I was transcendent with each touch he delivered to me. For in that moment, I was not myself. My soul had been removed from my body yet his kissed kept me grounded. My entire relationship with him was always contradicted, but there was something different about this kiss. It was the confirmation I desperately desired from him. Just as I felt as if I might crawl out of my own skin, he pulled away.
"What is it?" I asked, watching to make sure he did not run from me again.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that..."
I began shaking my head as he gave me a look of confusion.
"What?" He asked, irritation in his voice.
"Take me back home."
He was taken by surprise at my response.
"Of course not! I am not leaving you with that psychopath."
"At least he is direct on what he wants."
He angled his jaw slightly over before letting out a breath. "I suggest you keep your mouth shut."
How dare he talk to me this way! I am not a servant, I am not under his thrall, I am my own independent woman!
"Stop telling me what to do!" I snapped. "I am so frustrated with all your games. I am done with them!"
As I went to leave the room, he shut it tight and locked it.
"It's dangerous out there..."
"I feel safer out there an in here."
He lowered his head and sighed before looking back up at me. "What do you want from me?" He asked, his voice now being raised as well. "Huh? Do you want a marriage proposal? Friends with benefits? What on Earth do you want from me?"
"I want you to be honest about me, about how you fell about me!"
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
"Because I can't control myself!" He confessed, his face now red with both frustration and embarrassment. "Every time I see you, I have to claw away from you. You are so innocent..." He said as he brushed his hand along my cheek. "So pure, and I just want to take that...I won't let myself do that. I have to fight everything I feel because I don't want you to hate me. I push you away because I can't stand you close, but I can't be without you..."
"Why not just tell me this before?"
"Because I don't do this! I don't enter relationships and I don't care about other people. But you...You have made me crazy. Ever since I saw you at that school Homecoming game."
"We met in the barn...."
"Yes, we met there...But...I saw you at the school's Homecoming game. You drove me nuts even then..."
"That was almost six months ago...Why didn't you say anything?"
"I am almost ten years older than you. It isn't exactly something to brag about. I am falling in love with someone I could get arrested for being with..." He froze as he realized his confession.
"You're falling for me?"
He shook his head. "I fell a while ago."
My eyes filled with light as he walked closer toward me.
"There is nothing I want more than you throw you up against this door and kiss every inch of your body until you burst, but I will be a gentleman and say goodnight..."
"Even gentleman give goodnight kisses." I said with a smile.
He leaned in and placed a soft kiss upon my lips before departing to the room beside mine. Before entering it, he walked back toward me, backed me up into the wall and kissed me with great passion.
"I forgot how much I wanted to do that." He said before smiling. "If you need anything, I'll be right over here..."
I nodded. "Good night."
"Good night." His soothing voice was now content, finally matching with his eyes. As I readied myself for bed I felt accomplished. I finally knew how he felt but a dark cloud reigned over me. He would not be the first man who had touched me. And for this, I looked at myself in the mirror and tears came out uncontrollably. How will he still love me if he discovers I'm tainted?