You were 10 years old and you were watching the neighborhood kids play baseball in a field a couple blocks down from your house. The only kids playing were boys, which pissed you off.
Your parents were hesitant to let you go play with other kids by yourself since they know you have issues when things don't go your way. Nevertheless, they decided to let you go, in hopes that it would help you make friends and help you learn to socialize with other kids.
You've always been a troubled kid. You have serious issues when it comes to your anger. You get mad at the smallest things. One time your little brother broke your favorite stuffed animal and you tried to fight him. You didn't get very far before your mother stopped you, but you could've done a lot of damage. You were only four.
Little things like that is what made your parents concerned for your mental well being. They took you to a psychiatrist. They did a bunch of tests on you to examine your behavior. They determined that you have some kind of explosive behavior disorder, but it's much more extreme than any other case they've ever encountered. According to the doctors, you couldn't help your outbursts. However, they did inform your parents that the best way to help control your temper was to help her grow connections with other people. That was the hard part. You hated people, and in return, people didn't really want to hang out with you. The one thing that would help you overcome your temper, was your least favorite thing to do. It was a vicious cycle. You didn't care though, you had yourself and that's all you needed. At least that's what you thought.
As you continued watching the boys play, you started to walk closer to where they were playing. You skipped the line where a bunch of kids were waiting to bat. You noticed one kid walking up to the home plate for his turn but you pushed him aside and picked up the baseball bat from the ground.
"Hey! It's my turn!" the boy whined.
"Can it, butt breath!" you spat.
You got yourself into position to hit the ball but the pitcher started walking towards you. He was about your height, heavyset, blonde hair, and freckles all over his skin.
"What are you doing?" he asked with amusement in his tone as the boys around him started laughing.
"I'm playing baseball, now why don't you go back over there and pitch me the ball?!" you said impatiently.
"Girls don't play baseball! Get out of here!" he yelled with an ugly smile on his face.
You felt your skin start to boil. All you wanted to do was rip that boy's skin off his face and stuff it where the sun don't shine.
You closed your eyes and started to count your breaths, an exercise your therapist taught you to do when you're angry.
"What are you doing, freak?!" the fat boy chuckled.
"Pitch. Me. The. Ball!" you seethed through your teeth, still absolutely furious at the boy.
"I don't pitch to bitches!" he said and all his little friends started laughing and agreeing.
You snapped. With the baseball bat in hand, you hit him across the head with resulted in him falling to the ground and everyone around you chanting 'fight, fight, fight!'.
You continued to beat the shit out of him. You couldn't stop yourself. You were so angry. Your eyes were filled with hate and rage as you continued to bash the baseball bat against the bully who was starting to bleed. He begged you stop but you didn't, you couldn't. It wasn't until some adult broke up the fight that you stopped hitting him across the head.
To you, the rest of that night was a blur. You remember hearing ambulance sirens, the flashing red and blue lights, and your parents crying after they heard the news about what you did.
The next day you were admitted to a mental hospital. That same day, you found out that the kid you beat up suffered major injuries. You felt an immense guilt wash over you when you heard the news. You never intended to hurt him that bad. Maybe just a punch, but not this.
It made the news of course. Headlines saying 'Psychopath Child Hits Boy With Baseball Bat' or 'Angry Girl Bludgeons Boy During Baseball.' It was nationwide. I mean you didn't blame them, it's not something you hear everyday, but then again, you were anything but normal.
It didn't take long for Hydra to find you and kidnap you. After they found out about your special case regarding your anger issues, they immediately found you to be an asset. They thought if they trained you enough, they could use your anger to their advantage.
So, they kidnapped you from the mental facility you were kept in. You've been with Hydra since you were 10. You suffered 15 years of torture, abuse, psychological manipulation, and just absolute hell. Hydra trained you to be an assassin, and you were the deadliest weapon they had created since the Winter Soldier. Your ability to snap into pure rage in an instant was both your strength and weakness. It was your strength because you were painstakingly strong and efficient. It was your also weakness because you didn't want to kill those innocent people but once your anger takes the wheel, you have no control over your body.
Hydra, through intense manipulation and conditioning, was able to tap into the part of your brain that accesses anger and could turn it on with a single word.
They did this through associating that word with your anger. They'd make you angry, by means of torture, and then they'd say that word making your brain associate your anger with that word. Having been taught this from such a young age, your brain was tricked through the repetition of this cruel process. This gave them the ability to make you angry whenever they wanted, and you hated that. In fact, you hate being angry, because you feel like you have no control over your actions, which in your case, you really don't.
And, for someone to be able to kill as efficiently as you, it made you extremely dangerous.
*Present Day*
You're laying down in a pool of your own blood that was coming from both your mouth and stomach. General Ivanov ordered several soldiers to beat you to comply but it didn't work. You ended up killing the soldiers. However, they did get some punches in you, as well as a stab in the stomach.
You know that General Ivanov is scared of you. That's why he sends his soldiers to "make you comply." You thought that if you got your hands on him, you'd kill him in a heartbeat. There was nothing you wanted to do more.
As you lay there on the ground, the dead bodies of soldiers surrounding you were being lifted and tossed to discard.
As weird as it sounded, you didn't mind being in an immense amount of pain because it meant that you wouldn't hurt anyone. You noticed that sometimes when you're angry, if you hurt yourself, a small amount of relief floods your body, giving you the ability to calm down. It also helps shut off your brain for a moment, which is constantly trying to find a reason to be angry. That's why you'd cut yourself. Anytime you got angry when you didn't want to be, you'd just grab a knife and cut across your arms. If there wasn't anything sharp near, you'd find figure out another way to cause physical pain. Whether that be burning yourself, hitting yourself, or getting into trouble to encourage soldiers to beat you, you found a way to get that small relief. Even if it was just for a second, it was all you wanted.
