"Quick Recap!" Harley's voice cries out. "Ivy fell in love with Y/n a six hundred year old immortal healer who in the past destroyed a Mongolian army, but turns out I was in love with them both. Joker got a second acid bath. Y/n injected himself with some sort of serum to cure his immortality, Ivy and I kicked Psycho's ass. Hard passed Darkseid. Y/n and I saved Ivy from cops invading Freeze and Nora's wedding and we drove off into the sunset. What do you think we did next, hmm?"
A woman's hand appears in what looks to be Harley's hand as the two women lay back on a bed giggling and chuckling.
The woman who looks like Harley flips them so that she is on top of the other as the bed creaks. She moves her hand down what appears to be Ivy's body as Ivy's hands come up to grab Harley's pigtails.
The pigtailed sits up to reveal it is not Harley, rather someone dressed up as her. "Now let's shed those leaves." She says.
The other woman's face is revealed to show someone dressed like Ivy as they make exaggerated moans. "Uh, yeah, I'm Ivy, ooh, yea... "
It is now shown that the real Harley and Ivy are sat on a crystal couch on either side of a slightly disgusted Y/n who has is arms folded looking at the TV screen. There was bottles of champagne and snacks littered everywhere.
"Please, tell me why it is we are watching...this...terrible pornographic movie" Y/n asks Harley and Ivy.
"Because it was my turn to pick and it looked funny!" Harley laughs. "Besides you made us watch 12 hours of short men running around all to destroy some stupid ring."
"That was Lord of The Ring Harley...I only wanted to see how faithful to the original book it was, I never had the chance to see it before though, I must say, I was pleasantly surprised by it." Y/n said in his defence.
"It was alright." Ivy shrugged. "But I don't get this I mean I don't even wear leaves."
"Still, ya gotta respect the hustle." Harley tells them. "I mean, they wrote, shot, and edited this in two weeks since Psycho blew up our spot."
"Was that only two weeks ago? It feels like so much longer." Ivy comments.
"I know, right?" Harley says.
"Time becomes an odd construct when you have lived as long as I." Y/n admits.
Suddenly a hologram whooshes from the side and the three look to see what looks to be an older man with logo on his chest that looks like Superman's dad.
"The sign says 'no girls allowed'." The hologram says.
"Superman's dead dad?" Ivy asks.
"Harlivy? What are you doing here?" The Hologram asks surprised.
"Ooh! Is that our official celeb couple name?" Harley asks it.
"Ugh, I would have just gone with "Hivey" and shouldn't Y/n be included in there somewhere?" Ivy asks.
"I guess no one really knows his name." Harley shrugs. "Just that he's the guy fucking Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn."
Y/n just sighs and rubs his eyes. "I would prefer you used a less vulgar term Harley when it came to our complex relationship...However my name being relatively unknown is something I would like to remain."
"I hadn't said the ship name out loud before, it looks better in writing." The Hologram comments. "Now surrender, fugitives! Wait, are you watching a dirty movie? This is the Fortress of Solitude!"
"L-O-L a "dirty movie"? Uh, relax, we just dropped in to chill for a bit and eat all your chips while Gordon's looking for us, okay? Your big, dumb son says it's okay." Harley tells him.,
"Oh, did he now? Perhaps we should call him."
"You really do not have to do that." Y/n tells him.
"Yeah, don't do that." Ivy agrees.
The hologram whooshes again now as it becomes larger revealing Superman. "Ladies...and healing guy... your honeymoon is over."
"Wrong again!" Harley jumps up. "It's just beginning! C'mon, Y/HIvey, let's bounce."
"That name is even worse." Y/n says getting up.
"Eh it's work in progress." Harley says taking out a set of keys and pressing a button on them. A beeping is heard before an explosion rips through a wall of the fortress offering a way out causing Harley to laughs maniacally.
"Let's go." Y/n says as he, Harley and Ivy begin rushing towards the hole.
"Come back here and face justice!" The Hologram of Superman cries out. "Wait, did you sign up for HBO Max? I already used my free trial!"
The three had reached the outside now.
"Shit, shit, shit, where'd we park? God! How does Wonder Woman keep track of this damn jet?" Harley asks as she clicks a button on the keys again and the three hear a distant beeping and have to quickly duck to avoid a missile that explodes inside the fortress behind them. "Oh! It's right over there. Yay!"
The three were now on Wonder woman's invisible jet.
"So, what do we do now?" Ivy asks.
"Let the "Eat Bang Kill" tour begin. Come here you two." Harley says waving her finger at Y/n and Ivy.
The three are sat in fancy restaurant in Paris as the other diners are tied up and gagged letting out muffled screams.
Ivy picks up a nearby bottle of champagne "To us, together at last."
Y/n raises his glass. "To us." He says.
"Harley, Y/n and Ivy take over the fucking world!" Harley says excitedly as Ivy pops the cork.
The three were now lying naked on a bed covered by cash. Harley was kissing Y/n's neck as Ivy held a phone up to her ear.
"Hello? Hello?" A male's voice say on the other end. "This is Commissioner Gordon."
Ivy covers the microphone with her hand chuckling as she whispers to the other two. "He's on! He's on!"
Y/n nods to her and Ivy clears her throat and lowers her voice a little. "This is the IRS calling, sir, you have a $90,000 lien on your house."
"How in the he... Is this about my ex-wife?"
"We're gonna need to confirm your identity. What's your credit card number again?"
"Oh, life saver! So, any credit card?"
"Gimme, gimme, gimme!" Harley says taking the phone and speaking into it. "The one with the highest limit."
"Okay, let's see. You ready for the number? Four-six..."
The three were sat on a beach on sun loungers as a waiter brought them fancy drinks.
