Scarlett's POV
It's been a month since the first day I saw Sawyer, and things have, well, been going.
Some days, it's almost like she's an average child, laughing and chatting with me and making and making a real effort with the cast. On other days, she just disappears inside herself. They're the hardest to deal with for both of us. It's painful watching her as she sits stuck, reliving her past internally; those days, I always try to have her in my arms. I've found that physical contact with me helps to soothe her. Still, it can be a challenge sometimes, especially around all the filming.
Still, she won't let anyone touch her, she needs to initiate contact with everyone other than me, or she will get a flashback. Still, I will take any progress we can get. So the fact that she will touch other people from time to time is such fantastic progress.
Luckily everyone is understanding; they all seem to love Sawyer, and Sawyer is starting to enjoy their presence, at least, I think she is. The only people she seems to be close to comfortable around other than me are Robert and Lizzie. Everyone else she is simply tolerating, so I guess it is going well-ish with the cast.
Sometimes when I'm filming, she will sit with Lizzie and Robert and converse with them, which is fantastic progress for her. She still doesn't like to be far away from me, so she comes everywhere with me, but that's fine because the idea of her being too far from me stresses me out too. I think being close to each other helps us both out, a reminder that we have each other again.
Today Sawyer woke us both up at six am screaming bloody murder.
She had a particularly vivid nightmare, and it took me close to an hour to convince her that Cooper would not get her. Since Sawyer woke up, she hasn't let go of me. We even ended up showering together because she wouldn't let go of me. Days like this are rare since she is pretty good at hiding her nightmares, but when they happen, they are the worst, and it breaks my heart to see the state they leave her in.
Typically, on a day like this, we would cuddle up on the couch and watch movies all day, hugging between takes, which admittedly is what we do most days. Still, the physical touch is at its max on days like this.
But today we are going to New York, filming in England has wrapped and we have a two-week break before we are due in Atlanta for more filming. I'm taking Sawyer to New York for a week to introduce her to my family, who I still need to tell about Sawyer. Then we are going to Atlanta to spend Easter, even though I don't celebrate it, with the cast in Atlanta before filming starts. Sawyer is currently clinging to my neck on my back as I pack, needing both hands to fold.
We had learnt that I could do everything this way while she still got her cuddles. Sawyer hasn't said anything since the nightmare, so she hasn't asked what I'm doing; she has no clue we are leaving for the States today. I talked to her briefly last week about how we were eventually going back to New York to live. She just nodded along, so I don't know if she was even listening. I updated her British passport with her last name back to Johansson. I also got her an American passport from the embassy last week, so she's all set.
We were finally all packed, and I had somehow convinced Sawyer to put on her shoes and pack her backpack so we were ready to go. Robert had offered to drive us to the airport after lunch to save Sawyer from having to deal with anyone new in a taxi.
Sitting down at the table with the cast, I handed Sawyer a plate of wings, she had started to sit on her own chair to eat next to me, but I knew today she wasn't going to let me go, so I didn't even bother to move her, instead playing with her hair as I gave her an encouraging smile before turning her away from my chest so that she was facing the table. Everyone was having their usual chatter about what they would do over the break from filming. At the same time, Sawyer just stared at her plate. I ended up having to feed her practically.
It was nearing the time to leave, so I gently spun Sawyer to face me. "Baby, I know you're not having a good day, but can you talk to the others quickly? We are leaving in a bit to go back to my home. We won't see everyone for a few days, so can you say bye to everyone?" I asked softly, stroking her hair, trying to get her to say goodbye to the others. "Bye," she mumbled, turning around and waving, not meeting anyone's eyes before cuddling back into me.
Days like today remind me of our first week together.
Carrying Sawyer, two suitcases, my bag, and her backpack was a real workout; it took three trips. Eventually, I placed them all in Robert's trunk and checked the trailer before returning to the car. Seeing Lizzie, I walked over, saying my farewells before encouraging Sawyer to do the same. She looked up and wiggled to be put down before grabbing my hand to ensure I didn't leave, something she often does before wrapping her other arm around Lizzie's waist, giving her a quick hug and mumbling a quiet "bye" before flinging herself at me, which was both adorable and heartbreaking all at once.
Luckily, the airport had no paparazzi outside, so I stuck my cap and sunglasses on before holding some out to Sawyer in the back, who was staring out of the window, looking at nothing. "Baby, I got your disguise. Look, we have matching hats today," I point out the little Iron Man on the black caps that Robert had bought us as a joke, trying to be as enthusiastic as possible to cheer her up.
