CINDY
This whole place is bustling. I can hear it before we even get out of the car. The soft hum of pop music, these important famous people all speaking and laughing.
"I feel like I'm in college all over again." I say to Levin as he opens my door. He offers me his hand, helping me out.
His car is so tall that he has to grab me by my waist and kind of lift me out of the car.
"They'll make you feel like you're in high school."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
From afar, I guess the idea is nice. Big event with all these famous and important people that you never dream of meeting. But I have to remember that things are always so different when there are so many perspectives.
Levin sighs. "Sometimes. I don't know. These people have a way of making me feel claustrophobic."
"I'll be your gas mask. To keep you safe from the toxins they're trying to spread to you."
His eyes crinkle. "That's the sweetest, most weird thing I've heard come out of your mouth."
I've said worse. We both know that.
He offers me his arm, and I take it, letting him lead me into this almost entirely foreign reality that has never once belonged to me.
Tommy and I had came to an understanding early in his career that I didn't want to be in his spotlight, on his arm at places like these. So, I rarely went unless it was something huge like an award show or charity thing where he was apart of the game.
I've had glimpses of this side of things, but as I look around at all these people posing for cameras and doing interviews in twelve inch heels, I realize how much I didn't take in. Or maybe this is all different from Tommy's world too.
Suddenly feeling ill, I say:
"Levin, I'm going to vomit."
I feel his eyes on me, but I don't look at him. Any motion with send any bodily fluid inside of me hurling out of me at a rapid, unnaturally embarrassing pace.
"You've got this, okay? You look sexy, untouchable, intangible. Act like it. Act like you're too good for all these people. Because you are too good for them, by the way."
His words aren't exactly simple, but I don't imagine them to help so much. To flatten the sudden stomach bug so in one go.
Taking a breath, I look up at him, still too unsure. Even in heels, I don't compare to him in size. Not in width—surprisingly, and definitely not in height.
He nudges me with his elbow, smiling reassuringly.
This whole thing is way out of my league. This place, this guy... Everyone will know this is a haux the second they get a look at me.
Sexy, untouchable, intangible.
Another breath. I take another breath before I square my shoulders and lift my chin. I've so got this.
Maybe it's the deadly amount of anxiety coursing through me that drives me mad enough to think I hear Levin say: "That's my girl." But I guess I'll never know because we're next for interviews.
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Luckily, I don't unleash the contents of my insides at any point during the interviews. We did one, and it went smoothly. The questions were tame and sweet. But then, when people started realizing Levin was here—and here with someone, with me—it was like everything just...
More strangers pushed for interviews with us, some getting so handsy that Levin had to pull me out of there. Not literally, but we followed the red carpet (holy shit, I just said that), and went toward the end of the room.
This is just a dinner. At least that's what Levin said. I guess he'd mentioned the interviews and the huge dinner and the rich people, but I didn't expect for there to be a fucking red carpet. This feels like a more tame version of the Met Gala.
Nobody is wearing anything completely insane like if this really were the cursed Met. But everyone looks so good that it's unfair.
Levin has made it clear that I'm sexy, untouchable, intangible, so I'm obviously the hottest person here. I'll admit that Levin is a close second.
So now we're sitting at a table with a few of his teammates and their dates. Saul, Marcus, Christopher. Phoebe—Saul's fiancé. Logan—Marcus's husband. And Alexa—Christopher's long-term girlfriend. Then, if you count me... Cindy—Levin's (very fake) girlfriend.
Within the last ten minutes I've known these people, here's what I've picked up:
Phoebe is quiet. She makes up for her low, sweet voice with loud hand movements, though. A funny laugh and contagious smile. Saul is also quiet. But not the same way his fiancé is. She talks when he keeps more to himself, only talking in passing comments.
Logan has confidence radiating off of him, same with his husband. Marcus talks over everyone, but not in that annoying way. I can't explain it, but he's very... I don't know. Very Marcus.
And Alexa. She seems like my kind of friend. There's this comfortable vibe about her. She's apart of the conversation in the kind of way where she's correcting the boys, laying out every stupid thing they say out on the table. And to make things that much better, she's doing all this while reading. Oh, and Christopher is cool too. He reminds me of Dahlian, all loud and giggly like a dork.
I'd say more, but I think I'm a little busy falling in love with his girlfriend.
I even convinced Christopher to switch seats with me so I could talk to Alexa about what she's reading.
"Have you gotten to the lake scene?" I ask her, my eyes scanning the page she's on. I remember reading this book like it was yesterday.
"Yeah," she says almost distantly, like if she can't fathom how I could possibly know what happened in the book. "Sorry if I'm a little in shock. It's just that I'm the only one who really reads. I mean, Logan reads, but he's more into all that philosophical crap. And well..."
I smile. "Romances are just more your style. I get that."
She gets her bookmark into place, closing the book and shifting im her chair to face me. God, nothing makes a girl feel more special than another girl (who also reads) closing their book to speak to them.
"Does Levin get weird about what you read? Chris thinks I read these types of books because he isn't doing something that book characters are."
"Can't answer that. Levin hasn't caught me in the middle of a good book yet, so it would be a lie to say he does."
She hums to herself. "It makes me feel bad."
I get what she means. Tommy used to get uncomfortable about what I read too, saying that it makes him feel guilty that I'm not finding this something in him but I'm finding it in pages.
Because I already love her, because she's already given up little pieces of information about herself, I'll give her a little piece too.
"But I did experience that in my last relationship."
She perks up. Either I've just made a poor decision or she's hungry for advice.
