The morning sun filtered into my room past dust-covered windows. I laid with my limbs sprawled awkwardly over the bedding in all directions. I'd managed to get up and get ready for the day, but as soon as I risked laying back in bed, I couldn't get back up-
My head felt too muddy, too confused about what to think.
More?
Do I feel more?
My arms felt limp, hanging over the sides of my small bed. I rolled my head over to glance at my alarm clock on the side table and sighed. I really did need to get something to eat and head off to work soon... I grunted, forcing myself to a stand, and fumbled my way towards the bedroom door.
It's fine- Celty just got into your head a little. Don't stress over it so much, all I did was talk a bit about Izaya- I mean I hardly knew the guy before, so of course, it would be an apparent thing to notice a lot of-
Yeah.
I winced as the door creaked open, and shuffled my way out of my room. With a hesitant peek, I looked into the living room to find Izaya curled up on the couch. All his limbs were huddled close as he 'sat' at the corner of the cushions, staring at the television screen with the volume off.
I took a deep breath, "Hey..." Forcing my feet forward, I made my way toward the kitchen.
"Morning," Izaya hummed, still focused on the television screen that was playing some sort of documentary. How could he even watch that with the sound completely off..? Had he kept the sound off because I was sleeping-?
I sealed my mouth into a frown when I felt a fluttery feeling bubble up. No. No, you are not going to do this Shizuo! Don't fucking do this to yourself-!
I shook my head, ruffling up my uncombed hair as I reached for a glass and carton of milk, absent-mindedly pouring myself a tall portion of the wonderful beverage to reel in my thoughts.
You're being ridiculous and getting ahead of yourself. Celty just got into your mind and now you're overthinking things. Calm down.
With a satisfied gulp, the cool drink helped wash away some of my flickering nerves. Taking a few breaths, I placed the cup into the sink and allowed myself to fully calm down and rationalize. It's not good to get worked up, I scorned, watching as the tap water dribbled out as I turned it on.
I jolted when a blur of red and black peeked into the corner of my vision. Izaya, now standing in the kitchen, watched me with his head tilted, clearly amused.
"What?" I grumbled.
Izaya turned on his toe, walking around the kitchen, peeking around, "Don't you have work today?"
"Yeah..."
He huffed a bit of laughter and flashed his teeth with a smirk, "Well?" He peeked over his shoulder, fur tickling against his skin. "Hello? Protozoan, are you still not catching on?"
I blinked, watching every movement Izaya made; fluid and calculative in a way that looked completely relaxed. Like he always had full control of the situation and the confidence to back it up with every minuscule movement.
"Shizu-chan?" Izaya snapped his fingers in front of my face- much closer than he had been before. "Anybody in there?"
"Huh?"
"Ah! He's returned!" He swayed back on his heels, clapping with a smile mocking the act of a mother encouraging a child. "But seriously, you're going to be late." I followed the point of Izaya's jutted thumb over towards the oven's digital clock.
7:42?
"Shit-!" I fumbled over the faucet, twisting it off with a jerk before I scattered for the door, Izaya's laughter nipping at my heels as I shoved my glasses askew on my face. I stopped at the entryway to make sure the flea was following close behind before we dashed our way through the apartment complex.
"You're certainly out of it today!" Izaya grinned, sharp at the edges as he ran at my side.
"Shut it flea!"
We turned the corner, Izaya taking cheap shortcuts as he fazed through objects until we made our way to the street.
"Forty minutes is pretty impressive though!" Izaya snickered.
He laughed louder when I gave him a garbled mess of a sound in retort, focused on pulling out my phone to read the polite messages from Tom asking where I was. Struggling, I managed to type out a quick apology while we weaved through the morning crowd, only smashing one of the keypads as I did.
We slowed to a stop when Tom came into view at the corner of Russia Sushi, one of our regular meeting spots.
"Hey! Sorry I'm so late, time got away from me." I slowed to a halt, breathing in small pants as I rubbed the back of my neck.
"It's alright, are you ready to go, or do you need a minute?" Tom smiled and checked his phone, reading over the schedule.
I glanced over towards Izaya, who was blissfully watching the awakening bustle, his chest didn't heave with any sort of exhaustion- Didn't even move in breaths.
"Shizuo?"