"Charge it to the room..." Harley says taking her glass.
"Mr, Missus and Missus Gordon." Ivy finishes.
Y/n chuckles taking his own glass. "The man is fool whose tested my patience enough so I feel no guilt in using his money."
The three's glasses clink in celebration.
Harley was laughing maniacally as the invisible jet whooshes through the sky. Y/n was sat napping in his seat while Ivy was reading a book called. New England journal of Evil Medicine.
Y/n and Ivy were sat on a yacht sipping champagne in peace on sun loungers until they were suddenly splattered with blood. Unimpressed they look to the side to see Harley hitting a man with a camera with her fists until she knocks him off the boat and into the yachts propeller causing the surrounding water to turn red.
"Ugh." Ivy grunts
"Send our regards to whatever shitty tabloid you work for! And tell Ben Affleck I upper-decked his fancy soda stream!" Harley says flipping off the guy.
Y/n meanwhile just shakes his head.
The invisible jet was now flying over the skies of London as Harley wearing royal robes let out a content sigh and fell into her seat.
In their own seats Ivy was holding a pot of fresh roses while Y/n sat savouring a cup of tea.
Harley picks up a bottle. "Champagne, my King and queen?" She asks the two.
"I shall stick to my tea Harley. Mindfully savouring the tea shows due respect to the person who brewed it for you." Y/n replies.
Ivy just chuckles. " Harls, I gotta tell ya, this trip you have planned for us..."
"Call her by her name." Harley says pouring into two glasses now and passing one to Ivy.
"Right, the "Eat Bang Kill Tour," is just so sweet, it's so fun, and then raunchy..." Ivy chuckles nervously. "And then a little scary."
"I know, it's going to be hard to top punching a bunch of Buckingham guards in the dick though." Harley says and gasps. "Oh, oh, tell me your guys favorite part."
"I suppose it was nice to see how the other Asian countries have changed and developed since last I visited them. Though I must say while they have modernised their xenophobia still remains the same as it ever was." Y/n says before sipping his tea.
"Was it weird being back there after not seeing it for hundreds of years?" Ivy asked.
"It was...intriguing admittedly. The past should be remembered, but not overly dwelt upon. Our journeys should be seen as a means to take on more from the world around us. If I am to roam about the world with you two then I certainly mustn't limit my destinations. The ever growing and diverse Asian countries are as splendid a place to visit as any." Y/n says. "And what has been your favourite part of this... Eat Bang Kill Tour?"
"Um, I really liked walking through the Queen's rose garden." Ivy says next as she looks to the potted roses in her hands. "Each rose totally blooming to her full potential. I'm like what is this woman's secret..."
"It's all about the sprinkler schedule." An elderly voice says.
"Who said that?" Ivy calls out quickly getting to her feet.
Y/n lowers his tea to look around and both he and Ivy see a recognisable old woman carrying tea on a tray towards them.
"Queen Elizabeth the second? How did she get in here?" Ivy asks in shock.
"She shoved me in a bag." Queen Elizabeth tells them.
"Happy two-week anniversary!" Harley cries.
"Oh, wow, wow, Harls." Ivy stammers unsure what to say.
"Harley..." Y/n sighs getting up.
"What you... You don't like it?" Harley asks sadly.
"No, we do. we do. we like it." Ivy says not wanting to hurt Harley's feelings.
Y/n walks forward now to stop in front of the Queen.
"It is an honor to meet you, your majesty. I had the pleasure of meeting your father once in the past when he was king." Y/n says bowing his head slightly out of respect.
The Queen chuckles awkwardly unsure how to react to this.
"Aren't people going to be, like, looking for her? I just took my bra off." Ivy whispers to Harley.
As if on cue several military jets can be heard whooshing in the sky as the catch up to the plane.
"I gotcha, Ive, Y/n. We'll wrap this thing up quick! Let's commemorate with an emergency photo shoot."
Y/n shakes his head as he and Ive move to stand with Harley by the Queen as Harley takes out her phone the jets prepare to fire some missiles.
"Kiss under the missile for good luck, Ive!" Harley says as she and Ivy both kiss one of Y/n's cheeks each and Harley takes the photo.
"Okay, okay, I think we got the shot!" Harley says putting away her phone. "Time to lose our tail. It's been real, your majesty!" She then guides the Queen towards a door on the jet and opens it. "Later!"
"What the..." The Queen begins to say but Harley shoves her out and the Queen screams as she falls.
"Harley, no!" Y/n shouts as they hear the Queen screaming quickly grow quieter.
"Yeah, she's got an invisible parachute." Harley tells the two.
"I... am gonna choose not to question that." Ivy says.
Meanwhile in Gotham a Mayoral debate was taking place between the current mayor of Gotham and commissioner Gordon.
Cheryl from the GCPD was currently stood on stage as she talked into a microphone. "The potholes, the sinkholes, toxic puddles, super squirrels, exploding sewers, haunted crosswalks, we've got children driving busses, pregnant rats on every corner, it costs $38 to mail a letter... Personally, I loaded up on forever stamps in high school, but not everyone's smart like that."
The crowd of disgruntled citizens were clamoring.
Commissioner Gordon who was stood at a podium just looks around for a moment. "So is that a question or?"
The citizens jeer at this.
"If you're elected mayor, how the hell you gonna fix all this, Gordon?" Cheryl asks him.
"Cheryl, you're my lieutenant!" Gordon says.
"I've got step-kids to feed and you're blowing our tax money on tanks, robocops, and GCPD branded water bottles." Cheryl replies.
At that moment a robot hands Gordon a water bottle with the GCPD logo on it. "Eh, we paid for it with the library tax. Most people are only in there to use the bathroom, anyway." Gordon shrugs as the citizens continue jeering at him.