She doesn't respond, making me sigh. "She had a horrible nightmare last night and hasn't spoken since apart from saying bye; it's going to be a long flight", I mumble to Robert, who's watching her closely. "I'll come in with you and help you with the bags before security, it looks fairly quiet, and you could use a hand," he offers, giving Sawyer a sad smile before getting out of the car and grabbing the suitcases from the trunk. I follow suit, holding my bag and Sawyer's backpack before helping Sawyer out, placing her hat on her head in the process before she buries her face into my neck.
We had just got to security, and I was saying goodbye to Robert when Sawyer perked up. Leaning out of my arms, she stretched over to Robert wrapping her arms around him in an awkward hug as she hung from me while hugging him. The action caught us both by surprise, but the smile on Robert's face while she hugged him was massive. "Bye, Robert, I'll miss you," I heard her whisper, making Robert's smile grow exponentially.
The whole thing just warmed my heart. She eventually let go, and I saw Robert wipe a tear away before smiling at us both. "Bye, birdbox, be good for your Mama, and I'll see you in a week for Easter, ok? Take care, Scar; if you need anything, I'm just a phone call away," he says, giving me a quick hug before leaving.
As we neared security, I realised I was going to have to let Sawyer go to get through security. This is not going to end well.
It was our turn, and I had managed to place everything on the conveyer belt and just had to get through the metal scanners. I tried to just walk through with Sawyer, but the guard stopped us, which is what I was expecting. "Ma'am, you're going to have to go through it separately," he said in a huff voice. I looked down at Sawyer and slowly sat her on her feet, although her grip on my T-shirt didn't ease up. "Sawyer, baby, I just need you to let go for two seconds while I walk through this machine, and then when I say, all you need to do is follow. As soon as you're through, we can cuddle, ok?" I say as I stroke her hair in an attempt to keep her calm.
She lets go begrudgingly, allowing me to walk through the detector before turning to Sawyer and telling her to follow when the guard nods. Just my luck, Sawyer walks through and attempts to throw herself back into my arms but gets stopped by the guard. Something in her boot must be metal as it set the detectors off.
Just as the guard went to touch her, I interrupted, knowing this would go sideways quickly. "Please don't touch her; it will trigger her. It's just the boot; she has a broken ankle," I explained, eyeing the guard pleadingly. We had to take our hats off when we went through security, and while I had already slipped mine back on, Sawyer didn't have hers on. I really didn't want anyone to recognise me and get a clear picture of her in the process.
"We need to check her, but we could put her through the 360 scanners if that's easier. No one will be near her then. You can stand where she can see you if that would help keep her calm," the guard offers with a kind smile, making me nod at him and look over at Sawyer, who is close to tears, as she stands on the other side of the guard reaching for me.
"Baby, you just need to stand in a machine quickly, and then we can go," I explain, and she does so, although I can see the tears start to fall. After a few minutes, the guard says we are good to go, and Sawyer flings herself into my arms, muffled sobs escaping her as she cries into my shoulder. I slip her hat back on before walking us over to Duty-Free, grabbing some drinks and snacks, paying for them before stuffing them into Sawyer's backpack, and walking us over to the gate.
Sawyer doesn't react to anything as I walk us around the airport, making my heartbreak, she was already having a bad day, and now she had a rubbish experience in security. Poor baby.
They had just called our flight to board, and we were about to get on when the hostess said they would have to see Sawyer's face to compare it to the passport. I tried to coax her out of my shoulder, but she didn't have it. "Princess? Baby? Sawyer?" I tried getting nothing in return. "You need to look at the nice lady quickly, and then we can get on the plane," I tried, but she still wouldn't listen, so I gently moved her head with my hand so that she was facing the side and then moved so the women could see her. She nodded and passed our boarding passes and passports back.
I had gotten us seats in first class to try and avoid people recognising me, not wanting to be recognised at the best of times, even less when with Sawyer. I let her sit with me on the aisle seat until the air hostess said we were about to take off and everyone needed to take their own seats. Moving Sawyer onto her own chair was easier than I thought it would be, mainly because, as I realised when I tried to get her to look at the woman earlier, she was fast asleep.
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that she tends to have nightmares at night often, and if I don't wake up, she won't wake me and instead stays awake all night. So despite being nine, she has become used to napping during the day, although she tries her best to hide it from me. Which is silly since she pretty much exclusively naps when we cuddle.
