Eli POV.
Alessandro came to the conclusion, that I didn't have to go to school for the rest of the week, so I just spent my days locked up in the music room. Music was the only way I knew to work through the pile of shit I was going through. I'd usually drown it all out with drugs, but when drugs betray me and end up as the problem, I'm forced to seek out healthier ways to deal with things.
My brothers were surprisingly cool after a few days. They didn't push me to talk, which I appreciated way too much. To the point, that it made me reevaluate how low my bar was for my family. I landed on the decision, that I would push that question away just like the countless others and hope, that it would never resurface again.
I spent a lot of time with Gabriele in the art room as I was slowly regaining my drawing skills. I used to draw a lot with Diego before I went away even tho he was always better than me. I cooked with Matheo daily and taught him some receipts that were a lot lighter and overall easier for me to eat. He got the clues after a while and I actually walked in on him one day looking over lighter food options, which was once again way over the bar I had set.
While I was spending more and more time with my biological brother, I was missing Diego more, than ever. I called him multiple times a day as the withdrawals got worse. I'd just leave him on speaker as I did homework or wrote something as he tried to listen to my teachings. even tho I couldn't teach him in person, he'd always pick up stuff from our calls. He was was smarter, than I was at his age and I was a straight-A student.
I was finally able to unpack my sad little bags with a little help from Lorenzo. he tried to keep a straight face, but when Antonio helped us, he didn't even care to hide how much he wanted to throw away my old clothes. My clothes were mostly things I found somewhere or got as a gift. If I had more money, I'd thrift a few clothes that I really liked.
Antonio stayed and set up my electronics that had been sitting there in their boxes for over a week. It was weird, and I really didn't like taking something so big from them, but Antonio ended up winning the argument and I ended up with a brand new line of electronics for my use.
I couldn't help but wonder if it would end up working after all. Maybe I'd be able to tell them everything. Maybe they'd be able to understand it.
Antonio POV.
We were all sitting at the dinner table, eating something Eli had prepared for us. It was vegetarian meatballs made out of beans, and shit I had never heard about. I didn't like putting something in my mouth I didn't like, but I ended up really liking it, even tho I wouldn't admit it.
"You don't like it?" Lorenzo asked Eli, snapping me back from the food.
Eli hadn't eaten anything all day and barely even talked. We all knew why, but we were waiting for them to start. We all just sat there in silence, watching as Eli tried to form words.
"I was in Finland," they blurted out in almost a yell.
Eli POV.
"That's where I ran to," I explained feeling my cheeks burn up. I never blushed, ever, but my life was something I didn't share that carelessly.
Alessandro put his fork down and leaned forward onto his elbows, Antonio stopped eating for a second, and Lorenzo just nodded for me to continue.
"When I had my chance, I took the first flight out of the country I could get on, and that so happened to land in Germany," I started feeling a block growing in my throat, slowly closing it down.
"I ended up hitchhiking through Denmark up to Sweden. It was cold as fuck, especially, when I rode in the back of trucks or freight trains, but... No, actually there's no but. It was freezing and I almost lost a toe," I said slightly chuckling at the end, trying to lighten the mood even tho my journey was anything but light. I ended up with not only frostbite but around people, I really didn't like. Even tho some hobos were really nice, others were fucking disgusting. Lucky for me, I was pretty used to that shit by then.
My brothers were staring at me intensely, but I tried to ignore them and just get through my story. So, I took another deep breath and continued:
"I took a boat from Stockholm to Turku, where I jumped on a train to Helsinki. I stayed there for almost six months actually. My apartment was actually almost the size of my new closet,"
Once again, I had tried to joke but failed miserably. I guess my brothers didn't see the irony of the situation. They just stared at me in shock, trying to figure out what to say. I don't know what they were expecting, or what they had prepared for, but I guess it wasn't my insane run through northern Europe.
"How did you survive there? Where'd you get money from?" Matteo asked sounding seriously concerned. I hadn't heard that kind of emotion from him the entire time I had been there. Given, it hadn't been long, but he didn't seem like the type to show that much emotion.
"I did a lot of things," I shrugged, my walls slowly rising back up.
