....."I did, cause there's someone else to take care of you"
A soft voice replies hiding his face on the crook of older's neck not bothering to give a single thought to what he is doing or telling..........
contd...
The way the younger's warm cheeks straight up went to hide in his neck make the older's heart feel foreign feelings. The tingling sensation he felt inside him caused him to realize he was again having those sparkles, the same sparkles he felt the day he kissed him.
The dark room wasn't even dimly lighted. Because of that, they could barely see each other. Gentle rain which started a few minutes ago turned out to be a cloudburst. The noise created by the falling raindrops pitter-pattered on the window glass.
Min Yoongi didn't bother to argue with his brain about the moment, cause his heart was already taking the lead. Shutting down all the rationalities that lived inside him, the older male took a deep breath from the younger's scented wet soft locks which spread a strawberry scent. His long fingers freely run through his messy hair soothingly while still securing his petite waist with one hand.
The younger who was having his much-needed, long-awaited hug felt ecstasy at the moment as he nestled more into the older's warmth. His hands were loosely wrapped around his chest without having much thought and his face was sunk between the older male's jawline and neck filling his heart with contented feelings.
Jimin who was being thankful for the darkness in the room felt relieved thinking what he was busy with at the moment is totally unseen to the older. But he was just being blind to the fact older can still feel how he has been wetting his collar hems with the hot droplets leaving his stinging brown orbs.
Yes, the warmness make his soul soothe, and had Park Jimin crying.
The moment was intense. Their feelings were high. Jimin has no more doubts. He was very clear about what his heart was saying. He understood he wasn't just liking the older. The moment makes him realize he was desperately in love with him.
Love
Love is a word with a weight. But Jimin was just too clear about what his heart was truly aching at to feel that weight. There was no mistrust, he knew he is stupidly in love without any hesitation. Jimin understood even without his knowing how hard he has been attaching to Min Yoongi.
That's why he lose his sleep from the day older went out of his sight. That's why older's one small whimper affects his heart like a damn pang. That's why he was the one who hurt more when the other one was the one who actually have wounds. That's why he desperately savored every little warm moment between them even when he knew he won't have any chance with him. That's why the mere feeling of someone that is not him, being with Yoongi makes him go crazy. That's why he loses his peace at the feeling of the burning sensation rising in his heart. He needs to be with him all the time. Without him, in the picture, there's no moment he could breathe peacefully.
At some moments he thought he need help but now he knows all he needs is to be loved.
Park Jimin's heart was hopelessly yearning to be loved. He wishes he could be that special person the person who he just hugging. The younger male was desperately breaking his heart at a feeling that wasn't mutual.
Small sniffles broke out no matter how harder he try to suppress those. His heart couldn't control those anymore he has lose it. The moment he is stuck in has made him lose it. Every passing minute younger's gentle sobs got loud and louder completely giving up the effort of hiding those. And that's how Jimin turns into a crying mess on Yoongi's shoulders forgetting who he was and what he was doing.
Jimin didn't know what is the exact reason that makes him tear up this intensely. Maybe it could be because he was feeling sad at the thought of how easily he was replaceable. Maybe it was because he knew this calming sensation not gonna last long in his life. Sometimes what makes him teared up could be that he was worried about how he trapped himself in such deep emotions when he knew how he got zero chances with this man. The reason could be any of those but he didn't bother to wait and sought out the things. He just let out those tears to wash away the agony he stuck in without trying to hold those back anymore.
"Jiminie............"
"O--one m--minute. J-u-st a one m-more m--minute".
Younger's muffled reply rises from older's ear like a begging.
Yoongi smile into the dark just tightening the grip around the younger's waist. His words didn't work up but his actions did. Without stopping, he run his fingers through the younger one's still wet brown scented locks like a reassurance. He slowly pats his back thinking younger would stop.
Min Yoongi. He might be looked like a cold person from the way he behaves but being a person who has not been loved enough since his childhood he could feel love in a better way than others. The empty heart easily recognized it. The reason he likes to recognize as a cold person is the same reason behind the fact that he prefers to look like a cold than letting the world know he is just a soul have holes.
Only he knows how sensitive his heart became when someone cares for him. He cherished such moments cause his heart has a lot of empty spaces to be filled. He was just a soul craving more warmth. He accepts he doesn't know how to love but he knows he definitely knows when someone has love in their acts and words.
