Out of nowhere, Vincent just walked through the door that led to freedom that was always too far from my reach, and found me laying in my own filth, and someone else's blood.
He staggered towards me with his brittle old man steps, dropped his cane, and fell to his knees beside me.
His hazel eyes were streaming with tears, as he picked up my boney, battered, and dying body.
"Stay with me!!"
He begged me to stay with him, in the limited Japanese he knew. I don't remember what I thought exactly in that moment, but I knew it was hopeless. I was as good as dead.
"𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝙻𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝙺𝚊𝚗𝚘!! 𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎, 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐!!"
𝙺𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, he told me.
I have been fighting. For years. I fought, I suffered, and now I'll die here. I was exhausted, and just done crawling through this hell.
But that's not the last thing I thought when I was half conscious.
I thought about my grandfather. If the monster catches him here, it won't end well for him.
And I was right.
The next thing I knew, another silhouette blurred in my vision.
Then, there was a click.
Followed by a loud bang.
Blood flew through the air, and I can still feel the last of his warmth sprinkle onto my face like gentle summer rainfall.
That was it. He was gone. Just like that.
It wasn't like all the other deaths of the complete strangers I put out of their misery, or watch get tortured to their last breath. This hurt so much more.
I didn't scream. I didn't cry. But this pain was the most agonizing torture I have ever had to endure.
That was until... I killed the person who saved me from that past, in a twisted future that I created.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
BANG!!!
Takemichi winces as the second gunshot rings through the air. He grips Nakano's hand tightly after he pushes it away from her head. The gun clatters to the ground after falling out of her hand, and he's quick to pick it up and hold it away from her.
"Nakano!!"
He can't be mad at her for trying to kill herself, but he's definitely upset with the fact that she tried. He doesn't even know what to say afterwards. Don't do that? Why would you do that? It's obvious to him at this point. Mikey's dead body lying right behind them explains it all. The moment feels hopeless. Tears are streaming from his face as he grips the gun tightly in his hand.
As he continues to stare at her, she slowly turns around. Their eyes meet, but something is... Off.
Her gaze moves to Mikey's corpse, and her eyes widen. In a single heartbeat, she throws herself at Takemichi, and tackles him to the ground. She grabs him by the neck, and presses his arms down with her knees.
He struggles against her iron grip, and writhes in pain because of her crushing strength. He can hear her seething, and the hostile rage is evident on her face.
"Na... Nakano!! Sto-"
"SHUT UP AND DIE!!" Her grip tightens, and Takemichi is no longer able to breathe. "YOU TREACHEROUS FUCKER WALKED OUT ON TOMAN, AND NOW YOU'VE KILLED MY LEADER!!!"
'What? Is this Nakano's past self!?' Takemichi tries to fight against her as if he even has a chance. His sister is too strong. But her past self seems to be even stronger. 'Shit!! I accidentally sent her back!!'
Takemichi writhes even more in an attempt to escape her grip, when she suddenly flinches. Her grip immediately loosens, and she falls to the side with a thud.
He slips out from under her, and scrambles to her unconscious body. That's when he notices something on the side of her neck. A tranquilizer dart?
He glances to where the dart likely came from, to see Naoto with wide eyes and a gun in his hand. "You just shot her!!"
Instead of coming back with a snide remark of how he just saved Takemichi's dumbass, he holsters the tranquilizer gun with the same shock on his face. "I've never witnessed this level of hostility from Nakano-san before. That was her past self, wasn't it?"
Takemichi trembles to his feet, and sways after coming down from an adrenaline high and a mental and emotional breakdown. "Naoto... I need to find her and bring her back."
The younger male arches a brow. "Bring her back?"
Tears form in Takemichi's eyes once again, as the scene of Nakano holding a gun to her head replays in his mind. "I've never seen her that weakened before. She almost killed herself, damn it. And Mikey-kun tricked her into killing him, and she... She loves him. They love each other, I know they do."
He wipes his eyes to dry his tears, and turns back to face Naoto with a new look of determination. "I'll bring Nakano back to the future, then I'll deal with the rest myself." He holds his hand out for a handshake. "She's protected me ever since she returned to Japan. Now it's my turn to protect her."
