Johnny POV:
Ponyboy...
He was clutching onto me, his arms over my slim torso. His hands grasped onto my faded black shirt. He looked comfortable and relaxed. His expression was soft. I felt a light blush creep onto my skin. The tips of my ears burnt.
I was too scared to move. He might wake up. I didn't want that, he might be mad. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to panic. I grab onto his arm and gently remove it from my body. Making sure to be quiet, I slowly used my arms to push myself off the bed. I looked back at him and smiled, he was so peaceful when he slept.
I fixed up my hair a little bit and started walking to the living room. Dally and Two-Bit were sitting on the floor watching tv and eating toast. Darry and Soda must've already gone to work.
"Hi Johnny, how ya doing?" Dally asked me while turning his attention to me.
"Oh, yeah good I guess." I answered tiredly. God, I was so tired.
"I can make some toast if you want? I'm gonna make some for Ponyboy anyway." He said while getting up from the floor and walking over to the small kitchen. Why was he being so nice? Good mood I guess. I liked this Dally more than the 'wanna be tough' one.
"Yeah, if that's okay. Thanks." Deep inside I was trying to avoid food, but I couldn't let them know. They would all pity me, god, I hated when people pitied me. I didn't want anyone to worry.
Brushing those thoughts away, I sat down on the floor next to Two-Bit who was still watching television. Mickey Mouse, like always. Even wearing his Mickey shirt. I watched the show for a while until Dally called me from across the house. I knew the food was ready so I got up and walked to the kitchen.
"Thanks, I will wake up Pony after I eat." I say, then siting at the table.
He walked away to go sit with Two-Bit again to watch television. I stared at the toast for a minute. I didn't wanna gain any weight, I was already insecure about my body. Some people said I look like a skeleton but I don't see it that way. I look fat and unattractive. I was so hungry, starving even but I was scared of the consequences. After minutes of arguing with myself, my hunger won over my mind. I hesitantly took a bite of my toast. And it tasted like I was in heaven but at the same time it tasted like concrete. It tasted so good, bad too. I guess it's because I haven't had much 'real food' lately. My body just isn't used to eating much. My parents always ate out at the bar or a pub so not much food was left for me at home. Well, it is what it is. I wasn't too lucky but at least I got Pony and the gang to help me.
I continued eating forgetting what might happen later to my body. I knew I would regret it but I felt so weak to care. I finished my toast and washed up my plate. Remembering I had to wake up Pony I walked up to his room. I found his sleeping peacefully on his bed. I really didn't wanna wake him up but I gotta.
"Pony. Wake up man, Dally made breakfast." I shook him until he was no longer in his deep sleep.
"Mhm! Sleepy..." He mumbled while turning the opposite direction from me. His back was facing me. He was so stubborn when he was tired. I didn't want the food to get cold. Poor Dally made it for us and I didn't want it to go to waste.
"C'mon man, Dally worked hard to make you toast. Don't want it to get all cold and stuff. Um... please g-get up." I pleaded and turned his body back so he was facing me again.
"F-fine." He finally decided to corporate with me. He got up and washed his face and combed his hair into the usual hairstyle.
I let him go out first and followed behind him. He sat down at the table and yelled out-
"Thanks Dally!" He took a bite of his food and I sat down across from him. I fiddled with my fingers and waited for him to finish his food. I heard the television from the other room. They had it on so loud, like they were old deaf people. He finally finished his food and put his plate in the silver sink. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it up with water and drank it. Pouring the left over water in the sink.
"Johnny, what you wanna do today?" He asked me while looking outside through the window. "Um, I don't mind. We could go out and hang at the um, the lot? Maybe go for a walk?" I suggested, these were the only things I knew were interesting around here.
He nodded and agreed on going to the lot. We grabbed our shoes and put them on. I had my worn out black converse and he had his white ones. We exited the small home and started walking toward the old lot we always hung out at.