"Why's everybody mad at me? The biggest existential threat to Gotham is criminals like Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, who continue to wreak havoc. I'll do whatever it takes to bring them to justice." Gordon say as he puts a thumbs up to Two face who is his campaign manager.
The disgruntled citizens begin shouting now until Tawny who was hosting the debate settles them down. "Mayor, you have 30 seconds to respond."
The mayor looks to Gordon now. "Your police budget is out of control."
You're the mayor! You approved my budget!" Gordon says as the citizens start booing.
"Lame!
Boo yourself! Hold on! I've dedicated my life to trying to keep this piece of shit city safe!" Gordon says.
"You stink!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Hashtag team Harlivy!"
"You suck!"
The audience continues booing Gordon.
"I'll bring Harley and Ivy to justice, and then you'll change your tune! Everyone's gonna be whistlin' Jimmy Gordon baby!"
"Fuck you!"
"No, fսck you!" Gordon says nowng flipping them off as he walks off the stage hearing the citizens booing and jeering. He stops in front of Two Face who has face palming and shaking his head. "I think that went pretty well. What do you think?"
The invisible jet was whooshing through the sky as Ivy who had been asleep grunts and slowly opens her eyes to see Harley in front of her.
"Can you believe it's been 16 whole days since we've all been together?" Harley screams excitedly.
Ivy blinks for a moment then looks to the side to see Y/n was asleep in his own set. "I'm sorry, who's flying this plane?"
"It's on autopilot." Harley says but an emergency beeping in the cockpit begins. "Oh, shit, wait, hold on." She heads off to the cockpit.
Ivy uses this moment to lightly shake Y/n now and he slowly opens his own eyes now and stretches uncomfortably. "I will be glad when we land somewhere with a bed."
"Okay, now it's on autopilot." Harley says returning. "Hey sleepy head!" She says seeing Y/n was awake.
Ivy clears her throat and Harley gets back on track.
"Okay I know I've been showering you guys with super thoughtful gifts to an almost exhausting degree, but get ready 'cause this next one's gonna blow your skirt and...I guess pants? up. But it's also very chill." Harley says as she takes out two blindfolds.
The jet hand landed on an island filled with loads of plant life and floral as if the place had been left to nature with no human interference.
"We've been doing all this intense bad guy fighting, which you both do often enjoy, but Ivy there's this whole other side to you which is like, plants! And I love that, too." Harley says as she guides both Y/n and Ivy off the plane then grabs their blindfolds. "Surprise!" She cries ripping the off.
Y/n is momentarily taken aback by all the flora as he quickly moves forward to investigate it.
Ivy does not look to pleased however. "Ugh! No! I thought I smelled stone-age pollen. Why did you bring us here?" She asks Harley.
"Uh, what?" Harley says confused. "You built this beautiful place. It's your baby. I thought you'd get excited and maybe we'd mess around a little bit. Come on, let's have sеx in your baby!" Harley says excitedly but Ivy does not look impressed. "I... I brought you here because I thought it would inspire you."
"Harley, it's not inspiring, it's... It's a total failure." Ivy says still looking disappointedly at it all.
"You consider this to be a failure?" Y/n asks crossing his arms now as he looked around.
"I... I had this dumb idea to terraform Earth using prehistoric plants." Ivy says mockingly then face palms. "Ah! You know and then I called it Edin with an "I" for Ivy." Ivy cringes.
"That's so cute!" Harley squeals. "Okay, the name's not great. But the... But the idea is!"
"I worked on it for like way too long, and then I could only grow this one shitty acre..." Ivy continues.
"Of the most beautiful jungle anyone's ever seen! Our girl!" Harley says.
"No, I failed over and over again. I designed it, like, ten years ago, the colors are so dated. Oh, my God! I feel like I'm in, like, an Urban Outfitters sale section." Ivy says looking at all.
"Hey. Neon is back! Some people say it never went away. Ivy, you spent the last two years helping me with my stupid bullshit and working out your feelings for this guy which then became this whole complicated three way relationship." Harley says indicating to Y/n who had begun to wander.
"Yeah. I also died and was resurrected." Ivy says.
"Yes, exactly. You are a badass evil villain. You should mold the world to your vision. It's time to focus on what you want. Since we're here, it's at least worth looking around, right? Y/n is." Harley tries to persuade her.
"I mean, the root system does look pretty strong. I used to be so into that." Ivy admits but suddenly she and Harley hear what sounds like a flute begin to play. They both turn their heads to the side to see Y/n sat down against a tree trunk with his eyes closed playing a wooden flute in his mouth.
A minute or two goes by as Harley and Ivy just watch Y/n and take in the peaceful melody he plays until finally he stops playing and opens his eyes.
"Oh. I was unaware you two would stop to listen, forgive me for it is an old habit to play something relaxing when one is in a place they truly can feel relaxed in." Y/n says to them.
"Where'd you get a flute?" Harley asks.
"I liberated it from the museum we visited to find souvenirs for the Catwoman on our...'Kill, Bang, eat tour...'" Y/n explained.
"You feel relaxed here?" Ivy asks him still feeling a little taken aback by this.
"Indeed." Y/n nods his head as he looks around again. "While I have adapted to the ever changing busy world with it's large cites and increased population. It is in nature that I find myself truly at peace, for even with changing times nature never fails to show it's beauty."
Having listened to everything Y/n just said Ivy lets out a deep breath. "Okay. Fine." She says and Harley gasps. "We can look around. But let's make it quick."
Harley squeals excitedly but only 13 minutes later she is sat down on a rock looking bored as she plays with one of her pigtails.
"Oh, my God!" Ivy cries out.
"What? What?" Harley quickly jumps up excitedly picking up a stick and swinging it like a bat. "Did the queen find us? Do we need to finish her off? Start an international incident?"
