I laughed a little when I felt the vibration. At that point I wasn't quite in the right frame of mind to know what it was or what it meant, but I felt like I could give up on thinking for now. I was wedged between Josh and one of his friends, I wasn't quite sure who, and pretty sure that it wouldn't be long before they went from just touching me to tearing my clothes off. I knew I wasn't supposed to behave like that, but right now I couldn't think of anything I wanted more.
"Somebody wants you," Josh said with a smirk.
"Is it you?"
But he held up my phone, still vibrating in his hand, and I could see that Marcie was calling me.
"It can wait," I whimpered, only thinking about how close I wanted to be. But the alarm bells were ringing in the back of my head, and I shook myself to see if that would chase them away. The approval of my friends was important to me. And if I was trying something new that came between us, that was a sign it was a bad thing. As much as every instinct was screaming at me, I fought them down. I would never ignore my closest friends. I answered the call, and did my best to stay silent as his fingers were freed up to tease me.
"Mmm-hmm?" I said, to let her know that I had picked up. I didn't trust myself to speak right now, even if it had only been a minute or two after I found the pink bottle in my hand.
"Lorna? Are you okay?" It was Jodie's voice; probably Marcie still didn't want to talk on the phone with her impediment.
"Mmmhmm," I answered again, doing my best to maintain my composure as I pressed myself harder against Josh's fingers. I couldn't stop, the idea didn't even seem feasible, but I needed to talk to my friend.
"You told us to call if you're late for class. Serena thought you were talking to Eversen and his cronies, so we let morning registration slip by. But you're missing classes now, and we promised we wouldn't let you do that. You need to come back now. If you can still finish your work for the class, he says it's your choice if you get the booster. But I know how much this meant to you. And I don't want to lose you. You can finish explaining later, can't you?"
I didn't say anything. Garth's hand came closer to end the call; maybe he thought that it was stressing me out. But I slapped his hand away, and shook my head. I knew that Jodie was right; she was pushing me to come back exactly because she knew how important attendance was to me. Not specifically for school; I wasn't top of the class, but I was doing well enough that missing a couple of lessons now wouldn't make a significant difference to my academic record. But because it was a new habit building up in my brain, and I didn't want to start becoming unmotivated and unreliable.
"Wait," I muttered, my mic muted, and looked up at Josh. I knew I couldn't stop him now, I didn't even want to, but I hoped he would be able to take the hint. He moved away a little, and his hands stopped their irresistible dance across my body. I automatically moved forward, trying to get back in reach of those teasing fingers. But he wouldn't touch me now, and I was desperate to feel him again. I needed him now, or someone. Anyone.
"You wanted to stop," he said. "You're fighting it, again. You can't make yourself stop, but you can let me know how you feel. Now, take a deep breath, and tell your friend what you need to. Okay? Then it's your choice."
I was craving their touch now. All of them. It was crazy, that was never something I would have been into. But I couldn't stop thinking about how good it would feel, or how much I needed it. This wasn't something I would ever have been comfortable with.
"Lorna, are you coming back, or do we need to drive over there and get you? Please, let me know we've not lost you already." Jodie was almost crying now; I'd never expected to hear her like that. She was always the strong one, when I wasn't filling the role myself, and I hated to think that I was hurting her so much just by experimenting with my instincts. It was only a touch, I told myself. She shouldn't be so emotional. I was having fun. And that was when I knew that I wasn't. I was doing things that were supposed to be incredible, and I was pushing myself through it because there wasn't anything else I could do. There was no choice there, no trust, no intimacy. Every stroke was disappointing, and just made me want more in the hope of finding the pleasure I'd been told would come when I got this close to someone. A bunch of boys pawing at me while drugs melted my brain wasn't my idea of fun. I was shaking now, but I could reach my phone, and I could turn the mic on now.
"I'm coming," I told her. "Coming back now. I might need some help. To... act normal. It's tough."
"You're drunk again?"
"No! I mean... maybe. I thought one sip would make it easier to say it, and then I couldn't stop. I'm sorry Jodie, I thought I could take it. Nothing works like it's supposed to, and I can't help myself."
"That's why you've got friends to help you. Now, did you manage to tell them? Or are they pushing you to join team slacker again?"
