TW: Survivors Guilt is a very real and difficult thing! If you are sensitive to the subject of depression, ptsd, and suicidal thoughts then I recommend skipping over this chapter!
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Jayden was in and out of consciousness, the fever was starting to kick in and she could feel her body weaken from it. That's one thing about the fever from getting bitten, you feel completely and totally helpless. The muscles basically give up and you can barely move. Luckily Jaden had a day or two before that kicked in.
Suddenly a blaring noise pierced through the woods causing Jayden and Daryl to jump up. Rick must have signaled the alarm, this will give them a chance to make it back into the house. Not only would the herd move on from the house but the alarm was so far away that they wouldn't have to worry about them coming back anytime soon.
"The ladders are gone so we'll have to jump down to the lower roof and then to the ground." Jayden was gathering all of her weapons before she turned to look at him.
He looked at her then to her wound on her shoulder. It had long bled through the makeshift bandage and her shirt. It must have been deep because it still continued to bleed. He pulled his attention away from her injury, gathering his pack and weapons. They waited another twenty minutes for the area to clear.
Daryl Jumped the down ten feet onto the other roof first, turning to look up at Jayden. She always liked height and never had a problem but her fever and nausea made the jump look 20 or more feet than it actually was. Flashbacks of her mission in Iraq flooded her brain. Memories she works so hard to suppress suffocated her. She struggled to breathe, holding up her hand she signaled to Daryl to give her a second.
Walking over to the other side of the roof she vigorously wiped at her eyes to remove the fallen tears. She breathed in through her nose and out of her mouth to try and regain her breathing. Then without warning she vomited over the side of the roof. It felt as if her body was trying to get rid of any memory or inclination of those days.
Once she calmed her breathing down she stood up straight and walked back over to Daryl's side. Jumping and landing on the second roof she shook slightly as she stood up. The weakness she felt from the fever and her mind were weighing her down.
"You good?" He asked steadying her with his hand.
Jayden nodded slightly, taking a deep breath, "Gotta be."
Jayden then jumped on the ground and turned to walk inside. She heard Daryl land behind her and immediately turned back around.
"Hey um, don't tell Rick or anyone else. Please? I mean I can't stop you but I um...I just want people to know when I'm ready." Without waiting for a reply that wouldn't come anyways, she turned and walked into the house. She called everyone up from the basement. Rick was the first to appear, sparing her a quick glance before pushing past her towards Daryl.
Everyone else started filtering upstairs, Herschel being last. She walked up to him, grabbed his hand and placed a key in it. He looked from his hand to her face, then her shoulder caught his attention. His eyes welled up slightly, he hated when she had to go through this. She was like a daughter to him and to see her suffer through such pain was hard. He nodded and turned to walk back downstairs.
Jayden turned away from Herschel's retreating form towards the group. They were all huddled together smiling and patting each other on the back. Suddenly She could feel her cheeks wet with tears. She put her head down and pushed passed the group heading upstairs to her room. She ignored the sounds of people calling out her name, and even snapped her hand away when Glenn grabbed it.
"Don't fucking touch me!" She snapped.
Glenn was taken back by the sudden outburst. "I'm sorry I just wanted to make sure you were ok?" He spoke quietly.
"Ok? You wanted to know if I was okay?!? Do I look ok to you? Take a nice long look Glenn. Do I look ok? No! I'm not fucking ok, leave me the hell alone." Jayden snapped back walking down so they were eye level. She looked back up to see concerned faces on Rick, Daryl, and Maggie. Everyone else was in shock, appalled at how she had just spoken to her childhood best friend.
"Take a picture assholes, it will last longer." She muttered as she walked up the stairs into her room. She closed the doors and locked them.
Sliding down to the ground she held her knees and stared blankly at the wall in front of her. She could still see them, the night before the start of the mission. They sat in front of their tents around a fire, handing out hot chocolate even though it was 60 degrees outside still. She could still hear their laughter as jokes filtered through the smoke. Then all she could see was red. Pools of it at her feet, on her clothes and hands. Looking to her right she saw Zach, her longest friend in the corps, at her feet, his neck slit and blood draining from him like a faucet. She watches in horror as she relieves his death all over again. She watched as his eyes found hers, the fear and pain he showed through them. She watched him die, unable to be free of the chains that held her. She stood up and ran to the bathroom, the blood still on her hands and on her clothes.
She turned on the sink vigorously rubbing at the blood on her hands, scrubbing until her hands felt raw. No matter how much soap or water she used she still could not get the blood off. She ran to the shower turning it on and throwing herself in. She watched as the water soaked her clothes. Finally the blood seemed to dissipate from her body completely, almost like it was never there. But she felt it, she felt that blood on her hands. Unable to breathe she fell on the bathroom floor hyperventilating.
"It was my fault. It was my fault. IT was My fault. IT WAS MY FAULT!" With each strained breath she took she sobbed those words louder.
Rick and his group heard the commotion and the strained yelling that was coming from her room. When they heard a thump like someone falling they raced up the stairs afraid something bad had happened. Rick turned the doorknob only to find it locked. Glenn, Rick, and Maggie tried banging on the door.
"Jayden! We heard some loud noises. Are you ok?" Rick raised his voice to be heard through the door. They continued to knock until they heard her speak. Faint at first until it got louder and louder. That's when they heard her loud sobb stating that it was her fault. They all looked at each other with lots of concern.
"Alright everyone let's not crowd the door. Come on, we have to start gathering and sorting supplies for when we leave." Rick looked at Maggie and Glenn. "You two stay here to make sure she's alright."
Daryl hesitated on following Rick down the stairs. He was concerned for Jayden and her state. He doesn't know what happened on the roof but he saw her tear stains. Maybe this was a side effect to her fever? He didn't know for sure but he knew something wasn't right. He took one last look at the door before following Rick down the stairs.