Of course, by now Min Yoongi obviously knew his junior agent has feelings for him. He wasn't oblivious to those looks the younger has in his eyes whenever he looked at him. He knew what Jimin has been doing for him was not just limited to what a fellow agent did for another agent. He knew it, he feel it and he yearn for more from it. The truth was most of the time younger talk thinking he was sleeping he was actually listening to him. Every word he spoke out had a weight. The pain, the sorrow, the genuine concern he held for him wasn't left unseen by Min Yoongi. A kiss left on a sleeping man's forehead says nothing but genuine feelings he has toward him. And yes Yoongi felt it. Sleepless nights Jimin spent beside him holding his hand made him understand he was truly worried about him more than his own comfort. Every time he suffers he notes how Jimin's eyes were the ones that turn red.
Jimin has slowly detached himself from the older's shoulder's wiping his face with his sweater paws. He didn't know what his next actions should be. He was feeling embarrassed cause he has no explanation left with him to give his senior.
Min Yoongi could see the younger from time to time when a flash of thunderless lightning send some light from the glass window. With that little amount of light, he could see how he looked. Glassy eyes, plump lips, reddish cheeks, and even his running red nose make him look adorable. Is it a sin for a man to feel such feelings toward another man? Will he get judged by society if he being with another man?
Min Yoongi questioned himself. He didn't wanna make the same mistake twice. He gave a clear though on the matter. He has regretted enough after making a move on younger without much thought that night. He didn't wanna even messed the situation that it already is.
He doesn't wanna get judged by society. He wanted to be a perfect man with a perfect family. He needs to have a family to himself. Yes, he really does. That was something he never had. He needs his own blood which he never had. So shaking with an instant feeling he didn't wanna ruin and messed both of their lives. But he know he was faking it. He know those are all false thoughts he used to deceive his own heart. But he continues ..........
About Jimin, he didn't wanna messed his life by giving him more hope. As he was already certain younger is having feelings for him, so Yoongi knew that was his responsibility to maintain a sufficient amount of distance between them. He didn't wanna add more reasons. He wants those feelings to get rid of his heart too. And he wish younger would do the same if he make a move taking the lead.
When Min Yoongi was so caught in his own thoughts he didn't see how Jimin was trying to say something. He didn't see how younger was having a battle with him. He hasn't seen how Jimin has walked closer to him gilt washing all over his face like he was about to do a crime.
"S-sunbae-nim........"
Yoongi has locked his eyes with the younger male. Pouring rain has turned into a storm. A cold icy breeze was leaking into the room making both men have goosebumps. The air in the room was so heavy and both men felt that.
"Please forgive me........................"
A gentle muffle voice breaks the silence.
Desperate pair of eyes were looking into the older male's face with a shaky gaze before he continues.
"You are not responsible for what I am feeling. Please don't get burdened, Please don't get angry, please don't start to hate me.....but I truly need to let it out from my heart" the younger one continued through hardly bitten back sobs with threaten to escape from his lips.
Yoongi held his breath without uttering a word. He knows he isn't ready for what is coming but half of his heart truly needs to hear out it.
"I have tried hard enough........I tried to interpret what I feel in many different ways........I tried to ignore what is growing inside my heart.........I have never felt this way for anyone........But whenever it comes to you I lose my every battle........I am a man. I know----I know I shoudn't------But what can I do when all my heart saying is this........"
Min Yoongi hate it. He hates that he has to see younger like this. He hates that he was being a coward who didn't step forward and say he wasn't the only one feeling in that way. He needs to tell how much he feels relaxed when it comes to him, he needs to say he has regretted enough saying take care of Yeol Hee before leaving him that night without telling him to take care of himself, he regrets that he needs to be a tough man to the world no one can point their fingers and tell things. He hate himself but still kept himself low without uttering a word.
"I L-----"
"STOP. Please Jimin-ah don't complete it. Please................
Min Yoongi unconsciously yells even without his knowledge.
Jimin has let out a heartbreaking sob crying into his palm. He was feeling like shit. His heart was internally screaming you are an idiot, you ruined everything. His brain which instantly activates its rational thinking makes him self-ashamed. Jimin was feeling like crap. He can't face Yoongi. Not now not tomorrow. He just wishes the ground could get open and swallow him whole.
