Matteo POV.
After leaving that room none of us had any idea what to do so we waited. We stood there in the hallway just trying to figure out what we had just seen.
Eli looked so scared like they couldn't even see us. That must have truly been the scariest moment of my life, standing there helplessly trying anything to help them. Even Alessandro was terrified, and I'm sure he wouldn't even flinch with a gun pointed at his head.
Antonio couldn't keep still and after a few laps around the hallway he nervously ran his hand through his hair and ran off. My best guess was to throw something around.
Alessandro tried to send Gabriele back to sleep, but for once he pushed back. They argued for a while until Alessandro gained enough strength to glare at his brother and slightly raise his voice, sending the boy away like a scared puppy.
"What the hell just happened?" I asked pointing at Eli's door with wide eyes still scared shitless.
Eli was a mystery to us all, but I figured it was because their parents just died. Then that happened and I was left standing there dumbfounded while my little sibling was on the other side of that door, probably still in the middle of a panic attack.
Alessandro let out a sigh his shoulders dropping. That was the first time I ever saw him like that. He wasn't angry or scared like me. He was horrified but even more than that, he was concerned out of his mind.
"I seriously have no idea. They looked so scared," he said his usually stable voice almost breaking as they shut their eyes tightly, remembering what just happened. He ran his hand through his hair and tried to compose himself back straightening his back.
"I'm going to make some calls," I quickly said with a nod from my brother.
He knew exactly, what I meant. It didn't take a genius to notice, that something was very much wrong. And I needed help figuring out what it was. I wasn't sure if that would be a therapist, a private investigator, or an assassin, but I was sure as hell gonna figure it out. That's what I did.
Eli POV.
The next morning was nothing less than a nightmare. I woke up with a splitting headache, that felt like my brain was being pressed under a million elephants. I felt myself lying on something soft, too soft. I quickly opened my eyes but had to shut them just as fast when the light hit my eyelids. I had woken up on my new bed for the first time. My eyesight was a bit wobbly, but I could make out a figure laying on the couch near me. I focused all my energy on trying to see at least a bit clearer and soon I was able to make out Lorenzo's brown hair.
Like lighting, everything came back and I just grunted and smacked my forehead probably leaving a mark. For fucks sake, they were going to have so many questions and I really didn't like the questions. My vision cleared in a fraction of a second and I ran into the shower, praying, that Lorenzo would leave before I got out.
That was the longest shower I had ever taken. I let the water hit me like tiny little bullets, while my skin was the impenetrable metal found only in Wakanda. The beautiful droplets of that life-giving liquid hit the tiles playing a melody with an odd rhythm that still somehow made sense to me. I leaned my hand against the wall and took a few deep breaths. I wanted to run. I needed to get away, but I knew I wouldn't get far. Even if I stole a car, they'd find me before I made it even halfway to Chicago.
For once God was in my favor for when I got out of the shower Lorenzo had left. I couldn't take it anymore. The minute I realized I was alone, I ran to my bag and pulled out everything in it, trying desperately to find the tiny baggy, Diego put there. There were six pills, probably oxy, and three blunts. I tipped the baggy until something came out and immediately threw them into my mouth. I then took out my trusty lighter, a blunt, and a cigarette that I had been craving for days. I hastily stashed the remaining two pills and blunts somewhere into my bag and opened the balcony doors.
The second the familiar smoke traveled down my pipes, I felt myself relax. I felt the familiar lightness spread in my body, calming every cell. I left like I was floating over my body and flying around in the air, where nothing could reach me. It was calm, Peaceful, everything I had yearned for.
Early on in my life, that peace was the thing I searched for nonstop. It was the only thing I needed to stay sane. I was nine when I smoked my first joint. I had just gotten back from the first camp needing anything to take my mind off the place. The familiar soothing sensation became the only thing keeping me alive. It wasn't my heart anymore, but the messy roll I could hide in my pencil case. Soon after that, I started popping pills but it wasn't until I started fixing that things got really bad. I was just twelve when I got my first fix. Carlos tried to cut me off but I just found another dealer, who sold me my first fix for a really cheap price. I never for proof but I'm pretty sure he was the man, who ended up putting a bullet in Carlos.
I got addicted fast and bad. Carlos managed to get me off heroin about a year before he died saving my life. Even tho I didn't care, I'd forever be grateful to him. It wasn't until I ran away that I started really smoking cigarettes. They were cheaper and easier to find when I didn't know anyone yet. In the two years I was gone I got a lot better. I couldn't spend all my money on drugs, because I had to send it to Diego, but that also meant I had a really shitty withdrawal.
For a few weeks, I thought that I was dying. Every corner of my body ached and I could hardly even move. I didn't eat or leave my apartment for weeks, while I suffered. I never want to feel that again. I started smoking again and taking the occasional opioids, but I knew better than to let myself fall back.
As the pills started to kick in, I fell onto the bed. The slight ache echoing from my bloody arms disappeared, and I couldn't fight the smile on my face. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open, so I gave up and surrendered to the feeling taking over my body.
Tiny stars danced over my eyelids as my mind wandered down the small alleyways in my memories. I always had to be careful with my dose. If I took too little, I just got really sad, but I couldn't overdose, so it was always a sweet balance.
At that moment, I didn't care that I woke up my newfound brothers with a nightmare, that I would have to explain to them sooner or later. I didn't care, that I left Diego, or that I had no plan. I didn't care, that Mia was suffering because of me. All I thought about were the beautiful stars. I reached my hand towards them, at least I thought I did. I felt a lonely tear fall down my cheek, as I rolled my fingers around the night sky. I didn't know what I was crying about, but I was way too high to stop it.