"I worked at construction sites a lot, a flower shop, as a delivery guy, I drove an uber, and... yeah. I did a lot of different things," I rambled trying to count through the unending list of jobs I had gathered over the years.
"At first, it was hard to find places that didn't ask for papers, but as I got my first job, it got easier. I mean, it wasn't nice. I didn't like it," I said slowly remembering everything that I had to do. The endless nights, and heavy lifting that I never got paid for.
"Having me as an employee was already illegal, which is why they could treat me like shit," I explained feeling a lot lighter. I guess it really did help to lay it all down, at least to straighten my own thoughts.
This time I wasn't forced to talk, and I had time to prepare for it. I had time to get one of Diego's famous pep talks before walking into the lion's den.
"So... you just lived on your own when you were fourteen?" Gabriele asked with a sorry look on his face.
Oh god, I hated that look. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Those were the best times of my life. I had a shitty life, but still.
"Yeah, and I was fine. I'm pretty good at surviving you know," I said with a cocky look plastered across my face.
"Why'd you leave?"
That was the question I would never be ready for and the second it came out of Alessandro's mouth, I started to internally panic. I didn't want to tell them about all that shit. I didn't want them to see me as this weak little kid. Why tho? Why didn't I want that? Aw shit, that was really not the time to try for a breakthrough.
I just shrugged, playing with my food. I knew I'd have to say something, but I wasn't ready to tell them everything just yet. Maybe one day I would, but not then.
"I'm a non-binary lesbian, and my parents were hardcore religious nuts. Didn't really sit well together," I said trying to get the conversation to end as quickly as possible.
I guess my brothers got the memo and just nodded with some displeased looks.
"I Uhm... I guess I could also tell you guys about Carlos," I said trying my best to keep myself composed.
I guess I was on a roll or something, and I was just going with it. I hadn't been that talkative since I was high. Maybe it was the withdrawals so I didn't have the energy to reason against myself, but I really didn't mind telling them that much.
"I mean, what's the worst that can happen, right?" I said mainly to myself chuckling along.
Yeah, I looked absolutely psychotic, but when did I not look like one? Diego had been pressuring me to tell them for a week. I knew he had a point since there was no way I could go visit him if my brothers didn't even know he existed. Still, that was something I didn't like talking about. I didn't even like thinking about Carlos so I just knew talking about him would completely ruin me. Somehow, I still wanted to tell them everything, but there was this little voice inside of me screaming at me to shut up, and it was really infuriating.
"When... When I was high and told you guys, that my brother was dead... I meant Carlos," I started clearing my throat, taking a few breaks to catch my breath. How the fuck was I out of breath?
Everyone at the table leaned in. I had no idea what was going on in their minds, and it scared me shitless. The more scared I got the louder and louder that little voice got, truly giving me a migraine.
"Carlos was my best friend since I was nine. He was always there for me, and he became my family..." I started off trying to figure out how to explain the person who was my brother, best friend, only family, angel, and the devil in one person.
"Originally we met when I went to him for weed, but we grew closer and closer until I realized the little shit was my brother. He tried to cut me off a few times, but it really backfired, since I found this other dude who got me hooked on heroin and that became a whole other thing," I explained rambling on not even realizing what I was saying.
"Wait a minute. Your best friend was a drug dealer?" Matteo asked a bit annoyed, making me furious by default.
"Yeah! That's how we met. He had to support his five-year-old brother. It wasn't his fault the system's so flawed he had to sell drugs when he was eleven," I said crossing my arms.
I would personally kill each and every one, that disrespected my brother. Matteo just raised his eyebrows, clearly not being okay with my drug-infused past, but I could see a hint of sorry behind his eyes. I mean, I couldn't really blame him, but come on, got over it.
"Diego became my brother too, and I'd watch him whenever Carlos had to do business. They were the closest thing I ever had to a family," I continued feeling a pang in my chest.
I'd never really said that stuff aloud, and when I said it then, it sounded really fucking sad. I turned to look at my brothers and saw their ashamed looks. I didn't understand why they looked so sorry, but I guess I didn't understand most emotions by default, so I just continued:
"Carlos died a bit over two years ago."
The moment, I said that I felt tears pooling in my eyes. I never really got over that day, and I don't think I ever will. I just always had to keep on going, for Diego.
