"We can stay a few minutes more," Garth said. I'd stood up and panicked when I heard the school bell, letting us know that we had five minutes to get to our form groups before afternoon classes. I was surprised that lunch was over already, but also surprised to learn that I'd been leaning against a rusted AC intake for more than half an hour, when it felt like I'd been there for only a few minutes.
"Yeah. Just the afternoon noticed," Josh agreed. "You really need to listen to teachers repeating the stuff they told us this morning?" I nodded. I knew that wasn't what we were supposed to do, and I was sure on some level there was a reasoning I couldn't do that, but I could see his point. There was never anything important between morning and afternoon. Another ten minutes wouldn't hurt anyone.
"I guess," I admitted. And then as Josh offered me a new flask, to replace the one we had just emptied, I realised that I was probably drunk enough for a school lunch break. I'd felt a little shaky when I stood up, so I needed to be careful so nobody would notice. "No thanks. I think I had enough."
"Want one of these instead?" one of the other guys asked. Alvin, I think his name might have been, but I wasn't sure. One of the others had called him Sloane, and I wasn't quite sure if it was some kind of in-joke. He was holding up a little plastic bottle, something that looked like it might have been a kid's toy, or maybe one of the tiny bottles that they'd started selling fruit juice in. It was bright pink plastic, and had a built-in spiral straw at the top of the bottle, with a cap that looked like it needed to be broken off.
"Yeah, sure," I shrugged. If it kept me sober for the next five minutes, that was all I could ask for. The juice inside was incredibly sweet, but a little spicy too. I was sure it wasn't alcoholic this time, even though I knew I probably wasn't in a good position to judge, but I was pretty sure. The others kept on passing the flask around, so I was sure that there must be some difference between the two. And a little disposable plastic bottle like this, that had to be for kids, didn't it? I kept on sipping my safe drink, while a handful of cute boys passed a flask around. I could tell that some of them were getting less inhibited; a little bit drunk, but probably less than I was. And by the time they'd finished the second flask, I was pretty sure that they weren't in any kind of state where they could get away with going back to their classes. They must be planning to stay up here all afternoon, and that sounded like such a great plan. I'd never skipped class before, just like I'd never been at a drunken party before this week, and I wondered if I was going to have any other first times today. A little voice in the back of my mind told me that I needed to be in class, but the world swayed and spun when I tried to stand up, so I knew that wasn't going to be the best idea in the world. Better to stay up here with my new best friends, and see what they were going to show me.
"Hey, you spilled some," Josh pointed at the bottle, and I knew he was right. I'd squeezed too hard, and I could feel the little droplets of sweet juice running down my chin. "Let me get that for you." He leaned closer, and licked the drips off my neck. I giggled, not sure how else I was supposed to react to something weird like that. And then he was licking a little line up the edge of my jaw, and I knew that was something I wasn't supposed to allow, but it didn't feel bad. Finally he reached my mouth, and his tongue gently touched my lips. Then before I could say anything, he pressed his face closer and that tongue was in my mouth. Tasting sweet and floral, just like the juice. I was overwhelmed by the sudden sensation, and I didn't know what I could say. But I knew that we were crossing some kind of line now.
I hadn't meant to do this. I told myself that I hadn't invited him to do this, and that I'd given him no signs to imply it was what I wanted. But his tongue was in my mouth, probing around and inviting mine to dance, and I couldn't have stopped him. What was I doing? The demon on my shoulder looked on in dismay as I accepted the attention of this boy that I'd only spoken to for a couple of hours.
"More enthusiastic today," Josh smirked as he pulled his face away from mine for a moment. My breath caught in my throat, and I realised we must have done this before. I must already have kissed him, and I didn't even remember. The shock took my breath away, and I didn't even respond as I felt him cupping my butt in his hands. I could tell that he must have lifted my skirt, and that all his friends could probably see my underwear. And they didn't even seem to care. I leaned against his chest for a second, trying to get my breath back, but the only thing I could think was that I could hear his heartbeat now, and it was running almost as fast as my own. I could feel his thumbs seeking out the waistband of my panties, pulling them slowly down.
"Don't worry, you're safe here," a voice behind me said, and my heart skipped a beat. They didn't mind watching, they weren't going to intervene. Or were they? How could I know what they had in mind? I was terrified when I realised that I didn't know what was going to happen, but there was a part of me that apparently wanted to know.
"No, stop," I gasped, and grabbed at Josh's wrists. I pulled his hands out from under my skirt, and patted it down. "We shouldn't–" The rest of my words vanished as I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his again. I tried to press my tongue between his lips like he had done with me, but he took control easily. A tiny voice of sanity in the back of my mind screamed for self-control, but I couldn't listen. Even when I managed to break the kiss, the only thing on my mind was where this was going next. I knew I should stop it, I knew that was what I was supposed to do, but I didn't have the first idea why. Maybe I just needed a break.
