Crystaliqueeen's Soukoku Realm Presents:
WHEN THE DEAD TALKS
Chuuya bought a second hand phone only to receive a series of mysterious voice and text messages from an unknown man. Those messages are meant for Odasaku, and with those messages, Chuuya witnesses how the person from the other line's voice are filled with sorrow and sincere emptiness. Who is it? He doesn't know. All he knows is he's slowly getting himself care for that unknown sender and he messed up when he replied one time to the person with the words, "I'm proud of you."
~•~•~•~•~•
It's 2:00 am past midnight when Chuuya's phone lit up. The redhead groans a little as he dizzily gets his phone from the table beside his bed. This phone is actually a second-hand, temporary one. It was sold to him by one of his co-worker in the packaging factory. His co-worker told him that the phone is also sold to him by someone else, and he doesn't want the phone since it's a little creepy.
And so, since Chuuya's still saving up for a brand new phone in his defense plus his previous phone is accidentally thrown away from his pocket while he's driving his motorcycle, he decided to just buy a temporary phone for important matters while he doesn't have one. He just bought it earlier and hasn't really opened the phone yet since he charges it first. He fell asleep and was awakened by a sudden voice message from his phone. Chuuya lazily plugs the charger off and gets his phone with a little confusion. He just bought it so basically, he doesn't have any contacts in this phone yet.
Unknown sent a voice message.
Who would even send a voice message this late at night?
Chuuya immediately checks the sender's name but it's unregistered so, even when he's still half-sleepy, he clicks the voice message and he freezes up from where he's laying down when he hears a soft voice from the other line. The voice is gentle and deep, genuine emotions are visible from the voice— emotions that Chuuya can't quite grasp. It is filled with longing, and sadness, yes, chilling sadness that can almost resemble sorrows can be heard from the voice, and it makes Chuuya's throat run dry as he listens to the single voice message that receives.
"Odasaku, how have you been? I know you won't be able to hear this message but I tried cooking a spicy curry earlier— it is your favorite, isn't it? I was thinking maybe I should have cooked boiled tofu instead. Although, I'm afraid I might bump my head on the tofu's corner once it hardens and it isn't the best way to die. You would believe me when I'd say that my head wound is from the tofu... you would agree with me, right? Right now, maybe it is the tofu's fault or the taste of the curry. The breeze of the night is too cold, and it's very silent. The room feels so small and suffocating. No matter how I curl up, the silence is too loud and I can barely close my eyes and rest. I can try, but I know I'll fail. Indeed, maybe it's because of the curry, Odasaku. Maybe the curry tastes terrible, and that's the reason why... no matter how I try... I-I can't sleep tonight."
Chuuya blinks innocently as the voice message ends. He checks the phone to see if there are any other messages but there's none. The message inbox is clear and maybe the previous owner of the phone cleaned it all up. With a silent exhale, Chuuya puts the phone back on the side table and unknowingly, his drowsiness vanishes for a while. He doesn't know why the person's voice in the other line sounds very... calm and sorrowful while talking about those things. Despite how stupid bumping into the corner of a hardened tofu sounds, the person talking about it seems like he finds the topic very sentimental. Chuuya stares at the ceiling for a while as he tries not to dwell into it. Maybe it's just the wrong number?
One more thing, the person sent the voice message to someone named Odasaku. Who is it? Maybe that's his friend? Chuuya doesn't know and he doesn't want to know about it. Maybe it's really a one-time wrong number mistake. Yes, it's probably a mistake but Chuuya doesn't want to call it a prank. The voice of the person talking on the other line sounds too sincere for the voice message to be considered a prank.
Though whoever it may be, Chuuya hopes that that person will be able to sleep and rest tonight.
—
"Odasaku, I visited Lupin earlier but you and Ango were no longer there. The atmosphere in that bar never changes, although the warmth that it used to give before lessens a little. The bartender gave me his usual glance when I ordered my drink— ah, maybe he's a bit curious as to why I'm there. It's almost a year and there's still no place in this world that can fill the emptiness like what you've stated. It's almost a year, and I don't think I'm still on the side of light like what you've wanted. It's funny how there will never be anything that can surpass my mind. Maybe you're right, Odasaku, no... I know you're right. I will linger in the darkness forever— is it the fate that I'm meant to face? I hope I can talk to you about it right now with a glass of whiskey."
Chuuya puts down his phone as he sighed. His heart tightens as he hears those words. It's 2:14 am— and it's been a year since he bought this phone. He put the phone back to the side table as he lay down on his bed. His heart is painfully beating for the person talking in the other line. Chuuya doesn't know why but in a span of a year, things are slowly changing within him.
At first, he thought that the voice messages were all a product of some wrong sent mistake but since the day he bought the phone, he always received voice messages from an unknown someone. Sometimes, the voice messages are sent at random time of the day, but most of the time, the voice messages are sent every 2:00 am onwards everyday. Chuuya would be lying if he'll say how he didn't search for the history of his phone.
He remembers how he traces the real owner of this second hand phone but after a week of tracing it, he finds out that the phone is from a raided place where deaths are also recorded. It is one of the things that shocks Yokohama's news outlet for a week. It is the Mimic incident where there's a drug bust operation and a lot of people died. The phone is from the person involved in the incident. Chuuya doesn't need to be intelligent enough to know how this phone probably belongs to the man named Odasaku, whom the messages pertain to. He searches for the man as well but he can't find any information about the man's information or whereabouts, so after a week of searching and tracing things off, Chuuya finally stops.
He stopped, but he continuously receives the voice messages everyday for Odasaku.
If you are wondering about the greatest mystery of it all? It is the sender himself. Chuuya never knows the real name or the identity of the man, but he pretty much knows almost everything within the man's heart and soul because of the messages. In the span of years listening to the man, Chuuya understands what the person is going through. He was an empty shell, a soul searching for salvation. He wants to reach for the light, he wants to be in the light.
Chuuya hears and listens to everything that's been sent to him. Every day. Every single day. At first, it is annoying because why would a total stranger send him voice messages that's not exactly for him and those voice messages resemble a diary itself? Chuuya hears and knows what is given to him. Whenever he's at work or whatever time of the day he'll receive a message, it's either he will be greeted by a very cheerful voice filled with random stories that Chuuya gladly listens to every time or a calm and serious one filled with agony.
