawer and took two huge bags of cocaine out of it, inbetween my underwear and my socks, it felt like I had missed more than just a chapter, more like a whole book about my life. I had no idea those were in my room, and if I did, I for sure would not have gone through so much insomnia, sweating and vomiting nights, or anxiety crisis when I remembered I couldn't please my needs. I got up and got closer from Rafe, so confused I started to wonder if there were other bags stacked in my room.
"Hell yeah," Rafe just said before sitting at my desk. "That's exactly what I needed"
I brushed my fingers over the goosebumps on the back of his neck and watched him as he opened one of the transparent plastic bags and poured some powder on my desk. I frowned and bit my inner lip. "Babe how come did I have this in my bedroom and I didn't even know it?" I inquired.
"Just.. don't worry alright?" he said as he placed his index on his left nostril and started snorting. "Holy shit that's so good"
My heartbeat started to accelerate and I tried so hard not to look at what he was doing since I knew I'd end up sitting right next to him and doing drugs again. I had once again the exact same withdrawal symptoms as I had back when the doctors decided I didn't need those pills no more, but I didn't want to go through the same shit again, so it started by not yielding. I was braver than that, and no powder would reach my nostrils that night. What worried me more was where it came from and especially why my boyfriend knew my room better than me.
"Rafe where'd you get this from? I thought you and Barry argued?" I asked him.
"You're too damn worried," he voiced as I sat down on the edge of my bed. "Come on, just snort a line with me darling"
I sighed and took my face in my hands. I hated this side of him, I hated how different he became in the twinkling of an eye when drugs were around and how he started treating me the way he treated the rest of the world. He showed me his priorities right here and even though I knew this was a hard day for him and maybe he was too sorrowful to deal with the pain without drugs, I was still slightly upset he felt the need to do it like a meter away from me only when he knew very well how hard withdrawal symptoms were to deal with. "Rafe why can't you just tell me?" I argued, strictly.
"Because I just can't!" he yelled, turning around to lock his eyes in mine. "It's not your business, and I have other things to deal with than your curiosity right now okay? Just don't speak about it to no one and you'll be out of troubles"
My eyes filled up with tears and I just nodded as an answer before making my way on the other side of the bed and laying down. I placed my head on my soft pillow and pulled the covers on my body before closing my eyes and trying so hard to forget what had just happened. He could be angry and upset but not at me, because I had just spent hours taking care of him and just because I had said one single thing he didn't like, he became a brand new man.
Yes, whether he liked it or not, he had scared me when he pulled the trigger on Susan, and yes, I tried to understand his pain but nothing justified the fact he had tried to kill someone. So as much as he could be sad, I got to be scared. Maybe it was hard for him to hear because it was a lot to deal with and he probably thought if there was a bullet in the gun and Susan had died, I'd be proud of him for saving Ward, but the truth was, I would probably have ran away with Sarah and John B, or called the cops for him to get arrested.
I loved him with my entire heart, and I wanted him to be the man I shared my life with, got married to, had babies with and died next to, but it didn't mean he could be a murderer and get away with it. I couldn't stop thinking of how awful our lives would have been if that day I didn't take out the bullets just by safety, or if only he had checked beforehand. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I heard him getting higher and higher next to me, and I fought the urge to join him and release my sorrow by snorting the powder as well. "Sweet dreams my love," I voiced, trying to control my shaking voice so he wouldn't know I had been crying, but it felt like he didn't hear because I fell asleep to no answer.
(...)
Outer Banks, Thornton's house
July 17th, 2020
3:22 am
I woke up and groaned as Rafe's warm body cornered mine and my head hit his naked chest. His hands found their way to my back and rubbed it protectively as he laid kisses on my head but I placed my cold hands on his warm chest and pushed him away from me. He didn't seem to understand I didn't want his cuddles since he hugged me tighter so I groaned loudly and turned on my side of the bed. "Give me a break," I complained.
"But babe," he whined, drawing soft circles on my arm and down my back. "I just wanted to hold you"
I shrugged and tried to fall back asleep, but his hands under my nightgown were driving me crazy. I bit my lip and tried to keep my eyes closed as he began to kiss the upper part of my back, and my neck and shoulders from behind. Yes he made me feel good but I was sick of his lies and his constant swings of attitude. I knew I had to be there for him in this difficult night because he was broken but it didn't give him the right to be an ass to me when I had made all I could for him to start feeling better. If he did, want to marry me, then it began with no more lying.
"I get it, I shouldn't have yelled at you," he whispered. "I'm sorry alright? you're all I have so please don't be mad at me. I can even go sleep on the couch if you want, just give me the word and I will. Look, I know I fuck up sometimes, and that's because I have no idea how to deal with and treat a girl like you okay? I mean, everything I wished for, it's in you. You're the reason why I'm trying to work so hard on myself everyday and even though I can be scary and tiring sometimes, I promise you that I'm trying"
I noticed he still didn't tell me the whole drug bullshit and so I rolled eyes. But maybe after all he was really just trying to keep me safe? How could I know. I waited a few seconds and turned around, before locking my eyes in his. I ran my thumb across his cheek and felt it was wet so I figured he had been crying and it made me feel bad. I pecked his lips and sighed a little.
"I give you the word. Sleep on the couch," I joked with a serious voice tone and kissed his lips again. "Please"
It tasted salty against my tongue as our lips collapsed and our tongues danced together. He seemed to enjoy it as much as I did since he smiled and cupped my cheeks. Even in the middle of the night, even after high confessions and even though he smelled awful (like a mix of sweat and drugs), I just wanted him to feel my love and know that no matter how shitty life was, I wouldn't just let him vegetate alone. We pulled away for fresh air and he laid a kiss on my forehead as I hit my head against his chest and smiled.
"Want me to tell you a secret?" I whispered as if people could hear us.
"Yes," he responded in my ear.
"I don't know if Ward is proud of you, and he's so much of an ass he probably doesn't realise how amazing is son is anyways, but what I truly know, is that I'm proud of you Rafe," I stated.
He stayed quiet and hugged me tighter, which made both of us laugh slightly because I couldn't breathe no more. I knew confessions weren't his type so I enjoyed having a high Rafe Cameron to insert those thoughts in his head. Maybe by the next morning he would have forgotten it, but at least his subconscious self would know it. He would know deep down inside of him that I was proud of who he was and who he was becoming. Maybe some days were rough and maybe some days would be more awful than the one we had just spent even though it was very shitty, but he was working on himself.
I didn't fall for the easy and soft Rafe, I fell for all of him and if it meant spending hours making him feel better or arguing about him being reckless, I was up for it too. Love couldn't be only about kisses, cuddles, sex, hugs and glee. There had to be highs and lows, and as I kissed his sweaty chest and buried my head more against his skin, there was no place on Earth I wanted to be more than in the arms of my way too high boyfriend.
"I'm proud of you too Tess. I know it's not easy what you're going through," he just said. "You don't have to be brave when you're with me. Just be Tessa Thornton"
And those words made me feel so much better I fell asleep to the warm feeling of tears pouring down my cheeks. But those weren't sadness tears, they were tears of relief.