I am going to skip the boring weekend, and get to the morning of Monday.
English class is always the first block on Mondays, so it was an early day for me. Plus, I had to pick Connor up from his house because it was his first day coming to my school.
Eventually, we ended up sitting in Mr. Butler's class together at the same desk. I think my teacher knew that Connor was the "special one" I was referring to days before, so he (thankfully) switched the seating arrangement so that we could sit next to each other. What a great guy.
We were a tad on the early side-like usual Troye fashion-so we sat at our desk, chatting to each other about our weekends.
"Oh, I have a swimming competition in two weeks!" Connor said with excitement. Not even going to deny it; Connor was super cute when he would talk about something he liked with passion like that. His face would relax, as did his posture, and his eyes would almost glow. Sounds cliché, but in fact, it was just pure adorableness.
With a little hesitation, I said, "Can I come?" I only hesitated because I was scared that Connor was going to feel like I was trying to invade his personal life. Guess I still hadn't grown out of the habit of expecting no one's attention, had I?
"No shit Sherlock!" Connor said loudly with a giggle. I was slowly starting to see his bubbly side come back.
Mr. Butler shushed us at the back of the classroom. He was busy doing something at his desk, but it was something that definitely didn't capture my attention. Overall, I think he was quite happy about having another student around the same intellectual value in his class.
People started trickling in after Connor and I finished with the conversation we were on. I accidently locked eyes with the cold ones that belonged to none-other-than Caspar Lee. I tensed at my mistake, and quickly averted my eyes. Fortunately, he didn't pursue me or call me out on my slip-up. It was almost as if having Connor there helped keep him in his lane.
Mr. Butler started the class shortly after. "Hello everybody," He said, putting emphasis on the 'hello'. He walked up to the front of the class, and I saw Connor pull out his notebook. "So there are a couple of things I have the pleasure to announce today. First, I would like to introduce our new student, Connor Franta!" Mr. Butler sounded super excited and happy to have the opportunity to announce Connor.
I heard a couple kids in the class giggle and snicker, even go as far as saying, "Ha, the fags found himself a boyfriend." Connor and I both tensed and exchanged uncomfortable glances at each other. Mr. Butler locked eyes with me, almost as if asking if I was the one who wanted to address the kids. I shook my head, not trusting myself to not make this a bigger deal than it already was.
Mr. Butler changed his eyesight to the kid who had said that statement. "Wow, real mature," He said, sounding fucking pissed. "Okay, I need to take a moment to address a very common issue with this student body. Troye, can you please stand up and come here for a second?"
I scrunched my eyebrows, but got up to the front none-the-less. I started fiddling with the edge of my sweater to give my nervous hands something to do. "Troye, are you gay?"
It was a simple question, but a shit ton of people to listen to my answer. I was scared to say 'yes' because of the judgement that I would receive. Then I realized that that is the exactly what my bullies want. They want me to be embarrassed about myself to make them seem higher and mightier than me. So with a deep breath, I channeled all of the public speaking skills that I had inherited from acting lessons, and said a firm, "Yes. I am gay."
"Boys and girls, look at this young kid for a second. Troye is not much different from you. You are all intelligent young kids with potentially bright futures, expect for one small difference. That difference is that you guys act like a jackasses to Troye because you are too bloody scared of Troye being comfortable with himself, even though his sexuality has no impact on you! You think Troye is the one living wrong? Please look at yourself in the mirror.
"This kid here," He said, pulling me over by my shoulders, "His name is Troye. Not 'fag'! Now if anyone has anything else to say, say it now. You won't be getting another time to do so anytime soon."
The room was silent.
And I was holding my chin up for the first time in that school as I walked back to my seat.
Connor's face was priceless. His jaw was hanging so low that it was practically hitting his desk. I don't think he was expecting that to happen on his first day.
I sat down on my chair as Mr. Butler said, "Thank you Troye." I nodded my head to signify I had heard him. He gave me a hopeful smile, and it came easy for me to return it back to him.
"Okay, on to the next thing," Mr. Butler started. I was kind of disappointed that he didn't just dedicate that block to rants on equality, but I understood where he was coming from. He was a teacher after all; he had to stay within the curriculum. "So we are going to talk about our unit assignment!"