"I just negotiated the correct pH in the groundwater!" Ivy reveals.
"These flowers exhibit different properties based on how their environmental conditions differ from their ancestral habitat...Nevertheless, these are fine specimens. Growing strongly." Y/n comments to Ivy.
"Oh, cool, I'm loving how inspired you guys are. Bee-tee-dubs, in case other people ask me, what's the wi-fi here Ive?" Harley asks now taking out her phone.
"There's no wi-fi in Edin....That's like the whole point." Ivy tells her as she summons a vine to grow from the ground and lift her up. "A paradise that reverses all the damage humans have done to the environment. Where ancient plants can finally bloom to their full potential!"
"Totally!" Harley says.
"Reclaiming every inch from toxic factories, fast food chains. Bravolebrities!" Ivy continues.
"But not the ones that make their own wine, right?" Harley says. "I cannot go back to buying based on the label. No fսcking way."
"Just imagine, you, Y/n and me, sitting in the sun, living off the nectars. We don't have to run from anybody or bash any heads in." Ivy says happily.
"Um, yeah." Harle begins chuckling. "Yeah, that is so cool. You know, I don't need to bash people's heads in or have wi-fi. I can just sit here. Maybe I'll learn to talk to flowers or something. And this mind control device? Who needs it!" Harley throws her phone up high onto a tree branch.
Ivy inhales now. "Oh, look at this soil! The Staghorn fern is self-propagating, so if I can get the right acidity levels...And then, who knows, Terraforming could be possible!" She says to Y/n who was listening.
But at that moment Harley's phone begins buzzing and she gasps excitedly. Harley then acrobats her way up into the tree where she had thrown her phone and looks at it. "Ooh! An unknown number, maybe it's a telemarketer, I'd better answer it! Hello, outside world!"
"Oh, hey, girl! It's King Shark."
"OMG K.S. Bang Bang! What's happening in Gotham? Tell me all the hot goss!"
"Well, funny you should ask, we're being tortured. So, how are things with you?"
"Wait... You're being tortured? By who?" Harley asks.
"Oh, I hate to be a spoilsport but me and Clayface are incarcerated." King shark chuckles. "Gordon nabbed us at the wedding. He's holding us in Arkham. But if you're too busy to rescue us, we understand..."
"No! We'll be right there! Y/n! Ivy! I've got some terrible news!" Harley begins squealing.
The three were now sat on the invisible jet as Harley piloted it towards Gotham.
"So, let's just in and out, no extra drama. My seedlings are just in a crucial stage and I want to get back ASAP." Ivy says.
"Oh, yeah, me, too, can't miss the crucial seedling stage." Harley starts. "You know, as soon as we make Gordon pay for messing with our crew! Let's skip Arkham and crash this jet right into Gordon's house and slaughter his entire family!"
"Honey, I know you haven't punched anyone in the dick in two days, but we have to be smart about this." Ivy warns her.
"Actually, yesterday there was a fox that tried to take a shit too close to me." Harley admits.
"What Ivy is trying to say Harley... is that Gordon could be using him as bait." Y/n tells her.
"A shark as bait? Ha! That is so fսckеd up. God, you guys are smart!" Harley says. "This is why we make a great team. Ivy with your brilliantly thought out strategies and plant goddess superpowers, Y/n with your old-timey wisdom and healing powers and me with..." Harley breathes sharply. "You guys gonna fill that part in?"
"What? Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. I was just... " Ivy begins but at that moment a bird hits the cockpit windshield getting blood all over it.
An awkward silence ensues as Harley puts on the windshield wipers and the start squeaking.
"Your hair looks really good today." Ivy tells her.
"I know, right?" Harley chuckles happily.
"If none of you have formed a plan then I have an idea I would like to suggest." Y/n speaks up now.
Back at Arkham Gordon and Two Face were monitoring cameras to King Shark and Clayface's cell.
"The shark found the phone we planted and called Harley just like we thought he would." Two Face says.
Gordon laughs. "I bring down Harley, Ivy and the other one and no one's gonna be complaining about the potholes, the sinkholes, toxic puddles, exploding sewers, haunted..."
"This is torture! Let me out of here!" Clayface cries out on the monitor.
"Chin up, buddy! Before you know it, Harley is going to bust us out." King Shark tells him.
"She better do it soon. I have an audition in six hours for the new Thomas Wayne biographical picture! "A Hard Wayne's Gonna Fall." Clayface says.
King Shark just scoffs. "Another movie about a bipedal billionaire. And a trashy reboot at that."
" Stop it! That puckish auteur James Gunn, is spreading his wings into the horizons of award season drama!" Clayface tells him.
"If you can't make the audition, why don't you just submit a tape? We could just use the phone that suspiciously showed up in my French bread pizza at lunch." King Shark suggests.
"Oh, like now?" Clayface clears throat as King Shark begins recording. "Hello. Clayface. Arkham Asylum. Five to seven feet tall, or whatever suits the role of "Thug Number Three." Willing to shave. Anywhere."
Cheryl and some other officers had joined Gordon and Two Face now. "Is this gonna be much longer? I gotta go pick up a prescription for my lizard." She asks.
On a screen showing the building rooftop a camera appears to show Harley and Ivy climbing onto the roof.
Gordon chuckles at this. "Pay dirt!"
A group of officers rush up to the roof with Gordon and Two Face now cocking their guns and pointing them at the two on the roof.
"Freeze!" Gordon cries raising his own gun.
Meanwhile Y/n, Ivy and Harley were inside Arkham as they looked around.
"It would seem my suggestion to use the adult movie actresses has paid off." Y/n says.
"I'm getting nervous about Britney and Kylie's improv skills with Gordon." Harley replies
"They're trained professionals. I'm sure they're gonna buy us at least another five minutes." Ivy comments as they start to move.
Back on the roof the two porn stars started to move.
"Oh, no! Have we been bad?" One of them asks in a teasing voice.
"Ooh, we need someone to punish us. Not Commissioner Gordon! Ooh, we respect and fear him so much." The others says as the begin to brush up against Gordon.
"Something about this doesn't seem right." Two Face says sceptical.
"Hold on, let's hear them out." Gordon says.
But Two Face takes out his phone and shines a light on the three revealing to them all it's the porn stars.
"What the? Adult film actresses Kylie Kryptonite and Britney Bionic?" Gordon cries.
The cops begin to surround them now lowering their guns.
"I'm a huge fan!"
"Loved you in the "Drilling Joke."
"Sign my gun?"
"Can I get an autograph? It's for my husband."
An Arkham alarm starts blaring now as inside Y/n, Ivy and Harley had released a bunch of the prisoners to start a riot.
"Wait. This is where you drսg and kidnapped me Ivy to help me escape an abusive relationship." Harley says sweetly.
"Yeah it's also where I met Y/n when I trying to think of how to get us out of here." Ivy says.
"Harlivy and Y/n!" A familiar voice calls out and the three look to see Clayface and King Shark running towards them.
"Shark! Face!" Harley squeals hugging her two crew members.
"You guys look radiant!" King Shark chuckles.
"Oh, thanks! We've been doing a ton of fucking." Harley says sweetly.
"Lovely as always Harley." Y/n sighs before turning to the other two. "It is nice to see you both again. Had we been aware you were both captured at the wedding we would have sought to free you sooner. As an apology allow me to heal your wounds."
"Oh that would be nice. My eye hasn't felt right in weeks." King Shark says and Y/n raises his hand to put on the Sharks face.
Y/n concentrates for a moment as the golden veins in his black skin begin to glow and King Sharks eye begins to slowly heal up but as it does Y/n suddenly feels a massive pang of pain in his chest that causes him to take a sharp intake of breath.
"Hey you okay?" Ivy is quick to ask him.
"I am...alright." Y/n says removing his hand from the healed up King Shark and looking at it. "I must just be out of practice these from these last few weeks." But Y/n looks at his veins with a frown. "Come on, we should leave this place."
"To the jet! Quick!" Ivy says. "God, I can't believe I just said that, that was so lame. Should I try that again? You know what, nevermind, let's just go."
The five begin running as the head down a hallway in which Ivy accidently bumps into a shadowed woman.
"Watch where you're going, Karen!" They call out causing Harley to stop while the others go on ahead.
"Excuse you, bitch! You just bumped into Poison Ivy. One of the premier supervillains in this world, newly inspired for some really cool shit she's working on. And my BFF GFF slash...Hottest woman alive."
"Supervillain?" The woman scoffs. "Ha! She hasn't done anything evil in years!"
"Where the fսck do you get off? You..." Harley growls.
At that moment Ivy and Y/n reappear behind Harley.
"Come on, Harley, let's go." Ivy calls out to her.
"We are wasting valuable time." Y/n adds.
Harley frowns but turns around now deciding to follow them.
When the three are out of sight the woman steps forward into the light.
The invisible jet whooshes as it lands on top of the Mall hideout Harley and the others had grown accustomed to using as a hideout. As King Shark and Clayface exit the jet the notice Harley, Y/n and Ivy were still on it."
"You're not coming with?" King Shark asks them.
"We're gonna jet back to Edin and continue the important work we were doing with the leaves and measuring them... Probably having lunch at some point... Then maybe, maybe more leaf inspections..."
"And you're enjoying that?" Clayface asks.
"Oh, yeah! I love chaos but I also love plants. Just like my lady and lord do." Harley is quick to say.
"Harley, I mean, if you want to hang with them, you don't have to come..." Ivy offers.
"Are you kidding? There's nothing I'd rather do than listen to you guys talk about chlorophyll for a couple of weeks." Harley tells her.
"Actually, I will be remaining here at the mall." Y/n says as he begins to disembark the jet.
"You will?" Harley asks him surprised. "But I thought you liked Edin."
"Oh I very much do Harley. Ivy has created a wonderful environment for nature to flourish in. I look forward to returning to it in time, but first I have business that needs tending to while I am here." Y/n tells her.
"Oh what kind of business? Do you need someone kidnapped and held hostage. Oh maybe we can cut off one finger at a time and send it back as ransom." Harley says excitedly.
"I'm afraid it is nothing as exciting as that." Y/n chuckles. "I simply need to use my lab to run an experiment of my own. An idle mind is a wasted thing after all." Y/n smiles. "I will return to Edin when my experiment concludes." He then tells the two.
"Alright, just don't take to long or you'll miss the plants taking root." Ivy tells him.
"Well I won't be needing these..." Harley says as she hands a bag full of weapons to Clayface. "The nuclear codes expire on Tuesday. Miss ya, mean it! Stop by whenever and also call me if anything cool happens and even anything uncool happens I don't want to miss out. Bye!"
The Jet door closes as Harley and Ivy take off for Edin. Leaving behind Y/n and a confused looking King Shark and Clayface.
Meanwhile Jim Gordon was in the Mayor's office being bertated.
"You're what the French call "Les Incompetents."
"That's a little..." Gordon starts.
"Losing Harley and Ivy again, and now half the GCPD is suspended for the sh¡t they posted on social media with pornstars. I should have your badge!" The Mayor cries.
"We'll let the people decide who's gonna take whose job when I kick your butt in the election." Gordon says.
This causes the Mayor to laugh. "You don't stand a chance. Just ask my campaign manager." He laughs maliciously and the door opens as Two Face walks into stand beside the Mayor.