"We'll get her back to school," Josh appeared next to me, raising his voice slightly to make sure the phone picked him up. "I'mj starting to understand what's going on, and trust me, I don't want to force this on anyone. I don't follow the rules but that's my choice, and I know that my family connections will be enough to cover up any messing around before I'm an adult. If a friend wants to behave, I'll support her in that. Even if it's something I'll never do myself."
"Right," Serena's voice came on the line. Was everyone sitting around Marcie's phone? "Well I think bringing her into class now will just be disruptive. The medical office? Nurse can keep an eye on her until she sobers up. You can explain what's happened, and we'll get something on the school records to show that this is a neurological problem she's dealing with, so it won't affect her disciplinary record."
"Right," Josh said, and I managed to whimper a thankyou. But it was still hard to think about anything other than the terrible need inside me, and all the ways that Josh could be touching me now.
"Come on, let's get you back to your friends," he said when the call was over. "I can see you're conflicted now. You weren't as sure as you thought that this is something you'rer comfortable with. Were you?"
"Please, just quickly..." I didn't know for sure what I was asking for. There were so many options, and I knew he wanted all of them. But I lifted my skirt, sure that there would be time for him to take me and still get me back to school without my friends being any the wiser.
"You want a quickie before we go back?" He asked; I nodded. "I'm sorry, Lorna. That isn't you. I know you better than that, and I don't think this is your thing. I mean, saying no to you is the hardest thing I've ever done. But from all the indecision, and how well you could fight it, I think I know now. This isn't what you want. You took the bottle on impulse, maybe ghave yourself some excuse why it's a good idea. But it really isn't what you want. You're playing along because you feel like you have to, and I'm sure that if I give you what you're asking for, you'll regret it later. I don't ever want to be someone's bad memory; especially not someone as incredible and special as you."
"Please?" I gasped, and even the touch of an unidentified hand on my shoulder was a promise of heaven. But whoever touched me, a glare from Josh was all it took to send them away again. He hend tightly onto my shoulders to stop me holding my body against him, and I could feel him trembling. I knew that he wanted me, and that holding back now was a big test of his self control. That was when I really knew that I shouldn't have done this; that I should never have touched the pink drink. I was guaranteed to hurt myself, whether with this burning, unfulfilled need, or with regret if I got what I was craving. But I wasn't just hurting myself; I was hurting him too, because he wanted me so much and I was trying my best to make it harder for him. That wasn't fair, and I knew that I would never even have considered it if I were myself.
"When I know you really want to," he said firmly, but his eyes were wandering, and I knew I would be able to break his self control if I wanted to. It would feel so good, after so long holding myself back. But I knew that was the drugs in my system. As much as it felt like it, that wasn't my desire, and I knew that I had to fight it.
"Can you..." I started, and then gasped as I realised all the things that he could do to me. I would have jumped at any of them right now. "No. Can I... Before we go back to school... just a few minutes?"
"I told you," he said, but his grip loosened. "When I know it's what you really want. That you're not going to regret it."
"Please, just give me five minutes. So I can think." I could tell that he was nervous; but I must have been making a valid argument, because he gave in. I needed to be touched, I couldn't think about anything else. But maybe if I could satisfy myself, imagine that it was someone else's hands on my body, then I would be able to focus again. I imagined Josh touching me, rough and confident, knowing exactly what he wanted. I tried to imagine Clint too, nervous but determined. And Serena, what would she be like?
He said I could have five minutes, but I only needed two. My body had never been so sensitive before, and even if I was missing the attention of someone else, I knew I could satisfy my own needs.
"You ready to go back to school?"
"You listened?" I laughed, still trying to catch my breath.
"I'm only human."
Author's note: Here's a list of the possible effects of the Punishment Pill so far, along with how the effect will change after an Intensifier Booster, and the overload effect (which will be gradually reached after 5-10 intensity boosters; or can be triggered by a booster overdose – this is why you need to wait several hours between boosters).
If you remember any I've already mentioned that aren't on this list, or if you can think of any more that might fit, please let me know
If the image is hard to read on your device, a regularly-updated version of this list is also available on my wiki: https://kittyangel.me.uk/A_Dose_of_Humiliation (beware of spoilers!)