There were unanimous groans that basically created a choir of disappointed-sounding children.
"So in celebration of our schools play, we will be writing an essay on the story of Cinderella!" More huffs and groans. "I want you guys to analyze four things about the story; the relationship between the step-family and Cinderella, the relationship between her and the Prince, the realism and how it is applied to add a sense of reality in the story, and the symbolism of all of the fantasy aspects of the story, like the 'Fairy God-mother' for example," He said, counting with his fingers.
Connor looked at me and made a chocking face. In fact, everyone in the class was practically wearing the same face as him. Well, expect for me that is. I was actually excited for this project. It sounded completely different from anything else that we had ever done. The project sounded like there was a lot that could be taken out of it, so I was actually really excited to try and give it a shot.
The rest of the class included Mr. Butler giving us instructions on how that assignment was going to be, and Connor and I exchanging notes and glances.
Finally, the bell that signified the end of the class rang, and everyone got up and left immediately after it rung. Connor and I stayed back so that I could talk to Mr. Butler. "Thank you," I said weakly as I approached his desk.
Upon getting to the desk, Mr. Butler gave me the biggest hug I think I had ever received. "Hey Troye, it's alright. It is stupid that they feel the need to hurt you like that, and I was only calling them out on it. If this continues to persist, just let me know okay?" He said into the hug.
When we pulled away, Mr. Butler kept his hand on my shoulder. "You two behave, okay?" He said, glancing between Connor and I. I wasn't sure what he was implying but I figured I would just go with it.
After we left the classroom, we were quickly greeted with Zoe. She had promised to show Connor the rest of the school and help him get to his classrooms, because I had to go home to do the rest of my schooling. I quickly said goodbye to the two and walked away, holding my head as high as possible.
I felt good. I felt strong. I felt like I could be okay with myself for the first time in ages. And it felt so good.
-
"Hey do you want to go out for supper?"
I just fired that text out to Connor because it was five and I was hungry as fuck. I wasn't meaning as much as a date as just a friendly evening out.
Connor quickly replied with,
"Like a date? ;)"
I face-palmed myself for always soundly like I am implying something different from what I actually was. I quickly responded before things got too awkward between us.
"No silly! Just a platonic get-together..."
I put down my phone and looked at the textbooks that were placed under my arms. I sighed, cursing my procrastination habit. It was almost supper time and I still wasn't finished with my science worksheets. The thing about homeschooling is how frustrating it gets without someone to motivate you. Sometimes it would take me around an hour to get all my work done, and other times, an entire day.
After staring at my textbook for a while longer, I heard my phone ding. I reached over to pick it up and reply to the text I was waiting for. It read,
"Righhht.... But ya I can come. Want me to pick you up?"
I laughed at his sarcasm, and agreed to have him come over to get me. We worked things out and chatted a bit via text, while I finished the rest of my science assignment. Eventually, I heard my mom yelling up the stairs, "Troye! Honey! Connor is here!"
I got up and threw on a jacket, before walking out of my bedroom door. "Coming!" I said back to her, running down the stairs. When I got there, I was greeted with Connor standing in the doorway, and my mom laughing at something he must've said. I quickly gave my mom a kiss on the cheek, and walked out the door with Connor. I shut the door, and was instantly welcomed by the cold air.
Without any words of conversation, Connor and I ran to his car that was idling on the curb of our street. I hopped into the passenger's side, and he got into the driver's.
Thirty minutes after, we were sitting at a table at this restaurant that Tyler and Zoe always drag me to. It was actually a really cute place full of lots of cool paintings and artsy stuff. There were cute lights that illuminated the table that we were sitting at, and the menus were super aesthetic.
"This is actually a really cute place," Connor said while taking a picture of the table next to us with his phone. I was starting to gather that Connor really liked taking photos. A lot. I don't know if it had anything to do with aspiring to be a photographer, or if he was just a living embodiment of Tumblr. Honestly, I wouldn't put it past him.
"Yeah," I said, "My besties always bring me here, and it has started to become an important place to me. It has a 'homey' feel to it."
