Me and Ashton hung out for a while at the park, talking. Something about Ashton was slightly different, he seemed...shy. But like, he was a happy shy...if that makes sense. More like bashful. So, my first thought was that he met someone and it made him happy, yet at the thought, my heart sunk a little. I'm not sure why it did, but I didn't love the idea of him with someone...else.
But I don't like him, so why should I care? I just think he's nice and cool. Yeah, nice and cool.
Anyways, if he did, I'd be happy and proud of him. He told me once that he wasn't sure he'd ever move on from Estelle. He felt too scared and guilty. He was sure he was in love with Estelle, and he won't move on.
"Why are you so bubbly?" I ask.
"Bubbly?" He chuckled. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"You're acting all bashful and shy like a teenage girl when she falls in love." I laughed.
"Yeah, well, I'm not in love." He chuckled.
"With someone?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Nope." He shook his head. "Single since last summer."
"Oh." I mumbled.
"Mm." He nodded his head slightly.
"How many times have you been in love?" I accidently blurt out while we were walking back to our homes.
"Once." He answered automatically. "Once and probably never again."
"Why?" I asked quietly.
"Well, I believe that, once you find true love it lives on." He mumbled. "Sometimes my dreams are so lively, and she...she's there. And she just keeps telling me that everything is fine, but somehow, I wish I was dead and by her side. I love and hate when those dreams come. Even when she's not here, I won't move on. There...There's no exact remedy for memories. Her face is like a melody, it won't leave my head. And I feel like her soul hasn't either."
I could only nod, not knowing exactly what to say.
"Almost like, she haunts you?" I ask.
"My dreams." He shrugs. "But...I don't get them much anymore."
"Do you know why?" I asked.
"I didn't, but I do now." He nodded.
"And...?" I trailed off.
"You." He said simply. "I hate you, but I don't. I think about you a lot, about what you've been through and how...unharmed you are about it all. I mean, I know you're harmed but you're strong headed and brave about it all. So, I think about you a lot and the reason I hate you is because it isn't Estelle on my mind. You remind me of her a lot too, you're both confident, weird in a good way, giggly, smiley and...happy. Ever since the accident, I've carried a heavy burden on my shoulders and never ending guilt, but when I'm with you, it all fades and I enjoy stuff. Why, Skyla? Why?"
"I don't know why, Ash." I mumbled. "But, if she keeps telling you it's fine...then maybe you should move on. I'm not saying you should forget her, because I know you won't. And I'm not telling you to stop loving her, I know you won't. But you still deserve to be happy, it was tragic, but you should find someone to make you smile and laugh all the time and keep that weight off your shoulders."
He sighed. "I dunno, Sky. I'm just so scared of fucking it up again."
"It was an accident." I reminded him.
"I was drunk, it was my own fault...we...we were fighting." He. sighed. I just looked at him waiting for him to continue. "And, she said something because the was angry, and I just faced here because I was too drunk to realize that my eyes should be on the road. And...and I didn't notice I ran a red light...and the car just...I didn't see it coming...and we hit eachother...E-Estelle...s-she didn't m-make it...I-I can still s-see her bloody, lifeless body layed across m-my l-lap..."
He started crying. I couldn't believe it. Ashton Irwin, Mr tough guy bad boy, was crying his eyes out. It got to the point where he sunk to the floor and cried more than any person should ever cry.
I didn't have much else to do other than take him onto my arms as we sat on the pavement, his face burried in the crook of my neck, soaking my shirt with his tears. But I didn't care in the slightest, all I cared about was making him feel better because I broke at the sight of a grown man broke. It shattered my heart.
"Ashton, calm down, it's okay...it's okay..." I said, petting his hair softly, in a calming way.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he finally calmed down. His hysteric cries turned into soft hiccups and then, just into heavy breathing.
"Better?" I asked softly.
He nodded slightly.
"Here," I stood up and held a hand out for him. "Let's get you home."
He took my hand and pulled himself up, seeing as I'm not exactly the type of petite girl who could pull up a bulky 6 foot man.
"T-Thank you." He sniffed.
"No problem." I said, hugging him. He froze at my sudden affection but slowly he hugged me back.
"Thank you." He repeated.
"You don't have to thank me." I chuckled into his shoulder.
"Oh, okay." He mumbled.
I let go of him and we continue our way home. I felt a drop on my shoulder and I looked around and noticed it was starting to rain.
"Fuck..." Ashton muttered. I looked over at him and noticed he was only wearing jeans and a Good Charlotte singlet.
"Are you cold?" I asked.
"Nah. I often walk to school and back in the rain, I don't like driving often." He said.
"Oh." I mumble. "Why?"
"Ever since the accident, I find it hard to trust myself. It took me nearly 6 months to even sit in a car." He said.
"Oh." I nodded in understandment.
I looked up and noticed that we arrived at our houses. I was slightly disappointed that me and Ashton had to part ways, but since the next day was Monday, I'd see him soon.
"Well, I'll see you soon Skyla." He nodded.
"See you, Irwin." I smirked.
And then he turned into his own home. I watched his disappear into his humble abode and then I turned into mine.
As I stepped in and kicked my shoes off, I decided to go get a drink before bed. I stepped into the livingroom in need to get to the kitchen, but I could hear a whimpering, almost like a sad puppy. Confused, I flicked on the light and nearly had a heart attack at what I saw.
"Surprise."
_______________________
A/N: Whoaaaa cliffhanger omg
IN NEED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, I NEED MORE THAN 5 COMMENTS AND THEY CAN'T ONLY BE FROM SKYLA.
but knowing me I'll probably suck up to you all
OHHH AND I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ALL SOMETHING:
I DON'T ASSUME THAT LUKE OR CALUM OR ANY 5SOS BOYS ARE ACTUALLY GAY. AS FAR AS I KNOW ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITIES, THEY'RE STRAIGHT. BUT IF THEY LEGIT WERE GAY, I'D BE SOOOO SUPPORTIVE SUCK MY ASS K? BUT THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY AND I CAN MAKE ASHTON GO ON A KILLING SPREE, RIDING A UNICORN AND KILLING EVERYONE BY BURNING HOLES IN THEM WITH CIGARETTES. OK.
SO IT JUST SO HAPPENS, CAKE IS A THING IN THIS STORY SUCK IT
-Sierrahhh