"Odasaku, I tried going to a grocery store earlier. Of course I made sure that my identity is not known at all and I bought a lot of canned crabs! Plus sake and ajinomoto, they're pretty good! On my way home, I saw dogs fighting on the street and believe me, I felt like my heart dropped for a mili-second. I tried hiding behind some bushes but the dogs were barking so loud that I thought my ears would fall off. I stayed hidden behind the bushes for almost an hour! Good thing, when the dogs calmed down and walk away, I'm saved and unfortunately, still alive."
"I feel really bored today, Odasaku. I can't go anywhere without proper caution and it's boring to play with my game consoles without any other players. Though I bet you and Ango won't agree to play with me since you are very mature but still, I wish I have someone who'll play with me. No, I'm not thinking of playing with Q or Elise, they would cry hysterically if they were to lose the game. I bought a new game yesterday, by the way, I'm pretty sure the kids in the orphanage would enjoy it."
"It's raining so hard and I feel like the sharp raindrops would put a hole on my roof. Come to think of it, I guess there's a certain hole near my kitchen? I'm too tired to even stand up and fix it. I knew if you were here you would immediately cover the roof to prevent raindrops from getting inside. Ango would be very mad as I let some raindrops flood my kitchen but he won't say it of course, he knows it's futile. I want to get lumpy with a blanket in these heavy and cold rainy days but instead of resting, it only makes my head extremely painful. I've already taken some pills and medicines five minutes ago but it won't even work. Ah, why does it even surprise me? Nothing truly works when it comes to my thoughts. I just... maybe I'll consider drowning myself with the rain water? I'm not sure if it's a good way to die but it seems odd so maybe I'll change my mind. I know you would certainly agree with me if I'd say I almost drown my lungs drinking rain water, Odasaku. You would agree with me with such sincerity."
It is either he receives those words or random jokes or more pain the ass jokes. But there are also times when the voice messages would switch from playful to a more deep and serious manner.
"Odasaku, you're a big idiot for leaving us like this. I know you would just reply 'yeah', that's how stupidly kind you are. Why did you have to leave? You... you really are an idiot."
Those kinds of messages are mostly sent every past midnight. The person's voice would turn into a voice with an unquenchable longing as if it's reaching out for someone— someone too out of reach. Chuuya's always patiently waiting to receive those voice messages every day and night. He, himself, is too pulled into it that he doesn't know why his heart would beat oddly whenever he receives a familiar message from such an unknown number. It's entirely difficult to comprehend the person sending those messages but Chuuya knows that the messages are very important for that person.
No, it's not the message itself— but the man named Odasaku... he's the one important to the sender.
Chuuya knows how important Odasaku is to the mysterious man as he always feels the warmth of familial love from the sender's voice whenever he speaks of the man's name. Chuuya didn't mind it at all. He can't even bring himself to delete the messages, and the supposed 'temporary' phone for him becomes one of his important possessions. Every time he wakes up, he checks his phone for the messages meant for Odasaku and before he sleeps, he listens to the man's voice. Ah, his voice. Chuuya may not admit it explicitly but the man's voice holds a very deep significance in Chuuya's well-being these past few days.
Whenever he closes his eyes, the voice of that unknown stranger still echoes inside his mind that he can't quite push them away. It's filled with sorrow, and sometimes, pretentious cheerfulness.
Before sleeping, the phone rings again as he receives another message. Though this time, it is a text message. Aside from voice messages, Chuuya's also been receiving text messages from the man for the entire year but he never did once replied knowing how the messages aren't for him in the first place. All he does is listen and understand the person in the other line to his depths.
Unknown sent a message.
2:23 am.
I'm trying to put on headphones and listen to classical music to get myself to doze off but why doesn't it work, Odasaku? You told me once that music makes you sleep.
Unknown sent a message.
2:25 am.
I tried putting the music off and just listening to the silence around the room. I can hear my breaths and heartbeats. It's... loud.
Unknown sent a message.
2:27 am.
I'll take a walk for a while, Odasaku. Maybe it can temporarily clear the thoughts out of my mind.
After that, the messages stopped for the night and Chuuya, as always, sighs a little before covering himself up in a blanket. That person didn't have proper sleep for months. There's a small voice inside his head that hopes the person in the other line would truly rest. Not that he cares, why would he care for a total stranger, right? It's just that, he feels a genuine connection upon hearing all the stuff that the sender has been going through and he silently wishes the best for that person. He hopes whoever this Odasaku is, if he is ever alive, he will respond to the sender as the sender remains consistent with everything.
—
One of the greatest twist in Chuuya's life right now is the fact how he absolutely fucked up. If you're asking how, it's simple— he thinks he's fallen in love with someone he never once knew. It's fucking crazy.
Or maybe he just cares deeply for that person? The thing is—
"Chuuya, you've been spacing out again. Is there something wrong?" Kajii, Chuuya's co-worker in the packaging factory asked and it snapped Chuuya from his personal dilemma, "Wait, are you even listening to what I'm talking about?"
Chuuya blinks cluelessly and Kajii's eyebrows raise in realization after knowing how the redhead's been ignoring his long antics, "Uh, what are you saying?"
"Chuu, seriously, what's wrong with you? You've been like this for a month. You're spacing out more than usual and look, you still need to carry boxes and packages but it's piling up because you're too busy daydreaming. Tell me, is it because you've finally realized how cool of a person I am and you're probably thinking of ways to surprise me with lemon juices or lemon cakes?"
"Hah!?" Chuuya's usual aggressive voice finally comes out and Kajii grins triumphantly, "Tch, no. You're being too delusional, Kajii. But what are you saying again?"
Kajii exhales in exasperation, "What I'm telling you repeatedly is the festival! Most of our workmates would go there later on. I'm asking you if you want to join us? Even our manager would come." Kajii replies and excitement is visible in his voice. Chuuya thinks about it for a while.
"Kouyo ane-san would come, too?"
"Yeah! I mean, who wouldn't want to come to the festival, right? I want to eat lemon pastries later, if you're too good-hearted you can buy me some lemon popsicles or lemon marshmallows later, Chuu-chuu." Kajii winks and Chuuya groans while massaging his forehead.