━─━─━━─━「卍」━━─━─━─━
Nakano's entire body is freezing cold, but her chest is burning and throbbing like it could explode at any moment. The rain is pouring down on her, but not as fast as her tears flow from her eyes.
Puddles splash beneath her bare feet, and the only thing keeping her warm are her thin pajamas, and the now soaked jacket that Seishu gave her.
She's choking on sobs, and drowning in the rain she's sprinting through, as thunder crashes above her. She doesn't have a damn clue where she is, because she just spawned in an alleyway out of nowhere. Before this, she remembers everything.
Shooting Manjiro. Killing Manjiro. Listening as Manjiro professed his love for the last time. Watching as Manjiro died in her arms. Using the same gun she used on him, on herself.
Though, that didn't work out. Nothing ever works out for her. She's still alive, and once again back in the past. Back to square one. Actually, she's far behind square one.
As she's lost in her hysteria, with her vision blurry because of the tears and rain, she doesn't notice that she's come to a park. Her foot ends up in a mud patch. She slips on it, causing her to slide onto a patch of grass.
"WHY DO I HAVE TO COME BACK IF NOTHING CHANGES!?!"
She cries out into the dark and stormy sky, as she chucks a fistful of mud straight up into the air. Which only comes back down and lands on her shoulder. The rain washes it down her arm.
"Past, present, future, I don't fucking care!! Every moment spent alive is torture!!!"
She doesn't know who she's yelling to. No matter how many near death experiences she faces, and even when she tries to end herself, nothing will let her leave this cruel life.
"IF I WASN'T MEANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD, THEN TAKE ME THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!!"
"No. I won't."
Nakano flinches into a stiffened position on her knees. How did she not feel him coming? How did she not hear the rain splashing violently onto his umbrella? How much of her ramblings did he hear?!
"What the hell happened to you!?"
Someone's legs come into Nakano's vision, and the rain is no longer falling aggressively against her back, indicating that this person is holding their umbrella above her. She's hesitant to look up. She doesn't want anyone seeing her like this right now.
The person crouches in front of her, and now she's able to see his face. She can't look away. She's too cold and shocked to move. All she can do is shiver in the cold and tremble in her moment of breakdown.
"Why are you out here without proper clothes!? And you're not wearing shoes!!" The blonde male's concern can be heard clearly, despite the loud pattering from his umbrella. "You're gonna get sick! Or hypothermia!!"
Nakano can't think of anything to explain herself. All she can bring herself to say is his name.
"Seishu..." He immediately helps her up, and holds the umbrella above the both of them. "I, uh... Sorry about the jacket..." She tries to come up with a bluff to throw him off of whatever he heard, only to be proven pointless.
"I'll forgive you when you explain to me what the hell you're doing in the rain, screaming about nothing changing." The male with the burn scar doesn't look mad at all. Just pure worry for the girl under his umbrella. And... Sadness? "And about life being torture... And wanting someone to take you out of this world?" Nakano takes a step back when he tries to move closer to her. "Why would you say stuff like that?"
"I... I don't..." 'Want to live anymore. Does it really need an explanation?'
"Actually, forget I asked." He suddenly says as if he read her mind. "Just, whatever you're thinking, please don't."
'Who the hell does this guy think he is?' She lowers her head, directing her glare to her feet. 'It's not like we've been buddy-buddy for ages. Ugh...' She clenches her eyes shut. 'Why does this remind me of when I first met...'
She can't even think about him right now without losing to the storm of painful emotions. Tears form in her eyes, but thankfully the rain water dripping from her hair and onto her face is covering for her. 'Why did he have to show up now of all times? And why does he have to have blonde hair of all hair colours?'
"Let's get you out of the rain." Seishu tries to lead her out of the rain, but she doesn't move with him under the umbrella. He stops and brings it back over her head. "Nakano?"
"You can leave." She stays in her spot, not facing him. "I'll be fine here."
"I'm your advisor, not stupid enough to fall for a lie like that." Seishu walks around her to put himself in her vision once again. "You said if I had any concerns, I should let you know. And I'm concerned about you right now. Tell me what's going on."
