She looked lifeless
Machines were hooked up to her body and everything, even in her rest she looked broken. I spent the first five minutes of my visit thinking about how we haven't been ok for the past few days, I've been a total bitch for nothing at all. I can't even imagine what my reaction would be if I found out that she died when we weren't at a good stage. "Why hasn't she woken up" I hear Matty ask quietly
"God only knows" Lola whispers as she continues to stare at our sister
The machine beeps once more
"I don't get it, so your telling me she just fell?" Dad frowns
Another beep
Carter doesn't even look at any of us, all he replies with is. "Yes"
"She's not waking up" Daniel says
"Give it time" Mom replies
The machine beeps again and dad shuffles his chair closer to the bed after noticing Carmens hand twitch, "Mi hija" He says softly
Her eyes open slowly and I feel relief flood through me as she finally blinks, for a moment I thought we lost her. She looks around at us all before frowning with confusion, "Dad?"
He sits back with relief, "You were out for a long time" Mom tells her
"What happened?"
"Carter says you fainted" Lola says quietly
She finally looks at him, "Oh"
The door opens before any of us can even question her and a doctor walks in, "Carmen Rodriguez?"
"Yes?"
"My name is dr Gomez and we have your test results"
I thought that if you faint doctors just give you water and send you home, why did they need to test her?
Daniel narrows his eyes, "What caused her to pass out?"
"Well the bottom line is, her body hasn't been receiving the correct amount of food. We took a blood test and it turns out that the only thing she's had in the past forty eight hours is caffeine along with some coke"
Speechless
I've never been more shocked and confused. I mean how can you function without food? Why would anyone forcefully not eat...... why would Carmen not eat
We all look at her with complete shock, "Carmen why?"
A shield of tears cover her eyes as she plays with the tube on her hand, "C I think you need to tell them" Carter finally says
She shoots him a look, one that we all catch onto. "Wait a minute tell us what" Enzo scoffs
"Nothing"
"What is it?" Mom asks
"She-
Carmen grips onto her hair stressfully, "Carter I swear to God-
"Carmen doesn't eat, and when she does it's once a day-
"Shut up!"
He gives her an apologetic look before looking back at our parents, "She gets tired quite a lot of the time and I've been trying to help her for the past few weeks.... Obviously I didn't realise that it's more serious than I thought, she might have an eating disorder" He says the last part quietly
Eating disorder
I just-..... my thoughts can't even form into one. My sister-.... She could have an eating disorder and this entire time I never caught on. I mean I just don't get it, every time I see her with food she eats it.... And her plate is always empty at the end of our meals. This just doesn't make sense, for how long? Why?
"What the fuck?" Daniel scoffs
"How long has she been doing this?" Santi questions
"I only found out recently but apparently since thirteen"
She won't even look at anybody, her face is still buried into her hands and she's just sat there frozen. "Oh señor" Mom mutters
This can't be happening
"Carmen-
"Get out, just get out"
"We just want to talk mi hija"
Still she won't face us
"I don't want to talk, get out"
"What your doing isn't healthy-
My sister closes her eyes stressfully and I feel my heart break into two, "Please....I just need you all to go" Her voice breaks
Eventually we all get up out of our seats, I swear I could even spot Lola wipe a tear away as she followed mom to the door. "And Carter" I hear my big sister say
He stops, "Don't speak to me, ever"
I could see the sadness in his face even if he tried to hide it, I shut the door behind me after following him out. "What the fuck is wrong with you" Enzo scoffs from behind
At first I thought he was talking to me but then when I turned around I realised, "You knew this shit was happening to my sister and yet you told none of us" He says annoyed
"I didn't want to lose her trust" Carter replies calmly
"Oh so you wanna choose trust over her life?!-
"Enzo" I hiss
A few people are starting to watch us, "You knew what she was doing to herself and still stood by-
"I know that and I'm sorry-
"If she died then what?-
"Stop!" I snap at my brother, he glares at me
"It's not his fault and you know it"
"Oh so now you choose to defend him-
"It's more ours than his, not once has he said anything about the way Carmen looks.... It's us" I say the last part quietly
That got him to shut up thankfully, I watch as Carter walks over to his mom before going to sit with my siblings....The amount of guilt that I feel right now is indescribable.
Not long ago at dinner I made a comment about Carmens body without even realising. And the fact that this has been going on for four years is absolutely shocking to me. I should've noticed how much weight she was losing, but then again most of the time she always wears oversized clothes.
I watch as Daniel pulls Matteo into a side hug, I don't think he's at the age where he knows what an eating disorder is but he knows that whatever's going on is bad.
Santi frowns, "I just don't understand how we all missed something like this"
"Thirteen is a long time" I agree
"You guys don't pay attention" Lola unexpectedly says, Enzo, Santi and I frown at her
"What do you mean"
"Haven't you guys seen the way she cuts up her food into tiny little pieces? Or how when she was fifteen she would always distract you guys and slide the rest of her food onto Marty's plate. And whenever she got into an argument with Enzo or Adri, she'd go quiet whenever you guys called her fat even though she wasn't. Then there's the fact that she would always go to the gym and come back looking tired, plus her migraines too. It's clearly anorexia" Our little sister says
I am completely speechless. How the heck does she know all of this stuff?