Your vision is a little blurry but you are able to recognize General Ivanov's voice talking to someone else. Most likely the doctor who helped create who you are today. You know him as Doc, you don't know his actual name. Finally, you feel footsteps coming closer to you from the vibrations on the floor.
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
"You really should listen to us, you know? Then things like this wouldn't happen" General states coldly.
That fucker doesn't even know that that's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to get hurt.
You softly chuckle to yourself.
"You think this is a game?" he says sternly and his thick Russian accent is coming through.
"Duh!" You say trying to piss him off.
He kicks you in the head hard. You start to laugh even more.
"Is that the best you can do?!" You laugh while still laying on the ground.
He kicks you harder causing you body to turn over which only causes you to laugh further. He gets even more angry as you laugh through his kicks, so he starts to kick you with much more force and much faster. After, he kicks you a couple more times, he quits and stands up. You cough up some blood in your mouth and he just stares in disgust.
"Thanks, I needed that," You say with a smirk.
"Suka" he seethes through his teeth.
The General turns to face the doctor. "Tranquilize her." he says and the doctor nods.
•••
At the Avengers compound, Tony was pulling up the file on the Avenger's next mission. The whole team gathered in the conference room for the meeting.
"Alright guys. Just another Hydra base, should be a quickie!" Tony says.
"Tony, do you even know what that means?" Nat says and presses the bridge of her nose in disappointment.
"Knows what what means?" Steve asks confused.
Sam and Pietro are chuckling.
"Of course I know what it means. I invented quickies" Tony retorts.
Nat just rolls her eyes at his antics.
"What is that?" Steve asked.
"Nothing you'd understand, 100 year old virgin" Sam jokes causing Wanda to nudge him in the arm with a stern face. "What? It's true!"
Steve just rolls his eyes and faces Tony.
"Anyways...focus. It's located just outside a small town in Russia called Rostov" Tony explains, "I have the coordinates and I'm sending them to our Quinjet. We leave in 30 minutes" Tony says.
They all nod and start to exit the conference room, but Tony quickly catches Steve before he leaves.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Tony says quietly.
"If you're gonna make fun of me for being a virgin, I'm leaving" he says not amused.
"Relax, I'm not questioning your sexual life, or lack there of" Tony chuckles at the end of his sentence.
Steve rolls his eyes and starts to walk away but Tony grabs his arm before he can.
"Okay, okay, no more sex talk," Tony pleads, "I just wanted to ask that you don't tell Bucky about this mission," he says.
Steve looks at him confused. "Why? He's not coming?"
"No. I wanted to keep that information from him because it's the same base where he was kept" Tony explains, "I just don't want any memories of his past to get triggered, you understand?"
Steve sighs deeply. "Fine. But, I don't like it"
"Yeah, okay whatever" Tony waves him away.
The Avengers start to board the Quinjet and get ready to leave. Nat pushes a few buttons and pulls some levers to get the Quinjet ready to ascend.
"Umm...My jet. I drive" Tony sasses.
"Does it look like I care?" Nat asks as she continues to prep the Quinjet.
"No. But I do!" Tony whines.
"Ugh. I'll let you pick the music if you shut up" Nat complains.
"Yay, that's what I initially wanted anyways" Tony laughs as he presses some buttons and scrolls through his music.
Nat rolls her eyes aggressively and buckles up. "Everyone buckled?" she asks.
Nat hears a bunch of yes's and starts to lift off.
After about 3 hours into the flight, Steve comes up to Tony and asks to speak privately. They walk away from everyone else and Steve pulls out his phone.
"Your password is 1234?!" Tony asks embarrassed for him.
"Yeah, so?" Steve asks confused.
"Oh lord" Tony places his hand on his head with his other on his hip.
"Look, Bucky texted me" Steve said.
"So?" Tony asks.
"He wants to know where we went" Steve continues, "Look" he hands Tony his phone to show him the text message.
Bucky: Where'd you guys go? You on a mission?
"Ugh. Okay, I was kinda hoping he wouldn't notice since he's usually in his room all day anyways" Tony says. "I mean seriously, of all the days for him to leave his room, he chose today!" Tony says frustrated.
"What do I say?" Steve asks, "Because I'm not going to lie to him"
Tony ponders for a moment before answering, "Just be vague. Tell him we found something we needed to check out"
"Kinda feels like lying" Steve mutters.
"Well, I didn't ask about your feelings, did I?" Tony says and Steve furrows his brows, "Sorry, that was harsh. I'm just stressed" Tony says quickly before he paces the hall they're standing in. "I just don't want him to go on revenge mode, you know? I imagine he'll be furious if he finds out we took out his literal enemy" Tony says.
"I think it'll be fine. Besides, Bucky's number one enemy is himself, so maybe we'll be okay" Steve says as he stares off into space.
"Yeah...okay." Tony says nervously. "Looks like we'll have to inform the rest of the team about it, I don't want Sam spilling the beans."
Steve smiles softly at his comment. "Yeah" he agrees.
Steve and Tony head back to the main area to inform the rest of the team about the situation. They all accept and promise not to say anything to Bucky.
"We're here!" Nat shouts from the front.
"Yay" Tony says sarcastically with no expression on his face.
A/N
AHHH OKAY. What do you guys think?!?! I tried!! I'm not great but i'm trying. anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. pls let me know what you guys think, or have any suggestions. Love uuu!!
-P