I'll let you guys read because I left a cliffhanger. Hahaha.
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“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, picking up my now empty coffee cup, “I’ll call housekeeping to clean that up.”
Mackenzie Hanson’s face twisted into a smirk, looking delighted at the sight of my shaking hands. I thought I would never see her again. I thought I’d never see the face of the girl that had so easily ruined my entire life in school. She left me with internal scars that I doubted would ever heal.
“Jenna Matthews. I heard that you would be here.” A grin twisted on her face, and I felt all the memories I had carefully hidden in a dark corner of my brain coming back to light.
Lily seemed to notice something was wrong, and looked at me curiously. I took a deep breath, hoping to calm myself down and allow me to talk. Mackenzie might look normal and sweet, but I knew that in reality, she was happy to see how nervous I was around her.
“Hello Mackenzie. Nice to see you.” I lied, setting a tight smile on my face. “Lily, can you go call housekeeping?”
Lily looked suspicious, but complied with what I asked and left us alone. My hands felt clammy, but I tried not to let my emotions show on my face.
“What do you even do here? Be the slut you are and sleep with everyone?” She said viciously, the moment Lily disappeared from sight.
“Actually, I’m your boss.” I smiled, ignoring her jibe, “You have to answer to my orders.”
“Like hell I will.” She said, sneering, “You’re nothing but trash.”
I smiled at her again, “Unless you want to be on the next flight home, I suggest you start respecting me. I am your boss, whether you like it or not.”
Another smirk lit up her face, “I know all your secrets. I know your story. I’m sure the press, and your darling Harrywill love to know what a skank you were.”
I felt my blood freeze and all my insecurities, that I had thought I had gotten over, came back, like a slap to the face. All the rumors, the venomous words of my classmates; everything. I remembered all the days I had looked at the bottle of pills I kept stashed away in my cupboard, and wonder if I should use them all. All these memories came rushing back at me, and I didn’t know what to do.
“Hey, housekeeping’s coming—” Lily’s voice broke through and I snapped my head towards her.
Her eyes widened at the sight of my pale face, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I sent a fake smile her way and turned back to Mackenzie, who was smirking victoriously.
“Nice to see you again Mackenzie. I’m sure you’ll be a great asset to our team. I’m sure you can introduce yourself to everyone on your own. I’ll assign you your duties another time. Have a nice day.”
“You too, Jenny.”
I cringed at her nickname, and headed away from her, and towards the elevator. I just wanted to get to my bed and sleep. The show was tomorrow so it would be filled with press.
“Did you know her?” Lily asked in the elevator.
“Yeah, from school.” I managed to get out, “I’ll see you later.”
I rushed to my room, ignoring the words that Lily shouted after me. I hope that Harry was out with the boys or something. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I unlocked the door, and shut it without another word. My movements felt slow and sluggish, and I felt all the walls I had built up slowly crashing down.
I don’t know how I managed to get to the bathroom and turn the water on. I don’t know how I accomplished stripping off all my clothes and get into the shower. All I knew is that I couldn’t stop crying.
The memories of the vicious taunts rushed back at me, and I sank to the shower floor. The scalding water pounded at my body and I violently shook as I cried.
“You stupid whore.”
“Die bitch.”
“You don’t deserve to live.”
“You fucking slut. I hope you die. The world would be better without you.”
The memories mercilessly attacked me, and my body only shook more and more. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, and as the water pounded against my quivering body, it was like I was drowning, both literally and emotionally.
I’m not sure how long I sat in that position, crying until I had no tears left. I was happy with my life right now; I had some amazing friends, and the best boyfriend in the world, and the thought of that all being ripped away from me, just because of some old high school bullies, made me nauseous.
I had spent such a long time building my damaged self-confidence back up, and accepting myself for who I was. I thought I had overcome my past, but as I sat in the shower, the now freezing water hitting my body, I felt broken and confused.
It took me a while to drag myself out of the shower, and to pull on some soft pajamas. I felt lost, like I was my high school self again. The bed was calling my name, and despite the early time, I slipped underneath the warm covers, feeling safer.
I faced away from the door, so that if Harry came in, I’d be able to hide my face. I didn’t sleep though; I just stared at the blank wall, wondering what I had done to deserve this. I hated my past; it might have made me stronger, in a way, but there were still days where I hated myself, when I would sit down and just stare at a blank screen for hours, wondering why I didn’t just down a pill bottle and never wake up again.
I had seen a therapist a few times, and she had explained that my depression could recur over the years; that I could be happy and so painstakingly normal, and then suddenly something would trigger me to fall into depression again. I hated the feeling of being so unlike myself, so sad and worthless.
“Yeah Mum, I’ll be there to pick you up. I’ll try to be.” I heard Harry’s voice drift into the suite, the door opening.
I tried to relax, though I suddenly felt tense and sweaty. I could hear Harry pulling off his shoes as he continued to speak to his mum.
“You know how it gets, Mum. I’m happy you could get some time off to come down here. To bad Gem couldn’t.”
I could hear him approaching the bedroom now, and I pulled the covers closer to chin, keeping my breathing even.
“You want Jenna to come too? I’ll ask her. I’m not too sure where she is. Gotta go now Mum, see you soon...love you. Bye.” Harry finished his conversation as he stepped into the room.
His footsteps stopped abruptly, and I knew he had noticed me. He probably noticed the clothes strewn on the floor, and figured something was up. I nearly groaned at my stupidity; I always picked up my clothes, Harry and I were both neat freaks like that.
“Jen?” Harry asked cautiously.
I kept my breathing slow and deep, as if I was sleeping. I hoped Harry would just put it off as me being tired, but I knew that he wouldn’t.
“Babe?” I felt the bed dip, and Harry move to put his hand on my shoulder, “I know you’re awake, love.”
I decided that Harry would not let up on it, and quickly formed a lie in my head to why I was lying in bed. I slowly got up, feigning tiredness. I suddenly realized I probably looked like shit because I had absolutely no make-up on, nothing to cover the deep bags under my eyes.
“Hey,” I said quietly.
“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, pulling my body towards his chest, so I was half leaning on him, half looking at him.
“Nothing.” I said, hoping that he would fall for it. He didn’t.
“Yes there is. Just let me in Jen, tell me what’s wrong,”
His thumb traced circles on my wrist as I sighed, “I just had a bad day, nothing to worry about, Harry.”
“You never sleep this early, Jenna. You don’t even take naps. I know you.”
“Maybe I just felt like sleeping.”
“Jenna. Let me in.”
I didn’t want to tell Harry what was going on. This was his tour, my problems with an employee weren’t important. The only thing that mattered was getting the boys on stage every night to play a damn good show.
I knew Harry wasn’t going to let this go. No matter what I said or did, he wouldn’t let me get away with not telling him. I made a decision.
“Just hold me.” I whispered.
I could immediately see Harry’s features soften as I let my body mold against his. I felt safe as his lips pressed against my hair. Before I could stop it, a few tears escaped my eyes, though they didn’t turn into loud sobs like they had earlier. I knew Harry noticed my tears; his padded thumbs were wiping them off my face.
“It’s okay, shh, you’re okay.” Harry murmured.
I knew that he would want answers soon, and he was going to make me tell him. I would have to tell him all about my past, and I knew he wouldn’t want someone as broken as me for a girlfriend. But I wouldn’t keep lying to him. I couldn’t keep doing it.
I let Harry’s voice lull me into a deep sleep, my thoughts on what to tell him still running through my head.
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THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR ALL THE READS + VOTES + COMMENTS + FANS! Yes I realise it's followers now but I'm forever confused idek it's still fans to me. I hit another one of my wattpad goals, which is 3500 total votes! Yay! The next goal I'm hoping to hit is 500 fans, but I'm thinking I'll hit 400K reads first :/. No funny things today, i'm rushing! I hope you all like the chapter!
Q: Favourite type of cake?
A: Vanilla! Haha
~Shakira