Edited: June 08, 2022
| . . . C H A P T E R - 3 . 2 5 . 5 - B R O K E N - H A L O . . . |
Just after 8:30 of night, I walk out of my last meeting of the day ready to head back to my flat and call it a day. But when I grab my phone to let my driver know I was heading downstairs, I instead pause on seeing the notifications. I am used to walking out of meetings with missed notifications since I tend to put my phone on do not disturb. The people who are important are on a list where their messages would bypass the DND settings so I don't miss any emergencies. It works because my other friends and relatives know that if I have taken a couple hours to get back to them, it's because I am tied up with work.
The one notification tonight that stands out, that has me pausing, is Khushi's. I couldn't recall seeing her at work today, but that's not out of the norm. We work on different floors and in different levels of the hierarchy. Why is she messaging me this late in the evening? I glanced at the date and pulled my memory.
Shit. Today was their first court day.
I had remembered it until a couple days ago. And then all these deadlines just caught me off guard and it slipped my mind.
Khushi: Call me when you get this
The message was left 24 minutes ago. I dial her number, feeling like shit. I should have checked in earlier. The second she answers, I said, "Hey, Khushi, I'm so sorry I'm just checking my phone. How are you? Listen, if you need to take tomorrow off, you don't even have to ask. I..."
She interrupted, "Geez, Sam, I thought I rambled but you're worse than me. Stop for one second and listen."
"Right. Sorry. Go on."
"I'm fine and I don't need tomorrow off. Not yet, anyway. I'm calling for Lavanya." She would've been my next call after Khushi. "Any chance she's with you?"
Does this mean...? My heart stilled for a second. "Uh, why would she be with me?"
"So the two of you didn't have any plans, then?" The drop was clear in her tone. She was hoping I would tell her Lavanya was with me, but I couldn't do that.
"No. Khushi, is she not at home?" I started rushing out of my office, least caring about whatever I had needed to take back home with me in my briefcase.
I heard her sigh. "No, she left for work after court and then she was in her room – or so we thought. It was a rough day and none of us were really in the mood to talk so we were in our rooms until Aarav went to call her for dinner, but she'd left by then. She left her phone here too. Arnav just left 10 minutes ago for the office to check if she went back there. Armaan and I are heading to her apartment. She still has keys since they haven't rented it out so maybe she went there."
Taking the elevator was the quickest way down. There was a question that neither of us wanted to entertain. If she was kidnapped again. But Shyam was in jail so that was paranoia to think that could have been the case. "Okay. Okay, is there anywhere else I can help look?"
"No, listen, don't worry yourself. She has to be either at the apartment or office."
"There has to be something I can do." I didn't like feeling helpless. I knew realistically that I've only just entered their life, her life, but I wanted to do something to find her.
"Just keep your phone on you. I'll text you when we find her. She doesn't really go anywhere else so I'm sure we'll find her."
The call ends but the entire ride home, I am unsettled. It's unlike her to worry others. She hates if people worry about her, and I've picked that up in the short few weeks I've known her.
I couldn't believe how worried I was about her, but I was. And I was starting to like her a heck lot more than a person should like someone in this time span.
I knew my heart was in trouble, but did I care? No.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
With my mind preoccupied as I walked out of the parking area and towards my building, I almost missed it. When it struck, I stopped and turned around. Sure enough, there it was. Red Ferrari. I'm used to seeing the cars of the flat tenants. None of them own that red Ferrari except this ferocious woman I've come to know.
As if with sixth sense, the hair at the back of my neck stood. Holding my breath, I faced the building again. There was Lavanya, walking out. Her head was lowered as she watched where she was walking and then she looked up.
Given I was straight in her line of vision, she paused. It was obvious she was hoping to leave unseen and that even if she'd come here, she'd changed her mind and decided to leave without checking if I was home. If she'd tried to get to the lift and take it up to my floor, I'd know. The security system would have pinged my cell, asking me whether to allow the lift to be taken to my floor since I had the penthouse.
Reaching her, I said as if I hadn't just received a frantic call from Khushi, "Hey, come on up?"
She still tried to talk her way out of it, "Hi, uh, you look like you're just getting back from work. I don't want to bother you. I was leaving anyway."
When she walked around me, I reached back to hook my index finger with hers. She turned slightly to face me, raising her brows. "It's never a bother to see you, Lavanya. Let's go up? It'd be nice to not have to eat dinner by myself." Her mouth opened and I got the feeling she'd continue to fight it. "Please?"
Then, she sighed and nodded her head to the side in a cue. When I started to walk, sliding my hand to her palm instead of our hooked fingers, she tugged. "My hand."
