I look back now and know it was her who did all of it. There was never an intruder in the house. I wrote the message on the bathroom mirror before he came in the bathroom. It was all me...I did it. I see now that everything I had done was because I was sick.
Whoever I thought kissed my neck before, I imagined it to make Nick think someone else was in the house. That way he did not suspect me. But I see now that I did not know anything that was happening as it was. I was screaming in this body, knowing I was ill. Knowing I needed help.
I decided to document my journey because some days it is as if I have no memory at all. Or it is in frames. Like a broken camera strip. Unfocused photographs, blurry images, much like my heart as well.
Nick still comes to see me and I desperately want to tell him how much miss his kisses and his hugs. They tell me how I can get out now...
I look back now and see that all those events that could have been "someone else" was always me. I killed my mother because I felt I deserved better...I miss her every day. I see it like this...I never did anything, it was HER. I have a name for her now. Only I know it.
Lilith. Devil's spawn...I was created and molded into what I am. Crazy. Insane. I know this now.....
I wish I could take it back...But I know now I am in control. I will take this beast down. No matter how long it takes. He gives me my strength!