Alessandro POV.
That morning, we were all exhausted. I couldn't assume any of us got a lot of sleep after the... incident? I had no idea what to call it.
We were all sitting in the kitchen except for Lorenzo and Eli. Matteo cooked some eggs and bacon, while I just chugged more coffee down my throat. I might have a caffeine addiction, but I wasn't going to focus on that.
All our heads turned when we heard footsteps coming down the stairs. The second Lorenzo turned the corner, he was faced with a million questions.
"How are they?"
"What happened?"
"Who's with them now?!"
Lorenzo just sighed, as I handed him a cup of coffee, already knowing what he needed.
"They're in the shower right now. I thought they might want some space before we all barge in there," he said sitting down.
I slid a plate of breakfast to him, which he grabbed gratefully.
"I don't know about you guys, but I don't wanna leave them alone. We all saw what happened last night!" Antonio yelled frustrated.
"We'll go check on them soon, let's just give them time to take a shower and wake up. It was a rough night," Lorenzo said trying to stay awake.
"I know it was a rough night! I was there!" Antonio shouted, finally earning a glare from me.
"Enough. We'll get to talk to them later," I said shutting Antonio up once again.
"It's been two hours," Gabriele pointed out.
I nodded, glad that someone else spoke up. I didn't know how long the normal time to wait was in these situations so I had just been stressing for two whole hours. Antonio had already smoked three cigarettes, and Lorenzo wasn't far behind as I just chugged one cup of coffee after the other.
Eli POV.
I had no idea, how long I had laid there. It felt like an eternity and a second all at the same time. All I knew, is that when that knock woke me up, I was just going over my peak. Luckily, I had gotten pretty good at hiding my high over the years.
"Yeah?!" I quickly called trying not to sound so drowsy.
"It's Alessandro, we want to see you," my brother called from the other side of the door.
Oh shit.
"Sure, I'll come down in a bit," I said, completely panicking.
No matter how many times I did it, trying to seem sober was always scary. I knew I was good at it, but it had been a while since I'd been that high. Plus, the boys were way too good at reading people.
When I finally left the room, I was a bit better at standing up. Still, the room spun around me as I tried to make my way toward the stairs. That would be fun. I hated actually doing things when I'm high. It was amazing as long, as you didn't have to pretend to be sober.
Slowly, but surely, I made my way down the long, wobbly stairs. I heard voices echoing from the first living room, so I headed there. Right as I was about to step in, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst. The good thing was, that I was too high to care about last night.
I stepped into the room and all of their heads turned to look at me. I groaned and jumped face-first onto the empty couch. I buried my face in the pillows, almost forgetting, that I had to act sober.
I slowly lifted my head from the cushions and turned to look at my brothers. They had very weird looks on their faces. Gabriele was confused, Antonio was impatient, Matteo just looked down at his hands, Lorenzo looked concerned, and Alessandro was staring at me with his unreadable eyes. I just stared back, trying to get him to back down. Probably not a sober decision, but it felt like a great one at the time.
Alessandro ended up clearing his throat, which I took as a win for me.
"We wanted to discuss, what happened last night," he said very formally.
"What do you mean? What happened last night?" I said trying to act dumb.
Once again, felt like a great idea at the time. Or at least a funny one.
"What do you mean 'what happened'?! We thought you were dying!" Antonio yelled.
I just blinked a few times, while my mind was doing backflips. My body didn't work enough to flinch, but my mind did. Let's just say, I didn't like yelling.
"Are you sure you didn't all just dream the same dream? That can happen you know," I said completely serious.
"Eli," Alessandro warned with a glare, that actually shut me up.
"It's not that big of a deal," I said groaning as I just wanted the conversation to end. I really didn't like the vibe in the room.
"Yes. It is," Lorenzo said sternly.
I know I had only been there for a bit over a week, but Lorenzo seemed like someone, that didn't get stern easily.
"It was just a bad dream," I shrugged.
"It wasn't just a dream and we all know it," Matteo said with his hands crossed before him.
"Let's just pretend it was," I tried.
"What was it about?" Gabriele asked.
"Nothing," I said starting to get annoyed by the constant questions and the hostile atmosphere. I was in a pretty good mood. The weed was working, the opioids were bussing, and then these bitches had to ruin it all.
"'Nothing' doesn't make you scream and claw your throat out!" Antonio yelled.
"What happened?"
"We just want to help you."
"Please, just talk to us."
"Why should I tell you?" I asked rolling my eyes. I was getting increasingly sober by the second and I wasn't enjoying it at all.
"We are your brothers, and we care about you," Matteo said in a final tone.
"My brother is six feet underground!" I shouted truly fed up with the conversation.
That shut them all up. I could see the hurt in their eyes, as Gabriele and Lorenzo turned to look at the ground. Antonio clenched his fists, but I could see the pain in his eyes. Even Matteo and Alessandro looked taken aback.
I felt a bang of guilt eating me. Sober me would have just walked out. Not true, sober me wouldn't have said anything. In my defense, I was seeing all of my brothers as two, so I was actually in a room with twelve men I had only known for a weak.
Quickly, Antonio got up and started walking towards the door. I don't know what came over me, but I didn't want him to leave.
"It was a memory," I rushed out before I could stop myself.
That stopped Antonio in his tracks and turned him to face me. He had some new sort of anger in his eyes, and I backed up. I know I hurt his feelings, but I didn't think he'd be that angry. He looked like he could hurt someone.
I looked down at my lap ashamed of what I had said. I didn't want them to know, but at the same time, I needed them to know. It was confusing, and I was high off my mind.
Antonio studied my face carefully and took a step towards me, before asking in a surprised tone:
"Are you high?"