"Wait," I asked. "I... I need another drink."
"Liquor, or...?" Sloane asked, holding up his flask and another of the pink plastic juice boxes.
"She's had enough," Josh answered him sharply, before turning his face back to mine. A gentler kiss this time, running along my cheekbone, before he explained: "I'm sorry, Lorna. You can choose for yourself. But seeing what you're like after one of those, I don't think another one is such a hot idea."
"But... What are they?" I gasped, realising that I'd been careless again; drunk and not noticing my surroundings. Clearly the pink box wasn't for kids, but I had no idea what I'd just subjected myself to.
"You didn't know? I'm sorry. I really wouldn't have let you take it if I'd known. I thought you were making a choice. Like, going over to the dark side, I guess. I thought you were... telling me you wanted this."
I didn't know what 'this' he meant. A kiss? A feeling of buzzing, my heart racing, knowing that I was exactly where I was supposed to be? An intoxicating giggle as I felt his hand on my thigh again, eliciting a squeak of delight with just a touch? What was he apologising for?
"Do you want me to keep going?" he asked, and those fingertips moved an inch higher, a teasing promise. I knew I wasn't supposed to let a guy touch me like that, not on the day we first met. No matter how confused I was, or how drunk, that was a command I would never forget.
"No," I whispered, and shook my head. "I'm sorry." But as I leaned closer, without even thinking I was bringing myself towards his fingers. Rubbing myself up against his thigh so that his hand was trapped between our bodies. I could say no, but I couldn't mean it. And my body was operating on pure instinct, doing the things I wanted to do even while I denied them. "Please," I moaned, but I didn't even know what I was begging for now. I just knew that I wanted him so badly at that moment.
"Lorna? Take a deep breath. Think about what you want. It would be so easy to force you now. But I don't want to do that. If you're not ready, just say so."
"Boy scout," one of the observers scoffed.
"I'm..." they were the hardest words I had ever said. "I'm not ready. Yet. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You're fighting against drugs you didn't even know you were taking. Nobody would think less of you if you couldn't fight it, but I only want to do this when you choose to go there. Right? So sit down, calm down, and see if you can clear your head."
It took another hour for them to explain. I would probably have understood better without the alcohol. But the pink shots were popular at parties now, and they had just assumed I knew what I was asking for. A powerful aphrodisiac, used by people who were scared of their inhibitions getting in the way of what they wanted to do. I couldn't believe that I'd been so stupid. Twice in one week, going way beyond what I'd ever considered acceptable. And now I couldn't think what I was supposed to say. Would he be insulted if I said I didn't want sex when I wasn't on that stuff? Or if I did, would they trust my judgement in future? Would they let me have more; and would I have the self control to resist when it was on offer?
I didn't know what I was doing. But I got the impression that these guys weren't the troublemakers I might have imagined. Sure, they cut class and hung out on the school roof. And they took drugs, apparently. But they'd shown me respect, and they only wanted to do things that I was okay with. Even when it would have been so much easier to let myself be okay with everything. They wanted to make sure I was safe, which was the greatest thing I could ask for from my new friends. But all good things have to come to an end. And this time, the ending was signalled by the school bell again, letting all the prisoners in their classrooms know that it was time to go home.
Josh helped me down the stairs, but I told him that I could look after myself. I wanted to talk to my other friends, and I knew they wouldn't trust him if they saw him after I'd missed the whole afternoon.
"Lorna!" Nikki gasped, almost as soon as I rounded the corner. "What's wrong?"
I glanced down at my feet, and knew immediately what she was talking about. They were barely moving in straight lines, and I had to keep one hand on the front of a bank of lockers just to keep my balance.
"I... might... be a little tipsy," I said, shopping the words with care.
"No, Lorna," Elspeth corrected me, while Marcie appeared to give me a reproachful nod. "That's not tipsy. You are completely wasted. What happened? Have you been out drinking all afternoon? What were you thinking?"
"I... umm... I didn't fuck Josh. Again. I think."
I could see my friends looking across at each other, but I couldn't decipher their expressions. I was just glad they helped me to walk out onto the school yard. And that was where we stopped, because Nikki had some more bad news.
"I don't know what you were planning to do about this," she said. "But you better do it quick. 'Cause your parents are there to pick you up, and I think they know you're not okay."
Author's note: I've set the story to "mature" now. If you don't think this chapter justifies the tag, please let me know. I'm not quite sure, but would rather be careful until I have a second opinion.