She was anxious, maybe she could even touch her heart if she let hand stay longer than a minute on her chest. She wasn't hell-bent on winning, it wasn't a loss if she didn't win, but at the same time, she wanted to win. Angst had been eating up on her soul since they started practising with Yazeed. He always played the piano for her even though she had gotten her phone back, and she could say it was enough to encourage her. But it did little to no good for her heart. She had turned off her phone since yesterday night, she knew Farha would call, Wafiyya would call too, maybe Sulaiman would call too if Wafiyya told him. But she knew that having a call with them will make her more anxious than she was, it would give her hope which after she had failed it would crush her.
It was too early for her to wake up now, but she couldn't sleep either. She had hugged her knees to her chest and just thought. Maybe if she could speak to Mama about it, she would have called her. But she needed no one now, just herself. Had it been Baba was alive, Jalilah was certain she could call him to tame down her anxiousness. She groggily got up and took her bath, she needed to be there in an hour, and after she had her breakfast, she sat there in the living room. She didn't know how she would act if she didn't win, but she was certain Yazeed would make her feel better. That's if he didn't go into hiding like he always did.
She knew he had to take his breakfast before he would leave for work, and she scribbled a note for him, keeping it beside the coffee machine. David was thereafter she was done and she walked out feeling dejected, she wished she would have someone to cheer her up at the competition. Someone not like Jibril, because she was certain if she called him and told him she wanted to see him, he would make sure he came for her. But sadly, he wasn't the one she wanted, she wanted someone else, not him.
She was sitting in the changing room, she had already changed into her ballerina dress and she couldn't help staring at her phone, she had switched it on. She had just finished a call with Mrs Rosey, who assured her that she would do better, she had trusted her. But Jalilah didn't want that, she wanted someone to be there on her first official day on stage. She was waiting for his call or maybe even a text would do to make her better, but nothing came. Didn't he know that she would be dancing today? But she had told his yesterday night, he had encouraged her that she wished it will take on until today. But she wanted to have a positive thought on him. Maybe he was busy too, maybe he had a work to fulfil because he was rounding up in Lagos as well, they were all there for three months, and it was only a few days to the said time.
"Miss Khadija," the woman called behind her and Jalilah tore her eyes from the blank screen of her phone. "We're about to start now, you should come." She had no choice but to nod her head, she thought she would wait for his call or maybe a text. She dropped her phone dejectedly and was about to walk out of the changing room when her phone began to ring, she was sure she felt the way her heart dropped on the floor before she picked it and ran toward her bag.
He was the one that called! A wide grin broke her lips as she picked the call and whispered, "Hi."
He smiled softly, "'Hey, Yazeed. Good morning, I know you're fast asleep but I have to leave now. Don't forget to eat your breakfast before leaving for work, not just coffee, okay? Bye.' Why do I feel this isn't what you have in mind when you wrote the note, Jalilah?" He read out her note and then asked the question she was sure he would ask after she had left the note for him.
She sighed, "I don't know how to voice it out, that I'm anxious and I don't know what to do? It felt not okay to me." She shook her head softly, feeling the way his voice was magically gliding through every nook and cranny of her heart, she liked it. It was calming her down, that husky voice of Yazeed was doing wonders to her soul.
"You're nervous, Ballerina. But I told you yesterday, you'd be great. It's perfect, I'm sure no one can dance the way you do. Stop being nervous, hold your head up high like the freaking goddess that you are." She didn't know how she chuckled, but the way he smiled after she did that was enough evidence that he knew she would smile, or better, he knew it would make her feel less anxious than she was.
"But what if I don't win? You never know, Yazeed. It's a grand competition, and you don't expect me to be the only good one there."
"If you don't win, I think all the judges are blind not to see the way you dance. But, if you happen to lose, I don't think it's a waste or something to grieve over, at least you should be proud of yourself. You've been hiding with this immense love of ballet in your heart and only gave your soul what it wanted this first time in your life, isn't it something good? We're all bound to win and fail at a point in our lives, just be glad it happened." Yes, she knew once in her life, she had a father that knew his way to her heart through his words. So perfect, so smooth that she wondered how he did it. But right now as Yazeed spoke to her, she wasn't anxious anymore, and she felt it didn't matter even if she won or not, what mattered was she did what she had always been dreaming of, that's enough for her soul.
She was about to answer him when the woman came back, one of their instructors. "We're starting right now, you're the only one not there, Khadija."