"No- Yeah, I'm good. Where do we have to go first?"
"Some apartment complex near the train station..."
Tom led the way with directions from his phone, and I followed suit. Along with the tag along of a nimble flea skipping, turning, and looking around the crowds of people.
My mouth twitched upward when I caught Izaya hopping in his step to curve around somebody. He was always so immersed in the crowd when we were in the city. And even though I could never fully understand Izaya's fascination with humans, I could sympathize that it must be nice to see the city life up close rather than through that window.
I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders back. Today will be fine, I just needed to get back into the groove of things and I'll be back on pace. Celty's question was just that- A question.
It does mean anything...
I think.
I swallowed, ignoring the shift I felt in my chest when Izaya's jacket fluttered in the corner of my eye.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So far, today has been one of the more peaceful days of work, which frankly, I'm thankful for. But what I'm not thankful for is that since it's been so easy- It's given me plenty of time to think about things I'd rather not be thinking about.
It's also given me plenty of time to act like an idiot- And both Tom and Izaya had definitely noticed. I keep getting lost in thought, trying to rationalize every time I catch myself looking at Izaya- Fuck, I know Celty meant it as a simple question, but it's really messing me up!
"Order number five!" The fast-food employee called out from behind the desk, giving me a forced customer service smile as she handed me the tray of food.
I opened my mouth to thank her, but she was already shuffling away, avoiding my eyes. She clearly recognized the description of 'Ikebukuro's monster' as she tried to hide behind the cash register. Sighing, I left without a word and made my way towards the table Tom had chosen.
I plopped into my seat opposite him and placed the tray on the table. We'd made it to lunch break and decided to stop by a local fast food joint for a quick bite.
"How can you even eat that?"
I could feel Izaya's distasteful stare as I unwrapped a burger and took a bite. I swallowed, trying in vain to ignore the smooth sound of his voice.
Risking a glance, I mustered a glare as a retort to keep some sort of normalcy between us as I looked-
Which, today, I was quickly beginning to learn was a mistake.
Izaya was sitting to the side of me, leaning forward with his elbow 'propped on' the table holding his chin. His nose was furled upward, wrinkled as he looked at the food with disgust. It was-
Damn it was cute.
I whipped my head away and shoved another bite into my mouth.
No.
No, no, no. Don't do this to yourself. You did not just think that. Celty is getting in your head- Stop it!
Izaya is just a good-looking guy- I've always known that. It doesn't mean anything! So it's fine! It doesn't mean a damn thing if I just so happen to notice that his eyelashes are really long, or he has strangely pretty hands, or that he has nice legs-
I scarfed down my food with fury. Steeling myself away from looking at Izaya as I gulped down my drink, the plastic cup completely concave, fighting for its life under my increasing grip.
This is bad.
I sucked up the last of my drink, shoulders sagging as I forced myself to relax before I could break something.
This is really bad. I can't do this to myself- It's far too late for anything like that anyways-! And after everything that's happened... Everything that I've done-
"Hey man, you alright?" Tom looked at me with concerned brows as he glanced down at the crumpled cup.
"Yeah I'm fine," I forced a smile as I tried to prod at the cup to pop the warped plastic back into place.
"You sure?" My eyes softened, and I nodded. "Alright, if you say so..."
"Yeah, sorry." I took a deep breath and nibbled on a fry.
I really need to stop this. Tom was beginning to worry, and I don't need him worrying about me again like before.
And also...
I watched as Izaya sat idly, relaxed as his eyes grazed between the two of us and through the crowds as he listened into people's conversations.
Izaya's far too perceptive. I can't keep acting like this.
Silently scolding myself, I finished the rest of my food in silence, and soon enough we were out the door and on our way toward the next destination. All in awkward silence with a few stray comments every now and then.
Tom walked idly, stopping to reconfigure their directions of the address. I decided to just stand back and let Tom handle it, being honest, I've never really been good at that whole sort of thing. Especially when I accidentally break something because I get frustrated... Which then leads to more frustration...
I flicked open my carton of cigarettes, easily sliding out and lighting one of the last in the box. It was a nice comfort, how the smoke would nestle its way down my throat and into my lungs. It was something familiar amongst all this confusion.
My teeth gnawed at the end of the paper filter, watching as crowds split when they caught sight of me. Murmurs and propped up phones as people would side-eye, the living description of 'Ikebukuro's Strongest Man.'