"Tommy does social media, streaming. I'm sure you've heard of him at some point, he's super big right now. Uh, but my parents are so lovey-dovey, you know. And I could never get enough of it, so I got into romance books. Even when I was in a relationship, I was reading three to four books a week. We would talk about it a lot. He wanted to take a break from streaming to focus on us, but I told him not to."
I've said a few more things than I should have to this stranger. But I know I would have wanted someone to talk about this when it happened.
"Was that why you guys broke up? If you don't mind me asking."
"We broke up because I didn't feel like I had what I wanted. All of a sudden, we just didn't feel right."
She glances at Levin. "Does Levin feel right?"
And I don't know why, but I say it so quickly, so sure of myself. Because he truly does feel right. This whole thing does, and I can't figure out why for the life of me.
I'm becoming fond of him. We're friends, or beginning to be, and I like his company. He's funny, we have the same sense of humor, he's a good listener. I think I like him better that my friends I've known since forever.
Alexa smiles at me, leaning back in her chair with a content smile. Like I just said something to make her proud. Proud of what, I don't know.
My eyes land on Levin to find him already looking at me. He smiles at me, winking at me before nodding toward the stage.
"Torture," I think he mouthed.
I smile back at him, swiveling around in my seat to look up at the women and men walking up onto the big stage.
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Count on me to be basically peeing myself during the most important part of this whole event. There are like four people up on that stage, people are cheering from the crowd of famous people, and I can't even pay attention to half of what those people have been talking about because I'm about ninety percent sure that I'm leaving here with a wet dress.
I feel the warmth of a hand on my shoulder, making me angle my head.
"Yeah?" I say to Levin who is leaning basically across the whole table.
"Are you okay?"
I bounce my knee under the table, pursing my lips.
"Mh-mm."
"Sure?"
"Nuh-uh."
He snorts, standing from his seat and walking around the table to offer me a hand.
I take it, letting him help me up and lead me toward the restrooms.
"I'm sorry. My bladder couldn't have chosen a worse time to betray me, Levin." I apologize as I basically waddle alongside my definitely real boyfriend.
"Not really. Your bladder saved me."
As soon as the words leave his mouth, he brows knit together and he glances over at me just as I look at him. We both bust out laughing.
I swat his arm. How are we like this? First me, now him.
"Maybe I'll let that slide," I say. "I think after what I said early, I probably polluted your mind with my stupidity."
He rolls his eyes, nudging my shoulder. "Shut up. You're not stupid."
Before I can recount every terribly embarrassing thing I've ever done, he tells me to get my ass in the bathroom before I pee myself.
In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have drank so much iced tea. Especially knowing my child is about the size of a fucking mango (according to the evil lady with the cold belly gel), and he's going to be squashing my freaking bladder for the next four-five months.
After I've done my business, I walk out into the hall to find Levin leaning against the wall, doing whatever on his phone.
As soon as he notices me, he pockets the phone.
"Good?"
"Very much. Thanks for escorting me." I joke, smoothing out my dress with my palms. That earns me a small smile.
"Mh-mm."
I move to lean against the wall with him, shutting my eyes for a moment.
"Tired?" I hear him ask, sounding a little worried.
"No," I tell him truthfully. "Just happy."
And I really am. For whatever reason, I'm in such a good mood. Maybe it's the hormones, but I'm so happy right now. Like, big smile, light chest, glorious sense of completion kind of happy. What even happened to make me feel like this? God, I love it.
"What about? Are you having a good time?" He asks me.
I shake my head. This had proven to be very boring, but I am liking his friends more than I figured I would.
"To he honest, I'm bored. But your friends are so lively, and I met you, we're friends—'more than friends' or whatever. I have my house to myself. I have my boy on the way. Like... Nothing turned out how I planned, or even how I wanted in the slightest. But I love that, and I'm really happy to be out of
my comfort zone, out of my bubble."
He nods, smiling at me with something that looks a little like pride. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
The warmth of his fingers encase mine and he squeezes my hand.
"I'm glad you're happy, Cindy. I'm glad to be apart of that somehow, or even be able to witness this."
I try not to give him that shy smile I put on when I feel flattered, but fail. It's hard around him, though. Either he's said something so questionable that it's funny or he's said something kind to me.
He hasn't been mean or as distant as I expected he might be while we get to know each other.
"You're disgustingly sweet." I mumble.
"Well, I could always be a dick instead."
I guess he has a point. But this fake dating thing is more than likely bond us for life, and so far he isn't sick of me. That alone tells me that he's not going to be a jerk. Not now and hopefully not ever.
After a moment, he says:
"You said you're out of your comfort zone. Does that mean you're uncomfortable at all? 'Cause if this start to be too much..."
I shake my head. "No. Hell no. Maybe the parasite in my body is weighing me down a little at the moment, but I couldn't be more comfortable. I just mean that I'm glad to branch out of what I'm used to. Of that regular, boring routine and everything."
"Oh. Okay. But if you are, please tell me. Don't put up with any shit, okay? If you've had enough, don't 'push through' for me. If you're uncomfortable, then so am I. And we're out of... wherever we might be."
I've never had anyone offer me an out of any situation that could make me uneasy or upset, never had anyone basically tell me they would drop everything for me. Or maybe I have, but hearing this from Levin leaves all those times feeling less significant.
"What if it was something important? Something that could change your whole, whole life or career."
"We're out of there, Cindy."
I nod, not really knowing what to say.
We're new friends, and he's saying this to me so easily. Does he feel like he owes me that because I'm doing him this favor? Because if deep down he hates my guts, can't stand me, wants me gone... Then, this feeling I have, this feeling that's telling me I would drop everything for him too is for nothing.