I let her sleep for the whole of take-off, figuring that would make life easiest before gently waking her up, knowing that if I let her sleep the whole flight, she wouldn't sleep tonight, mainly due to the five-hour time difference. By the time we arrive, it will be midnight British time and seven in New York, so I hope to keep her awake. Then, by the time we get back to mine, it should be nearly nine, which is when I tried to put Sawyer to bed anyway.
That's my plan; knowing how things go with Sawyer and me, it won't go that way.
"Sawyer baby, it's time to wake up. Look, I downloaded Mulan on your iPad for you to watch," I mumble into her ear as I try waking her up. She slowly wiggles in her chair, an adorable pout forming on her lips when she realises I had put her in her own chair "Scarlett," she mumbled, reaching out for me blindly, making me laugh.
I undo her seatbelt and shift her onto my lap, grabbing her blanket out of her backpack that I had stuck by her feet and placing it in her hand, putting the iPad in front of us on the lap tray and sticking her headphones next to it for later. If I distracted her with cuddles and movies, she would hardly notice that we were on the plane, or at least that is what I am hoping.
That plan worked for the first six hours of the flight as she just sat there cuddling me, watching her movie and then doing some science things I didn't know about. However, I was dying to go to the restroom, and learning from past mistakes; I figured now might be a good time to take Sawyer to the toilet because there was no way I was leaving her alone on a plane.
We were on the way back when the plane hit some turbulence; Sawyer, who had insisted she could walk back to our seats, wabbled, looking back at me with worry in her eyes before launching herself at me, nearly knocking the pair of us onto the aisle floor.
Getting us back to our seats, I tried my best to calm her down, "It's ok, princess, just some turbulence; it's when the plane hits a strong wind current, which can push or pull the plane, making it feel bumpy" I explained knowing she finds facts comforting as I try to rock her gently from my seat.
Sawyer was just about to calm down when the hostess came over.
"Miss, she needs to sit in her own seat. The seatbelt sign is on," she explains, motioning for me to place Sawyer back in her seat. I had just managed to pry her hands from my t-shirt and put her in her seat when we hit more turbulence, making her reach out for me again. "Sawyer, it's all ok, baby. You just have to sit in your own seat because the seatbelt light is on," I try to explain, pointing at the light above us. "While that light is on, you have to sit in your own seat, but you can hold my hand; it's like being in the car", I offer, hoping to bring her some comfort. She took my hand quicker than I thought possible, holding it tightly as she stared out the window, tears running down her cheeks as she shivered in fear.
"Princess, let's play, I spy; there are lots of things you can see around here," I offer, trying my best to distract her. The next hour and a bit consisted of us playing silly games and Sawyer twitching nervously in her seat. The seatbelt light had gone off a minute ago, but I knew we were landing soon, so I didn't want to let her up, only to upset her again by moving her back to her seat. I watched as she twitched every time the plane shook, and the anxious way she fiddled with my rings broke my heart.
So turns out Sawyer did not enjoy the plane landing; in fact, she liked that even less than the turbulence, and there were clear tears and some quiet whines of protest about having to sit in her own seat, making me feel guilty for forcing her to sit there. As soon as we were on the ground, she managed to throw her belt off and flung herself onto me.
Let the majority get off the plane before we left to calm Sawyer down, who seemed semi-traumatised after the landing and avoided the rush of people, which I know Sawyer hates. Getting through customs was not fun; Sawyer noticed the armed guards and, more specifically, their guns and tensed even more than usual in the crowd. I was supposed to have a security guy helping me avoid the press and fans, but also because I needed more hands for Sawyer, our carry-on, and our two suitcases. However, when we landed, I received a series of texts informing me that the security had cancelled last minute.
It then took us close to ten minutes to get past the desk as Sawyer was being fussy about looking up for them to check her against her passport. The man working the desk needed to be more understanding of this. In the end, I had to physically move her head all the way up because the guy wouldn't accept looking at her head over my shoulder when I turned her around.
I was trying to juggle a very sleepy Sawyer and all our bags. To say I had my hands full was an understatement, not to mention Sawyer was less than impressed that she was on my back and couldn't hug me properly; according to her, coupled with what a rubbish day she has had and her apparent distaste for flying has resulted in Sawyer being very unhappy and relatively whiny.
I was trying to get us to the car I had ordered for us while keeping under the radar to avoid the paparazzi and soothe Sawyer as best as possible when I heard a voice yelling from somewhere near us. "Ingrid! Over here...just ignore me then," The voice kept shouting.
At first, I ignored it until I realised I knew that voice; looking around, I spot Hunter walking towards me with a big smile on his face.
Until it shifts to a look of pure confusion as he looks at one grouchy Sawyer hanging onto my back.
"Shit."