Alessandro POV.
That look on Eli's face was something, I never wanted to see. In their dreams or panic attacks, it was never this sad. It was always scared or broken, but that look was just heartbreaking.
I wasn't going to lie, the comment about not having a family, was a punch to the heart. For all those years, we wanted nothing more, than to find Eli, and give them their family back. I guess, I should be happy they found a family, but it was truly bittersweet. Even tho I wanted to be happy for them, I couldn't help but somehow resent their new family. We didn't get to have those years with them, but some drug dealer in Chicago got, and I'm supposed to accept that.
"What happened to Diego?" Lorenzo asked after a while of us just sitting there speechless.
Eli did this thing, where they shook their head, and suddenly the tears and emotion in their eyes were completely gone. It was absolutely terrifying, catching me off guard as my face fell from the emotionless armor to a confused worry.
"I took care of him. At least I tried," Eli said quickly straightening their back.
I felt so unbelievably guilty. I wasn't there for them, and now they had to live like that. They had to take care of a kid when they were just a child themselves. I still hadn't figured out, what led to them running away, but that couldn't have been pretty. Everything they said, just made me want to ask more questions, but I knew I couldn't scare them off.
"Why don't you like talking?" Antonio suddenly said making all of us glare at him.
Gabriele smacked the back of his head, earning a grunt and a kick under the table.
"It's okay. I... I guess it's just something I got used to," Eli said still trying to figure it out themselves.
"My parents knew a lot about me, not everything, but still a lot. And they could use those things to... to stop me from defending myself. I was always too scared, because... I guess I cared about them? In some twisted way maybe? It's weird, and I don't really get it, but I think I'm scared, that if you know more about me, I won't be able to fight back if I have to," Eli said rambling and just throwing out words.
I don't even think all my brothers understood, what they just said, but I knew. I understood all of it. My fists clenched under the table, and my jaw tightened. They fucking hurt Eli. I was already suspecting it, but that was enough for me.
I saw Lorenzo look at me, and as soon as he saw my face, he realized it too. I saw it hit him like a baseball bat when his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Soon, his eyes glossed over, and his mouth became just a think line.
"Did they hurt you?" I asked already knowing the answer.
Something flashed in Eli's eyes, but it was too quick for me to pinpoint. My younger brothers turned to me with shocked expressions, before they had the same realization as Lorenzo.
Eli just froze in their place. I don't think they were even there anymore. Their eyes were completely empty, and their body wasn't moving at all.
"Eli?" Gabriele asked trying to get his sibling to respond.
Eli snapped from their mind in a second, and I saw the panic in their eyes, this time it stayed. I guess they kept on looking around for a place to run, but we all knew they couldn't get far on the crouches.
"Eli, you have to tell us, so we can help you. Did Bianca and Frank hurt you?" Matteo asked trying to sound as calm as possible.
"Yes! Is that what you want me to say?!" Eli shouted throwing their hands in the air.
My whole body tightened, and I could see the same reaction happening in my brothers.
"They fucking hurt me, okay? I don't want to talk about it. It happened, and I let it happen, but now they're dead," Eli said calming themself down towards the end.
Antonio got up making his chair fall down. I saw terror flash in Eli's eyes before they skilfully covered it up. I glared at Antonio, but he didn't seem to care.
"They fucking touched you?!" he yelled pacing around.
"Fuck off. Yeah, they did, so what? Just fucking calm down," Eli yelled matching Antonio's energy.
"So what?! They fucking hurt you!" Antonio kept on yelling.
That's when I got up from my seat, making Antonio stop in his tracks. Before I could do anything, Eli started shouting back:
"They fucking hurt me! It was fucking hell!"
"I was too fucking weak to defend myself then, but I'm not a scared little bitch anymore. I'll fucking kill each and every one of you if you ever lay a single finger on me like them! You fucking get it?!" Eli continued getting up with a scary look on their face.
There was nothing behind their eyes, but at the same time, they were filled, with something I couldn't read. It was like Eli was locked up behind a shell, that kept on getting thicker and thicker. I could almost see them fading away from us.
"I don't wanna hurt you, none of us do," Antonio said, all the anger disappearing into thin air.