"What? How could you do this to me?" Gordon asks him.
"Do you know what my name is?" Two Face replies with a deadpan face.
Gordon gasps. "Harvey Dent."
"Right, but my moniker?" Two Face continues.
"Oh!" Gordon chuckles. "I still don't get it."
Two Face just takes off a badge that reads 'Gordon for Mayor' and drops it on the desk in front of him.
"Ooh! Big whoops. Whatevs." Gordon says picking up the badge. "Enjoy your seventh term, Mr. Mayor! Just know this open sewer of a city and its shit problems are all yours and I hope you choke on 'em." Gordon grunts as he throws his badge out an open window.
The badge drops into a tree below which hits a steroid riddled squirrel on the head and causing it to squeal and leap onto a passerby below's head. The man below begins screaming.
"Stupid squirrel!" He cries trying to pull it off his head until he accidently steps into a pothole and falls face first into a pile of acid on the road that burns away his face killing him.
The squirrel chitters away unharmed as it passes by a heavily pregnant rat.
A spirit rises from the deceased mans body while a bus being driven by a minor fly laughing maniacally flies down the road towards it. The kid gasps however gasps as it sees the body on the road ahead and yanks the steering wheel.
"Ah, damn kid bus drivers!" A pedestrian cries out as the bus turns a corner littered with construction materials much to quickly causing the bus to flip and crash. An explosion rips through the bus next as construction materials are sent flying through the sky by it. One in particular being a metal pole that flies through the mayor's window and impaling him through the chest.
The mayor yells in pain as his blood splatters Gordon and Two Face and he quickly collapses on his desk still impaled by the pole.
"Live by the polls, die by the polls. Poetic." Two Face says before he turns to Gordon. "Good news is I just became available again."
Back at Edin Ivy let out a content sigh as she slipped off her heels and relaxed back into flower chair she had made looking at a piece of paper in her hands.
Harley walks upon the scene now grinning as Ivy takes notice of her. "I just put the tea kettle on, do you want chamomile or jasmine?" She asks but hears a muffled grunt. "What?"
"Nothing." Harley says but the muffled grunts continue.
"What is that noise?" Ivy asks.
"Well, I mean, it is our 18th day anniversary." Harley chuckles. "I'll give it to you later. Actually no, I'll give it to you now."
Harley then drags out from a nearby bush a burlap bag with a tied up person inside grunting.
"So what is it with you and, like, bags of people?" Ivy asks.
Harley chuckles. "Surprise!" She then cries unzipping the bag to reveal the the woman Ivy had bumped into back at Arkham.
"Oh, my gosh. Harley! Do you know who this is?" Ivy says it wide eyes quickly getting up.
"Yeah, it's the munch who said you weren't evil! Let's feed her to a plant or something! Give her an unflattering haircut for her face shape! Show her you are the baddest bitch on the planet!" Harley says enthusiastically.
"She's head of the Suicide Squad." Ivy reveals.
"Oh, so you're Amanda Waller?" Harley sas looking at the woman. "Oh, whoa, we need to make a Gotham yearbook or something. I know the names but not the faces, but sometimes the faces and not the names."
"Harls." Ivy says frustrated and Harley removes the tape covering Amanda's mouth.
"You never returned my emails." Amanda says.
"Yeah, thanks for the t-shirts and all, but the only squad I'm joining is Cobb." Harley tells her.
"Yet you still refuse to get the tattoo." Ivy comments.
"What's your damage, Waller? Always perving on supervillains and putting bombs in their heads. You think you're hot sh¡t but no one's above being rude to my bae! Now apologize." Harley says.
"You think you can kidnap me without repercussions?" Amanda challenges her.
"I eat repercussions for breakfast!" Harley shouts.
"For god sake where is Y/n when you need him..." Ivy sighs. "Harley, why are you stirring up drama right now? We are supposed to be checking mitochondrial reactions."
"This is not drama, okay?" Harley starts causing Ivy to sigh wearily. "What's she gonna do? She's wearing a pencil skirt."
"You dance with me, you dance with the entirety of a team of renegades who take on the dirty jobs the U.S. Government won't even do." Amanda begins as a video montage of several people begins. "Captain Boomerang. Killer Croc. Enchantress. Deadshot. Katana. Together they are, The Suicide Squad. Some of the meanest psychos who are alerted whenever Amanda Waller sends out the signal."
"Which you did about two hours ago." A voice says as the video ends to reveal it was on a phone being held by a red head that had suddenly appeared. "That's pretty cool, eh? P.R. put it together. Oh, they want your notes by end of day. No rush." She says freeing Amanda now as Harley and Ivy just look at one confused.
"Uh, hey! Can I see it?" Harley asks.
"Oh, sure, yeah, I'll send you the link. Right after I kill ya." The Redhead says.
"You kill us?" Harley asks. "You didn't even make the montage!"
"Where's everybody else?" Amanda asks getting up.
"Oh, uh, P.R. has the A-team overthrowing a dictator in Central America. But... I am Plastique. And I'm 'the bomb.'" The Redhead introduces herself.
Harley and Ivy both look at one for a moment again before they burst into laughter.
Plastique opens the coat she was wearing to reveal she is carrying an extensive amount of explosive weapons.
" Oh, fսck me..." Harley groans.
Y/n was in his lab now with his coat removed and running a sample of his blood through a bloods work machine as he examined another batch under a microscope.
"Hmm." Y/n mused when a beeping on the bloods work machine got his attention.
Though it was extremely modern Ivy's past offer of help had been gratefully accepted and she had taught him how to use it. Y/n moved from the Microscope as he looked at a screen on the modern machine with a frown.
