As soon as I entered my floor, the died down whispers came to life again. Overwhelmed by the eyes following me and this constant attention, I ducked my head down and walked to my table, only to be hoarded with more questions upon my arrival.
"Omg, is this true? You can't seriously be marrying that hot piece of ass?"
"C'mon, tell us something!"
Mia and Amelia sat on my left and right respectively, so eager to know my answer. I hadn't really thought of this situation earlier, as I wasn't in my right mind either. But, now that the high I felt from my anger subsided, dread settled in.
Whatever they had heard and read, it was all true. But, before anything was confirmed, I didn't want to take any chances. What André had done, was purely out of spite towards his mother; it wasn't an official statement. If, by any chance, something goes wrong, it would be the biggest embarrassment for me.
"Just forget about it, and let's focus on the upcoming show. This is our chance to show what we've got." I said, successfully diverting their attention to more pressing matters.
My direct diversion of topics must have been evident, but nobody commented on what happened anymore, so it only meant they all understood my desire to not speak up about it.
Relieved, I addressed Martin, "On my first day, Sophie said your favorite style was vintage. It's pretty similar to cottagecore, so let's help Mia and Amelia together. They will need some guidance in this style."
"Sure, I'd love to." Came his succinct response.
"I'd taken a look at your samples yesterday night, and I'll have to say, they looked quite impeccable. Coming from a new designer like you, it was such a pleasant surprise for me. And you gotta take this seriously, because I don't compliment just anyone." Sophie said, and Maria and Martin nodded beside her.
I smiled, elated at her compliment. "Thank you, I appreciate it."
Nodding, she stood up to face the board pinned to the wall adjacent to our desk. Ever since I'd joined, this was the first time I was seeing something written on it. Looking at the plans and other stuff written on it made me feel proud of myself. I didn't want to take all the credit, but I felt relieved that I wasn't tempted to leave them alone.
It takes very little time to distance yourself from someone and fall into the lap of luxury, but it takes a lot of time and effort to stay and make a change. And I hadn't done this because of my loyalty to these people, it just wasn't in my nature to run away whenever times get difficult. I'd much rather stay and look for a way out, than cower like a soaked dog during a thunderstorm.
The meeting proceeded, but I decided it was better if we didn't display our designs on the board. Things were tense in our workplace, and rumors were bound to reach Sasha sooner or later. And once she found out how our roles had now changed, it was going to be pure chaos for sure.
Some of our members must be secretly worried, as well. That 'founding' designer thought too highly of herself, and she would definitely hate not being able to pick on these people anymore. But, now wasn't the time to ponder what was to happen in the future. Right now, we just had to work hard and prepare everything well.
"So, to sum up, our goal is to create a minimum of fifty outfits for the upcoming season. After the materials and fabrics are found, the fits created, altered, and given finishing touches, we're going to cancel some out, and pick only fifteen of the best that excel in every category." Maria said, after Sophie was done explaining each and every member's task.
Sophie nodded and replied, "To do that much work, we have to move fast. So, without wasting another second, we must get started with the designs. Since we already have some, let's just keep them as foundation, and add more to that collection. And don't, by any means, leave your sketchbooks in the office. Take your digital documents home in a pen drive as well."
She was being extremely cautious this time, which gave me an inkling of the incident that happened two years ago. The fear and anxiety clearly seen on her face, spoke of her past scars. Whatever happened that stripped her of her dignity in this place, must be equally taxing on her too.
Sighing, I decided to leave my speculations aside, and focus on what was right in front of me. After all, even I wouldn't like it if they started to poke their noses in my business, or much worse, my past I so desperately wanted to erase.
Everyone had secrets they should be allowed to protect.
As the sun set in the sky, allowing the dark night to settle in, I climbed the steps of the house I'd grown accustomed to. Upon reaching my room, I discarded my jacket, bag and phone on the bed. Opening the wardrobe, I rummaged through the remaining boxes for an item I hadn't touched in a while.
Tonight, I needed the comfort it brought me.
Once I found the dirty brown object, I picked up a pen and trudged towards the double french doors that opened into the back garden. Immediately, a calming gush of cold night air brushed past me. My exposed shoulders shivered, but I recovered instantly.
Taking a seat on the rocking chair on the open balcony, I opened my diary. Ever since I'd met Florian in Chantilly, my life took a one-eighty degrees turn. Now that I think about it, I didn’t even realize how fast everything passed. One day I was contemplating on Florian's ridiculous offer, and the next, it kind of started to make sense.
And stupid me, without even knowing what exactly awaited me here, took an impulsive decision for the first time in my life.
Sometimes, I regretted it. Other times, especially whenever I go to meet mama, I feel like I've already accomplished something. Those times, I feel proud of myself. I keep running to and fro between regret and pride, not being able to decide which emotion resonates with me more.
But maybe, that's why I keep deviating from finding what I truly feel. Because I pay too much attention to it. Maybe if I just let it be, someday, I'll be able to understand where my heart truly lies.
Maybe then, I'll be able to find serenity in my heart.
Maybe.
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