- Caspar's P.O.V
I spent my whole entire second and third period trying to keep Joe and Emma out of my mind, but I couldn't.
One second I would be thinking about class, then I would trail off to Emma and somehow end up thinking about Joe.
It was like my thoughts were going in a circle; first I would try and think of all the homework that I had piled on me, trying to figure out how I would do all of it and pass my class, then it would be Emma and how beautiful she was; and then it would land on Joe, and how I was slowly turning obsessed with how I could get him to like me.
The whole thing was turning out to be utter nonsense.
I should listen to Marcus and Jim, and just stay with Emma, but it's a little too late for that now.
If I just stop being Joe's friend, that'll be weird, and I'm pretty sure I probably have him wrapped around my finger by now.
Between nicknaming him JoJo, and texting him in the middle of 6th period, and being nice to him; he should totally dig me.
Right?
I hope so.
But what about Emma?
I can't leave her, either.
She's just too good and I've called her beautiful and she's perfect and ugh.
I love her.
So I guess now that I'm stuck in this little stick situation might as well have some fun with it.
It's not that I like Joe, because I don't.
I find it impossible to like two people at the same time.
Maybe it's just side-effects from trying to get him to like me...
Probably that's it.
Besides, my heart belongs to Emma, and only Emma.
Even thought she may not even like me...
"Caspar?"
I blinked and looked up, noticing that I was in front of a wall. I looked to my right and saw Alfie, who was giving me a concerned look.
"You okay? We were walking to lunch and you sort of...dozed off."
I laughed awkwardly, putting my hand on the wall and shoving myself away from it, almost knocking into Alfie as I crossed over to his left side.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about this girl that I want to ask out." I said, coughing and crossing my arms.
Alfie, nodded, totally oblivious to everything. "That's cool, who is it?"
Not thinking, I just blurted out Emma's name.
Now I'm in deep shit.
If I get Emma to go out with me, and then Joe, Alfie's going to tell Zoe like he tells her everything, and I'm pretty sure if I got Joe to go out with me at the same time I'm dating, or have some thing with Emma, Zoe will know that too and then she'll tell Joe and Emma and I'm going to be the bad guy.
Ugh.
"Emma? Emma Laven, the new girl?" Alfie asked curiously, looking over at me as we walked to lunch.
"No, Emma Watson," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Oh, well that makes more sense," Alfie said, pulling out his phone and answering a text. "You have more of a shot than with Laven anyways,"
I stopped in my tracks, gaping at Alfie who was still walking. "Why would you ever say that?" I said, catching up to Alfie.
Someone yelled ''ASS!" loudly half-way down the hall and I rolled my eyes. Stupid High Schoolers.
"Who yelled that?" Alfie asked with a laugh, looking up and scanning the hall.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER," I said, getting his attention. "What matters is why you think I don't 'have a shot' with Emma."
Alfie shrugged. "Her brother is pretty protective,"
"She has a brother?" I asked, before he finished.
He nodded. "Names Brad or Barny, or something like that. He's 2 years younger than us, though."
I scoffed. How could a younger brother be that bad? Joe was a younger brother and he didn't beat Alfie up for practically stalking Zoe 24/7. But, knowing him, he probably didn't know he even liked him because he's so behind. He's also really tiny so it'll be like a small kitten trying to be up a Labrador.
"He's 2 years younger than us? Who cares! Besides, I'm a good guy, I'll treat her good. Also, she can date whoever she wants; it's her choice."
Alfie shrugged again, going back to his phone as we entered Lunch. "Some cocky kid asked her out who's a Senior, and Brad/Barny almost broke his face. Anyways, are you getting lunch today?"
"Don't have any money," I said.
I was about to ask more about Emma's brother but Alfie went into the Lunch line, telling me he was starving.
I groaned and walked over to my usual lunch table.
Zoe and Louise weren't there, and neither was Marcus. It was just Troye, Connor, and Tyler.
I walked over and sat on a seat, watching Connor eat his salad for a minute.
I really should've brought money today.
Maybe I could buy Emma's affection...No...that would come off in a very bad way if she thought it wrong.
God, I wish life was easier.
"Caspar?" Troye asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Did you just say you wished you could buy affection?"
I blinked, looking over at Tyler, who was looking at me with a disgusted look and Connor, who was shaking with silent laughter and still eating his salad.
"Um...Did I say that out loud?" I asked, scratching my head. "It's- It's nothing, don't worry. Just some uh..love troubles, I guess?"
Troye squinted his eyes at me. "You like someone?"
I have got to be more careful. I feel like such an idiot.
"What? No. I just kind of think this one person is like really...cool?"
Tyler gave me a 'that's bullshit' look and shook his head.
"So you do like someone," Connor said, picking up his napkin and wiping his mouth off.
I gave a giant 'PFFFTTT' causing them all to give me a disgusted look.
"You spit on my salad," Connor said, glaring at me.
"Your spit hit my glasses," Tyler said, taking them off and grabbing one of Connor's napkin, and wiping his glasses.
"Never do that again," Troye said as Connor took his fork and set it down, gazing down sadly at his Caspar-infected salad.
"That was 6 dollars," he said. "You owe me."
I gave an awkward laugh, apologizing.
"So, who's this person you like?" Tyler asked, putting his arms on the table and leaning forward, a devilish smirk on his face.
"I just think this kid is cool-"
"It's Zoe's brother, isn't it?" Tyler squealed, clapping his hands and laughing. "You two would be so cute together!"
I felt my face go hot.
"You mean Joe?" Connor asked, looking over at Tyler, who nodded.
"He's such a nice person," Troye gushed, giving me a grin. "When I was in Peter Pan, he told me I had such an amazing voice and was surprised he beat me for the part."
"Why didn't you get that part? I never asked you." Connor said.
"Oh, he fit the part better. Being a Lost Boy was fun, though. We never spoke much to Joe, even though he was the lead. Pretty odd." Troye frowned, putting his head in his palm. "I should've invited him over to Jon and I." His frown deepened. "Damn, I should have invited him over. I feel bad now, especially since he called me very talented."
Tyler reached across Connor and patted Troyes's shoulder before drawing it back.
"It's okay, Troye. Now since Caspar wants to get in with Joe, you can befriend him!"
I let out a strangled yell, making them look at me. "I do not like Joe!"
"You don't like Joe?" I heard a small voice say behind me.
I turned and saw Tanya and Jim, both sitting down.
"No- I mean- I do, but-"
"So you do like him?" Connor said, raising an eyebrow at me.
I felt my face heat up as Tanya gave me a grin.
"He's so nice and adorable! You're so lucky to have him as a partner for the Science project!"
"Are you helping out with their Project?" Troye asked happily. "We are!"
I groaned, slamming my face on the table.
Why do I have a feeling I just screwed everything up?
"By the way," I said loudly, cutting off Troye and Tanya's conversation. "I don't like him romantically. I like him totally platonically,"
Tyler rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Caspar."
"Don't you have your eyes out for Emma?" Jim asked. He seemed so innocent, but I knew what he was doing.
"No." I said sharply, looking over at Troye. "Did you do the Maths homework?"
Jim kept trying to bring up Joe, but I would always change the subject, especially when Zoe and Emma sat down next to me with Alfie and Marcus.
I flirted with Emma when I got the chance, and practically destroyed the topic of Joe when it came up.
I really thought this would be easier.
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+ Joe's P.O.V
"Do you guys know anyone that would be happy to help Caspar and I for our Science Project? I was going to ask you this morning but it just kind of...slipped my mind!"
It seemed like so many things have been slipping my mind ever since I met Caspar, I mean...he walked me to class today! Who does that? Definitely not friends...I think. I've never seen anyone walk someone else to friends unless they're dating.
And then there's the thing with Marcus, who suddenly wants to be best friends.
He sat with me in Science today, totally knocking someone out of their seat just approaching me.
"So, Joe," Marcus had told me while Mr. Gordon was teaching. "I heard your interested in someone...is that true?"
My immediate answer would have been 'no', but I hesitated.
Why did I hesitate?
I didn't like anyone!
I barely knew anyone!
But I have been questioning my sexuality, and it was all stupid Caspar Lee's fault.
I was starting to get frustrated at everyone and everything; especially Marcus and Jim. I mean; today before 3rd period they asked if I could help them with English, but 'not to copy off of, more tutoring'.
They knew about me. They've known me.
How dare Jim just completely ignore my existence for like, 3 years, and how dare Marcus try and act like my friend when I know that he thought I was a total stick in the mud, Nerd person who his poor best buddy got stuck with for the Science project.
I lied and said I was too busy, but I wasn't. The only thing I did was do my homework, read, and eat. That's it.