Not saying a word he crossed the room to pick up a phone that Harley had made him put in the room with her quoting 'For emergencies'. Looking at the buttons he slowly dialled the number he had memorised for the one he needed to speak to.
When the number was dialled Y/n waited patiently as someone finally picked up on the other line.
"This is Victor Freeze. State your purpose for this call." The voice said with a slight tone of annoyance.
"Victor." Y/n says.
"Y/n, this is a pleasure indeed. My butterfly and I are currently enjoying the warm beaches of Hawaii." Victor says pleasantly now.
"A nice change from the cold I can only imagine." Y/n says. "But I am afraid I require your assistance."
"My help? What could you need my help with?" Victor asks.
"Earlier today I used my powers only to experience a sharp amount of pain while doing so." Y/n began.
"You were in pain?" Victor asked. "Was this a common occurrence before?"
"It was not." Y/n informed him. "Which is why I decided to conduct some tests."
"A wise decision, And what were the results?" Victor asks.
"You can see for yourself If you can instruct this old soul how to send them to you." Y/n said.
Victor chuckled. "Forgive me, I sometimes forget your age. First you will need a laptop the Shark seemed adapt with technology so I suggest you check his room."
"Very well I shall procure it then return to the phone." Y/n said rising and leaving to fetch King Shark's laptop.
Once Y/n had taken Shark's laptop and successfully guessed his password it took twenty minutes of Victor giving him instructions for Y/n to finally manage in sending his first email with a file attached.
"I believe... I have successfully done it." Y/n said to Victor.
"I have received them, I will look no... When were these results recorded?" Viktor asks seeming more alert than before.
"This afternoon. I have only just seen them myself now." Y/n said looking over the results.
"I will fly back immediately, Nora will understand seeing as you are her benefactor." Victor told him.
"Then I await your arrival." Y/n said as the line went dead and he sighed.
Meanwhile King Shark was giving Clayface a shoulder massage as he tried to calm him down. He had been kind enough to accompany Clayface to his audtion.
"Oh, I've got butterflies of excitement! Oh, no, I'm going to faint." Clayface cries.
"Pull yourself together, man! Do you want to get cast as Thug Number Three or not?" King Shark asks him.
"Yes! Playing a minor character in a billion-dollar franchise is every actor's dream!"
"There we go. Warm up that instrument." King Shark says as both of them start making indistinct noises "Keep going. Oh, you definitely couldn't have done this alone in the car."
Determined Clayface now walks onto the stage as the director clears his throat.
"'Quit ya yappin' or the tooth fairy is gonna need to do a little, uh... She's gonna come and collect her... Uh, tooth, uh, fee.'" Clayface chuckles. "I'm sorry, can I try it a different way?"
"That was great! No notes! Thanks so much!" The director says waving his hand dismissvely and not even looking at Clayface now.
"Please, I have incredible range!" Clayface begs. "I'm perfect for this role, but if not, I can be anyone else." He begins to shapeshift. "A shocked bystander? A lost tourist? An uncredited limo driver? I need this job. I'll lose my SAG insurance and the screeners! I use the elaborate boxes they send them to store my leftovers. How will I keep my egg salad fresh?"
"That sounds like a you problem. Thanks for coming out." The director says having missed all of it.
Clayface just sighs sadly. "You already said that..."
"Ugh, God. This chair is killing me." The director says now. "Can you get me one that doesn't make my ass fall asleep? One with lumbar support perhaps?"
Clayface getting an idea shapeshifts into a chair. "Please, James Gunn, sit on me!"
James Gunn looks hesitant for a moment but reluctantly sits down on him. "Oh. Ooh!" He laughs as he quickly becomes relaxed. "Well, Mister Face, what would you say to a job on set as the director's chair?" James Gunn asks him. "God, you look like a pile of shit but you feel like a pile of clouds! "
Clayface gasps in delight.
Edin now looked like a warzone as explosions kept going off everywhere. Harley was having to use her acrobatic skills just to avoid Plastique's explosive as she hurled them at her.
"Bombs away!" The Redhead shouts out throwing a grenade forward.
Ivy who was using some vines to move herself around has to stop and shield herself as the grenade explodes and rips through some of the vines.
"Too slow, eh?" Plastique laughs and throws what looks like two blocks of C4 towards Ivy.
Ivy groans as the explosives land on the remainder of Ivy's vines and detonate throwing her through the air.
Harley gasps. "Ivy!" She launches herself to catch Ivy as the two land harsly in a freshly made crater filled with their recent tours plunders. "We really shouldn't have given away all our weapons. We could use those nuclear codes about now!" Harley says.
"Here!" Ivy says taking what looked to be scepter form the pile and throwing it to Harley.
"Aww, but I gave that to you for our three-day anniversary!" Harley says but another explosion goes off near the two. "Well, eat scepter, Plastique!"
Harley pulls her arm back now as she throws the scepter and manages to inflict a deep cut on Plastique's arm.
"Ouch! God damn it. Now we get serious!" Plastique says pissed off.
Ivy summons some Fresh vines now as Harley picks up a silver tray and together the two work to bat away the explosives being thrown at them.
"Oh, I think I've heard of Plastique." Ivy begins. "She's like a failed Canadian political terrorist, right?"
"I didn't know Canada made terrorists." Harley jokes batting away a grenade with the tray in her hands.
"Chirp away, hosers! I almost blew up a super-soldier lab!" Plastique says back to them.
"Oh, is that before or after you stole Carmen Sandiego's coat. God, you know I meant that as an insult, but I do love her." Ivy says.
"Eat ash!" Plastique shouts and throws more explosives than Ivy can bat away and some land on a large pink flower before exploding and destroying the plant.