'I came back to the past to change Takemichi's future in order to protect him, only to find out we're not even related, which is why my past self always runs away to become an assassin that ends up making the future worse, and I just came from a future where I manipulated Mikey into killing all our friends. And then I...'
"I don't even know anymore." Nakano wraps the jacket Seishu gave her around her body tighter, as if the soaked fabric would warm her up. "Life used me as the main act for its shitshow, I guess." Her head is still lowered, so she can't see the way his face softened. "That's the only reason why I'm here. In the end, I'm just an object for the universe to screw over, or something for others to torment."
She doesn't realize that she's rambling on. Though, Seishu stays quiet, causing her to partially forget he's even there. But even though the rain comes down hard on his umbrella, he can still hear her clearly as she spills out whatever is on her mind that's bothering her.
"Whether it be mental, physical, emotional, or all at once, I feel pain every single day. It's a never ending cycle for me. It's practically a way of life. But what hurts most... Is the truth."
"The truth?"
She's brought back when she hears Seishu's voice. Seeing the concern and curiosity on his face, she's tempted to tell him. Should she trust him with such a personal problem when she barely knows him?
Seishu is with her right now. He didn't leave her out in the cold, even when she told him to. As her "subordinate", he should've followed that simple order. But he stayed.
"That night when I met the Eleventh Generation Black Dragons, who addressed me as 'Hanagaki-sama'... That's when I found out, that's not who I am." She notices his emerald eyes widen, letting her know that he already caught on. "My twin isn't my twin. I'm not a Hanagaki. I'm just the daughter of a murderer who killed her mother and hundreds of other innocent people. I'm the girl who killed her father in order to survive. I'm the girl who walks side by side with death that is somehow still too far from her reach, but can touch all the ones she loves."
Seishu never thought he'd hear a terrifying, yet sad confession until this moment. Nakano's life story was just poured out of her in a matter of seconds.
"You should leave, Seishu." This time, she starts walking off into the rain. "I'm only going to cause the Black Dragon's and your downfall."
Her bare feet splash in the puddles, as the rain comes down hard on her again. But even through the wind and water droplets, she hears him call out to her again.
"You're going to cause your own downfall if you keep walking away!!" She freezes in her spot. Seishu's words somehow got to her. "You seriously forgot what I told you that day!?"
As much as Nakano tries to block him out, she does happen to remember that moment. As of now, it's only been a day or two since then.
❖ ── ✦ ──── ✦ ── ❖
"You said you valued our opinion? Well, here's mine." Seishu stood in front of her, and his eyes bore right through hers unlike any others have before. "I know I made the right choice. After seeing you stand in front of them last night, I refuse to believe you were the 'Sinister Sister' that I heard all those rumours about."
"They're not rumors if they're the truth. In that case, it makes me worse than Taiju."
"It was my fault for appointing Taiju in the first place. When he ruined the Black Dragons, I did nothing."
Nakano scoffed. "Not like you could."
"No, I couldn't. But you did something." Seishu moves towards her. "You saved us. Last night, you showed the Black Dragons a new path to glory. You gave them new goals to achieve. You told Koko and I that we have to learn from our mistakes. I made the mistake of choosing the wrong leader. So I learned from that mistake, and chose you."
"You made it clear that you don't want to be seen as a murderer. But if that's what you want to keep seeing yourself as, then you might as well be. But after that night, I, nor Koko, or anyone from the Black Dragons would believe you. Quit trying to make up bullshit to get us to leave you, because it's not going to work. You're only lying to yourself at this point."
"You gave Koko and I a second chance after we treated you like shit. You stood beside your brother, beatened, chained, and malnourished because of us, but fought until your last ounce of strength. You faced the gang that mistreated you and showed them mercy and forgiveness. You gave us guidance and offered support. You vowed to fight with us. You said we were under your protection."
"I know I'm in no place to say this, but..." He sighed lightly, his next words coming out softer than she could not have expected. "If you're afraid of not being able to control yourself, that's likely your problem. Quit giving in to that fear, because that's probably why you lose control. So stop running away."