Izaya being gone hadn't changed a thing. They were still terrified of me, terrified of what I could do- What I had done. Izaya and I used to be natural disasters in Ikebukuro, people would gossip and take photos of us all the time when we would fight.
I've always hated how people would take photos, it always feels so dehumanizing... If I even have the right to think otherwise.
I puffed out a cloud of smoke and watched as it curled to mix with the dirty city air.
It was strange. Being so wrapped up in the thought of Izaya in such a different way. I used to be on the prowl for that jacket all the time, instincts writhing to 'kill' whenever I caught sight of him. Hell, I could even smell him when he was near- Bitter wine and rusted iron.
But now... My shoulders shuttered in an attempt at laughter. Now things were so much different. That smell had long since washed out from the city that Izaya had wrapped his strings around. Now people look at me as a lone walking disaster- Somebody who could rip down buildings to kill their enemies and get away with it because the public eye was too cowardly to say anything beyond rumors...
Paper tore under my teeth as I chewed on my cigarette. I plucked the ruined thing from my mouth, hanging it limply in my hand as I looked out for a trash can with an ashtray.
"Ne, Shizu-chan? What do you think of that man across the street?" My head perked up when Izaya's voice sounded to the side of me.
I frowned and squinted to look at where Izaya's finger was pointing, before looking around me to make sure Tom was far enough that he wouldn't think I was talking to myself.
"Just seems like a guy, why?"
"No, no, look beyond that! I know you have some strange animalistic instincts in there, so use them." Izaya waved his hands enthusiastically as he spoke.
I dipped down my sunglasses to get a better look, it was a man in his forties if I had to guess. Seemed on the lower side of life, probably an alcoholic or something from the way he was dressed... The type of person we'd knock at their door expecting money from.
"I don't know? Some bastard with issues?" I shrugged, and Izaya looked at me with a blatantly unimpressed face.
"Well, you're absolutely no fun." He rolled his red eyes and stuffed his hands in his jacket.
"What-? What did you expect me to say?" My brows furrowed, watching as Izaya was quickly losing interest in the conversation he started.
"Think Shizu-chan, think! It's about observation, finding the unique horrible traits that every human has hidden!" His fingers rolled in expression along his tongue, easily spewing out ideals that flew over my head.
"Okay, so you want me to imagine?"
"No, I want you to make educated guesses through observation." He deadpanned. "Try that teenager in the uniform over there."
I sighed, not understanding the point of this at all, but Izaya's interest in the conversation was growing so that was at least something.
"Um..." I peeked down the street, watching a high schooler mull over his phone as he was pulled along with the crowd. "He's going to school?"
"Wow. You really suck at this."
"Shut up! I don't even know what we're doing!" I hissed.
"Fine, fine!" Izaya snickered and peered over the crowd until he stopped to point at a woman standing by the curb staring at the ground. "See that woman with the blue shirt? She seems pretty nervous doesn't she?"
"Yeah..?"
Izaya leaned in with eyebrows raised high with expectation, "Okay, so go off that. Why do you think she is acting like that?"
I squinted down at the flea, wondering why the hell we were even having this conversation and what trick or prank he was trying to pull-
My shoulders sagged and I took a minute to look over the woman's face. "She does look nervous... Maybe she's late for something?"
Izaya hummed and lolled his head back to look at me, "You're hardly trying, what is she late to? Who is she waiting for? I need details!"
"A job interview? A cab? I don't know." I challenged with a huff.
"Alright, so she's late for a job interview and waiting for her cab?"
"Sure."
"That's... Pretty blasé, but I suppose it could work." Izaya shrugged, his jacket slightly sagging off one of his shoulders.
I grumbled, finally catching sight of a trashcan I could safely dispose of my cigarette in as we passed. "What was the point of that anyways?"
"Why, observation of course! You're so thick-headed that you never look, only punch. So I figured I'd try to give you a small lesson, but you practically failed."
"Wha-"
"Looks like we've made it to your next victim," Izaya smirked as they slipped their way into and through a rickety apartment complex. I took a deep breath and closed my mouth. I didn't exactly want to give Tom any cause for concern that led to another Shinra incident.
