I was losing my fucking mind.
After Loki's assurance that I was to do as I was told, I couldn't think. My body moved, following Sam into the elevators and then down several flights of stairs and another elevator with too many key passes and security checks.
The entire time, my body felt weak. Zapped of any energy as if from his words alone, Loki had taken something from me. My sanity certainly, my ability to judge right from wrong and tell him no, stop, this wasn't okay.
Loki kept his distance, returning to his facade of bored guest and distant, uninvolved uncle. He brushed at the leather sleeves of his Asgardian garb and kept his distance from me, arms folded tightly over his chest.
The worst part was I yearned for him to look at me, for our gazes to catch. I felt like a lovesick girl, wishing to be noticed by the bad boy, his unavailability and disinterest only making my need for him grow.
Frigga's words blared in my mind with every echo of my steps on the marbled floors and every exhaled breath. It seemed I was relying on them as truth. But what use would Frigga have lying to me, she had been honest with me about many things. The worst of them being what havoc I may cause in the future.
I severely doubted her modest suggestion to fuck my uncle - her own son - was not a ruse. Though Frigga and her sons were ancient in my own terms, I did not think if Frigga had a choice in the matter she would haven chosen for Loki and I to be connected. Not physically anyway.
Take him as a lover, I will tire of running, he is still alive for a reason, he is the only one who can rescue me from my own fate.
Her words were a promise, the weight of them now just as heavy as when she had spoken them to me. The more I stewed on them the more I realised that my path was already carved. Just as I was to be Thor's daughter, I played a part in Loki's life and he in mine. A major part, I was to be his.
I looked to him then, Sam was leading us down a long hall explaining the materials used for the cells and Loki's eyes were peering through the translucent glass trying to glance at who was inside to no success. His blue eyes flickered toward me and just as quickly, a deep frown settled on his face. The entire hall was silent, save for the soft hum of electricity.
Sam stopped walking and pointed to an empty cell, punching in a code on the door where it opened a few inches, the glass turned transparent to showcase a grey room, a singular cot against the wall, a toilet and basin, a small shelf for a desk and stool and a tv mounted on the wall.
'This cosy little space is yours if you want it.' Sam said to Loki with a raised brow, 'We haven't had too many complaints yet. Though my guy in cell six did request some music and a punching bag.'
Loki sneered at Sam and I walked inside to escape the retorts I knew Loki would soon be throwing his way.
'Eva,' Loki warned, 'You shouldn't go in there.'
'Why?' I asked and wondered who had been in this cell, anyone of note or particularly evil or just the usual terrorists and assassins.
'Come out.' Loki stood at the doorway and his brow was furrowed, he still wore a deep frown and hesitated to step foot inside the cell.
'He thinks it's a trap.' Sam said and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning on the exterior glass window.
'I do not.' Loki snapped throwing Sam a venomous look.
I sighed, right about the bickering and perched on the bed, surprised at the softness of it. It seemed the Compound was concerned about the state of their prisoner's sleep.
'You do. Otherwise, you'd go inside. I can understand, you're getting flashbacks to when my guys threw your ass away.'
'It didn't last long.' Loki answered and a muscle in his jaw clicked.
'What'd you tell me, you're a god?'
'Yes.'
'Then go inside,' Sam taunted him then his eyes moved toward me, a glint of amusement in them as he chuckled and pointed toward me, 'Are you scared of her?'
'Don't be ridiculous.' Loki's smirked and turned, making his way into the cell backward, eyes on Sam the whole time with a look of triumph. The cell door closed and just as Loki moved toward it to leave, Sam pressed his hand against the keypad and the door made a locking sound.
'What are you doing?' Loki shouted, jiggling the handle of the door.
Sam shrugged, 'Leaving you to your tour,' he smiled at me as I leaned back on the bed, my back hitting the wall. I was in no rush to leave, or take part in their squabbling. I was tired, needing to sleep and be left alone with my thoughts.
'Sorry Princess, I'll let your dad know where to find you once we work out what to do with Slytherin here.'