"Have a problem with me holding your hand?"
"Yes."
I held tighter. "Get used to it."
I wasn't letting go.
It was surprising that after that initial comment, she didn't fight it. Maybe it had something to do with the day she'd had. Otherwise, I was pretty sure she'd say or do something in return to show me who's boss.
I'd take the small victories where I could.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
After telling her to make herself comfortable, I retired briefly to my room to change into less formal clothes. Once in my room, I also left a message for Khushi so they wouldn't continue to be worried when they wouldn't find her at the office or her apartment. Five minutes later, I returned to the living area where she was sitting with her heels tucked away in a corner. She looked up sensing my shadow, "So, heated leftovers or something fresh?"
"I'm really not picky. Whatever you're in the mood for."
"Okay, then, I hope you like spinach rice."
"Really?"
"Mhmm, I made spinach daal fry the other day and there's a ton of rice."
Her lips quirked slightly in an amused smile, "Okay, then."
Leaving her be for a few more minutes, I moved into the kitchen to mix and reheat the two dishes in two separate bowls. Returning and handing one to her, I sat on the couch at the other end, turning so that I was facing her the same way she had her back against the arm of the couch. For a few minutes, she was quiet as she ate.
Looked like I'd be starting the conversation. "So, want to talk?" She had to know that eventually, I'd ask what she was doing here – though I already had a pretty good idea given what today might have entailed for her.
She moved the spoon around in the bowl, dallying with her food and chewing the morsel already in her mouth. She didn't look at me as she said, "You are so close to your family. You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"It's pathetic. Silly, really."
"Doesn't matter, Lavanya, because I want to hear it. Whether I'll understand or whether it's silly."
She put the bowl away, as if unable to stomach eating right now. "Khushi says she forgives Vivek, but is that easy? Fine, I'll accept that he didn't do anything to her, but his silence harmed enough people, didn't it? And for what? That makes me feel like just as much of an accomplice in everything di and Khushi have been through. How can I forgive him? How can she? Because I can't. I want to hate him for what he did, and I can't... I'm not able to do that either. It's messed up. And I hate messy feelings."
"You're judging him for his actions when he was what – 16? 17? Explain to me how that is fair."
Her eyes accused as she looked up at me. "You said you wanted to listen. Not put me on the spot."
"Lavanya, I..."
Before I could explain anything, she stood up. Retreating. "You know what? Coming here was a mistake. What was I thinking?"
I grabbed her hand, put aside my bowl and tugged her back. "Nuh-uh. Too late, baby." She fell back on my lap and tried to free herself but I secured my arms around her front. "I'm not letting you run away, Lavanya. You are allowed to have your own feelings. Khushi's forgiveness don't dictate yours."
Slowly but surely, she relented. Softening against my hold. Molding into my arms and resting her head back against my shoulder. "I feel like it does. I don't have the right to play victim here."
"I don't have to tell you this because you already know, but it seems like you need to hear someone else say it." She tilted her head sideways to look at me. I brushed the back of my fingers to her upper arm. "Khushi's struggles in life are different than yours. Anjali's situation are also none of your doing. There's no comparison. If she were here, she'd say the same and you know it."
Returning her head to my shoulder, she sighed. "I know."
"No one is asking you to forgive your brother till you're ready. And if you're never ready, then there's that. You do not need to be putting this pressure on yourself."
She nodded but remained silent. I let her be, not feeling the need to push for words. I just wanted her to know that whenever she needed a person to fall back on, she could count on me. I'd hold her till she was feeling all right again. When she needed an escape, felt as if there was no one else she could turn to, she'd find me around her. When she needed someone to remind her of things that she already knows but isn't quite ready to accept, I'd do that.
That's how quickly and deeply I was falling for her.
But it didn't matter. Because when you know, you know.
When I leaned to the right to pick up the bowl she'd put aside, she mistook that as cue to move. I moved the other hand on her thigh, letting her know she could stay just where she is. She wasn't in the mood to eat, but she needed sustenance fighting her internal demons.
Forwarding a morsel to her lips, I attempted to distract her. "Tell me something about your childhood?"
"Like what?"
"Let's see." I forwarded another spoonful. "What's one thing you liked to do when you were happy?"
She took a second to think while chewing. "Rowing. I liked being surrounded by nature. It didn't matter if I didn't have anyone else to keep me company."
I smiled at the knowledge. "There's an adventurous side to you then."
"Used to." There's a pang of lost memories in her words.
"That bug never goes away, trust me. You still have it in you. You just haven't allowed yourself time away from your responsibilities. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but gotta remember to keep being kind to yourself."