"Number 45... Here it is." Tom murmured as he knocked on the door. We waited a moment in silence as the doorknob started to jiggle.
Soon enough it swung open to reveal the sheer cliche of a delinquent. Some guy with horribly bleached hair, bad posture, and pompous sunglasses, who had the gall to tilt his chin up to try and look down at all of us.
"Shizu-chan he looks just like you."
My head slowly craned around to look at him with eyes that told him to 'shut up' more than words could ever. Not that it worked though, he only laughed louder.
"Hey man, what you' need?" The guy slurred, forcing his voice deeper as he tilted his sunglasses down.
"We're here on behalf of your debt. We've come to collect." Tom gave a slight smile, the same routine as every time we arrive at somebody's door.
"Ah, yeah. I don't have the money, just come back later." The guy shrugged and immediately started to swing the door shut.
I propped my hand up against the door, the guy squawked with confusion when it came to a dead halt.
He lifted his chin higher, "What the hell man? I told you I didn't have any money, fuck off."
"That's not how this works." I stared down at him with a frown and noticed the glittering gold chain hanging around his neck, and the overly expensive watch dangling loose on his wrist.
I sighed, nerves grating the sound deeper as I glared down at his jewelry. Either the idiot was a fucking lier or he spent all his money on those gaudy gold pieces.
The fool was getting worked up by the second, shifting from foot to foot with his hands balled into fists. "You' trying to pick a fight or something?" He snarled.
"Just give us the damn money you owe," I growled, leaning further into his space. The guy was acting like an absolute cliche, the type of lout you see in movies, and the type that is supposed to stay in movies. And it was obvious they were all thinking the same thing because Tom looked highly unimpressed, and Izaya somehow managed to look both interested and bored at the same time.
"Watch your fucking mouth you-" The punk swung his fist, arking it in an awkward angle as he swung it towards my face. I smacked the fist away with a lazy swipe and loomed further in.
"Give us the damn money."
"I told you I don't fucking have it!" I could feel the spray of spit on my skin and I scowled. These types were the worst to deal with. The self-centered idiots who thought they were tough shit because they didn't know how to wear their pants over their ass.
"Doubt that. You've got plenty of dumbass jewelry hanging off you." The guy gripped at his chain and squawked, barking out insults that boiled down to whatever profanity he could snarl.
My eye twitched, and I yanked out to furl a fist around the front of the guy's collar, giving him a satisfying shake to shut his panicked yelling.
"Shizuo, please leave him conscious he still has to pay..." Tom laughed awkwardly.
"Shizuo-?" The delinquent's eyes blew wide as he looked back towards me, mouth gaping open as he stared at the bartender's suit. "Shit, shit! I'll pay, alright! I have the money! Just don't kill me!"
My fingers craned open and he dropped to the floor with a thump, muttering over his words as he scrambled to find some money.
"Nice going Shizuo, that actually went pretty smoothly." Tom laughed and gave me a solid pat on the shoulder, "Honestly, as soon as I saw him I was prepared for some sort of brawl."
I blinked for a second and looked down at the hand that had held his shirt. A bit of pride trickled through me from the praise, "Yeah, thanks."
"Tom's right y'know. I was anticipating the scene of a body flying through the air." Izaya snickered and slid his way up to stand by my side and peek through the open door.
"Seriously though, perhaps you're not as entirely, 'punch first think second' as I figured." He hummed, focusing more on watching the scrambling idiot dig for his wallet. "The mention of jewelry was a nice touch also."
That trickle of pride turned into a downpour, rushing my face with heat as I stared down at Izaya's distracted face. Did he really just-?
I could feel the rush of blood beat through the tips of my fingers as I gaped. Izaya tilted his head up to peer at me through those thick lashes, an idle expression as he looked straight at my reddened face for a moment before pulling his gaze back towards the interior.
This is bad.
I gulped, curling my fingers into my palms to try and stop the thrum of my pulse that rushed through my blood.
My throat tightened as I took a step back from the entryway, watching as Tom collected the money.
This is really bad.
I felt cramped in my own clothing, sharpened still on straight legs, and locked tight on strained breaths. I could feel my heart beat against the hardened armor of my ribcage, thumping louder through my ears the longer I stared at Izaya's profile.
Fuck this is really bad- I think Celty might have been right.
I think I might want more.