TW//SLIGHT VIOLENCE
God, I can't get rid of that feeling. Kieran came just in time, perfectly because this fucking creep had his hand going up my leg at a fast rate too. That bastard left my thighs bruised. The worst part was I couldn't move to save myself, I also was too scared to do shit and I physically didn't have the capacity to fight back. His nasty, rugged hand sliding up my shorts.
I trembled at the thought. Even if a couple days, I guessed, had passed I could still vividly feel everything.
I hunched over on the couch even more, holding my stomach, ready to puke my brains out. My eyes shut tight and my legs shook.
"Suriah, here's some tea and toast," Kieran said as he walked into the living room with a plate and cup.
After that incident, I couldn't feel safe without Kieran being around even if he was a bigger threat to me than whoever those guys were. I had an idea that he wouldn't ever try to do what they did to me, he isn't like that. Or it's what I hoped.
Kieran sat the things on the coffee table and sat down next to me. He grabbed the cup again and held it to my lips. I faintly shifted my head away. He sighed, lowering the cup.
"You need to eat," he said, "Or at least have something in your stomach,".
"I'm not hungry," I bluntly said.
"I know, you never are but you need something. Come on, just drink this cup of tea," Kieran lifted the cup back to my lips.
If I don't do what he says, he'll get mad. And do I really need another death experience right now? No, not really. I sighed and lifted my head along with my hands to grab a hold of the cup, slowly taking small sips of the tea. To my surprise, it tasted bubbly and emotionally warming. I closed my eyes and let a sigh out.
"You like it?" He asked.
I opened my eyes and met his light hazel ones, "It's good,".
His lips twitched into a smile, "It's mango green tea, one of my favorites,".
That was a nice name for tea, it sounded just as it tasted. My own lips formed a small smile.
It felt nice to have a normal day for once, one where Kieran wasn't boiling with rage or trying to kill me. When things between us were fine, even if we hated -I- hated him for the things he's done, it was better to have a peaceful ground than a tense one. He's been gentle and kind to me the past days and I prayed every night it stayed that way until I was able to escape.
Which brings me to a certain point.
Kieran is a sucker for submission. He absolutely loves, and I mean loves, it when I does what he says. When I listened and didn't question Kieran, he'd get nice with me. I saw Kieran treat me like a normal person when I acted like a fucking servant. Someone with no voice or opinion. If I am able to control myself and treat him kindly then maybe I can get him to open up and give me more opportunities. More openings for escaping.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He suddenly asked. I turned to look at him, sitting on the couch staring straight ahead.
I looked into the cup watching the tea swirl around.
"I don't know," I mumbled.
"I need you to tell me," he said, "It's important,".
My eyes met his distant ones, covered in a shield blocking away anything I could read him with. His jaw clenched and it sent a shiver down my spine. Would he get mad? Would he beat me again if I told him? Is it safe to..?
I pursed my lips. I'm not safe in either situation. The only option is telling him.
"He uh, he just," I stammered, "He was t-trying to...,".
"Touch you?" Kieran finished.
Our eyes locked but I looked away, beginning to feel the uncontrollable fear bubble in my body. I shut my eyes and sighed before letting myself nod my head yes.
"Did he?"
"Very little..," I answered.
"Where?"
I clenched my jaw, "My legs,".
Kieran hummed and went quiet for a concerning amount of time.
"Let me take a look,".
"W-why?" I stuttered.
"I need to make sure you're okay or if you need treatment," Kieran answered, already standing up and kneeling down in front of me.
He took the cup from my hands and as he set it aside I scooted further into the corner, trying my best to disappear from his sight. Kieran set his hand on my knee, searching my legs for anything. I pulled down at the hem of the shirt, discreetly trying to cover my upper thigh; only it wasn't enough.
Already trembling in place, Kieran's eyes locked with mine before he snatched the shirt from my grip. My bruised thighs became exposed to his eyes.
I let out a gasp. Tears began to fall down my face.
Please, please, please don't hurt me. It wasn't my fault. I tried to stop it. It's not my fault.
I flinched at the touch of Kieran's hand grazing over the bruises. His eyebrows twitched into a pout but I couldn't read his face, as usual. My eyes trembled as they traced over Kieran's every move, his broader shoulders tensing.
He tilted his head towards me.
"I-I'm sorry," I blurted out, a tear falling after.
To my surprise, Kieran didn't stare at me with a look of fury but one of empathy. His eyes shined in the dim lights of the room, almost a tint of green was noticeable to the eyes. Kieran let his hands rest on my thighs and cocked his head at me as he smiled gently to me.
"It's okay, you're fine," He assured me, "They're not that bad so they'll heal in no time,".
I gulped. Still trying to control the build up of fear Kieran had just given to me.
"Why don't we watch a movie, yeah?" He suggested.
I searched his eyes for any tricks he could be playing on me but nothing was there. Only the glimmer in his eyes. I let out a breath and nodded my head in agreement.