❖ ── ✦ ──── ✦ ── ❖
Nakano clenches her eyes and fists shut. She has no idea what to say in response to that. She can barely speak.
"I know I didn't choose a coward," Seishu states confidently. "You fought, even in the worst conditions. You almost and could've died, but you still fought. If you are unable to run from a physical fight, then you sure as hell can take on an internal one."
'... Sometimes the hardest fights are the ones against ourselves.'
Those words make it out of the depths of her mind. 'Vincent was never wrong when it came to stuff like this. How come I can't remember any of this until now?'
"Seishu." She finally looks up to meet his gaze, her auburn eyes empty and half closed out of exhaustion. "The circumstances I'm in are so fucked up, you couldn't possibly understand."
"Then help me understand." This time, he sounds desperate as he takes a step towards her. "Tell me. Let me help you."
Nakano's chest tightens, deeming her unable to breathe until she makes a decision. Should she tell him? Would that really help her? Could he really help her?
'You know what. Fuck all of this.' Nakano narrows her eyes, taking in a breath. 'I need to end this time leaping bullshit already.'
"Fine. You wanna know? There are two of me. The one you're talking to right now, and the one that if she so much as felt your presence, she'd kill you before you'd even know you got her attention. The truth hurt her the most. After just coming back to Japan after years of living through hell, that was the last straw for her. She found out before I did."
"What are you ta-"
"When I'm gone, she runs away and kills people. I know why, too. Takemichi was my- Her... Our reason to live, because he was the only one who didn't treat us like a monster. Then, she learned the truth of us not being siblings, and whenever I leave, she runs off and ruins the future."
She glances back up at Seishu, who's in complete shock of what he just heard. He takes a step back from her, examining her with wide eyes.
"I just came from one of the futures... It was by far the worst one I've seen."
"Is that... Why you said 'Why do I have to come back when nothing changes.'?"
Nakano internally face palms. "You heard all that. Great. But... Things have changed, for the worse. More people die whenever I go back. Those people being my friends. And... I killed their murderer."
"How is that bad? You avenged them. Those who kill without mercy deserve to die."
Like that, Nakano's hard gaze breaks. Her face relaxes into a solemn and sad expression. The trauma returns, causing her chest to tighten, and her vision to blur.
"Would you still think that... If the murderer was someone you love?" Nakano asks this with a weak voice. "If they were the person who saved you from the past that you've been running from your whole life, just by existing. If they were the one who gave you a new meaning to your life and reason to live? If they showed how beautiful this cruel world can be? If they gave you all their love, and confessed it to you?"
Nakano faces Seishu with tears in her eyes.
"If the love of your life begged you to kill them, would you do it?"
Inupi can't bring himself to answer that question. If he's struggling to make a decision, without actually needing to make it, he can't imagine what she felt in that moment. There's a long moment of silence as the pair stand right in front of each other.
"Exactly." Nakano takes his inability to respond as an answer, and sighs heavily. But it doesn't relieve the weight that's crushing her. "It all keeps getting worse. And it's my fault."
"That was your past self."
"But it was still me. We may be two completely different people, but we were connected by this power neither of us asked for. She must be terrified every time I leave because she has no idea what's going on. And... She saw Manjiro right after I left the last time."
"Manjiro? Like, Mikey?" Nakano nods at Seishu's question. After that confirmation, his eyes widen once again. "Wait, was he the one you ki-"
"Yes," she swiftly cuts him off, the heavy emotions causing her voice to break. "It was him."
A moment of silence passes again before Seishu asks another question. "How long have you been time traveling for?"
"About... Six months." Calculating that shocked even Nakano. She buries her face in her hands as an ache pulses in her skull. "Half a year of this bullshit?"
Nakano's hands are suddenly removed from her face by Seishu who pulls them away. The confusion she feels doesn't seem to fit the moment, but it's not as strange as the smile on the green eyed male's face.
"You know, this makes more sense to me now. At the first meeting for the Eleventh Gen Black Dragons, and even afterwards when it was just you, Koko and I. The way you spoke to the members, the way you scolded us all, it was like you were teaching us important life lessons through our mistakes, and even yours." His eyes meet the ground, and he swallows his pride to lace his emotions into his next words. "I couldn't help but see my older sister in you."
Hearing the word 'sister' being used to describe her hit Nakano in a tender spot. It was sweet, but painful at the same time.
"I couldn't do a thing when our house burned down, and she died after she suffered from severe burns. Koko saved me by accident, thinking I was Nee-san." Seishu looks directly into Nakano's eyes, and she can see the same emotions she feels daily. Sadness and regret. "So I guess I kinda know how you feel. Like we shouldn't be here. But we are, so what the hell are we gonna do about it?"
Nakano stares back at him, not sadly, not blankly, but in actual thought. "I'm not so sure... Not yet, anyway."
"Whatever you choose to do, I'll follow you."
"You don't-"
"There was nothing I could do for my sister, so I'm going to do whatever I can with this second chance." Seishu stands before her, his head bowed to meet her gaze. "Wherever you go, I'll follow. I'll be by your side through everything. "
Nakano's eyes widen at him, but it doesn't take her long to smile halfheartedly. "Thank you, Seishu. That means a lot."
The two then share a genuine smile, and the atmosphere of the moment lifts. But only for a moment.
Splash. Splash. Splash.
Suddenly, the sound of footsteps on puddles grab their attention. When they look into the direction of the sound, both of their eyes widen. Nakano's entire body tenses, and her mind begins flooding with terrible recent memories.
Her chest is tightening. She can't breathe. Her heart pounds in her head, making her dizzy.
'No, no, no!! Why now!? Why did you have to show up now?!'
He suddenly stops beside her, and all she can do is stare at him. The look on his face is breaking her. It's almost exactly the same as the sad one she saw only a few minutes ago.
"M... Manji...'
Even in her mind, she can't say his name.
The dark eyes she used to find peace in is completely shaking her to her core. The sadness held in them brings her back to the memory she saw of when her past self found him.
'It... It's not what you think...'
Her words are stuck in her head, as the lump in her throat renders her mute.
Suddenly, the hand holding his umbrella is outstretched to her. Nakano glances down at it, then back into his dark eyes that hold an uneasy solemness she's not used to. She doesn't like this look at all. It's almost as disheartening as seeing his dead, empty eyes.
Her hand moves towards his as if they were magnetic. She takes the umbrella, and still neither has said anything.
'Is this actually happening? Am I hallucinating this?' Their hands don't even brush against each other when Manjiro passes her the umbrella. She glances at Seishu, who's just watching the both of them. 'If he can see him, then this is real.'
For a moment, the image of blood flying from Manjiro's head appears in her mind, and she tenses up once again. 'This is surreal...'
Just as she was unable to do anything when he came, she's just as incapable of stopping him from walking away. She can feel the tears forming again, but she forces them back. Protected by the umbrella Manjiro gave her, she watches as he disappears into the storm, as if the rain droplets wash him away.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Seishu suddenly asks from beside her.
"I couldn't," she answers truthfully, her voice struggling against the heavy sadness that's weighed upon her. "It's hard seeing someone you love breathing the same air you are after you killed them in another time. It's like he's still dead in my mind..."
Nakano drops the open umbrella on the ground.
"I'm fucking sick of this."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I'M NOT DEAD I SWEAR.
It's been a busy month or so, and having writer's block didn't help at all. I was writing this chapter over a span of three weeks, so if it doesn't make sense, I'm very sorry ;-; But I like how Inupi is the Chifuyu to Nakano's Takemichi. And him seeing her as a sister completely throws that ship out the window, sorry to the readers who thought he liked her. But it's stilling kinda cute.
And kind of a problem, but we'll see to that later.
Keep Fighting is about to become a year old! Do you remember when I updated 3-4 times a week during the summer? Hopefully I can do that again when it comes back.
Apologies for making you wait a month and a half. The comments waiting for a new chapter are reassuring, and seeing new readers make my day and inspire me to publish more! I'll do my best for you all!
It's currently 12:35 in the morning, I just got home from a road trip, and I have school tomorrow. Yay. So until then, my lovlies.
See you next chapter! 💜
- tokyoavenger