Rick was just about to enter the basement when Herschel came bursting through holding an armful of medical supplies. He paused the second he saw Rick, obviously stealth was not his strong suit. Rick looked from the medical supplies in Herschel's arms to his face.
"What is all that for?" He asked
"It's for Jayden, I think she hurt herself so I'm going to check." Herschel didn't technically lie but his fable still didn't convince Rick.
Rick knew Jayden was hiding something. He wanted to trust her but something about her told him that she wasn't telling them the whole truth. But he thought he would bide his time. He'll find out eventually. So he just nodded and stepped aside allowing Herschel to walk past them and up the stairs to her room.
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Herschel made his way up the stairs where Maggie and Glenn stood at the door. He handed off some of his supplies to Maggie and dug into his pocket taking out the key that Jayden had given him. He then unlocked the door and made his way inside. Maggie moved to follow him but he held up his hand stopping her.
"I think the fewer people who come into the room, the better." He gathered the supplies she was holding back into his arms. "Go on and help the others pack."
Maggie felt frustrated at her father for not allowing her to help her friend, but she knew it was for the best. Glenn was already suspicious and she didn't need anyone else questioning jayden. With the click of the lock she grabbed Glenns hand and pulled him down the stairs.
"She suffers from PTSD you know, always has since her first tour. She told me about her last mission. How her dad and basically step brother begged her not to go. She's stubborn and she went anyway. I think that she is suffering from more than PTSD now." Glenn's voice was solemn and sad as he talked.
Maggie couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep this secret from Glenn, besides they are best friends from way back. She'll understand... Right?
"Glenn... I- I need to tell you something and you can not tell anyone. Not even Rick do you understand?" She grabbed his shoulders looking straight into his eyes.
His face contorted from sadness to concern at the tone of his girlfriend. He nodded, following her down the rest of the stairs and out towards the cars. They looked around the cars searching for anyone in their group. When they found no one there she turned to explain.
"Ok don't freak out or anything alright and don't interrupt! We think Jayden is immune to walker bites and scratches. She was first bit 12 months ago. She goes through all of the symptoms, fevers, sweats, chills, weakness. Yet she always beats the fever and lives. She's been bit about 25 times now because she's reckless. Every time she's bit she usually comes to our house so we can treat it and everytime she is still afraid of turning so she makes us lock her in a room whenever we aren't in there with her." Maggie took a long breath before continuing. "That's why she always wears long sleeve shirts and pants. She doesn't want anyone to see them."
Glenn stared at her is shock his eyes darted everywhere around him. He was really angry. She put us all in danger by letting us stay here! Why didn't she tell me!
"She has put us all in danger, We don't know if she's really immune or if she's just lucky!" He yelled. He stormed back towards the house at a record fast pace with Maggie running after him calling his name.
Little did they know that a certain sheriff overheard their entire conversation while working underneath one of the cars,
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Glenn was banging on the door to Jayden's room. Maggie finally caught up to him and tried to calm him down but it was no use. He was angry and hurt and he needed to talk to Jayden now!
"Herschel open this goddamn door right now!" He yelled.
Herschel flung the door open, blood coated his hands as a look of frustration set into his face.
"What do you think you're doing?" He yelled!
Glenn didn't say anything instead he pushed past him into the room making a b-line for her bed.
"She's not there." Glenn turned to Herschel who simply pointed at the bathroom.
It was then that Glenn noticed Herschel's clothes were soaking wet and had blood stains on them. Glenn hesitated before entering the bathroom. He heard the roar of flowing water coming from the shower. He pulled back the curtain and found Jayden sitting on the floor, knees to her chest staring blankly at the wall as water poured over her. Glenn moved his hand over to turn off the water but Jayden shot her hand out to stop him before returning to her previous position.
Only then did Glenn notice she was in a tank top, the full view of the bite marks down her arms made him feel guilty. Of course he was angry at first. She put the others in danger by not telling them. But he also couldn't imagine what she went through during these twelve months.
"Jayden are you ok? Can you hear me?" He waved his hand in front of her face yet got no response.
"Let's leave her be, I've sewn up the wound but I can't bandage it until she leaves the shower." Herschel directed Glenn and Maggie away from the bathroom and out of the door before closing and locking it behind him.
"Sorry I freaked out." He whispered to Maggie. She gave him a tight lipped smile before kissing the top of his head.
"You can't tell Rick, at least not yet. Wait till she's healed and recovered." Herschel placed his hand on Glenns shoulder before making his way back towards the basement.
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Rick was pacing back and forth between the cars. No way in hell this girl is immune, Like Jenner said it could take a while for it to take effect. Rick's mind was racing, he knew Jayden was hiding something but he never expected it to be something this big. She was a threat to the whole group, just like Shane and Randal. She needed to be put down.
In an instant Rick's mind was made up, he had already made a decision. He just needed to find an opportunity to catch her alone and not surrounded by the Greene family. He began walking up to the house, ignoring Daryl and T-dog who were following after him. They were concerned, Rick looked pissed but they had no idea why. It was almost as if he was in a trance. Rick's hand rested on his holster as he made his way up the stairs and towards Jayden's room.
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A/N: Hello everyone! This chapter was hard to write, trying to put myself in the place of someone who has suffered so much, and something I personally have not experienced was a challenge. I hope I did well. Let me know your thoughts.
Also whats Rick gonna do to Jayden?!?!
A/N: I'm going to be incorporated some lyrics into this writing from some songs! I do not own or claim any of these lyrics or the changes I make to them. At the end of the chapter I will provide the songs I used! Not in this chapter specifically but some later on!