TW : Yelling, Drugs, Self-Harm
Hazel's POV :
The next morning mom Delia woke me up. I thought she would be less mad than yesterday but in fact, she wasn't.
"Hazel, up. Now. Mom Mina is driving you to school in 45 minutes."
I looked at her angrily. "Can I at least have my phone ?"
"No." She only said and left my room.
I was so mad at them for punishing me like a baby, and I was mad at myself for all the things I did since I met the group. Right now, I just wanted to feel nothing, to feel free, I wanted weed, and more than that. I quickly prepared myself for the day and I voluntarily skipped breakfast because I wanted to avoid my moms. I waited for mom Mina in her car and she came, sat and started driving.
She tried to break the silence. "Listen Hazel, mom and I were harsh with you yesterday because we're worried. You're not the Hazel we raised and we don't know what's happening to you."
"Nothing is happening mom." I replied staring at the window.
"Hazel... Please talk to me, you know you can tell me everything. We grounded you because we had a good reason to do it but we're not angry anymore. We just want to understand why you're like that lately."
I just shrugged.
"Hazel..." She tried one last time but it drove me crazy.
"Nothing is happening okay ?! I am totally fine, everything is perfect !" I yelled ironically. "I didn't change ! Maybe you wanted me to stay a baby for my whole life but I'm a grown up now so please stop treating me like a fucking toddler !!"
Mom Mina only sighed. She seemed hopeless.
Once we arrived, I stepped out of the car and made my way to my friends without talking or even looking at my mom. I kissed Alex and lighted my joint. I took a deep deep drag of it and Alex offered me a pill that I gladly accepted. "I had a rough morning, so thank you." I said hugging him.
The bell rang and I went to my first lesson.
"Guys, today is the day I take your paper work on the astronomy project.
'Shit' I thought to myself as I never started this homework. The teacher walked around the desks to collect the papers and stopped at mine.
"Hazel, where is you work ?"
"Uuuh, I forgot it at home."
"Come on Hazel... Did you really do it ?" She sighed.
"Yes ! Why don't you believe me ?!" I started to become angry.
"Because since a little while now, you don't do anything at school, so I have the right to doubt your words..."
"Fuck it ! No I didn't do your stupid work for your stupid class ! I'm tired of it I'm out !" I screamed, taking my bag that I hadn't even unpacked and walked out of the classroom while all my classmates were staring at me like I was so kind of freak.
I was furious. I ran to the restroom in order to hide and I walked to a stall. I sat on the toilet and cried. 'Why am I like that ? I can't do anything right. I'm so fucking stupid. I hate myself.' I said to me as I was pulling at my hair. I started to shake and my bag fell on the floor, my pencil case opened and my sharpener broke. I immediately noticed the blade and remembered how good it felt when I was drawing on my body with my red ink.
I slowly grabbed the blade and without thinking further, I cut my skin on both of my wrists. But the empty places were quickly missing so I pulled off my pants and started cutting my thighs as well. Blood was dripping down my skin to the floor and I tried the best I could to clean off the ground. The last bell before lunch rang and I ran outside the toilet without taking care of my wounds to meet my friends at the back of the school.
"Haz you're okay ? You're awful pale babe." Said Alex as he pulled me in a tight hug. I winced when the cuts brushed against my shirt and my pants but didn't say anything except "I'm okay. Give me one of your pill please."