Lilith
I know I shouldn't return after just leaving, but I can't help it. Ever since Edalyn started watching over Hunter while I'm at work I hardly get to see him anymore. If only I could still bring him to work with me. I still can't believe I mistook the secretaries office for a daycare. The day I had discovered the office it had been filled with children who I now know were there for a field trip. With how early I got to the castle and how late I got out I never questioned the lack of children when I went to drop Hunter off and picked him up. If it hadn't been for the head secretary threatening to complain to the emperor then nothing would have changed. Hunter would still be close to me all day being well cared for by some of the most capable witches on the isles. I am grateful that my comrades came together to help out and maybe under different circumstances that arrangement could have continued.
I could always request for a daycare service to be offered within the castle. Though I suppose that would be a waste of resources. But it would benefit the other members of the coven, not just me. Then again if the castle was ever attacked that would put the children at risk. And what if one of them separated from their group and ended up somewhere dangerous like the armory. Or fell out of a window. No no, the castle was far too dangerous for children. Besides, there are daycares close to the castle that offered great discounts for coven members. Maybe I could get in contact with Odalia. She probably has a list of the best caretakers on the isles. Maybe I can find something that is on my route.
Even though Edalyn and Hooty don't seem to mind taking care of Hunter I don't think it's fair that their time has been consumed with taking care of the baby. Hunter is my responsibility after all. Thanks to my negligence Edalyn and Hooty don't even have a day free to themselves without the baby. I know Hooty loves having the baby around more than anything but Edalyn must feel constricted. She is such a free spirit that any type of structure makes her feel suffocated. Taking care of the baby includes a lot of rules and keeping to schedules. Even if she won't admit to it I'm sure that it must bother her. And as far as I know, the last time she spoke with Raine was a month ago. If they were to break up because of us I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. It would be a good idea to discuss this once I return from work tonight.
As I got closer to the house I started to hear voices. It sounded like Edalyn was talking to someone but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. I tried getting closer as quietly as possible to see if I could make out who she was talking to. If it turned out to be Raine I would just go straight to work. I didn't want to spoil a moment between them after such a long time of them not speaking. If it wasn't I might still be able to get a glimpse of Hunter once they leave. I can't let him see me though. Edalyn was very clear that once I leave for work it's best for Hunter not to see me if I choose to return so he won't cry. It's also best if Edalyn doesn't know I keep coming back even after I said I would stop.
The closer I got the clearer the voices became. I still couldn't see them but I could recognize the voices. Edalyn was speaking to...our mother. It had been so long since the last time I had seen or spoken to her. Now here she was just a few feet from me. I wanted to run and give her a hug. To tell her how much I missed her and that I am now the leader of my coven. But most importantly to present her to her grandson.
I could feel the tears of joy starting to well up in my eyes but I had to keep myself together. I took a moment to compose myself. I am the leader of the emperor's coven after all. I can't just go out there running into my mother's arms. She would think that I am still a child if I did. Just as I was about to come out of my hiding spot I heard Edalyn speak.
"Let me stop you right there," she said in a tone that made me fear I had been spotted. "Have you gotten in contact with Lilith?"
Why did Edalyn sound upset? Why was she being so rude to mother? And why was she asking mother about me?
"Sweet flea? No, I can't say that I have. Hmmm, I can't recall when was the last time we spoke. Maybe a year or two ago? Possibly three? You know time really does fly when you are trying to cure a curse. Now I just need you to..."
"What?" I whispered to myself, feeling my heart sink. Did mother really not remember how long it had been since the last time we spoke? No, it must be some sort of mistake right? Of course, mother knows that it has been over nine years, right?
"No. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it," replied Edalyn, sounding frustrated.
I felt like my feet had become rooted to the ground and it was becoming difficult to breathe. I could feel a weight on my chest starting to get heavy and I realized I was holding my breath waiting for mother to give a response.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about her. I got her letters. I just haven't had time to go through them. You know finding a cure for your curse is time-consuming." replied our mother as if it was no big deal.
She . . . she hasn't even opened my letters? Was she avoiding them on purpose? For how long? No no this has to be some sort of mistake she wouldn't. Would she? There's no way she would be here taking the time to visit Edalyn in person while she has never opened any of my letters.
I felt as tears started to run down my face. The weight I felt in my chest grew so heavy I thought I was going to suffocate. She didn't care about me. Would she even care about Hunter if she knew about him? Or would she ignore him too? Would he never be enough for her like me?
I lost all the strength in my legs and slumped to the ground. Without realizing it I covered my mouth to muffle the sound of my crying. All this time she didn't even open my letters. I wasn't worth the time to open a letter. I wasn't worth the time it took to read it let alone respond. My accomplishments never mattered. She must know that I became a coven head even if she didn't read my letters yet that wasn't enough for her to reach out either. She could have just written congratulations but that was too much to ask for.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted to just give up. I wanted to tear something apart but all I could do was lay there and cry. The feeling of worthlessness was so overwhelming that I wanted to just stop breathing. To make the pain go away. Just like when I was a young girl back in my bedroom. No matter what I do, it will never be enough for her. I will never be enough for her.
"Leave," said Edalyn in a quiet rage. Even though we have argued a lot throughout the years I have never heard Edalyn this angry before. I knew that it was because of me. "I don't want to see or hear from you."
My heart swelled up at Edalyn's words. I loved my sister so much at that moment that I wanted to run into her arms and say thank you. It was no wonder she was mother's favorite. I didn't want to see our mother. At the moment I'm not even sure if I want her to meet my son. All I know is that I have the best sister anyone could ever ask for.
"Wait but why? I don't understand," replied our mother, sounding distraught. She didn't get it and I doubt she ever will.
"That's the problem," answered Edalyn in a cold tone, before slamming the door. I heard our mother try protesting though I could no longer focus on what she was saying.
My body went numb. I felt so...empty. All those sleepless nights. All those hours of hard work. All those good grades. All those promotions. They didn't mean anything. They were all for nothing. I was for nothing. How I wish the ground could just swallow me up this very instant. At least then I would serve a purpose as food for the trees. I felt myself fading away. All the sound around me was drowned by the dark thoughts in my head.
I'm not sure how much time passed before a loud screech cut through me enough to pull me back to reality. The screech had belonged to Hooty. I opened my eyes and saw him hovering over me. I hadn't even noticed that I had them closed. He was saying something to me but I couldn't make it out. It took a lot of concentration to get my mind to focus on his words to make sense of them.
"Lulu! Lulu! What happened?!" he wailed worriedly. When I didn't answer he wrapped himself around me and dragged me towards the house putting me down at the entrance.
I didn't know what to do or what to say I just stood there. That was until I saw Edalyn poking her head through the doorway. As soon as I saw her all the emotions I had been feeling came crashing back making my legs give out again. Though this time Edalyn was there to hold me. I felt her wrap her arms around which only made me cry harder. This time I didn't think about muffling my crying and I couldn't make myself stop. It hurt so much and I didn't know what to do about it.
I was still crying when I felt Edalyn hold on to my nose making me take a breath through my mouth. Instead of air what I got was a mouthful of elixir. She didn't let go until I was done with the bottle.
"Sorry Lily you were getting feathery and I guess you couldn't hear me," she said in an apologetic tone. She then helped me get up and get into the house. "Come on let's sit down on the sofa okay?"
I allowed myself to be guided by her. At the moment nothing felt real. Everything around me seemed dull. Even her words sounded so distant to me even though she was right next to me. There was a sound that I couldn't quite make out. It was like an alarm trying to wake me up from this terrible nightmare.
"Um Eda, I need a little help with the baby. He won't stop crying and he is getting aggressive."
When I looked in the direction of Hooty's voice I saw him struggling to hold Hunter who was crying. He was thrashing and hitting Hooty with his little arms to try and break free from Hooty. My body moved on its own in what felt like an instant and an eternity I reached Hooty's side.
"Come now Hunter, I thought I told you not to give Hooty any trouble."
As soon as he saw me he stopped crying and reached out to me so I would carry him. His eyes were still tearful but he had a big smile on his face. That sweet innocent smile made my heart melt. The pain I had been feeling was replaced with a warm sensation that spread through my body. I picked him up and held him close to me. I then heard the sound of him humming and felt the sensation of him softly patting my back. It took me a moment to realize he was mimicking what I did to calm him down when he was crying. I felt a new wave of tears start to build up in my eyes. But these were not tears of pain or sorrow. They were tears of joy.
"I don't know what I did to deserve you but I'm so happy you're in my life," I whispered.
"Hey Lily I. . ."
"It's okay. I'm okay." I said to my sister who had a worried expression on her face. "Now that Hunter is comforting me how could I feel sad?" I said giving her a weak smile.
"Haha I guess you have a point there," she said laughing before getting serious. "Hey Lily, about mom...whatever you decide to do I will back you one hundred percent."
"Thank you, Edalyn," I replied. I took a short moment to think. Did I want to cut off mother entirely? My mind went to Hunter's humming which still hadn't stopped. I couldn't do this to him again. He must have been so scared and confused hearing me cry like that. Yet he is trying to comfort me even though he is only a baby. "As much as it pains me there is nothing I could ever do to get mother's attention. For ten years she didn't reply to any of my letters. She probably didn't bother to read them. But I suppose that doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is him. I already sent her the letters letting her know about him and I won't be sending any more. I won't try reaching out again. If she reads them in the future and wants to reach out I will consider letting her meet Hunter. But as it stands I don't want her anywhere near my boy. "
"Ooo mama Lilith is scary," replied Edalyn playfully. "Alright I'm with you if she comes around here again Hooty will get rid of her. And if she manages to get a peek at the kid then I'll tell her he is lunch before sending her on her way."
"Thank you," I said letting out a chuckle. But then something occurred to me. "Edalyn maybe it will be best if Hunter doesn't spend so much time here.
"NOOOOOO!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!" screeched Hooty startling all of us.
"Hey come on now I wasn't serious about eating the kid," urged Edalyn, taken by surprise. "And I promise mom won't get near him."
"I promise I'll be good. I'll take better baths. I won't try feeding him anymore. I'll read him more stories or fewer stories. Whatever you want just don't take the baby." cried Hooty.
"Oh, Hootsifer this has nothing to do with any of that. You have been a wonderful babysitter. But this is something I have been thinking about for a while." I remarked patting Hooty on the head. "I just don't think it's fair that you have to give all your time up for us."
"That's silly. We love having him here," chimed in Edalyn. "Besides it's better he is with family than in some daycare center with strangers. Hey if this is about your daily commute then we can figure something out. I could go pick up the kid so you don't have to come here so early and drop him off after you get out of work. Or you could just move in we'll prep you a room like the kid's and ..."
"Eda, I'm really grateful for everything you and Hooty have done for us but Hunter is my responsibility. Don't you miss having time for yourself?"
"That just means I don't have as much time to commit crimes," she replied with a laugh. "Come on we love having the kid around and if I am ever busy I can let you know ahead of time so you can have someone else watch him for a day. "
"I could watch him," came a soft voice from the doorway. When I turned around I saw our mother standing by the door which had been left wide open. Her eyes were puffy and it was clear that she had been crying.
"Mother?" That single word sounded hollow as I spoke it. Looking at her now I felt nothing. As if whatever bond we had once shared had been severed. She was nothing but a stranger now.
"I told you not to come back here," growled Edalyn trying her best to stay composed.
"I know and I'm sorry. I had left but I stayed close hoping you might change your mind...then...I heard the crying. I rushed over as fast as I could and that's when I saw sweet flea... the curse... I overheard everything." she mumbled as her voice threatened to break. "I am so ashamed of myself......I have been such a terrible mother."
A fresh stream of tears started to roll down her face as she spoke. A small part of me wanted to rush to her side and console her. Pretend that everything was okay and tell her that she did nothing wrong just to see her smile. However, Hunter's humming made me remember that I was a mother now. I couldn't just fall back into the same patterns with mother. As difficult as this was it was something that needed to be done. Things needed to change. So I didn't reach out to her and neither did Edalyn.
After a moment of nothing but the sound of her crying, she finally spoke up again. "...Lilith, I'm so sorry for ignoring you all these years," she lamented trying to rid herself of the tears that kept flowing. "It truly wasn't my intention to ignore you. You have always been so self-sufficient that it made me forget you still needed a mother. I always trusted that you would be able to handle things on your own and without realizing it I started to neglect you completely. Then I became so consumed with finding a cure to the curse that I ended up ignoring how much time was passing by. Next thing I knew twelve years had passed in a blink of an eye. "
"Well nobody asked you to look for a cure. I already have it handled. We don't need you going to titans knows where without telling anyone and coming back with crazy remedies that won't work and a new collection of scars." retorted Edalyn. "It would be better having you around just being supportive."
Edalyn had softened her tone as she said that last part. She always acted so strong but she felt things as strongly as I did. She worried about mother often even if she wouldn't mention it.
"I...yes and maybe with time we could mend our relationship and maybe I could get to meet my grandson," mumbled trying not to cry again as she mentioned Hunter.
I held Hunter closer to me as I thought about what mother had said. I really wished that I could h just forget everything and move on but I couldn't. Had she said these same words to me before I might have jumped at the opportunity without a second thought. But the fact still remained that she didn't want anything to do with me before. What if I let her in just for her to do the same thing all over again? But now it would involve Hunter.
"...I can't," I said standing my grown. The words were dripping with all the pain that I have felt throughout the years. "Not right now...maybe later."
"I understand, we'll take things slow," she said sounding comforting. "I will be heading home and stop searching for a cure so that I can be here for my family. Besides you two seem to have things handled already. Just know that if you need me I'll be a call away."
"That's all I've ever wanted," I whispered turning away. Right now her words felt more to me like an empty promise. Still, I wanted to try and make things right between us. I wanted Hunter to have his grandparents in his life and I wanted to have my mother back in mine. I would do my part and if she chooses to ignore us again then I'll stop trying for good.
"Yes well then I should get going," she replied. The sound of her voice was mixed with sorrow but thankfully she understood that at the moment I needed some time. "Goodbye then."
"Bye-bye," replied Hunter who could now see my mother over my shoulder. While I couldn't see him I could feel him waving his little arm. Just the mental image alone was enough to make me smile.
When I turned back around to look at my mother I saw fresh tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face. There seemed to be a new determination in her features as she spoke one last time before leaving. "I promise I won't make the same mistakes again."