Connor laughed at my words of appreciation, bringing a blush to my face. Dammit! I thought, Way to be obvious, Troye. Funny I thought that, because he had just told me about how he knew I liked him, so it didn't matter if I gave him more evidence than just that.
"This is nice, though. To bring me here," He specified. "It is nice to just sit back and relax in the cutest atmosphere ever."
I couldn't help but think that this side of Connor was really adorable. His fascination, admiration, and calmness just added to this surreal experience. He seemed so at ease, and it made me happy to see him that way. It wasn't often that was happy because of someone else's happiness.
The problem with Connor was his emotions are so isolated from each other. He is sad, or calm; angry, or outgoing. It was like Connor Fanta had many faces and sides to him. That was what made him so hard to figure out. It wasn't like he could just be one side with one idea of the world. And it sucked to be the one trying to unravel this character before me.
But do I want to 'figure out' Connor, or should I want to just understand him? And that was probably my biggest mistake; thinking that he was just a character in a book, some celebrity on the news, that had a life story to think about, when, in fact, he was so much more. He was a person with emotions, intentions, and values. He was more than his story, although his story did impact him.
The waiter came to our table, asking in a cute American accent, "Hey guys, what may I get for you today?"
Connor instantly replied with, "Coffee, please!" He was talking in the bubbly tone that he first used when I had originally met him. That voice that was seeping with excitement and happiness, informing the other person in the conversation that life was good.
I knew everything in Connor's life wasn't alright, and he definitely didn't feel very good about it, but I admired his perseverance and capability to act like it was. I was convinced that it wasn't an act; Connor was feeling oddly optimistic about everything going on.
I ordered a Pepsi, and the waiter left shortly after with a couple of polite words. I turned to Connor and looked him dead in the eye. "Okay so now that I got you by yourself, in person, I can finally talk to you about what I intended to the entire time." Connor scrunched his eyebrows, but let me speak. "How was your first day?"
Connor thought about it, while fiddling with the napkin lying on the table. "It was alright, I guess? Nothing awfully exciting happened today, except for in English, but you obviously know about that already." He shrugged.
"Yeah that was something. Mr. Butler is a great teacher, huh?" I said through a breathy laugh. It was going to be fun to have Connor in my English class.
"He is," Connor agreed with no hesitation. He looked down at his hands that were still busy with the napkin, then looked back up to me. "Why do you ask about today?"
"I figured that someone should care about what has been going on," I said with a smile. I knew that Connor and his parents didn't have a comfortable enough relationship to even ask how the first day of school was. I also figured that Connor's friends and he weren't on that 'level', either. So I saw the situation quite a good opportunity to show Connor that someone cares.
Connor just smiled in response, and I was glad to see him wearing it so proudly. It was like he finally understood that it is okay to smile. Our waiter came back with our drinks, and asked us what we would like to eat. Connor and I both ordered a pasta casserole and he quickly left.
While we were waiting for our food to come, I watched a kid run right by our table. He and his family were getting seated, but it seemed like he had too much energy to cope. He stopped right by our table and said with a cute little kid lisp, "Hi!"
I remembered back to the time when I was a kid. I didn't know that people could get a divorce. I thought that one can only walk down the aisle once, so they'd better make the best of it. I figured that my parents would love me forever and that they'll die of old age. I figured the same was for my friends and their parents. I thought that I would meet someone and move in and live with them fivever.
When I looked at that kid, I saw the exact same thing. All he knew was love. There was no brokenness; everything in his life was perfect. How jealous I was of him for being able to have evidence to support those beliefs.
"Hey how's it going?" Connor said after bending down to be on his level. I smiled at Connor, but stayed upright because I didn't want to be confronted by the child's parents.
"Good!" The kid said with its lisp. Then he ran away again, with the biggest smile on his face.
I laughed, and Connor got up with the biggest smile on his face. The kid's parents came over and apologized for the kids 'rude' behavior. Connor and I dismissed it, and for some odd reason, for the rest of the night we were both filled with this ecstatic happiness.
_-*-_-*-_
Dedicated to @TrxyeDust! I just realized I have never ever dedicated a chapter to her yet and I kinda feel bad for that... She has many works and is the nicest person and cried with me over Lush's breakup and I really really love you for that! Xx