Min Yoongi's legs were aching. His sick body was paining too. But surpassing every pain his heart was hurting. He could stand seeing younger like this. He knows younger is innocent. He knew how pure his feelings are. He felt like he is the worst person living. He could understand how much strength required for Jimin to tell those things.
He took a step. He took another one unconsciously. He took another few steps until he stand next to Jimin only having a few inches gap. He has slowly removed the younger's palms from his face. Then he brushed a few locks away from his eyes which interrupt him to look into his eyes.
Younger has mumbled a gentle sorry bitting his lips as his tears get refreshed with new ones at older's closeness. Min Yoongi didn't know who he was and what he was doing anymore after seeing how desperately those eyes tell the same thing his heart holds.
A cold pair of hands had cupped soft teary cheeks.
*Fuck Park Jimin. You make me lose my sane with your look. You aren't supposed to be this innocent. You could just act like an ass like I always did to you. Why do you have to be this good? Why do you make me this hard?*
The younger male has just closed his eyes as he didn't wanna think any further. Even if it gonna be a slap he didn't wanna witness what is coming. But nothing happened.
Older has released him from his grip. He has just stepped backward.
But in the very next second Jimin has closed the gap again. He has held older's both shoulders with his trembling hands to go on his tippy toes.
Raised himself from his toes Park Jimin has placed a teary kiss on Yoongi's forehead which long for a few seconds. The older one can swear on anything's name that he had never felt such a feeling in his whole life. Such a pure and possessive feeling. No, he had never ever felt such a thing.
Jimin has stepped back covering his lips with his left palm. His eyes held a pathetic and vulnerable look when he batted his wet lashes few times.
Min Yoongi has taken a deep breath turning on his heels to walk out. Park Jimin has just looked down not having the strength to accept what is happening now is true.
The old male who was about to press the door know had instantly turned around. He has turned around even without his knowing.
He has just walked closer to the younger at his best speed only to cup his face between his palms and catch his lips in a kiss.
Jimin who was totally clueless felt the way his heart doing flips inside his rib cage. Returning the kiss he kissed the older back without thinking about anything. The pain he might feel afterwards, the consequences he might has to go through, he just forget about everything.
Sparkles, tingles, butterflies.
Everything those romantic novelists mentioned in their books were happening inside of two males. Fuck the world, fuck the society, fuck the people. They knew what they yearn for. They knew what their hearts screaming about. And they are only hearing to those.
Plump lips melted between older's thin lips like those were some missing puzzle pieces that fit each other very well. Unlike their first kiss which was only driven by lust and passion, this kiss was so emotional and pure.
They had poured all unspoken emotions into the kiss and kissed like they meant it with their lives. The kiss had flavors. It was a combination of lots of emotions that symbolize what they kept locked inside their hearts.
Min Yoongi's hands were wrapped around the younger literally taking him into his embrace showing how small he was when he was in his hold. Younger's hands were throwing over older's shoulders wrapping around his neck. Both can feel the way how their hearts intensely beating as they were laying on each other. They can taste each other's tears but both cared less.
After kissing until their lungs says no more both have pulled away. No one held looks of regret.
Jimin looked up to meet the older's eyes. Yoongi has made Jimin's head lean on his shoulders which the younger happily did.
"Park Jimin please give me some time. Don't hate me but let's take slow steps. I know we both feel emotionally messed up and tired. I know it's hard for you as much as I feel......So let's take slow steps. I have things to solve out in my life and you know what are those. So please be patient with me. I am not someone who is good at expressing emotions so just bare me up".
Jimin heard older's huffed voice closer to his left cheek as he was resting his right cheek on his chest. He knew he was making a wet patch on the older's t-shirt. But he let his emotions flow away before goes with a soft " I am ready for anything"
(A/N: They had stayed like that who knows for how long minutes. So would you mind giving them a moment to be alone? Cause they might have some feelings to share privately.... so yeah?.....)
HELLO GUYS YOUR AUTHOR HAS DONE HER BEST. THIS IS THE HARDEST CHAPTER I'VE EVER WRITTEN. BRO, IT'S SO HARD TO EXPRESS EMOTIONS YOU KNOW..........
Update: 12/07/2022
Guys, please leave comments I need reassurances from your side. And yes guys.............please vote. Don't forget that alone star button at the bottom. Just hit it cause it gave my effort wings.
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