After minutes of walking we found our selves at the lot. Old rusty pieces of metal filled the area and just junk in general. We sat down on the black thrown out sofa. We sat there in silence until I decided to break it.
"Hey Pony? Y'know that Cherry girl from the movies?" I asked in an interested tone. He looked at me trying to remember what I was talking about.
"Oh yeah, that one! What about her?" He wondered. He looked directly at my eyes as he spoke.
"She really liked you, huh? D-do you like her? It's fine, you don't gotta tell me." I reassured, I didn't want him to feel pressured to answer.
"Well, I don't know Johnny. She was pretty and all but... I don't know..." He didn't give me a direct answer but I understand, he must have really not known. It was awkward for a moment. No one said anything for a minute.
We just stared into the distance, the nature.
"Hey Johnny, Do you ever feel like you just.. um.. you ever feel like girls are just y'know, not really interesting? Like, r-romantically." He asked with a nervous expression on his face. A light blush appeared on his face and he was fidgeting with his hands.
Well, that was an unexpected question. If I gotta be honest it sounds kinda like a queer would say. Being gay is fine, just rare among people in my area.
It took me a moment to think about what he asked. I realised I hadn't really been interested in girls lately. They just.. weren't it? They were pretty and stuff, they just didn't really catch my attention. My eyes widened and I started to breathe more heavily. Panic arises.
Wait a minute! No. I couldn't. I am not.
I'm not a queer, no way I am!
I debated with myself. I liked girls! Not guys, no way. I don't wanna be an outcast, more of an outcast than I am. I don't wanna be bullied by them Soc's even more. I don't want to lose everyone in my life. I've been looking a guys lately, not girls. No way in hell that's true. I have been absent-mindedly checking out guys! No! How?!
I was zoned out for a while because Ponyboy was trying to get my attention.
"Johnny. Johnny? It's okay, it was a dumb question!" He tried to convince me.
"Darn, sorry Pony I just... It wasn't a dumb question." I said, I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested in what he was saying.
"So, do you relate? I just, it's weird Johnny!" He tried to explain how he felt inside. The thing is that I felt the same way. Deep inside I knew how I felt. I just didn't know how to say it.
My mouth opened but nothing was said. I didn't wanna phrase it weirdly, I didn't want him thinking anything of it.
"Y-yeah. I guess I do. Girls are just, y'know, not interesting anymore." I agreed with him, it was true, it was weird. I wasn't gonna be gay, I was just gonna get myself killed. I nearly died because of the fire. I ain't gonna die by being a queer either. I couldn't let anyone know.
It was getting boring down here. I wanted to go back to the house. Ponyboys house. I got up and held out my hand for Pony. Once his soft hands made contact with mine my stomach churned. Not the bad type, it felt good. He lifted him self up with the help of me. He soon figured out where I wanted to go as I started to walk toward the house.
I felt his eyes on me. Even though I didn't turn to look. I just knew. It felt awkward knowing someone was looking you. I didn't want to do something embarrassing in front of him.
"Pony, why are you starin'?" I asked but not turning to look at him. I was still looking down at the ground in front of us. Nothing, no response. I wondered why, did I say something wrong? I turned my face to his. He was red as a tomato, what was wrong with him today? He was acting all weird.
"Pony? Why are you red?" I was still looking at him, he still refused to look at me again. Geez, what have I done now? He looked nervous.
"I- I um.. I t-think I'm-" He cut himself off.
"Nothing Johnny. I just-" Again, cut himself off. His eyes looked glossy, as if he was about to start crying. His hands were slightly shaking too. What has gotten into this kid? He looks ill, as if he wasn't okay.
"Nothing, don't worry." He whispered under his breath, avoiding eye contact with me. His eyes were darting around the surroundings. Looking at everything.
Everything but me.
Horse bitch, you pussy. You could've told Johnny! What a chicken, right?! 🙄
Anyway, thanks for reading babes! Love y'all! 😍