Jalilah turned to her and apologized, "I'm sorry, I'll be out now." She turned her attention back to Yazeed, "Yazeed, I think I need to leave. Wish me luck, and thank you for making me feel better." She quickly ended the call, fixed her turban in a way that even if she was going to run a marathon, it wouldn't fall off. They argued a lot that she had to take her veil off but she was so adamant that they had to let her be. Just after she had stepped her feet out of the room, she recalled she hadn't asked him whether he would be there or not, and there was no way she was going back now.
The competition started, it was grand as they had said it, but for a minute Jalilah thought they were only exaggerating until she saw this right before her eyes. She was nervous at first, but after she had started dancing, feeling the way the pianist was playing elegantly, she blocked her mind away. She told herself that it was just her and Yazeed, and why not danced as she had always danced in front of him? She smiled, the kind of smile she always did when she was dancing in front of Yazeed, and after she imagined the way he intently stared at her while playing the piano, she got lost and the only thing she was doing was dance.
It was over even before she realized how long it had taken, and they went to change in and wait for the results to be announced. She didn't want to call Yazeed now, maybe he was busy, or in a minute, or she would even disturb him with her namby-pamby talks if she called him. She restrained herself and felt as her heart kept being heavy with her thoughts, she was afraid of what would happen.
They called on the stage, there would be three winners, and as they stood on the stage, staring at the judges, Jalilah felt nauseous. She wanted to run away and never come back, she wished she could tell them that they should please don't make her result mattered, she was okay with what she fed her soul. But the third winner was called, it was Eunice, and she was so proud of her. After the second winner was called from another ballet school, Jalilah knew there was no way she would be the first, and she gave up already. She looked up at the other people that had attended the competition, and by Allah, she was convinced that she had started hallucinating.
She gripped the ends of her abaya and closed her eyes, but after she had opened them, they were still there. They were smiling widely at her that she felt for a moment, maybe she had been drifted into a world of the dead. How in the whole world?! Wafiyya couldn't hide her excitement after they were sure she had noticed them, she waved giddily at her and Jalilah flashed her a teary smile, she couldn't believe what just happened. Sulaiman gave her that brotherly smile and Ilham waved while lifting Yazeed jr for her to see him. She laughed happily, making way for her tears on her cheeks. This was enough gift for her, she shouldn't have to win as long as these people came for her. When she looked at the seat she was sure she had seen Farha, she stared as she kept speaking to her but she couldn't hear what she was saying. But she was talking excitedly as if she had won a trophy.
That was when her senses got back to her, and she heard the announcer saying, "The Ballerina that came first is Khadija Ibrahim Fufure and this young man has volunteered to present her award!" Damn it, she didn't hear her right. But with reluctance, she turned to where the speaker was, and he was smiling at her. She looked beside him, Yazeed was standing there with a golden award in his hand, he was smiling widely at her. She was in tears already, but she managed to walk the distance between them. He was smiling at her, his eyes telling her 'Look? I told you you'd win.'
"Congratulations, Ballerina." He said as she shook his hand and collected the award. She didn't want all these formalities, and she didn't care where they were. She knew before she hugged him someone had collected the award for her, and she broke into tears of joy after she felt herself safely on his chest.
Yazeed laughed and wrapped his hands around her body, bringing her closer to him as he patted her back lightly, "Come on, Jalilah. Do you cry when you're excited?" He chuckled and she lifted her face from his chest, smiling while clearing her tears. He helped her did that, he used his thumbs and cleared her tears while smiling and shaking his head at her. "I told you, you're a goddess when it comes to ballet, Jalilah. Now, bring that smile on and offer your speech, we will all be over there staring at you." He patted her shoulder and walked back to his seat, he knew he would answer a hundred questions and more from the three pairs of eyes staring at him right now, and if Yazeed jr could speak, he could've asked him too.
She took her breath, turned to face her audience and gave the hearty speech they had heard in a very long time. It was so touchy, she wished her father was there, she wished he could see how she had achieved something as great as this. She thanked Yazeed, spoke words she knew she would have to answer questions from their families later, but she didn't mind, she wanted him to know how much she had appreciated him, how thankful she was. How happy and encouraged he made sure she was, a lot of things. She thanked her family for coming, and dramatically, the three women began waving at the audience, which made her laughed.
After she had received all the gifts any respectable person who had come had given her, together with a full paid scholarship in The Vaganova school- St. Petersburg, Russia. It was the world's number one ballet school, and Jalilah couldn't be more ecstatic. They helped her got the gifts into the car and after she was done receiving congratulations and from everyone present, she walked up to them with an excited grin that they reciprocated with an even greater smile. She hugged the women and smiled widely at Sulaiman.