She shrugged her shoulder, "It's not like I miss any of it. If I don't miss it, it wasn't important to begin with."
I almost pointed out the flaw in her reasoning, but that's not a battle to fight right this moment. She didn't miss it because she didn't allow her brain to stop overworking for a second to let it sink in. She'd kept herself busy prioritizing all of the things in her life. It would be easy for anyone to lose themselves in it.
"There's that cold exterior people get intimidated by." I teased and when I tried to feed her again, she took the bowl away along with the spoon. Deciding she had enough spoon feeding and letting down her guard.
Fine by me.
Chuckling, I pressed my lips to her jawline. "But that doesn't work on me."
As if just to prove a point, she bumped her shoulder to mine, pushing me back and moving aside so she was back to her side of the couch, facing me and crisscrossing her legs.
Have to earn everything where she's concerned.
And I would happily crack through her high walls.
"I'm over here feeding you when I'm starving, and this is how you repay kindness?"
She nodded towards my bowl sitting on the end table. "There's yours. No one's stopping you."
"Is there anything else you need to get off your chest? Emotionally?"
Her brows creased at the switch in the conversation. "Uh, no?"
"Good." It wouldn't have felt right turning the mood otherwise. Using my knee for balance, I closed the distance between us to kiss her.
But she leaned away just before I could capture her lips. "Excuse me."
"What?"
With a finger to my shoulder, she nudged me away. "Get back to your side and finish your dinner."
"I have a different definition of dinner right now." Once again, I tried. Thinking I'd be successful since from where she was sitting, she couldn't reach me that quickly.
Only, she proved me wrong. Using her feet to keep me to my side. Her toe tapping my torso. My eyes trailed the length of her leg before reaching hers. I wasn't capable of any other thought except getting my hands on her. Didn't remember that she'd come to me when vulnerable. That what she wanted was emotional support, not sex. That I'd decided to do this the right way. But it had been a few weeks since we'd gone out for dinner and since then, the most we've managed to progress is through texts and occasional calls.
Her chest rises and falls at a quicker pace. Knowing what's to come. Wanting this just as much. All her vulnerability from the day she's had, forgotten. At least long enough. Breathless, she whispers a command. "Stay."
But she doesn't always get the first say.
Wrapping my fingers loosely around her ankle, my eyes conveyed the challenge. Her eyes closed and chest fell as she exhaled when I lifted her foot, pecking her toe. They curled in reaction, and I couldn't help the smile. Tickling her sensitive spots and watching her try to squirm away.
"Sam."
"Yes?"
Her eyes flutter open, pupils dilated and turned on. "Please."
Enjoying the sweet torture, I let her ankle drop and pick up my bowl of dinner. "Sorry, dunno what you mean. Spell it out for me."
She scoffed, muttering something under her breath.
"What's that?"
"Smug bastard."
Playing it off, I pretended to be interested in dinner. Waiting to see what she'd do. I expected her to get bossy again. Tell me to get over there and kiss her like I meant it.
But, no. There are so many sides to her, I didn't think I would ever be able to keep up.
Lifting her feet, she trailed her toe down my torso. Turning the tables and teasing me when here I was, thinking I'd frustrate her a little before caving.
This woman. Giving a new meaning to foreplay.
I'd almost choked when she's first touched my chest with her toe. When she didn't stop, continued trailing her foot over my growing erection, my teeth clamped down on my spoon rather than let it hang mid-air. Fighting back a groan, I thought to wait it out. Thinking she was done letting me know she was still in control.
When her toe ran up my length, starting back up to my chest, I swallowed. Forget chewing. If I choke, that's on me. What was I thinking I could play her by busying myself in eating?
"Lavanya." I said her name in a warning, adding as if her name wasn't enough. "You're playing with fire here."
Her exploration of my abs paused, only for a moment as she pretended to think. "Guess I'm fine being burned."
Fuck this.
Why deny us what we both want?
Putting my bowl away in a fraction of a second, I towered over her body, capturing her lips. She only had the time to gasp, the sound swallowed by my lips. Taking her own empty bowl, I absent mindedly let it drop on her floor as we lose ourselves in this hot kiss.
Her hands pulled my body closer, parting her legs to make room for me. My hands returned to her body, wasting no time in untucking her blouse from her dress pants and sliding them underneath. I had no interest in further foreplay. I had to touch her. Feel her skin to skin.
She met me halfway, arching her back and letting me slide a hand behind her to unhook her bra. We were both on the same page. However the night began, we had a clear agenda on where it was going to end.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
When I least expected it, thinking she'd fallen asleep, Lavanya sat up and started collecting her clothes to get dressed. Sitting up on my bed using my elbow for balance, I questioned, "What are you doing?"