He finally moves his body and gets the packages before putting them in a cart. While doing so, he replies, "Tsk, tsk. I'm broke, too, y'know? Anyway, if you guys are coming, I don't see why I shouldn't. Count me in."
Kajii laughed as they continued with their job. Chuuya is talking with the lemon-lover guy as usual but there are instances when his mind would space out. It is because of the unknown sender of the voice and text messages on his current phone. It's been 1 year and 6 months since he bought this phone and the messages continue to keep on coming. Chuuya listens to it everyday, he listens to the voice like it matters— because he realizes it, he's waiting each day to listen to that voice.
For that span of time, the person on the other line has been through very hard circumstances of internal battles. Chuuya has witnessed all of those. The man's sleepless nights, alcohol abuse to forget his traumatic past, the man's pain and emptiness, the man's suffering— Chuuya had known it all. Until... one day when he wakes up, he just feels as if he wants to help the man. It's not similar to 'fixing him' because Chuuya knows he can never fix anyone— people are not things to get 'fixed', but at least he suddenly wakes up one day caring genuinely for the faceless person on the other line.
He may, oddly enough, fall in love with the man's voice and thoughts. Again, it's really crazy.
Is it even possible in the first place or is he just being delusional? Chuuya's been reading books about romance but he hasn't truly fallen in love in the past so he doesn't know if the things that he is feeling right now is love or just mere sympathy. Damn that man for sending the messages in the wrong number. Oh, yes, Chuuya almost forgot the fact that those messages aren't really meant for him. It is for Odasaku.
Despite how the messages are meant for Odasaku and Chuuya is just a mere third part invading whatever it is that he's unconsciously invading, he doesn't feel a pang of pain or jealousy with that at all. He doesn't know what's the reason behind why the person in the other line keeps on sending these messages to Odasaku, but Chuuya feels alright with it. He knows what he is feeling right now is complex and confusing but more than anything, he genuinely cares for the person sharing his personal sentiments through the messages.
"You're in love, aren't you?" Kajii suddenly asked from behind him and Chuuya blankly nodded, unable to think straight at all.
"Maybe."
Kajii didn't seem shocked with Chuuya's response as he just shrugged, "Figured. Any tea about the person?"
Chuuya sighed in defeat as he put the heavy box on the cart, "I don't know who he is."
Kajii's eyebrows raises in confusion as he helps Chuuya pull the cart towards the stockroom. The two of them start putting the boxes on their respective areas as Kajii continues to question the redhead, "Very funny. Tell me about it."
"He's a faceless, nameless, stranger." Chuuya whispered and continued to work on the heavy boxes effortlessly. Kajii gives Chuuya a curious glance.
"You don't just fall in love with faceless, nameless, strangers, chuu-chuu." Kajii exclaimed and sighed like a stressed mother before patting Chuuya's shoulders, "You have to tell your bestie who it is. I won't share the tea with the others, I promise."
Chuuya looks at Kajii in disbelief but he understands how the man is not believing him at all. Who would actually believe that he fell in love with an unknown voice and text message sender who keeps on sending messages on his phone that aren't meant for him in the first place? People would definitely think that Chuuya is crazy. So instead of explaining all those long details to Kajii, Chuuya just dropped the topic.
"It's very complicated, forget it. By the way, you guys should wear a yukata later. I'll wear mine, too. You should—" Before Chuuya can finish his words, the phone inside his pocket beeps. It is the phone where the unknown sender sends the message. Kajii gives him a suspicious look but Chuuya ignores him before walking towards the comfort room to check the new voice message that the man sent him.
His heart beat weirdly again as he pressed the play button and listened to the man's voice. Fuck, why am I being petty feeling this way?
The entire day passed until it's 8:00 pm. The time where they'll be visiting the famous festival in Yokohama.
As promised, Chuuya wears his yukata. It is a red one that matches his hair and when he arrived at the festival, he saw his group of co-workmates wearing their own yukatas as well while waving their hands towards his location. Chuuya smiles in his usual smug grin as he looks around the place. As what festivals commonly look like, there are a lot of lights and lanterns all over the street and there are also different food booths at the sides. There are also booths for mini games and masks. The shrine will also be open and a huge open field near the place is also free for the people to watch the fireworks later on at midnight.
"Chuuya-san, we're going to eat some crepes first. Do you want to have some, too?" Kyouka, a sister of Chuuya's co-worker asked, but Chuuya just looked at the kid with a gentle smile as he politely declined.
"I'll be fine."
Kouyo gives Chuuya her usual elegant smile, "I think we'll be going to some booth for now, Chuuya. The others are also going to the game booths. We should get going."
And so they do. They agreed to meet again at the spacious open space later to watch the fireworks together. Kouyo, Kyoka, and the others are aiming for the food booth. Akutagawa, Kajii, and Chuuya aim for the game booths. Their other female coworkers headed towards the charm booth and such. Chuuya enjoys his time shooting darts, and knocking some mugs out. He's been trying different games with his companions.
Right now, he's in one booth where he needs to use a toy gun to shoot a certain target and make it fall down. Chuuya's pretty confident with his aiming skill and thus, he pays a penny for a gun and a bullet. When he looks for Kajii and Akutagawa, the two are using their luck in a claw machine and they're certainly minding their own business so Chuuya looks back to where he should be looking. He prepares the toy gun in his hands and aims it at the cute cups meters away from him and pulls the trigger repeatedly— only for the cups to stay intact despite being hit with bullets multiple times.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Chuuya mumbles to himself and shoots the cups repeatedly once again but like what happened earlier, nothing changes.
Suddenly, Chuuya feels a presence standing beside him and when he looks at his side, he sees a tall man wearing a dark blue yukata. When Chuuya's eyes lift higher, he sees the face of the man. He pauses for a while and gazes at him. He has a mildly wavy dark brown hair and dark brown eyes that look like creamy golden coffee underneath the lights of the lanterns and moonlight. He has his hair frame elegantly on his face and he has a slim and tall body. His body is filled with bandages like a mummy, and that's what catches Chuuya's attention— he... he looks like a mummy.
The man beside him looks down at him with a calm gaze before raising his eyebrows like he's saying 'Wow, you're small like a chibi.'