"I can't believe you all are here, I've never been this happy all my life." She said no one, in particular, collecting Yazeed jr from Ilham as she played for him.
"I can't believe that's how you dance, Jalilah. It would have been a waste of talent of you didn't make yourself known, so much perfection." Wafiyya spoke and they all chorused about how good she danced, Farha did too, but from the way she looked at her, Jalilah knew she had tons of question to answer. But she brushed it off with a laugh and a side hug.
"I'm so going to kill you, that hug doesn't look like a first." She whispered into her ears, and when Jalilah broke their hug, she laughed as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't said anything.
"Ilham, I'm sure you drove here directly from the airport, should we go and eat? You're spending the night here, right?" She asked them, turning to Sulaiman because she needn't be asked that he was the leader of the journey, whatever he said would be the final say.
He shook his head at her, "I'm afraid but we're taking 4 pm flight back to Abuja, we've left a lot of work, Jalilah." He chuckled when she made a face and Ilham came to her rescue.
"But we can at least find a decent restaurant and eat something, we have almost an hour or more now. I've famished already." They didn't know how Yazeed had collected Yazeed jr from her until she turned to him with a wide smile on her lips.
"Should we go to the Sailors lounge? I feel they'll enjoy the view, what do you think?" She asked, and he looked up from Yazeed's face, nodding at her while he smiled ever so gracefully.
They were about to enter the car when Yazeed gave her a car key, "Take the women with you, we have something to discuss with Sulaiman." As usual, Wafiyya threw a tantrum before they walked to their car and the two men hopped into Yazeed's car after he handed Yazeed jr back to his mother.
They were driving in silence when Yazeed turned to him and glared at him through his peripheral view, "Say it out already, I know there are tons of things you want to ask and say and whatnot." He chuckled when Sulaiman lifted his hands in surrender before he turned to look at him, all serious and mischievous altogether.
"But Yazeed! Oh, my chest, my breath had to hitch when that happened, do you have an idea how you two looked? My God! How far have you gone? Because I'm sure, wait, it's even evidence that this isn't the first time. I've never seen you look so soft at a woman like you did to her, tell me, are you in love?"
Yazeed threw his head back and laughed, he expected more than this from him, and sometimes he felt as if he was talking to Wafiyya not him. "What do you mean by how far? You know I can't do something of that nature to an innocent lady, Sulaiman. At least you know me that much, right? It's just a hug, and she's excited, what more do you want to know?" He shook his head after Sulaiman made an exaggerating sound and laughed, had he ever mentioned that he was unfortunate while choosing his close cousins? Because the ones he chose were all crazy and dramatic and it didn't have to be based on gender.
"Just a hug? Woah! Coming from the man that hardly looks at a woman. Yazeed, but have you realized you've changed? The way you view women and everything? Maybe not all women, but at least for her, it's different. Ouch! The way he was looking at her eyes while clearing her tears, wallah we were just staring at you two mouth agape, I'm sure Wafiyya would make sure she makes you confess everything before she can let it go."
This time, Yazeed laughed so hard until he felt his stomach going in nuts, "For god sake, Sulaiman. That's nothing, okay I get where you're going, but you know it doesn't mean anything to me, right? I was just trying to see she looks presentable and I give her the courage she needs from me. I don't know why you all are a making a fuss about it, that's why I asked them to take the other car because there's no way I'm pulling up with Wafiyya, that girl knows every hidden nerve on my body. I'll make sure to avoid her as smoothly as I can."
Sulaiman laughed before he sobbed up and shook his head, "Okay, but I want to you to answer me sincerely, how do you feel about her? Because you can't deny this girl means something to you, Yazeed. It's written all over in your eyes, in the way you interact with her, it's clear."
He was silent for a while and he smiled, "I don't know what I feel about her, but you know it's not what you think and hope about, right?" He looked sad when he stared at Sulaiman for a minute before he took his eyes off.
Sulaiman sighed and shook his head, he didn't know what was wrong with Yazeed. "What if it's time for a change? What if your heart can take it now, Yazeed? Why not open up a bit, you never know what will happen."
"You're the only soul that can tell how bad it went, I can't risk it again. I don't even have the courage to. Wait, this should be the right way to say it, my heart has given up on that, I don't need it anymore."
