I yawned, waking up and feeling an unfamiliar weight on my chest.
I remembered how she'd fallen asleep and I smiled at her face what was smooshed against my chest.
I touched the barely visible bruises on her face and sighed.
I moved, letting her head fall on the pillow softly as I stood, picking her up and taking her out of my sheets.
I moved to her room, setting her down on her bed, pulling the covers over her.
"Why're you going?" She whispered.
"I'm not going anywhere angel." I moved her hair from her face.
"Promise?" She sighed and I nodded.
"I promise. I'll be downstairs if you need me." I stood, walking back to my room.
I brushed my teeth and hair, too lazy to wash my face so I just walked downstairs and got myself a bowl of cereal.
I ate it quickly, drinking the milk afterward and doing the dishes so I could finally run the dishwasher.
I went outside, opening my glovebox in my car and grabbing the last made blunt I had.
I hated it. I hated that I began this.
I lit it and took a deep inhale.
I touched my neck with my other hand, feeling the bubbled scar.
I sighed.
I didn't want to die if this was my life from now on.
I don't understand how things switch so fast but I've never been interested in being alone.
I found it miserable. Walking around, talking to people who don't know me.
People who can't relate.
To be honest I'd probably follow Ariella around like a lost dog.
I heard the door open and Ari came to me, wrapping her arms around my torso.
I laughed.
"What're you doing?" I asked and she grumbled words but I had no idea what she said.
"Hugging you." She mumbled.
Obviously.
"Sorry, I probably smell bad now." I said and she shook her head.
"It's okay. You don't smell bad." She told me.
I dropped it, stepping on it multiple times before bending and picking it up.
-
"Kai?" She looked at me, spooning a small bite of cereal into her mouth.
"Ari?"
"What happened to you?" She asked, looking at my throat.
I smiled.
"I guess I know your story don't I? It's only fair." I chuckled.
"If you don't wanna tell me you don't have to." She frowned.
"No it's alright." I took a heavy breath.
"My dad is a lot like yours. My mom, the sweetest woman. My dad would have sex with my mom, although they were married she didn't want it. He would beat her, come home reeking of beer. Hints why I don't drink." I shook my head.
"He began beating me when my mom was too tired to fight with him. When he began I was about 10? Beating on me and sometimes he'd even crack a glass bottle onto my head. I have some scars from it. My sister and I were about four years apart? She was and is my everything, her name's Kate. Anyways, she always saw it, heard the rape, watched the beatings but my dad wouldn't ever lay a hand on her. And I'm glad." I nodded.
"She was gorgeous, green eyes, jet black hair, she was my best friend. I was more of a father figure though. About a year ago my parents began fighting really bad. My sister fell into drinking and she was in middle school. I began smoking weed, hanging out with not great people." I felt my eyes burn.
"One day, I came home from school and my mom had been at the bottom of the stairs, lying there. Blood dripping from her head and she was completely limp. Gone. There was no way she was breathing. My dads car was gone. I dialed Kate, she told me she was on a run. She came home an hour later, I told her about mom and she sobbed. Crying for hours. She was only 13/14." I wiped my face and I groaned.
"I didn't cry. I didn't know what to do. I sent Kate to bed, she told me about how exhausted she was."
"For the next few months my dad was gone. MIA. I had reported him, began selling drugs to make money until one day I got mail. He was shot down in southern LA by cops because he killed one during a car chase. So now I had to break the news. I told Kate and she stopped drinking but began doing drugs. What 14 year old begins snorting fucking coke? I tried, I tried so hard to stop her, keep her location but the more overbearing I got, the worse she was. I didn't want to be that on her but I was worried. In a four month span I lost my parents, gaining a shit ton of money. We were rich. Not happy but we were very wealthy." I nodded.
I smiled, looking at Ari, her eyes full of empathy but telling me to go on.
"Seven months ago I found my sister dead. S-she was in her bathroom, she took her life. Shockingly it wasn't from overdose. She had let herself bleed out. I had no fucking idea where she got that knife because it wasn't mine or even from our house. I called the cops and they came, investigating this stupid shit." I raked my hands through my hair.
"I had no aunts, no uncles, I was given millions of dollars and told to be an adult. I fell into heavy depression. So I tried killing myself." My hand touched that scar, the feeling vivid.
"I tried slitting my throat but I was too shaky, I didn't go deep enough to hit any major arteries. My neighbor found me and next thing I knew I was in the hospital. I stayed there until I was sent to a mental hospital. I did well. I wanted to leave. About a month and a half ago I bought this house and I've tried to live since. You make that job a lot easier." I laughed, a sob threatening to escape my throat.
She stood, walking over and grabbing my hands.
She tugged on my arms to get me to stand and I did.
She hugged me, the most secure hug is ever gotten and I moved down, picking her up and pushing my face into her shoulder as tears left my eyes.
I began crying, I hadn't done it yet. My heart began hammering and I found myself panicking, less crying and more hyperventilating.
"Hey." She called but I couldn't hear her clearly, my chest felt like I was collapsing.
I sat, my hands moving to cover my face but I felt restless at the same time.
"Kai." She said, she sounded too far.
I closed my eyes, my body trembling and I felt like I couldn't breathe.
My legs were pushed down from being bent and I cried, unable to help myself.
My face was grabbed, cold hands soothing me.
Cold breaths were blown onto my face.
"Breathe." She wiped my eyes and I looked, her face nervous but calm.
"Blow on my face Kai. Come on, you've gotta relax." She said but I couldn't, my body was shaking.
At this point I knew I had to calm down but I couldn't.
She placed something freezing on the back of my neck and my legs straddled.
"It's okay, it's okay." She put her other hand on my face and I shook my head, hanging it low.
"I can't do it." I sucked in a hard breath.
"You can. You're strong Kai. So so strong. I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy you're still here." She said and she kept repeating it.
Kept telling me the same thing.
"You have to stay. I need you, y-you can let me take you to prom, you can do my make up, you can show me all your favorite movies and snacks. We can graduate together and after that you can drive me to the ocean and we make-make those small sand castles they make in shows." She ranted and I looked at her, her eyes worried and my lip wobbled, my eyes cloudy and keeping me from seeing her clearly.
I grabbed her hips, my arms moving around her waist, pulling her to me.
She dropped the ice pack and hugged me back.
"Stay. Stay with me. Please?" She whispered, pleading with me.
I cried, not able to talk.
Grief was a hard pill to swallow.
I nodded into her shoulder, her fingers raking through my hair.
"It'll be okay." She told me.
"We'll be okay." She whispered.