"If you knew this shit then why didn't you say anything?" Enzo scoffs
"I didn't want her to hate me the way she hates Carter right now" She says quietly
"But she was eating whenever I was with her"
"She eats to survive stupid"
Santi frowns as he sits back, "So what happens now?"
I sigh, "God only knows"
Enzo gets up and Lola looks at him, "Where are you going?"
"Where the fuck do you think, she hasn't eaten"
"There's no need to be rude-
"Sorry it's just I realised that maybe she wouldn't be so hungry if someone had actually spoken up"
"Jeez" She mutters as Santi follows him out the hospital
Although I understand where Enzo is coming from (he's mad that Lola didn't speak up earlier), I still feel bad for our little sister..... she didn't want to risk her relationship with Carmen and I get that.
Lola lies her head back against the wall and I narrow my eyes, "Wait a minute you said something about clothes"
"What?"
I look back at her, "The other day you were telling me something about clothes-
"Forget it it's nothing-
"It's clearly not nothing, I know it has something to do with what's happened. I'm listening now, what was it" I say seriously
She sighs as she sits up, "Nothing I just-.... Carmen went from a size fourteen to a ten in just a week"
"How is it exactly that she does it?"
"Were you not listening to anything I said?" She scoffs
"Well yeah but-.... Surely Carmen wouldn't want to lose any more weight, she's really small now"
"It's not about that, it's about maintaining and the fear of gaining. Losing is kind of like a bonus"
Ok so Lola is more educated than I thought, "How do you know all of this?" I frown
She shrugs as she looks at the ground, "It's hard not to when I've known for ages"
I look at my little sister softly, "Don't let Enzo make you feel bad"
Instead of replying she puts her earbuds in, I sigh as I switch on my phone.
**
After Carmen had calmed down Lola, Matty, Daniel and I went back into her room, Enzo and Santi were already there.
My sister looks somewhat better, there are still bags under her eyes and her hairs still in a messy low bun but she doesn't look as upset as she was before. "Mom and dad are on the phone with work.... They're gonna take some time off" Lola informs her
I could see the miserableness on her face increase after that. Matty then sits next to her and she scoots over, "Can I have a fry?"
This fool, I swear to God
She nods before sliding them over, "Your an idiot" Lola scoffs at our brother
"There's no need for that" Daniel replies
"Nah she's right" Enzo agrees
Santi sighs
"Shut up-
"Dude she hasn't eaten in two days and your taking her food, be any greedier would you" She scoffs
"She said I could have some-
"Because she's kind, you still should've left it-
"Leave me alone Enzo-
"Shut the fuck up-
"Guys" Carmen finally says
They all look back at her, "It's ok" She assures them softly
Matty takes two more fries before eating them and sticking his tongue out at Lola, she rolls her eyes whilst Carmen just smiles a little.
This is why me and Santi are the unproblematic ones
I finally decide that now is a good time for me to speak, "C I'm sorry for what I said the other day-
"It's ok"
"We're all sorry for not noticing" Daniel chimes in
"Except for Lola" Santi adds, Carmen frowns
"Yeah I kind of already knew" Our little sister admits
"Not kind of, you did" Enzo corrects
"And you said nothing why?" Daniel scoffs
"Cause she didn't want me to hate her" Carmen says knowingly
"What kind of telepathy do you guys have going on" I say amused
She finally smiles a real smile and Lola laughs a little.
"How do you feel Mi hija?"
Our parents just came back
She shrugs, "Ok"
Mom stays standing as dad sits down, "So we had a conversation with the doctor"
"They think it's anorexia"
"Told you" Lola says to Santi, I narrow my eyes
"Can we like.... Do this later?" Carmen pleads
"Carmen we're gonna need to have this conversation at some point-
"Yeah it doesn't need to be right now" She says annoyed
I know my sister well, she's too ashamed to have this conversation with all of us here. I know she feels as if we're judging her but really and truly we're not.... We just want what's best.
Mom sighs, "We will have this conversation in the morning, get some rest"
She then looks back at us, "Come on, dads gonna stay with her-
"I wanna stay"
"There's nowhere for you to sleep Matteo"
"We'll sleep on the chairs" Lola says
"You guys can come back tomorrow" Dad promises
"But-
"Go on, you've got school in the morning"
We all get up, "Bye C" Matty mumbles
She smiles a goodbye to him along with the rest of us and I give her one last look.... Almost to say 'i'm sorry for how shitty I've been' and 'I miss talking to you'
My sister mouths an 'I love you' and I smile sadly before following my siblings out of the room
The door finally shuts and I sigh as everyone walks ahead, my phone then unexpectedly buzzes and I frown as the screen lights up.
Cody: Goodnight beautiful
And then suddenly the empty feeling in my heart returned.....
Time to face reality
A/N
Whooo okay, I refused to sleep until this was done
Apologies for the late update. I usually like to upload every 1-2 days so I'm not keeping you waiting, I've been working and been quite busy so that's why it was so late. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter
Don't forget to vote ☺️
-xoxo LR