He's letting me watch TV. I snuggled back into my corner of the couch. Kieran grabbed the remote from somewhere, I wasn't paying attention. He returned with a blanket as well. But the softest blanket I had ever touched, so soft I could barely even feel it. I held the blanket to my face.
"It's nice huh?" He chuckled.
I nodded.
Kieran sat next to me and kicked his shoes off before laying his head on my legs. My shoulders tensed. I wanted nothing more but to kick him off as the amount of physical touch he was giving me was suspicious. He snuggled into my legs and clicked the TV on. The light illuminated my face and the first traces of technology were exposed to me for the first time in forever. It felt...wrong. Weird.
"What do you want to watch?" He asked.
I lowered my head, "I'm fine with whatever,".
Kieran selected a random movie, I also didn't pay attention to that. It was just background noise to me, I watched the TV but nothing really processed past that. My vision would distort back and forth but at this point it was normal to me, since there was nothing to do besides get sucked inside my head.
All there was to do was get manipulated by my thoughts and question myself like I've never done before. Sometimes things didn't feel real, like a lucid dream. Then at the end of the day, things would feel too real.
My distant eyes focused on Kieran's head. Not a single strand out of place, he always smelt clean plus was always put together and his fake personality made him irresistible.
Before I knew him I thought he was suspicious but of course I thought that with everyone at the club. Sometimes I'd find myself searching for him just because he made the night a tad bit exciting.
The blaring siren coming from the TV shocked me from my head and I instantly locked onto the TV, playing an alert. I stared intensely, watching the movie silent itself for whatever was going on.
At the top of the corner, in all caps,: SURIAH MOON, 23, LAST SEEN AT XX ADDRESS, WEARING A BROWN TOP, BLACK SKIRT...
My eyes widened. So wide it felt like they were going to pop out of my head.
They're looking for me...Camile and Meek...and everyone else. They're looking for me! I knew they didn't forget about me. Kieran could try all he wanted to gaslight me into believing him but I knew better. I was never forgotten.
The TV shut off. I blinked repeatedly as if it would turn the TV back on.
Kieran pushed himself off me and sat the remote on the coffee table oddly slow. His back faced me but his raw blaze of some mix emotions faced me straight on. It was so strong, I felt myself begin to suffocate in his presence yet, it wasn't enough to make me crumble to the floor. I had news of being searched for and that was enough strength for me.
I gasped out, "I do exist out there,".
"You don't," Kieran intervened.
"I do!" I yelped, "You saw for yourself, that the people out there who actually care about me are looking for me!".
"You don't FUCKING exist," He snapped, turning his head my way.
I jumped back, hitching my breath back.
"Anyone can report someone missing, but they always give up," He coldy said, his dark eyes stabbing my heart.
"That's not true," I whispered through my tears.
"No?" He scoffed, "Then how come you're still here? How come you, Suriah, still haven't been rescued in over 3 months?".
A silent weep escaped my lips. Stop.
"To be fair, that was the first amber alert I've heard about you," He jabbed, "Because you're unknown and meaningless to the people out there who supposedly care about you,".
I jumped up, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!".
"IT IS!" He yelled back.
"YOU'RE A LIAR KIERAN, JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU THE WAY THEY CARE ABOUT ME DOESN'T MEAN I'VE BEEN FORGOTTEN!" I cried out.
Not a single flash of hurt crossed his eyes, not a single emotion passed by. His eyes watched me like I was invisible, like he couldn't hear a word I said. Everything I said passed by him like a breeze. I huffed out shakily as our eyes locked. I couldn't look away now, I wanted to see anything hurt him the way he hurt me.
My lip quivered at the thought of what he'd do to me any second now. Like I said, he was a bigger threat to me than anyone else.
"You," I gasped, "Kieran, are the biggest mistake out there,".
His eyebrows pinched together.
I clenched my jaw, "You don't deserve anything or anyone,".
Kieran's eyes stayed cold but he reached for the remote and swung his arm back, chucking the remote straight at me hitting me hard on the face. Having not covered myself in time, the remote slammed straight into my nose. It hit so hard I felt the nerves in my nose tingle throughout my whole face similar to static.
I held my throbbing face in my hands, stumbling back.
His thunderous steps approaching me sent my head flying up to watch him come my way, he pushed me down and I was nearly about to catch myself until he pushed me even rougher. I finally fell down. I took my chance to huddle in the corner where the couches met and hid myself idiotically.
Kieran pulled my hands away from my body and roughly grabbed my face, forcing me to look into his murderous eyes.
"And what makes you think you deserve anything either?" He questioned. His lip lifted in disgust.
Kieran threw my face to the side like dirt and stood up heading to the door without looking back. He left me shaking in the corner of the living room, tears pouring down my face as if everything that's happened was my fault. As if I was the disgusting one. As if I was the problem. I sniffed my tears back but even they couldn't stop. I wiped my face away and found small traces of blood on my fingers. The fucking remote. My lip quivered at the sight.
I tucked myself into the corner as much as I could and held my body, hid my face and gently cried. I hate you. I hate you Kieran.
There I sat, surrounded by my cries and the traces of Kieran's suffocating intimidation.