The brunette mummy is not even saying anything. With just his calmly teasing gaze and the small annoying smirk on his lips, Chuuya can feel his blood slowly boiling in annoyance. Who the hell is this person? He's certainly throwing judgements inside his head with my height! If you're going to ask how the fuck did Chuuya knows? There's this word called instinct and intuition— the redhead is blessed with those.
"I'm not a damn chibi!" Chuuya hissed in annoyance. The taller man blinks and his lips curve in a smile again as if the redhead reads his mind.
Chuuya ignores the man again and gets the gun before shooting the targets but like what happened earlier, it doesn't move. The redhead curses under his breath, "What the fuck is wrong with those intact targets? There's no way in hell people here can shoot and knock the down."
The bandaged man seems to hear it as he also gets and pays for his own toy gun before aiming it at the target. Chuuya ignores him and when he takes his shot, the man shoots the same target at the same time and with the two simultaneous bullets hitting the cup, it is immediately thrown away. Chuuya's eyes widened slightly with the man's intervention as he snapped to look at the mummy with a glare.
"What the hell was that!? You shoot my target!" Chuuya exclaimed, "Can't you have your own target?"
The brunette blinks calmly while remaining silent and Chuuya sighs in exasperation.
"Ok, ok. I get it. You're helping me with my target but I honestly don't need your help, Mr.— thank you very much." Chuuya replied and the taller man blinks again, this time more amused that the little man can read his thoughts without him speaking, "And again, I'm not a fucking chibi! Stop throwing insults about my height!"
The man's smile widened in utter amusement before he chuckled soundlessly. Chuuya then realizes that maybe this brunette can't speak.
"Don't look at me like I can read minds because I can't! You're just looking at me like... wait, why the fuck are you grinning now? I told you this height of mine is temporary and I'll get taller someday. What? No, damn it, I won't be a chibi forever like what you are thinking!"
The bandaged bastard who can't seem to speak covers his mouth as he tries to stop chuckling with Chuuya's words. It makes Chuuya's vein temple pulse in annoyance but he takes a deep breath and remains as calm as possible.
"That's it. I still don't get my price because they're fucking cheating here so you better have your price now. 'M gotta go." With those words Chuuya turns around and it's also the exact time Kajii and Akutagawa called his name, inviting him to other booths.
Chuuya walks away and the taller man follows him through with a calm and curious gaze. A small smile appears on Dazai's lips as he hears the chibi cursing from meters away despite the distance. His voice is really loud.
"It's interesting how you seem to understand me effortlessly, chibi."
After eating and playing non-stop in different booths, Chuuya and the others finally meet in the open field to wait for the fireworks. Kouyo and Kyouka look like they enjoy their time together. Kajii is very loud as he starts telling the process of how fireworks are made. Akutagawa is coughing. Gin, Higuchi, Lucy, and the others have their own friendship bracelets. All in all, they're complete and the place has been pretty crowded now. It's almost 12:00 midnight and the fireworks will start displaying soon.
Chuuya can't stay calm right now since he knows that anytime soon he'll receive a new voice message from the unknown sender. He can't wait to hear the voice of the man again. Just imagining it makes his heart beat weirdly again though he shouldn't feel this way. The sender is saying those words to Odasaku, whoever Odasaku is. They might be friends or family or... l-lovers, so Chuuya doesn't want to dwell into it more. Plus, he's not concerned about his own emotions since he can fully control and conceal them. He cares for the person sending those very genuine voice messages and if only Chuuya can, he would give the man a warm virtual hug with consent and probably a free therapy session.
Chuuya checks his phone and it's still 11:50. 10 minutes before the fireworks display. Unknowingly, he felt a little suffocated with too much crowd waiting in the area. He wiped his perspiration a little and tried to breathe more. He can't pretty much breath from the suffocation and when he looks at his companions, they all seem fine with this thick crowd. Chuuya wants to watch the fireworks with his co-workers but if it's how it's going to be, if he's too suffocated and unable to breathe freely, he won't enjoy the fireworks display.
So he went closer to Kouyo and tell the woman that he's going to go somewhere first for a breath of air. Kouyo looks at Chuuya with concern but she eventually agrees. Chuuya just nods and walks away from the open space. Right now, he'll probably watch the fireworks from the shrine. There are lesser people there and he will be able to breathe normally without the risk of suffocation. He then walks towards the shrine and as he steps on the staircase towards above, the cold breeze starts touching his senses. It is getting more silent compare to the open spaces before. Chuuya just ignores everything as he continues to walk upwards and when he sees that there are few people waiting for the fireworks there, he finally lets out a satisfied exhale.
Chuuya gets his phone as he sits near a fountain and looks at his inbox. There are still no messages there. When he checks the time, it's almost the arrival of the fireworks display. So Chuuya leaned comfortably to where he was sitting while staring gently at the sky. The stars are beautiful tonight and the moonlight shines too bright. His gaze softened and after a second, a series of magnificent fireworks displays appeared in the sky.
"They're beautiful." Chuuya whispered to himself as he stared at the million lights of different colors from above forming wondrous patterns. Aside from the lights in the sky, the wind is also cold and Chuuya can't help but rub his palm together as he stares at the light.
Chuuya's heart is peaceful at the moment but that peace gets shattered when he hears a voice from the bench behind him, talking.
"Odasaku, I hope you are seeing this, too."
Chuuya feels his heart skip a beat. His entire system freezes up and his eyes widened. He's still staring at the fireworks in the sky but his ears are preoccupied with something else. Right now, he can feel his hands getting cold and his throat running dry.
That voice... the one who calls the name 'Odasaku'... that person... that person is just behind him right now.
"Ango won't be able to see the fireworks tonight. Even I don't want to see it in the first place but I remember how you once told me that the kids in the orphanage dream of seeing actual fireworks. Maybe through being here, I can live their dream for them. Are you happy, Odasaku?"
Chuuya feels his heart tightened once again. The man seems to be spacing out behind him while also staring at the fireworks. Chuuya can feel how they are meters apart and the man is probably facing his back from him due to the placing of the benches. Chuuya can finally see and meet whoever it was... all he has to do is turn around. He just needs to turn around or tilt his head to the back.
But he's frozen. No, more than that, he can hear the genuine longing and sorrow in the man's voice in this actual moment. In this actual scenery. In these same seconds. He's hearing it in person and not through his phone. He's hearing the voice that makes him insane and it's painful to him how the voice is also filled with emotions similar to hurt. He can't move. He can't think straight. He can't find the courage to look at whoever owns that voice.
"I'm sure the kids will be happy once they see this. I know you will be happy for them as well. This festival is filled with lights, they would certainly enjoy their stay here. Although it's a little cold here in the shrine, what matters the most is the tranquility that I feel as I stare at the sky in utter silence. If only you and Ango were here. I know the two of you would be bringing whiskey to this place. We could've taken a photo together. If only you were here, Odasaku."
That voice is deep and calm as he whispers those words. Chuuya can feel the warmth plastered within his heart as he listens to them. With all this unknown man's story, Odasaku seems to be a great person. He seems kind, and he's lucky to have a friend like the man talking behind me.
As the lights in the sky continued to shine bright and light up everyone mesmerized by it, Chuuya's phone vibrated. When he looked at it, a new voice message arrived.
For the first time, Chuuya wouldn't need to open it for he knows its content.
Should I turn around and look at him? What would happen next? Chuuya is not the type of person who easily gets nervous but it took him minutes of calming himself down before he finally gets the courage to turn his head back to whoever is sitting on the bench behind him.
He looks at where the unknown man is seated earlier.
The fireworks are still flashing in the sky.
And the bench where the supposed man sitting earlier is now empty.
—
It's a normal and peaceful morning in Chuuya's life.
He's currently on a vacation for a week. Chuuya rented a cozy and comfortable vacation house near the seaside and this morning, the first thing that he hears is the gentle waves from the ocean. The breeze is soft and Chuuya has never been this refreshed before. Since there's no work that he has to do right now, he wrapped himself in a very warm and soft blanket like a sushi. He's planning to doze off again since it's still early but when he closes his eyes, his phone beeps as a sign of a new text message.
Chuuya yawns and lazily gets his phone from near his pillow. He smiles a little as he sees who sends it and clicks the message from the unknown man who keeps on sending text messages and voice messages for two years now.
"Odasaku, I finally have a new job today as a detective. It is my first day and I can't honestly feel anything. Though, like what you stated, I will start a new path pursuing the side that saves people. I don't know what would be your honest reaction to this but it feels a little better... than before. Maybe through being on this side, I'll be able to fully grasp the emotion of what it feels to be a human. It is all thanks to your words that I am where I am right now. I know I don't deserve all of this but I want to... even if it seems impossible... I want to be a better person. I know you'll be watching over me, Odasaku, I hope things get better from now on."
A warm feeling touches Chuuya's heart and his lips automatically curve into a sincere smile as he reads the message. For two years, he has witnessed the internal agony of this person and how he's been battling with himself. Chuuya knows how difficult it is for the man who sent that text to continue living, to feel human, but right now... he's trying to change and be a better person. That is the best thing about it and Chuuya can't help but to feel genuinely proud for the person.
His heart beats a little faster as he unknowingly types something for the person. It's the first time that he'll be responding to the messages and no nervousness is visible to Chuuya. Instead, he's really happy for the man so without any hesitation, he types his reply.
"I'm proud of you."
Sent.
It's a very peaceful morning in his life and he's enjoying it. The smile as a resemblance of how proud he is to the man for continuing his existence remains but the smile vanishes immediately when Chuuya realizes— truly realizes— what he has done.
Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.
The messages are meant for Odasaku! It wasn't meant for him or anything. He doesn't have the right to reply to those words even when he truly feels proud for the man. Oh, he doesn't even—
Chuuya almost throws his phone when it starts ringing. It's different from the text and voice messages that he used to receive. Now, the phone in his hand is ringing. It is ringing.
The person in the other line is calling— and it isn't even a minute yet! Shit.
While still wrapped in a blanket like sushi, Chuuya starts internally panicking but instead of answering the phone as he should, he ends up declining the call. Shit, shit, shit. What have I done? What the fuck have I done?
Because of too much panic, Chuuya decided to turn his phone off and remove its battery temporarily. He is panting a little and his heart is beating so damn loud inside his chest. The man calls for a few seconds. He does call. He fucking call. But Chuuya can't answer the call— he can't yet, not now.
He's not a coward but he knows that once he does answer the call from that voice of the nameless and faceless man he fell in love with, a lot of things will change. He's certain that it will change in a very negative way.
Chuuya groaned on his pillow and hid underneath his blanket as he screamed in a silent manner. His supposedly relaxing day is now combined with anxiety and a glimpse of happiness because of that unknown man. Maybe Chuuya can hide all day here and maybe he can just let the phone stay turned off and without a battery for his entire vacation for a peace of mind?
He'll deal with all of these when he thinks things through. Too bad, Chuuya hates thinking too much so instead of being extremely anxious, he just did his primary plan earlier.
He sleeps again.
—
Dazai stares at his phone, his lips slightly parted, as he receives a reply from Odasaku's own number. It's just four words. Four words but it made him come into a halt. He was unable to move for a second as he stared at the message.
"I'm proud of you."
A lot of things start circulating in Dazai's mind— a lot of questions start appearing on it. How? Why? Who? Branches of calculations and predictions start flowing down his thoughts. Dazai knows that his friend is no longer in this world, he can still feel Odasaku's warmth on his arms when the man died on him. He can still feel the burning temperature of Odasaku's own blood on his palm. He knows, with logic and pure rationality, that there is no way a dead person would respond to his messages. There's no way a dead person would talk.
If so, who?
He makes sure that any remaining things of Odasaku are buried with him in respect to his own death. Even Odasaku's phone and belongings are no longer here on the surface of the earth. How did he respond? No, more than that, why did he responds with those words?
I'm proud of you.
Dazai feels his heart squeezes painfully. Odasaku's been a great friend and those times he spent in bar Lupin with the man flashes like some nostalgic memory. In the period of time that he spends with Oda and Ango, they might not say it, but Dazai can always see a glimpse of how proud they are of him despite how messed up he is. Odasaku's kind eyes and kind words has sculpted something within his life. It is the kind of warmth filled with understanding and acceptance- Odasaku has been that kind of friend who wholeheartedly provided him those. Now, who is managing Oda's phone and why did that person needs to tell Dazai the words that Dazai longs to hear?
Who are you?
In an urgent manner, he starts calling the number. His mind is filled with thoughts right now. He's been sending text and voice messages to the number for the past two years as he is preparing for atonement and salvation. The messages for Odasaku are one of the reasons why he remained sane all throughout the process. He sends them genuinely to Oda's number knowing those words are buried with his friend. He knows no one will be able to hear those. Now, it is such a revelation that someone has known them. Someone Dazai didn't even know.
The call rings for a few seconds before the person in the other line declines it.
Dazai's jaw clenches a little as he calls the number again, but unfortunately, no one answers. This time it no longer rang. He took a deep inhale as his eyes narrowed calculatingly.
If those messages were to fall on the wrong hands, they could use it to destroy Dazai. The brunette should be threatened as he exposes a part of his unspoken soul into the messages that he sent. Though, there is a part inside him that is comforted and he didn't even know why. It's just that, there's an irrational part in his brain that says how his messages are kept in secrecy. There's an illogical part inside him that the person who's been receiving his messages for god knows how long won't use it against him. Dazai sighs and holds his phone tighter before looking at the message that has been sent to him.
I'm proud of you.
Despite the storm of confusion and calculations inside his mind, those words touch Dazai's deep senses. He didn't even realize how his eyes softened eventually.
"Dazai, the Armed Detective Agency will be waiting for your arrival. I've already sent you their address. Please don't cause them any trouble." His phone beeps as he receives a message from Ango but it doesn't defeat the effect of the message that 'Odasaku' sent him earlier.
Dazai exhaled calmly as he looked in the mirror and checked what he looked like. His eyes are empty but there is an odd gentleness in them today. He's wearing his usual newly changed bandages and his tanned-colored trench coat. He'll think about the mysterious reply later on. For now, he needs to do what he needs to do. It is the day where he would be on the side of light like Odasaku's last wish. It is an attempt in his case to be a better individual.
He puts his phone in his pocket as he walks outside his apartment. His mind is clear right now. He needs a plan and he needs answers.
That mysterious sender...
I'm going to find out whoever you are.
—
Nakahara Chuuya, with all due respect, is definitely tired today as he rides on his motorcycle towards his home. It's been two weeks since his vacation and when he gets back to work, his job gets a little heavier. He's not complaining since it's still manageable, it's just that, for today, he's extremely tired. Some parts of his limbs feel aching and his eyes are a little droopy. He also feels a little sick— don't mind him, it's probably just a mild fever.
Today, he left his phone in his house and it's been weeks since he replied stupidly to the person. He didn't regret replying the "I'm proud of you," message because he's really proud of whoever it is, but somehow, the man stopped sending voice and text messages since that day. Chuuya's always waiting for the messages but he stopped receiving them. Ah, maybe it's a good thing? That way, he'll finally move on little by little with his life without caring for the unknown man? Maybe this will work. Maybe.
Damn it, I missed his voice.
Chuuya tries to focus on the road as he pushes those thoughts away. Why would he care for someone he never met? Why would he miss someone he has never seen? Why did he fall in love with someone who probably didn't know Chuuya even existed? Damn it, I'm fucking stupid.
The redhead curses repeatedly as he feels emotionally exhausted plus his body feels heavy as well. He wants to get home already and slump on his bed to rest because he's getting really dizzy right now. The night is cold and the breeze is not helping at all. Chuuya, despite almost giving up, finally manages to reach his house. He weakly walks towards his door and a lazy frown appears on his face when the doorknob isn't locked at all.
Huh? Did I forget to lock the door earlier?
Chuuya remained silent as he lazily pushed the door open. His head is aching so bad and his eyes are getting blurry. He really needs to rest or he'll fucking die. No, he won't die, readers, he's just being overdramatic. When Chuuya hangs his coat weakly, his body unknowingly feels an odd shiver as if someone is watching him. He doesn't have the energy to go into a defense mode since he's too weak and he's barely standing, but when he looked up he saw a man sitting in his living room. Of course, he should immediately call the police or try to go in a very defensive mode but... wait a minute.
The man with a soft-looking dark brown hair framing his face and weird fashioned tanned trench coat is sitting on his sofa comfortably. His arms are crossed as if he's been patiently waiting for Chuuya's arrival. His eyes are calmly looking at the redhead but there are a million thoughts behind those gaze. Chuuya blinks and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and curiosity. The person seems familiar, where did he see him?
Oh, he's also trespassing Chuuya's house but Chuuya feels too dizzy to care about that.
"Even if you steal something, as long as it's not my diary, I won't call the police," Chuuya murmured weakly in a dry manner, "Get the fuck out."
He's barely whispering since he feels so lightheaded. He tried to take a step forward but even a slight movement makes him feel like he'll pass out anytime soon. Thank God he didn't get into an accident earlier. His lips are dry and he feels pale as his eyelid feels very heavy.
"D-damn it, don't forget to l-lock the door when you get out." Chuuya mumbles and takes an another step forward but all his remaining strength vanishes as his vision darkened completely.
WIth his remaining consciousness, Chuuya's been readying himself to feel the coldness of the floor and the impact, but instead, a warm arms catches him. He feels his head lean on someone's chest and immediately, he feels very sleepy. He'll faint soon.
"Rest for now. You have a lot of things to explain tomorrow, chibi."
Chuuya's heart skipped a beat when he heard that voice. Maybe he's just sick that he's getting delusional or maybe he's hallucinating but that voice... that gentle, deep, and calm voice, he knows who owns it. He knows that voice very well. But he can't dwell into it more as he finally lost his consciousness.
—
Nakahara Chuuya.
A 20 year-old man working in a packaging factory. No criminal records, no dirty past, nothing at all. He's living alone in a comfortable house in some corners of Yokohama. His parents are dead. Even his grocery records are clean. He's just a normal citizen in Yokohama working in a job that doesn't involve illegal organizations at all. Now, the question is, how did he end up having Odasaku's phone?
It's been easy for Dazai to hack through the system and trace everything back to the mysterious man who replied to his messages for Odasaku. In a short while, he ended up acquiring all the information about the man named Nakahara Chuuya. It amuses Dazai how he seems to recognize the familiar face of a man. If he's not mistaken, he is the same person he met temporarily in a festival six months ago. He's also the person who can magically read Dazai's thoughts. Well, how can he forget such a man? Chuuya's hair is too fiery like bright flames in the night and his blue eyes can make anyone forget to breathe... even Dazai himself. He's also small like a chibi. How did that man get a hold of Odasaku's phone? He didn't even know Dazai when they met back then, and based on the information that Dazai gathered, Chuuya's been taking care of that phone for two years which means he knows everything that Dazai's been sending.
Interesting.
Since he doesn't seem harmful, Dazai didn't mind waiting inside his own house for the chibi's arrival. He also has the chibi's work schedule after gathering information for two weeks, and by the means of gathering information, it's absolutely not in a way where he stalks Chuuya. It's definitely not that. Dazai also effortlessly unlocks the chibi's door and when he enters inside, he is amazed by how tidy and clean the house is. It's not very big but the owner manages to make it feel warm and comfortable. Dazai starts observing the place and he pauses when he sees Odasaku's phone on the living room table. He knows that phone very well.
Now, all Dazai has to do is wait.
After an hour of waiting, the door opens and he sees the chibi put his coat on a hanger. The redhead's eyes look heavy and he's very pale right now. His cheeks are also a little red like he's having an extreme fever. When Chuuya's gaze met his own gaze, Dazai felt his entire system pauses for a millisecond. Odd. His eyes are really blue and breathtaking. Dazai's expecting the redhead to start screaming with the intrusion but Chuuya just weakly and lazily looks at him.
"Even if you steal something, as long as it's not my diary, I won't call the police. Get the fuck out." Chuuya whispers and Dazai has proven his hypothesis that Chuuya's definitely sick right now. He's honestly planning to interrogate the man tonight but seeing his condition like this, maybe the interrogation can wait.
Chuuya takes a step and he looks like he'll fall anytime soon because of his lack of balance. Dazai immediately stands up as he sees how hard it is for Chuuya to even move. He wants to sigh upon seeing the chibi's condition. Upon observing Chuuya for two weeks, Dazai finds out how Chuuya's been really workaholic to the point where he rarely gets proper rest. Maybe that's the reason why he's getting seriously sick right now. He remained silently observing the chibi's movements.
"D-damn it, don't forget to l-lock the door when you get out."
Dazai pretty much calculated that the chibi would fall in a second so he rapidly caught the smaller man in his arms and looked at Chuuya with a gentle gaze. The man's skin is hot and feverish, and Dazai finally sighs.
"Rest for now. You have a lot of things to explain tomorrow, chibi." He whispers and Chuuya's body finally loses consciousness. Dazai carried the man and brought him to the bedroom, before wrapping a blanket on Chuuya's body.
With Chuuya's sleeping features, Dazai remembers the words that he sent him a few weeks ago. I'm proud of you. It never fails to warm his inner system and he sighs again before touching Chuuya's forehead gently while staring at the man. His temperature is burning.
"Are you really proud of me, Chuuya?"
He didn't receive a reply but Dazai didn't mind it. He gently stood up and went outside the house to buy some cooling pads to reduce Chuuya's fever. It's not because he cares for the chibi, it's not that. He's just doing all of these to make Chuuya's recovery faster for the sake of interrogation. Yes, that's the reason why he's doing this. It's not because he hates seeing Chuuya look sick.
—
When Chuuya wakes up, his body still feels heavy but it's a bit less heavier than yesterday. His eyes are still droopy as yawn gently and curled on his blanket before turning to his side. He blinks innocently as he sees a man sitting on a chair beside his bed, looking at him with a small smile, and immediately, Chuuya's eyes widened. What the fuck!? But after a matter of seconds, his eyes narrowed and he groaned in slight frustration.
"You're the thief last night, why are you still here?" Chuuya asked sleepily, completely ignoring the fact that a total stranger is in his room right now. He doesn't have the energy to bicker and the man didn't seem like a bad person.
I mean, if he's a bad person, he could've killed me while I'm defenseless.
"My, my, what a terrible accusation, chibi!" The man replied in a fakely hurt tone while also touching his heart, "I just feel my heart shattering."
"Don't fucking bring my height into this, you—"
Chuuya freezes on where he is laying down as he hears the man's voice. It might be annoyingly teasing right now, but Chuuya knows that voice very well. He fucking knows that voice since it makes his heart run wild and his mind crazy. Oh, this person... this brunette... he looks like that man he once saw in the festival from months ago. He also calls him 'chibi' with just a look.
Dazai's lips crept in a lopsided smile and Chuuya blinked once.
"Oh fuck." Chuuya whispered in a sudden realization. Having a fever makes him even more intelligent, "Oh fuck no."
The festival. The voice. This person.
When he came to the festival, he met this mummified man in one of the gaming booths. It is also the day where he hears the mysterious message sender's voice in person. And now, this man right now has the same voice. No, Chuuya is sure that it isn't just the same voice. It is his voice himself. It is h-h-h-h-him.
"Yes, Chuuya." The man whispers in a gentle manner, that voice never fails to make Chuuya heartbeats weird, "Good morning to you, too."
"It's you!" Chuuya exclaimed in a hoarse voice. He still feels sick but he will deal with that later. For now, he's looking at the bandaged man in front of him with an awe gaze, "You are that person. Why are you here and how do you know my name?"
The man blinks, a little taken aback by Chuuya's straightforwardness, "What about hi? Hello? How are you?" The man looks at Chuuya with calmness and an observing gaze, "You shouldn't be the one asking questions here, chibi."
Chuuya frowned. It's weird hearing the voice in person and that voice calling him 'chibi', it's even weirder, "I told you I'm not that small! You are trespassing here, I could call the police and— oh no, wait, you're a detective. It's useless."
Dazai's teasing smile fades as he looks at Chuuya with his genuine blank expression. Brown eyes stare at him with an emotionless gaze but the redhead remained silent. Chuuya didn't falter after seeing that, he also remains collected. He knows the real person behind this man's mask. He knows the monster in front of him and Chuuya accepts whoever he is.
"Why did you have his phone?"
Chuuya knew the man would ask this question so he answered with such honesty. There's no point lying or running in circles here, "I bought it as a second hand phone two years ago. Look, I didn't—"
"Chuuya," Dazai whispered in a serious tone and Chuuya could feel his spine shivers as the man called his name again like that, "Did you know who Odasaku is?"
The redhead shook his head as he relaxed from his bed before looking away from the bandaged man. He can't stare too long at the man like that, "No, but I know from all your messages that he's a kind person."
"He is," Dazai's voice gets a little gentler, "Why didn't you tell me earlier that you are the one receiving my messages, Chuuya?"
"The messages are not for me. I tried finding whoever Odasaku is to deliver him the message myself but I can't find anything about his whereabouts. One more thing..." Chuuya pauses and thinks about it deeply, "...you need a release."
The man remained silent for a moment.
Chuuya starts feeling bad. Did he say something wrong? This man is here. He's actually here. He's sitting beside his bed. The man who he hears only through the voice messages is talking to him right now. Chuuya wants to explain his side but he feels as if the bandaged man doesn't want to hear any more explanations.
"I promise I kept it all to myself." Chuuya added in a mere whisper but the man stayed silent.
Chuuya feels the heavy atmosphere inside his room and he starts feeling a little heavier too with the man's silence. He wants to say something to cut the tension but he doesn't know what to say. The brunette's eyes are empty right now and he looks like he's a deep thought.
It took a full minute before the man replied, though it feels longer than that.
"Chuuya..." His voice is surprisingly calm and genuine. It's as if the man knows that he can't hide anything from the chibi anymore, "Do you really think he'll be proud of me?"
It's just a single sincere question but it is filled with emotion that only Chuuya can decipher. He knows the tone of his voice. The man right now is not pretending or anything. He's fully showing what he feels and saying what he thinks. Chuuya, instead of freaking out with the question, just smiles a little as he exhales calmly.
"Odasaku would be so proud of you," Chuuya muttered gently. I am, too. "Just by you choosing to stay alive... I know he would be really proud."
The man smiled. It is a small one and it didn't reach his eyes at all but Chuuya can feel the emotion in those smile.
"I'm sorry you have to hear all of those words." Dazai stated in a low voice.
"No worries, it's alright."
"Odasaku is a friend of mine," Dazai suddenly states and Chuuya just silently listens, "I know you have an idea that we're not really from a good organization but Odasaku is a good person. He's..." Dazai pauses and exhale, "... He's always willing to listen to all my words and he would believe everything I say without hesitation. The messages that you received, those are the words I want to tell Odasaku over a glass of whiskey. Those are also the words that he will never hear."
Chuuya didn't say anything. He doesn't know what's the best thing to say. All he can do right now is listen— like what he's been doing for the past two years.
"Odasaku died two years ago, Chuuya." There is a concealed emotion as Dazai states those, "What you heard... they're all me pretending as if the friend that I know is still alive. It's all a part of my delusions and escape. You don't deserve the burden of hearing all of those and I really want to apolo—"
"Stop." Chuuya states firmly and Dazai looks at him with a blank gaze though his lips are pressed thinly. With just seeing those, Chuuya can read what dazai truly feels right now, "You don't have to apologize for the things that makes you feel better."
Dazai's eyes softened and Chuuya just gave him an understanding smile. He can feel his shoulders relax as Dazai smiles at him as well.
"I'm Dazai Osamu, by the way. Nice to meet you."
Chuuya chuckles weakly. He's still sick after all, and it's shocking how Dazai manages to sneak into his house. What's more shocking is the fact that Chuuya is letting the man stay here even after just meeting him for a very short period of time. It is as if Dazai's been a distant friend to Chuuya so he doesn't really feel uncomfortable with the man's presence.
"Ah, yes. I've been hearing your voice for two years but I don't even know your name. Nice meeting you, too, I guess." Chuuya whispers. His heart is beating a little fast and his face is warm because of the fever so he immediately hides under his blanket and tries to stay calm.
"You have to rest for today, chibi. I need to get going now." Dazai stated gently as he stood up. Chuuya just gave him a thumbs up since he can't show his now flustered face (because of fever and definitely not because he's flustered of Dazai.)
Dazai walks towards the door but he stops when he realizes something, "Oh, and Chuuya?"
"Yes?"
"You can respond to my messages anytime you want and I would gladly read your own messages, too. I'll see you again, chibi."
With those words, Dazai finally leaves and Chuuya remains hidden under his blanket. His heart is really beating fast and he can't believe he just met Dazai, the person who's making him agitated to listen with. Dazai also says that they would meet again and he opened up about Odasaku. Chuuya also wants to thank Odasaku for being a good person and pushing Dazai to change for the better. A small smile appears on Chuuya's lips and he pauses when his phone suddenly vibrates, meaning, there's a new message for him. He immediately picked it up.
Unknown sent a voice message.
Chuuya chuckles. He needs to change the name later as he finally meets who this 'unknown sender' is. He took a couple of deep breaths as he pressed the play button and listened to the voice. A calm, gentle voice starts talking and with the words he hears, Chuuya feels his heart skip a beat.
"Odasaku, this will be the last voice message that I'll be sending to you. I know you won't be able to hear this but I want to say thank you for your words. Thank you for being a great friend. Thank you for being there with Ango in those times when I needed a friend. Thank you for your kindness. I know words will never be enough for this but thank you for watching over me, Odasaku. Ah, one more thing, thank you for sending me an angel who manages to listen to all my blabberings without judgements— rather, he listens to my words with understanding. He's a chibi but I can see that he's a kind person. I know that the chibi is listening to this voice message of mine so I'll take this opportunity to say these words since I wasn't able to say it earlier. I've turned into a coward but right now, I can freely say these words."
There is a gentle pause and Chuuya hears the calm exhale from Dazai on the other line.
"It's been too long before I realized it but I'm glad it's you who hears and witnessed the depths in me, chibi. You said earlier how I don't have to apologize for the things that make me feel better so I won't apologize saying these words. I'm glad that I met you and I appreciate how your eyes hold no judgments whenever you look at me. I do appreciate the sincerity and understanding in those eyes and you don't know how it means to me. I know the way we met is too odd but I want to know you, too. Ah, you really are small but it's alright. I can't wait to spend some time with you, chibi."
Chuuya doesn't know if he'll be pissed or he'll feel flattered as he hears a soft chuckle from Dazai on the voice message. Dazai continued with a genuine voice and honest words. Those are enough to make Chuuya totally petrified. Dazai's last words make him smile.
"I know I might be too late but with all my heart, thank you for everything, Chuuya. Take a rest and I'll see you again tomorrow."
THE END