She stood up buttoning her dress pants, "Going home."
Her tone is so blasé, like not even thinking to herself why I'd even question the obvious. "Or, you know, you could stay. It's late."
Fixing her bra in place, she chuckled. "Late? It's barely 11, Sam."
Damn this, woman. Won't take a hint. Before she can start grabbing her blouse, I tried putting an end to it. "Lavanya, stop. I want you to stay."
That got her to pause. But only for a hot second. Then she sighed and walked around the bed to reach my side. Leaning over, she pecked my lips. "I have to get back, sorry."
I reached for her hand, hoping that knowing this will sway her decision to leave. "They know you're here."
She sighed, like she'd already known her people would have reached out to me to ask and I would have told them so they wouldn't continue to worry about her. With her free hand, she brushed her thumb over my cheek.
I could fall deeper, if possible, for that soft smile that spreads her lips and that endearing gaze. It's rare she lets anyone see into her soul, and I feel like a lucky bastard to be the one she's opening up to.
Then, pulling back, she explained, "Even so. I don't leave Aarav like that. I know he's fine spending the night there without me, but any child would worry not seeing their mother home at night. That's not the mother I am going to be. I'm sorry if my decision to leave right now hurts you, but this is the only time I'll ever apologize for it."
My heart soared and plummeted and soared again. When she talked about the kind of mother she wants to be to Aarav, a child she didn't give birth to but considers her own for every meaning of the word. Sure, she knew that Aarav was fine at home with Arnav and his real mother – not that he knew – but having a moment of emotional vulnerability didn't mean she was going to keep that from getting back to her son. I admire the heck out of her for that.
Then for apologizing when I would never want her to for choosing her son.
And finally, for knowing her worth and telling me she'd never again apologize for that. That is how it should be. If anyone ever made her feel bad for not putting them over her son, fuck them. They don't deserve the importance in the first place.
That very first night we met and were together, I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I knew she already had a complicated yet loving life she'd created for herself. I was willingly asking to be a small part of that life. Until she felt it worthy enough to make me a bigger part of her life.
"Give me a minute to get dressed."
"What?" She was a bit taken aback with that response.
"I'll drive you back."
"I have my car." She pointed out in that tone she often did where she believed it was perfectly fine for women to drive on their own at night. Most other times, I'd be all for that. But that didn't mean I didn't worry or that I wanted her driving back by herself especially tonight.
Already pulling my shorts up and grabbing my tee, I questioned, "have a problem with Khushi driving it back tomorrow after work?" She could come back here with me from work and then drive the car over to their place. Sometimes it was convenient that they'd all decided to stay under one roof for Aarav's sake. Other times, I questioned how they made it work giving all their different personalities.
"No, but if she crashes it, it's gonna cost Arnav a lot."
"I highly doubt he'd care."
She chuckled, "No. He'd just rip you a new one for putting his wife in danger."
I didn't doubt that for a second. But I trusted Khushi could get from point a to point b without getting into an accident. "Come on, let's go."
When I started to walk out of my bedroom, she circled her fingers around my wrist to ask, "Why?"
I didn't bother playing games, feigning confusion over what she was asking. She wanted to know why I was insisting on dropping her home instead of letting her leave on her own. Closing the distance between us, I brushed a finger over the front strands of her hair. No longer in their perfect ponytail. "I told you from the first moment, Lavanya. I don't do one night stands. Or a series of one nights with the same partner."
I could tell I'd robbed her of her breath as she whispered, "Sam." Maybe in a weak attempt to stop me from saying my next words, but I didn't let it stop me.
If it wasn't already clear to her, it needed to be put into clear, verbalized words. "I am in this for the long haul, baby."
Unless she cut off all ties leading back to her, telling me in clear words that she didn't want anything to do with me. That'd be the only thing that would stop me from chasing her. Wanting her in my life. Because I was seeing a future with her even as I was still getting to know her.
Just what she said about getting back to Aarav, not letting anything waver her decision, made me realize how I wanted that too. How I wouldn't mind one bit caring more for that little kid than I already did. How I want that home too to get back to at the end of the day. But not just that concept of a home with anyone. That home with Lavanya and Aarav, and every bit of craziness the rest of the Raizada's brought with them.
Because with that downright craziness was also their love that binded them to each other. I'd seen that in my family. I loved how close we were despite my parents moving back to India while I was still pretty young. Despite the sacrifices they made, they made sure we grew up loved. But with this group of people, it's different.
They weren't put together by blood. They chose each other and wanted to remain together despite the ugliness of the reality that could have ripped apart anyone else otherwise.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .