August 28, 2016
No One's P.O.V.
It was the night of the MTV Music Awards, which were being held in New York City. Y/N had joined Camila and the girls for a few days but then had to go back to LA to work on some things for her next album. Her most recent, and last before the album release, single came out a week ago and it was still at the #2 spot on the Billboard Hot 100 list.
Camila had finished glam for the show and was now speed walking down the hotel hallway, keeping an eye out for room 516. Once she found it, she knocked on the door, biting her lip as she gripped her dress, holding it up so it didn't drag on the ground too much.
Y/N opened the door, also fully ready for the show. "Hey, pretty girl." She smiled. Camila launched herself into her girlfriend's arms immediately.
"Hi," she smiled. Y/N kissed her softly before pulling her into the room.
"I'm surprised they let you sneak away." Y/N marveled, knowing the girls' team was very strict with things like this, especially with Camila and her.
"Oh, I said I was gonna go for a walk." Camila waved her hand dismissively before backing up to take in her girlfriend's outfit. "Damn, baby. You look hot." She but her lip.
"Me? Look at this dress." Y/N returned. "This slit is gonna make me act up." She joked, tracing her fingers up the sliver of skin that was on show.
Y/N tilted her head to place kisses along Camila's neck, her fingers still stroking her exposed skin. "Baby..." Camila sighed. "We can't right now."
"Says who?" Y/N mumbled against her skin.
"Says me...and my glam team." Camila moaned softly when Y/N bit her neck gently. "Y/N...stop..." Another bite. Her fingers started to slide over towards Camila's center. "Y/N...I'm serious, no."
That did it. Y/N pulled away immediately. Camila tended to say 'stop' a lot but it didn't hold a lot of meaning. In fact, Y/N had stopped in the past, only to be scolded by Camila for stopping. But 'no'? That was the one word that would always make Y/N stop everything immediately and Camila knew that. "I promise, when we get back, we can. Okay?"
Y/N smirked. "Okay." She kissed Camila gently, reveling in the taste and feeling of her soft lips. After pulling away, Y/N made her way to the door and held it open for Camila.
As the young Latina walked by, she slid her fingers across Y/N's chest and rasped, "Maybe I'll even let you use our new toy." She winked before walking out and down the hallway, leaving behind a very dumbfounded, and horny, girlfriend.
————
Y/N's P.O.V.
After Camila and I went our separate ways—I had to leave around the back to avoid the fans gathered out front—we began our journey to the venue. "Are you ready?" Alexxis asked from her seat across from me in the large black SUV.
"Yeah, sure." I nodded, my elbow on the door handle and my fingers toying with my lip. My leg was bouncing and my heart rate slightly high.
"You don't sound it."
"I'm fine." I waved her off. "I just have to use the bathroom." Alexxis gave me a knowing look and sighed.
"Alright." She breathed out.
————
My door was opened for me once I arrived at the venue and I stepped out, helping Alexxis out as well. "Okay, so you're gonna stop for a couple interviews, one with Extra and one with E News. Then, of course, the carpet hosts." She rushed out as we made our way to the start of the carpet. "Be vague and tease the album like we discussed."
"Okay, got it." I have her a thumbs up before being directed to step in front of the flashing lights. My name was called from all directions and I felt my brain shut off as my body went into autopilot. I expertly looked toward each camera and altered my poses as I went. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about how much I wanted to be posing here with Camila.
After finishing up two of my three interviews, I approached Chelsea Briggs from E News. She had just finished up with Fifth Harmony and I wanted to catch up with them. "Y/N! Hi!" She greeted in her usual enthusiastic manner, giving me a hug.
"Hey, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm good! But let's not talk about me, let's talk about the album you just announced! Give us all the details on Tickets To My Downfall! What's your favorite track?" She asked, her smile bright as camera flashes reflected off of it.
"That's a hard question," I laughed, shoving one hand into my pants pocket, the other holding the mic she had given me. "I'm really excited for a track called 'gay 4 me'. It's different from my usual sound, well this whole album is, but this one even more so. I think it's gonna be a lot of fun to perform." The rest of the interview went by fairly quickly as I answered what I had to, trying to get out of there. Finally, she concluded the interview and we said our goodbyes.
I quickly walked over to where some fans had lined up by the doors and signed some things as I kept moving to where Camila was. I found her standing with a few girls and taking a few pictures. "Y/N! Can I get a picture?"
"Sure," I smiled. My voice clearly reached Camila's ears as she spun around mid picture. "Fancy seeing you here." I told her before smiling for the selfie with a fan.
"Oh, my god...are you guys friends?" One girl asked. "Two of my favorite artists being friends would kill me."
I laughed as I signed something for her. "Yeah." Camila answered. "We're friends."
"Yup. Very close friends." I winked at Camila as we kept moving down the line. The blush on her cheeks made me giggle to myself. A few moments later, and someone from the girl's team had noticed us talking and ushered the girls down the carpet faster.
I sped up as well until we were both out of the view of cameras and walking into the venue. I placed my hand on Camila's back as we walked. "That was a stupid thing to say." She spoke through a smirk, letting me know she wasn't actually upset.
"I saw the chance and took it." I shrugged. Once I had got my girlfriend safely to her seat, I gave her a quick kiss and made my way to my own seat.
————
Camila's P.O.V.
The show had started about twenty minutes ago and Y/N was going to be performing in about fifteen. I glanced over to her section but I couldn't find her. Almost as if she sensed it, my phone lit up with a text from her. I turned my brightness down and unlocked my phone.
my lover❤️: can u come to the bathroom please
cami baby🍑💗: y/n, i said we can have sex after the show, not during
my lover❤️: i know that
my lover❤️: im serious, can you please come
I genuinely thought she was asking for a quickie in the bathroom since that seemed like something she'd ask for. The fact that she didn't even reply back with a sarcastic or flirty response worried me. "Hey," I nudged Normani who was seated next to me. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom." She nodded and I stood up and made my way there. The door to the bathroom was locked so I knocked a few times. "Baby? It's me."
The lock clicked and the door opened to reveal my girlfriend, her eyes puffy and face red. "Hi." She rasped out, letting me in.
I entered, locking the door behind me. "What's wrong?" I asked, walking closer to her.
"I'm like...I'm freaking out. I've never performed this song before live. And like, I'm tired and I'm nervous and like...I just can't do this." She rushed out, her hands coming up to grasp her hair at the root. "I'm freaking out."
I've seen Y/N before a performance and she was always so well put together. Sure, she was nervous but never like this. Honestly, I didn't know what to do. All I knew was I needed to make sure she was okay. "Okay, woah," I stepped closer, holding her face in my hands. Her skin was burning up and clammy. "Just breathe." I told her, taking a few deep breaths myself for her to mimic. "You're gonna do great. You'll have Matt there too."
"I can't—I can't even remember the lyrics to my own fucking song." She breathed out.
"You have your in-ears. And other cues. You'll be fine. Trust me, baby." My heels aiding me, I placed a kiss on her forehead, trying my best to ignore the sweat that coated her skin.
Y/N sighed, resting her forehead on mine. "I wish you could be up there with me." She told me.
"I know." I smiled at her, though her eyes were still cast downward. "Hey," I pulled back, causing her to look at me. "When you're out there, find me in the crowd. Pretend you're just singing to me." Y/N nodded. "It's you and me." I told her, lifting my hand, my index and middle finger crossed. "Just us. Okay?"
Y/N nodded, finally smiling. I kissed her one last time before leaving the bathroom with her.
Her performance was amazing. During Matt's—or blackbear's—verse, Y/N met my gaze and crossed her fingers like I had done before. I did the same back, making her smile before she began singing her part, jumping around like she usually did during performances.
————
After the show—in which the girls and I won two awards—we attended an after party, the same one Y/N was at. I wasn't positive, but I'm pretty sure she pulled a few strings to get us at the same party.
I had been glued to her side almost the whole time, knowing it would be a bit till I see her next. A few people had come up to congratulate me and the girls on our win and to tell Y/N she did great tonight. Her arm had been around my shoulders protectively the whole time, a drink in her other hand. As for myself, I was nursing the same glass of champagne I had when we first got here.
"Y/N?" We both turned our heads towards the direction of the voice. I felt Y/N tense beside me, her arm pulling me closer. "Oh my God! How are you?"
"Kendall, hi." Y/N gave her a forced smile. "I've been good. You?" She took a sip of her drink.
"Good, yeah." She nodded, looking at me before back at Y/N.
"Oh, uh, this is Camila. My uh—"
"Girlfriend." I finished for her, extending my hand to shake, a fake smile on my face.
"Ah, girlfriend, huh?" She forced a smile just as fake as my own and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you."
"We've actually met before. A few times. You hung out with my band mate, Lauren a couple times." I reminded her. Their friendship was short lived once Kendall offered her some cocaine and came onto her. At least, that's what Lauren told me. But who really knows with how much Lauren lies.
"Hmm, can't say I remember you. Maybe you just have a forgetful face." She shrugged, disguising her jab with a sickly sweet smile.
"That's enough, Ken." Y/N warned. The nickname rolling off her tongue so easily it made my stomach turn. She turned, leading me away. "I'm sorry about that." She told me. "She's always been a bitch, but that was uncalled for."
"It's fine." I shrugged, about to say something else when a few people came over. I recognized them as some of Y/N's friends, though I couldn't remember their names, besides Matt.
"Hey! Mind if we steal your girl for a bit?" They asked me.
"Not tonight, guys." Y/N answered for me. "I wanna spend some time with her before she goes back on tour."
I smiled but shook my head. "No, go ahead. You haven't seen them in awhile, go have fun."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I laughed. "I'm serious, go. I'll go catch up with the girls."
"Okay, but if you need me come get me." She kissed me before going off with her friends.
I watched her go before heading towards the bar to get another drink. As I waited, I felt someone come up behind me. Assuming it was Y/N, I began speaking before fully turning around. "Baby, I said you can go see your—" I stopped once I noticed it was not my girlfriend, but Kendall. "Oh. Hi."
"Hi, Camilla." She smiled. "Sorry about earlier." She apologized but it didn't seem too genuine. I decided against correcting her on my name, though I wasn't sure why.
"It's whatever." I waved her off.
"Yeah, well," She took a seat beside me at the bar just as my drink came out. "I wanted to talk to you."
"About?" I took a sip of the sweet bubbly drink.
"Y/N." I rolled my eyes. "I know what you have seems great and real and amazing." She started. "And the sex is probably extraordinary." I cleared my throat. "Right, well, I just want to tell you that it won't last. Y/N isn't made for relationships. Pretty soon, you'll be telling her you love her—cause how could you not—and instead of saying it back, she'll break up with you. She's not made for commitment."
"Wow," I started. "I'm sorry you had that experience with her. But, I'm not worried about that." I smiled. "In fact, I'm already in love with her. And she's in love with me."
"I know you probably think that but—"
"No, I know it. She told me." I bit back a smile as Kendall's face fell, her sweet smile disappearing.
"She said that?"
"Yup." I nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go find my girls and celebrate our two wins." I stood to leave. I'm not usually the type to brag but that felt good. Before I was out of ear shot, I turned to her one last time, her eyes already on me. "And, by the way, it's Cam-ee-la." I waved before starting back into the crowd. My amazingly cool outro was interrupted by two guys dragging someone towards the bathroom. They bumped into me, making me stumble. "Hey, what—Y/N?" I asked, recognizing the person being held up by their arms.
I followed them into the bathroom, watching as they pushed Y/N down in front of the toilet, onto her knees. One of them unceremoniously shoved two fingers down her throat. I cringed as her body lurched a few times before she vomited into the ceramic bowl. The other guy, the one not wiping his fingers off on his pants, rubbed her back, making sure her hair didn't fall into her face. "What the fuck..." I spoke as Y/N flopped to the side, sitting up—barely—against the wall, her head lolling. "What happened?" I ran over and sat on my knees beside her.
"She had too much." One of them shrugged. "It happens."
"Too much of what?"
"Who knows with her." The other said. "She'll be fine though. She just needs some rest." They both waved and left the bathroom with the assurance I'll watch her.
"What does that mean?" I asked her.
"Hi, pretty girl." She smiled, her eyes hazy.
"Hi, what did they mean?" I repeated.
"I was just having fun."
————
No One's P.O.V.
When the two women got back to the hotel room they were sharing—the room that was actually Y/N's but Camila snuck out of the room she was supposed to be sharing with Dinah—the silence was strong.
Camila didn't know what to say to her girlfriend. She didn't even know what to think. Sure, she knew Y/N smoked weed and drank alcohol. But she never thought she did anything else. Apparently she was wrong. Her thoughts circled back to when she found cocaine on the glass table in Y/N's living room. She had assumed that was her friends', not hers. Maybe she was wrong.
Y/N, now decently sober after having expelled the majority of her stomach contents a few hours earlier, came up behind Camila, oblivious to her obvious inner turmoil. Camila had her back to Y/N, her arms crossed. Y/N wrapped her own arms around her, placing kisses on her neck. "Seriously?" Camila asked.
"What? You said when we get back." Y/N replied, confused as to why Camila ripped herself from her hold.
"Yeah, that was before you almost died." Camila scoffed.
"I didn't almost die."
Camila sighed, running a hand through her now-down hair, the back of her head still sore from the high ponytail she was sporting the whole night. "I didn't know you...you did that stuff." She said.
"What stuff?"
"Like...drugs," Camila barely spoke the last word, hating the sound of it at the moment.
"I mean, just to have some fun." Y/N shrugged. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know that. But, like, if it's a problem then I don't wanna—"
"It's not." Y/N assured her, stepping forward and placing her hands on Camila's elbows. "I just do it sometimes to have fun. To let loose."
Camila didn't look convinced, mostly because she wasn't. But she wanted to believe Y/N. She wanted so badly to believe that Y/N wasn't addicted to things that could take her away so easily. Maybe that's why she nodded when she did. Maybe her want to believe overpowered what she knew was the truth. The truth that her brain was trying desperately to scream to her. But, she ignored it. And she nodded, accepting Y/N's words as the truth. "Okay. I believe you. Just don't do that again, please."
"Deal." Y/N smiled, kissing her forehead. She stepped away, pulling off her shirt and walking to her suitcase to retrieve a sleep shirt.
"What are you doing?" Camila asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Uh...getting ready for bed," Y/N replied, turning around to find Camila standing in the middle of the room, her dress from earlier gone. "Oh...I didn't think you wanted to anymore."
"Well, you thought wrong." Camila smirked. "Do you have it?"
"Have..." Y/N looked at her. "Oh," Realization dawned on her and she nodded, going into her bad to get the box. "Here," she tossed it to Camila as she stripped out of the rest of her clothes. "Open it."
Camila did as she was told, struggling slightly with the tape on the box. "Now what?" She asked, holding up the harness, the silicone already attached.
"Uh...now I put it on." Y/N answered, taking the strap-on from her. She stepped into it and started pulling it up. "Shit."
"What?" Camila asked, worried.
"I need help." Y/N sighed, struggling to get it on.
Camila giggled and came over. "What do you need me to do?"
"Just...help me get this thing up." She pulled at the harness straps.
Camila did as she was told, laughing at the situation. "Ya know, I had pictured this very differently."
"Yeah, the before isn't too hot." Y/N laughed. "That should be good." She grabbed some lube from her bag, putting it on the small insert, before inserting it into herself. "Shit," She moved a little, adjusting herself. "'Kay, I'm good. Get on the bed." She instructed.
Camila climbed onto the bed, turning onto her back. "I'm nervous." She told her, biting her lip as Y/N crawled on after her.
"Do you want to stop? We don't have to try this tonight." Y/N told her, brushing a strand of her hair back, out of her face as she lay over her. The toy was pressed against Camila's bare stomach.
"No, I want to. I've just never had anything bigger than fingers." She brought her hand out to touch the silicone toy. Y/N grunted as Camila pushed it into her. The smirk that grew on Camila's face assured Y/N she was ready. Y/N kissed her lips and down her body until she reached her center. She blew on the heated skin, loving how her girlfriend was already aroused just from her lips. She slid her tongue between her folds, teasing her clit before pulling it into her mouth. "Jesus, Y/N." Camila moaned, her back arching slightly as her fingers tangled into her hair. Y/N smiled as she continued, bringing a finger up to her opening.
She pushed it in, keeping her tongue on Camila's clit, flicking it the way she knows Camila liked. She pushed another finger in and began scissoring them to get her ready. Making sure to curl her fingers, she was getting Camila closer and closer. When she was just about to release, Y/N pulled away with a smirk. Her fingers were still working inside of her but she knew Camila needed her clit stimulated to be able to finish. "What the fuck?" She breathed out, her eyebrows pushed together. Y/N went back and brought her to the edge a couple more times before pulling her fingers out and kneeling in front of her. "I was so close." Camila whined, hitting the bed beside her like a child who didn't get their way.
"Just hold on," Y/N told her. She ran the tip of the toy from her entrance to her clit. As soon as the toy nudged the sensitive bud, Camila's legs locked and her head was thrown back.
"Fuck!" She yelled, thrusting her hips to ride out her orgasm. When she came down, she opened her eyes to meet Y/N's gaze. Her eyes wide and mouth open. "I told you I was close."
Y/N laughed and leaned over her to kiss her. "I'm gonna go slow. Tell me if it it hurts." Camila nodded. "You have to let me know what feels good, okay?" She nodded again. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Camila swallowed. She kept her eyes on the toy as Y/N placed it at her entrance and pushed the head in. She released a large sigh through her nose at the sudden stretch. "Hold on." Y/N looked up at her, bringing her arms to either side of Camila's head. She placed soft kisses across her face and neck while Camila got used to the feeling. "Okay, you can go a little deeper."
Y/N pushed another inch in, keeping her eyes on Camila's face to gage her comfort level. "You're doing great, baby."
"I'm sorry." She apologized. "This can't be hot." She joked.
"You're right. You being in pain or uncomfortable isn't hot. It's not supposed to be hot. But it's the only way to do this right." Y/N told her softly. "It's an adjustment. If you don't want to do this tonight, I can stop." Camila's heart swelled at how patient Y/N was being. Usually when they have sex it's hot and fast and rough. This was different. Y/N was making sure she was okay. Her eyes were filled with concern and care as she continued to work the toy into Camila, whispering words of encouragement into her ear. And right when Camila felt the guilt of taking so long bubble up and she began to worry she was losing her attractiveness as a tear slipped from her eye, Y/N was right there to tell her, "You're so beautiful." Before kissing her gently. "I love you."
"I love you too." Camila breathed out, looking down when she felt Y/N's hips meet her own. "I did it!" She exclaimed, looking up at her girlfriend with a wide smile on her face.
"You did," Y/N laughed, tilting her hips up slightly. She began grinding her hips, helping Camila adjust some more to being full.
"Oh, wait." Camila gasped. "Do that last thing again." Y/N tried to remember what she had just done and when Camila's nails gripped her back, she realized she found it. She continued that movement for a few moments before pulling out slowly and thrusting in while angling her hips the way Camila liked. "Yes, oh my god, that feels good." She looked up at Y/N, bringing her hand to her cheek to get her to look at her. "Does it feel good for you too?"
Now it was Y/N's turn to feel her heart swell. She loved how concerned Camila was with her pleasure. She'd never seen someone who wanted to make sure she received pleasure as well. Usually, they only really wanted to get off themselves, and Y/N was fine with that. In fact, she wanted that. But, with the way Camila was looking at her right now, she started to think about what it would feel like for Camila to touch her. "Yeah, yeah it does." She breathed out, the idea of Camila bringing her pleasure on her own started to arouse her even more. That thought had never affected her like this before, she had always been too scared to feel that intimate of a touch from anyone. "I-I'm close." She muttered, kissing Camila's forehead.
"Cum for me, baby." Camila told her, moaning as the toy continued to hit her where she needed it. She kept her hand on Y/N's cheek, their eyes locked. After a few moments, she watched as her girlfriend was pushed over the edge.
"Oh, fuck, Camila." She gasped, humping into her as the toy rubbed her g-spot and her clit rubbed against the base of the toy.
"That's it," Camila smiled. "You're beautiful." Y/N blushed as she started to come down. She doesn't remember the last time she was called beautiful by someone she was with. Hot? Yes. Sexy? Also yes. But beautiful?
"You don't understand how much I love you." She told Camila.
"Then show me." Camila smirked. Y/N kept the toy inserted and sat back on her knees, pulling Camila's legs up to wrap around her body. She humped the toy in and out while rubbing Camila's clit, her free hand pressing just below Camila's stomach. "Oh—I..." Camila's eyes shut as white hot pleasure took over her body. Her eyes snapped open when Y/N's mouth wrapped around her right nipple. "Y/N!" She screamed, her body jerking as she came.
After what felt like forever, Y/N gently pulled out. Camila moaned as she felt another small orgasm come over her. "Oh shit," Y/N said.
"What?" Camila asked lazily.
"You squirted."
"What?" Now she was awake. "No I didn't."
"Yeah, you did. A little bit, when I pulled out." She nodded.
"I had already cum, though."
"Some people squirt before or after their orgasms. Not always during." Y/N smiled, leaning down to kiss her. Camila slightly kissed back, her mind cloudy still. She felt Y/N get up and come back after, a wet cloth wiping the inside of her thighs before she climbed off the bed again. "So, I know you're probably tired...but I need help getting this off..." Y/N told her, causing Camila to look over at her and laugh as she saw her girlfriend standing with the harness half way down one leg but still secured on the other.
"Oh my God, I love you." Camila laughed out.
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(a/n): that was long as SHITTTT
This chapter was daunting to write bc I had to do a lot of research on different things (that will make sense later)
A lot came to light in this chapter for both of them. I hope you enjoyed this one because I've had this planned for like...way too long.
A few key things to pay attention to:
1. Y/N's panic attack
2. Camila's thought process mid-argument
3. Both girls thoughts during sex
And as a reminder: the smut in this book isn't just for the sake of having smut. A lot of it (like in this chapter) has more meaning to it. This chapter shows the trust and comfort they have with each other to try something new.
Don't forget to vote
Thanks for reading❤️
Also, this is Y/N's manager, Alexxis