"My ranunculus!" Ivy cries out before getting angry and pushing up her sleeves. She summons more vines now and Plastique becomes overwhelmed as she is subdued and tied up.
Ivy and Harley make their way over to her.
"I hope you're ready to be in a new montage. In Memoriam!" Harley goads her.
Plastique chuckles. "I was born for it!" She says before revealing she has a detonator in her hands which she presses but nothing happens. "Oh, hang on, it's gotta..." The detonater begins blinking. "Yeah, it does this little blinkie thing before it explo..."
A large explosion goes off killing Plastique instantly as Harley and Ivy are launched through the air screaming.
When they land they both stumble to their feet grunting. A helicopter whirring above gets their attention and they look to see Amanda sat in it giving them the middle finger before flying off.
Ivy sighs devastated now. "It's gone. It's all gone." She looks at Edin which was indeed completely destroyed.
"I'm so sorry." Harley says hugging her from behind until she notices something. "Wait! Look, look! It's not all dead." She picks up a flower that had seemingly survived but a wind blowing quickly turns it to ash.
Harley whimpers now. "If I hadn't kidnapped Amanda Waller none of this would've happened." She begins crying. "I'm addicted to drama!"
"It's fine, it's fine, Harley." Ivy tells her. "Edin was doomed to fail." She looks around.
"No! I saw how happy you and Y/n were, tinkering with your shiny trees and the wet hunks of grass. And all the green stuff."
"Oh. Wow, please never describe nature again." Ivy stops her and sighs. "Look, there's nothing I want more than to terraform the world. To take it back from humans, but..." Ivy inhales. "It just can't be done. At least not by me."
"That is bullshit. You can do it because now... You have me and I know Y/n will help too he loves nature!"
"Harley, We both saw how bored you were. It's okay if we don't do everything together. Y/n does his own things and that's totally fine." Ivy says.
"Disagree!" Harley quickly says. "These last 19-and-a-half days have been the most emotionally dope of my life. I know the Eat Bang Kill Tour can't go on forever. So let's get serious. I am all in! I want what you guys want. Please let me help you see your beautiful evil plot through. Please, let's plant some shit, please?" Harley begs.
"You really think I can do this, peanut?" Ivy asks.
"Yes! Totally! Partners in crime in every sense of the word. BFFs BFF's GFFs, right?" Harley replies.
Ivy chuckles softly then inhales deeply. "Harley, Y/n and Ivy take over the fսcking world!"
"I'll put on the tea kettle." Harley says kissing Ivy. "Happy 19th-day anniversary." She squeals.
Victor had arrived at the mall as he and Y/n were in his lab. They had conducted a further array of tests which had left Y/n feeling tired.
"I must admit...these results are not promising friend." Viktor said as they both sat down to tea.
"No, I did not think they would be." Y/n said raising his cup.
Victor looked at Y/n seriously now. "You are dying..."
Y/n stopped for a moment before continuing as normal and drinking his tea. "I see." He said calmly.
"I would suggest we do further testing but I must admit the cause is most likely..."
"The Serum." Y/n finished for him.
"Yes. I told you that administering an untested serum could have devastating effects. And I was right." Victor says.
"Yes, you were." Y/n nods slightly. "The fault is my own I accept that. You could say I had a rare lapse of judgment."
"The serum is allowing you to age but now it is also killing you slowly. Data shows you have perhaps a year at most." Victor told him.
"It is ironic no? I spent centauries alone wishing nothing more than than to grow old and die, but now that I have found a reason to live my life is on sharp timer." Y/n said.
"I would not call that ironic friend." Victor says. "I would call that a cruel joke. One we will not let come to be."
"And how do you propose we do that?" Y/n asks him.
"The serum was uncompleted before because we lacked a chemical compound to make it stable. If we can find that chemical and finish the serum then perhaps we can stop your death." Victor suggests.
"We only have a year to work with..." Y/n begins as he highlights how dire the timeframe is.
"You helped me save my Nora, you must let me help you overcome this." Victor implored.
Y/n thought for a moment before he lowered his tea. "Very well, If I am to die it should be with a fight. Otherwise how could I face Harley, Ivy, Guizhong and Xiao. If you willingly offer your help then I will accept it."
Victor nodded and was about to start smiling happy with this change of mind until Y/n suddenly began to cough into his gloved hand and then moved it to reveal blood.
"Ah...There is nothing we can do to stop that I'm afraid." Victor told him. "Nora suffered a similar problem before I froze her. Should it continue you must sit down and rest, do no lie down as you may choke on your blood otherwise and do not drink or eat anything for a while after it will make it worse."
"Just rest then." Y/n repeated and Victor nodded.
"Yes. You said earlier that you were in pain while using your powers, I would suggest you use them only when necessary. It's possible they speed up the process."
"If that is what you suggest." Y/n says as he takes out a handkerchief now and wipes his bloody glove.
"I also suggest that you tell Harley and Ivy." Victor continues. "Ivy especially, we will need her to grow more Glaze Lilies for use in testing."
"But we used the last one I thought?" Y/n asked.
"We did, but lucky for you it produced seeds that I kept in case of an emergency. Something I was wise to do it proves." Victor tells him.
"Lucky indeed." Y/n said as he started thinking about how Ivy and Harley will react to this new news.
"So you will tell them?" Victor asks. "The quicker we can begin growing the plants the more time we can spend looking for a cure."
"I...will find a time to." Y/n nods.
And that's the chapter! Welcome to season three!! We start off with a bang and heavy bombshell with the news that Y/n is dying just how will Harley and Ivy take the news? I hope you liked this chapter as I'm afraid there is no release schedule for this one. If you did like it though or just the story in general so far then don't forget to leave a vote and a comment below as it really helps! I shall see you all next time in...
There's No Ivy In Team