I'm so angry, yet so happy and all these odd emotions I've never felt before are suddenly there, and my whole brain is a disorganized mess like it's never been before, and ugh.
The only thing keeping me sane is Dan and Phil, really. At least I made friends with them before I was paired up with Caspar.
Frickin' Caspar. Frick you.
"I'm pretty sure we know some people who would like to do it," Phil said happily as Dan took a big bite out of his sandwich.
"Oh, um, could I have their names? We still need more people and, yeah." I took out my lunch, but just let it sitting there, not very hungry.
I'm so sick of everything that's happened today. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it'll be okay, which will never happen. Even if my mind did wonder if Caspar fancied me, it was about a 99.9% chance he did not like me.
As I've said probably 3 or more times, I'm not special, I'm just me.
"Our friend Charlie is in your grade, he would enjoy doing it." Dan said, hand over his mouth.
"Oh, yeah! Charlie, Charlie McDonnell. He's really nice and funny, you would like him." Phil said, crunching on an apple.
I nodded. "He's in my Science class. I think I have him in another class, but I don't remember which one."
Charlie McDonnell didn't seem so bad. I've never spoke to him, or seen him talk to many people since him and his best mate Alex had a bit of a fall out, but he seemed nice. I'll ask him the next time I see him.
"There's also Ian and Anthony, but they're too excited to make their own project explode they may not agree to do it. They're both in our grade, too, so you probably don't know them," Dan took another bit into his sandwich and shrugged.
"I've heard of them," I said, remembering the time they accidentally filled my sister's locker full of water balloons, thinking it was their friends Felix's locker. "My sister isn't very fond of them."
Phil winced and Dan let out a big laugh before he saw the look that Phil shot him.
"Yeah, the prank where they filled her locker full of water balloons...very poor choice, really. They're smart, but sometimes not so smart. Felix gave them the wrong number on purpose, but freaked when it ended up being Zoe. Oh, that day was very dramatic."
I remembered it perfectly. Zoe came home that day crying over all her wet papers and saying that she will ruin their lives. Her, always being a forgiving person, accepted their apology though since she wasn't their target.
She got all F's in homework, though, until she talked to her teachers and showed them her drenched work so she was able to make it up.
"That's all we can really think of," Phil said. I found it kind of nice that they knew each other well enough that we you asked one of them a question, the other one responded with a correct answer. "All our other friends are in a University or somewhere else now, older than us."
I nodded. "I'm going to have to speak to Charlie McDonald- McDonnell."
God, Caspar was stuck in my head.
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The one thing I've always despised most in the world was being alone.
Being alone made you feel as if you weren't good enough, and it made you notice simple flaws about yourself that no one else would have noticed until you pointed it out.
Like me, I hated how small I was. My whole life I've always been a skinny twig with no meat on my bones, and I've always had acne on my face; even if it wasn't bad I still always scrubbed my face furiously every night when I take a shower, hoping that it would go away. I also hate the moles that connect underneath my right ear on my jaw-line.
I also hated many other simple things about myself; but the fact I was so alone even with friends is the flaw about myself I hated the most.
Due to Anxiety, or whatever you want to call my problem, I'm scared to do out of the box things. I like staying in my comfort zone, not speaking to people unless spoke to, and not making eye contact with strangers if I can help it.
It sucked, especially since I wanted to do so many things with my life.
It was also weird because while I was scared just to approach one person and befriend them, I could still put on a show for my whole school without a problem.
That's probably why I like acting so much; it gives me a chance to become someone who I wished I was.
Not this boy who's afraid to do something so simple like throw something away in the Cafeteria, and say hello to someone.
While I was walking to fourth period, I remembered that Charlie shared that class with me and I could ask him before class started if he would like to help Caspar and I with our project.
But when I walked into class and saw him reading, I totally wimped out and sat in my usual seat, biting my lip hard as all the other students filed in.
It's just a simple question, I told myself, staring at the back of Charlie's head. And, just say Dan and Phil said he may enjoy it. It can't be that bad. It's just asking a simple question.
But what if he isn't as nice as Dan and Phil said he was, a paranoid voice said in the back of my head, making me bit my lip harder. What if he thinks you've always been a total dumbass, and hates you? What if he steals all the work you've done for his partner and him, leaving you to get an 'F'? Huh? You shouldn't be so stupid -
"Joe?"
Caspar's voice shook me out of my thoughts and I looked up, seeing the South African looking down at me, eyebrows knitted together with concern.
"Are you okay? Your lip is bleeding, by the way."
I stopped biting my lips and licked it, tasting blood.
I blushed but shrugged as Caspar sat down next to me.
"I was just thinking...er - Dan and Phil said Charlie, Charlie McDonnell, may be interested in being apart of our project, and I was thinking of, um, asking him right now?"
Caspar nodded, just staring at me. "Why don't you go ask him then?"
I felt my whole entire face go hot, and I bit my lip again.
"Um.."
Caspar laughed, giving me an expression I couldn't tell was. "What, do you have a crush on him, or something?"
I blushed more, biting my lip harder.
"Stop that," he said, eyes narrowing at me. "You're bleeding."
I stopped and licked my lips again, my face still hot.
"Sorry...I've just never really spoken to him before..."
My whole brain felt like mush again. He asked me if I liked Charlie. Why am I getting so flustered over this? Ugh. Maybe I do like guys.
Or maybe I'm Pansexual. Or bisexual?? Ugh. Whatever, I'll think about it later.
"Do you want me to ask?" Caspar asked, sitting up. "I'll do it, if you feel uncomfortable."
I nodded mutely, and he gave me a smile and then walked over to Charlie.
I put my head on my hand, watching as he spoke to Charlie.
He was so nice. He didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, and he was so nice to me and ugh.
Why does Caspar have to be like this?
What is getting into me.
I watched as they spoke. Caspar was wearing a big smile and Charlie was nodding. Caspar met my eyes, and his smile grew wider.
Shit.
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The bell rang, and class started; Caspar clapped Charlie on the back and walked over to the empty seat where his things were, sitting down.
Mrs. Farry stood up and walked to the front of the class.
"Hello, students," she started. Caspar leaned close to me as she spoke, his arm hitting mine as he slid his chair closer to mine, trying to talk to me as the teacher spoke. "After having 3 other classes full of people who did not pick up their books which I had asked you to pick up, I predict none of you picked yours up yet, have you?"
The class was silent except for Caspar whispering in my ear.
"He said yes," He said quietly out of the side of his mouth.
I just nodded.
I completely forgot I had to pick up a book for this class. I really hope we didn't have to show them to her today for a grade.
The whole class was quiet for a couple of more moments, and Mrs. Farry sighed angrily.
"Well, then. Since none of you have picked up your books today, we are going to go down to the library, and you must check them out today. Now get your things and walk down to the library -" she gave us all a hard look. "and the library only. If you do not have a book by today, you will receive an F."
We all got up, grabbing our bags and exiting the room. I slung my bag over my shoulder and slipped in between Caspar's desk and mine, walking to the front of the class, Caspar putting his bag on his back as he followed me.
"I seriously thought his last name was McDonalds," Caspar said, laughing.
I rolled my eyes.
"Imagine if he worked there."
Caspar laughed, and we talked all the way to the Library, which actually wasn't far from here.
"What section do we go in for a book on History?" Caspar wondered aloud.
He probably hasn't been inside the library many times before, unlike I, who has memorized every single section inside of it.
"Historical-Non-Fiction. I think it has to be real," I said as we walked through the library behind the rest of our class.
Charlie was speaking to a girl with brown hair, who I didn't really know. I kind of felt bad that I didn't go up to speak to him now, but I guess I will when we do our Blindness Choice test.
"Are we allowed to go look for our books now?" Caspar asked, looking at some people who went to the 'Highly Recommended Series/Books' shelf near the Librarians desk.
"I don't know," I said, looking at the door we just walked in, and then all around to look for Mrs. Farry. "The teacher isn't here, so..."
Others where starting to look for their book, but I didn't know if I should. The Historical Non-Fiction section was all the way in the back, and I didn't want to get in trouble.
"Maybe we should just go and check out our book. She's probably too old to keep up, or something."
I shrugged. "I already know what book I'm going to read, anyways."
He looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "What book are you going to read."
I shrugged again, grabbing my right arm with my left hand and rubbing it awkwardly. "The Diary of Anne Frank. Holocaust books are sort of interesting, in a horrific way. Did you know the Nazi's threw babies up into the air and shot them for targeting practice? It's all disgusting. Hitler killed people just for being Jewish...needed someone to blame...ugh. I hate people who judge and discriminate others. It's all disgusting."
I felt passion of preaching out all my opinions rise up in my throat, and my whole face felt red from anger.
Killing people just for being who they are...who does that?
I'm so disgusted.
"Yeah, I'll probably just read England: A History or whatever that book is called. I saw my grandma reading it once."
I nodded. I was probably going to be the only one who's going to be writing a Essay saying how much of a dick Hitler was and if he was still alive I would probably kill him myself by turning into a tiny ball of fierce fire, or something.
"We should just go and get our book, everyone else is." Caspar said. I looked around. Almost everyone was gone except for people who were looking at the books around our area.
"What is we get in trouble, though?" I asked.
I didn't want to get in trouble.
I hated getting in trouble.
I felt so wrong when I did something and I didn't know if I was allowed to do it or not.
"Oh, come on," Caspar said. "Show me where the History Fiction place thingy section is."
I rolled my eyes, and just led him to the back where the Historical Non-Fiction section was.
When we got there, I immediately scanned all the books until I found the one I wanted.
I picked the copy, looking at the cover.
"How did you get the book that fast?" Caspar asked me.
I looked over at him, and he was giving an identical look of awe that Jim gave me this morning when I told him that I was ahead of everyone in Mrs. South's class.
"I just...scanned all the bookshelves, and I found it."
Caspar raised an eyebrow, plucking a random book off the shelf. "I got my book, too. Totally what I wanted."
I glanced at the book's spine, giving him a small smile. "You wanted a cooking book?"
Caspar went to say something, but stopped, turning the book over in his hands and reading the title. "Top recipes in London? What is this doing here?"
"Some people put books up in wrong places," I said, taking the book from him and stood on the tip of my toes, reaching up and throwing it on the top of the shelf so they could see it. "Just put it there if it is. I do it all the time, and then they go back to the correct section."
I looked down at my book, reading the back of the book, and it's summary.
"I think I found it," Caspar said a couple moments later.
I turned away from my book and saw him holding up his own.
"A Short History of England," I said, reading the title. "That will be very interesting to write a 3 page essay about!"
Caspar groaned, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "I'll just get on the internet and google it, or something. This book is going to bore me out of my mind."
I laughed, looking back over to the bookshelf.
"Why not get a book you find interesting?"
"Because I don't enjoy reading,"
I looked at him. "How do you not enjoy reading? I think everyone should enjoy reading..."
Caspar gave me an odd look. "Reading isn't that great, you know."
"You simply haven't found the write book yet," I said, proud of myself for quoting J.K Rowling.
"There's nothing that special about Reading, at least to me." He paused, and I looked back at the bookshelf, reading the names of books on their spines. "Do you enjoy to read a lot?"
"Yes," I said, smiling. "I do. I enjoy reading because it lets me live another life; any life that I want. I could be someone who is a Wizard, a Demigod, a Werewolf, a Vampire. I could even be a super-hero, or someone who's living an amazing life, going out and doing their dreams...I could be someone who I wish to be."
Caspar didn't say anything for a moment as I stared at the book cases, a nostalgic feeling coming over me.
"Books make me feel like I'm not alone," I said.
There was another long pause of silence until Caspar broke it.
"Well, I don't think I would want to be a Short History of England. Anyways, we should go check these out."
I nodded and followed him to the front of the front of the Library, where some others in our class were checking out books.
I was still thinking about what I said, and how Caspar took it so normally. He acted as if I were a regular person, and not this giant nerd, who I really was.
I looked more closely at Caspar while we where waiting, glancing over his features.
He seemed so nice.
So surreal.
He seemed as if he could be the person I've been waiting for my whole life to make my sad story into a happy one.
"What are you thinking about?" He said, when he looked over at me.
I shook my head.
"Nothing..."
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A/N: HEHREHEHEE EHIHFIKJHUWFEIL EVERYTHING STARTS SOON....VERY SOONN....MUCH TO COME... HAHAHAHA ALSO, WAS THAT A CLIFF HANGER? DID I DO MY FIRST CLIFF HANGER?
I THINK I DID...
PROBABLY NOT BUT WHATEVER.
P.S; SORRY I'VE BEEN LIKE REALLY DEPRESSED OVER THINGS HAPPENING AT HOME AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS YESTERDAY BUT I WAS JUST REALLY SAD AND ICKY AND UGH. SORRY
VOTE/COMMENT/FOLLOW
BYE!