"But you need a spouse, Yazeed! You can't be living alone for the rest of your life, aren't you human for god sake?!" It was frustrating Sulaiman now, it had always been like that, he didn't know what was wrong with Yazeed. He didn't understand how he could do this to himself.
"I can't be living alone for the rest of my life, but this isn't the right time either when the time comes, I will, Sulaiman. And about being human?" He laughed and shook his head, "Do I have to live with a woman to prove I'm human, Sulaiman? We both know I'm human if that's all it takes to be human."
Sulaiman hissed and looked away, arguing with Yazeed about this had always and will always be pointless. He had tried all ways possible to change this perception in Yazeed but he failed, even Wafiyya that was persistent didn't know how to change this in Yazeed. He sighed and pinched the bridge between his eyes, "It's getting worse with Alhaji, he urged that I bring her, and I don't know which innocent lady I'm getting involved into this mess."
"That's what I wanted to discuss with you," he said and turned to look at him before he fixed his eyes back on the road, "Didn't you tell him that she had left home?" It was getting too far, and he was beginning to be afraid of what might happen.
"I told him, but we both know he isn't a fool, Yazeed. He knows it isn't time for the passing out parade of corpers, he even asked for her NYSC number, maybe he's going to check her background information with the NYSC office directly. But I'm yet to give anything to him, but I'm afraid he wouldn't keep persisting." Sulaiman said regretfully.
"But why is he doing this? I don't know what's wrong with Alhaji and what he means this time."
"I don't know either, but he seems to be suspicious because he hadn't heard about her since you came to Lagos and I've been giving him lame excuses about her which I'm sure he wouldn't believe. Even if he did, as long as he tells Hajia, you now she will disregard them without a second thought."
They kept the conversation going, and each time Sulaiman uttered a word, it knotted Yazeed's heart, even more, he didn't know what he should do. After he had parked, Sulaiman turned to look at him, "I'm sure that Alhaji wouldn't let her go scot-free if he finds anything that will make him suspicious of you, Yazeed. He wouldn't hurt you, but she'll be deep in this mess. Don't make it hard on her, at least if she's going to suffer in this, make it worthy for her, you should love her to make this sacrifice worth taking. The only protection you can give her is either leave or love her." He wordlessly stared at Sulaiman until he got into the car and he watched him walked over to Ilham that had just gotten out of the car, taking Yazeed jr from her as he kissed her forehead.
He pondered over Sulaiman's words, 'Don't make it hard on her, at least if she's going to suffer in this, make it worthy for her, you should love her to make this sacrifice worth taking.' He didn't know what he would think of this. He could admit that he could do all for Jalilah, he could protect for all that he could, but loving her is the only thing he couldn't, Sulaiman knew that but he wanted to challenge him. Well, he was going to accept defeat without even trying, because he knew he would flatly fail. 'The only protection you can give her is either leave or love her.' It wasn't what he had ever imagined Sulaiman to say to him, because somehow he knew Sulaiman knew that as much as loving her would be hard, leaving her wouldn't be easy either.
He was deep in thought when she hopped into the car and stared at him, the moment he looked into those eyes, he knew what he would choose, even though it would be hard for them. But before he did that, he would have to do something worth remembering for them. "What are you thinking of? We're already seated but you weren't there. Are you having a flashback? Should I sit here with you until you feel okay to go out?" She asked with concern coated in her eyes. Yazeed felt the way his heart squeezed and he tried to smile at her, she was making everything difficult without knowing she did.
"No, I'm fine, just giving something a thought. Should we leave? Do they love the place? If not we can take them somewhere else." He was just realizing that they always referred to themselves as 'we' as if they had become a couple and these they were their visitors. It was ecstatic and sad at the same time.
"Even Yazeed jr kept giggling when he saw the sea, they loved it. Let's go." She smiled and they hopped out of the car at the same time. He walked to where she was and entwined their hands, damn the looks he would get from his cousins, Ilham and her best friend. He wanted them to have the best before he decided even though deep within his heart he knew what he wanted to choose.
They were eating and laughing when they reached the table, and as he had expected, they all turned to them, their eyes fixed on their entwined hands. Jalilah didn't seem to notice until she followed the eyes of a smiling Farha and then she was about to pull her hands out of his but he held it tightly. He made them sit beside each other despite the burning eyes of Sulaiman which were reminding him to make his choice, he shouldn't be embroiling her deeper into this mess he knew he would go out unscathed. Even though he knew Sulaiman was viewing this to her betterment, he felt it was a little not fair to him, can't he see that he didn't want to do either of the two choices he gave him? He just wanted them to stay the way they were now, nothing should change. But still, he knew that would be impossible.
