How long will it take before I crumble and fall apart?
Did I open the wrong door from the very start?
The uncertainty and fear is eating me away.
I still want the future we don't have yet - enough to make me stay.
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More than a decade, I've been eagerly waiting.
I've never been this patient for anything.
But something surfaces from my well every now and then.
The question it asks me every time - "when?"
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When will the ultimate gesture of forever happen to me?
Am I really that kind of person who is "unworthy?"
I can only imagine a list about me - bad and lacking.
My well is clogged up with that ongoing list which I'm hiding.
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Is it the wrong "Isaac" that I'm watering camels for?
If yes, then I don't want to be alive anymore.
My patience is stringing so long it'll reach the moon.
But the longer it gets, it weakens and might break soon.
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I love you but where will this lead us and me?
Right from the start, I dreamed of you to be my family.
Is it your will, God? Help me, I almost fell.
I don't want to drown in my lachrymose well.
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Copyright
Star Ashley Cruz
Aug. 2, 2022