"Sulaiman, I think we're going to Baba na Bunza's house after we're back to Abuja, it's even been long since we visited Kebbi, what do you think? Because I truly have something I need Hajia to interfere into." Wafiyya spoke out of the blue moon, and Yazeed needn't be told that she was referring to him, she wanted Hajia to interfere in his affairs with Jalilah.
He looked up at her with a glare in his eyes, "Wafiyya, what did I tell you that day?"
She rolled her eyes at him before she scoffed, "That the next time we meet will be my death day? Or the one you said you'll break my bones and have me spend the rest of my days in the hospital. Yazeed, your threats are many, they don't even fright-" she wasn't done yet when his hard-knock kissed the crown of her head and she yelped so loud that some eyes turned to look at them.
She turned to Jalilah with a pout on her lips, "Jalilah, ask this man to stop violating my life. Wallah I'll start revenging on you because that's the only way I can hurt him too."
The whole table burst into a peal of laugher when he knocked her again on her head and she slumped her head on the table, having a hold of her lips with her hand to show him that she wasn't going to voice another word out. After they were done, their faces full of smiles and love and laughter, they took their cars to the airport, even though this time Wafiyya was so persistent that Sulaiman had to ride on the other car and she was in Yazeed's car, they all knew she wanted to ask him lots of questions and Farha wished she would have the chance to. She felt tightened up.
They drove them to the airport, but no matter what Wafiyya would say, all her threats went to the drainage because Yazeed acted as if he didn't know she was in the car, not to talk of speaking to him. She got annoyed and was silent until they reached the airport. They all hopped out at the same time, Farha too was taking the flight back to Abeokuta because she had tons of work to do before the day ended, taking the car would make her tired and she would just end up sleeping.
Yazeed collected Yazeed jr and kept playing with him before he turned to Ilham, "Ilham you can't back out on your promise, right? I'm taking Yazeed after you've weaned him."
She laughed, held Sulaiman's hand before she shook her head. The moment she did that Yazeed knew she was going to say something as though it was her husband that said it. Sometimes he wondered how these two acted, even though he was certain they didn't talk about it because Jalilah and her best friend were in the car, it seemed like they have an antenna with which they shared each other's thoughts without anyone knowing.
"If I give him to you, how will you take care of him? He's too noisy, he cries a lot, you need help to do that. Preferably a wife..." She wasn't able to finish her words when Wafiyya chirped in.
"I don't know who Yazeed is waiting for to tell him that he needs a wife, or are you waiting for a toddler? Maybe a girl of 4 to 5 years? I don't know what you're waiting for, Bunza..." He was about to smack her when she hid behind Jalilah and pushed her forward, the knock landed on Jalilah's head.
"Ahh! Yazeed!" She yelped and began rubbing the crown of her head.
"Oh my god! Wafiyya, I'm so going to kill you." He pulled Jalilah to his side and began fondling her head while muttering, "I'm sorry, that wasn't for you even though you're stubborn too sometimes."
They just stood there staring at them as he babied her while she kept whining about how much it hurt. Realizing that if they stayed there they would likely lose their flights, they bade them goodbye and disappeared into the departure. But before Farha left, she whispered "You two are in love," into Jalilah's ear and walked away. Jalilah had never felt so weak, flushed and stricken like she did today.
She looked up at him with a soft smile and he stood there staring at her. They held each other's eyes for so long that she wondered what he was thinking about, but for her, she knew that these words 'You two are in love' will be stuck in her brain until her last breath. She wanted to look deeper into his eyes to see if what Farha had said was true, even though she was certain Farha wouldn't make such revelation to her until she was so sure about it. But as she looked deeper into his eyes, she didn't see the love Farha had said they were in, all she saw was sadness in his eyes. And before she asked him what was wrong with him, Yazeed pulled her to his body and gave her one of the tightest hugs she had ever gotten in her life.
They stood there in silence, and she could feel the way his heart was erratically beating. She had noticed something was off about him, but she wondered what it was. After some time, Yazeed broke their hug and he looked her in the eyes before he whispered, "I'm sorry, Ballerina." Adding more to her confusion, to her heart palpitations, the loss of breath and a brand new emotion surging through every nock and cranny of her soul, Yazeed kissed her forehead. He kissed her endearingly that for a moment, she thought they really were in love.
We have only two more chapters to go💃🏼🎉❤️
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