I shrugged, irritated but knowing it wasn't worth the fight, as Captain America it was Sam's job to protect his country and the world. Loki was once a threat, well really a consistent threat. I understood Sam's concern and admired him for it a little.
He left us be, even as Loki slammed his fists against the glass in agitation, calling out after Sam to release him. But the glass glazed over and the only things we could see were the four walls and one another.
Loki kept his back to me for longer than I thought necessary, I spoke first.
'I'm going to tell you what Frigga said to me.'
This caught his attention - it was only a slight movement but I saw his hands at his sides flex but still, he would not turn, his back heaved with deep breaths and because he didn't tell me to stop, I continued,
'Do you want me to tell you?' I asked and hoped he would turn but he only shifted his head to the side so that I could glance at the thin lines of his downturned mouth set in a frown and hear his answer - whisper-quiet in the small space,
'You'll tell me anyway.'
I waited a while longer but he was preternaturally still, his shoulders a little hunched and his cape swept down behind him only shifting slightly with his heavy breaths.
I didn't wish to twist Frigga's words too much in my favour should Loki truly think I was lying or trying to coerce him into some type of relationship with me. Honestly, I didn't know what I wanted, to take him as a lover, to keep a civil and platonic relationship with him or have him disappear altogether. The latter was no option, Frigga had made it clear.
Intentional. Our bond was intentional.
Written in the stars? A chemical attraction? Was it simply a case of matched personalities or was it just because eventually, our life paths would intertwine?
Fated? Fated. Yes.
The word bounced around in my mind. Yes. That was it. And I hadn't needed any validation besides Frigga's word in Valhalla and the God of Mischief standing before me.
I slipped off of the bed and Loki whirled around as I came closer, close enough that I had to tilt my chin up to meet his stare.
'She told me what you are to me, what you will be.'
'And what is that?' His blue eyes widened in curiosity as I spoke and there in that small room, away from the world and all of the possibilities of what we could and shouldn't be I told him.
'You are my future. Our connection is intentional, it is fated.'
'Fated?' his curiosity truly piqued as he leaned in to hear my next words, confusion danced in his eyes, his lips parted slightly with unspoken questions.
'We could keep up this game for millennia, pretending we don't feel this attraction to one another. I was concerned,' I told him as he nodded to himself and shifted away, beginning to pace in the small space.
I watched him furtively, dismissing my own need to speak louder so he would pay more attention to the importance of my words.
'I was concerned,' I repeated, 'Especially because she outright told me that we should pursue one another intimately.'
I swallowed and only let my gaze slip to him for a small moment, he had stopped pacing and his attention was heavy on me, a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.
'Intimately?' he cocked his head to the side and gestured his hand to have me explain.
It was humiliating having to say the words and I had to stop myself from looking at the door, not wanting Loki to see how uncomfortable I was in sharing this with him. My pace thundered and I bit down on my embarrassment and vomited the words before him,
'Frigga said I'm going to take you as a lover. Sex. You and me. That's what she wants.'
The horrified look on his face had me moving toward him with lifted hands, 'No, she didn't say that is what she wants. She told me it is what will happen, we can't avoid it.'
Loki blinked at me and all of it felt ridiculous and he said nothing, just stood there staring at me. My heart dropped and my eyes prickled with unshed tears. I did not blink should they fall from my face and then what would he think? Did he think I was playing at something, trying to seduce him for my own benefit? I could only think of one but truly he would benefit as well.
There were too many repercussions, the biggest was Thor finding out. How horrified would he be, the blame would be put on Loki and that was hardly fair. Would Thor cast him out or would he be willing to listen to my reasoning?
An entire scenario played out in my head by the time Loki closed the space between us. My entire body quivered at his presence, his scent prickling each singular hair on my body, the fire in his eyes probably matched my own.
'You think I will tell you no?'
'Yes.'
'You think little of me and my title then.' his head titled, awaiting my realisation which took a little prompting on his behalf.
'God of Mischief.' I stated, my mind finally catching up as he gestured to the cell around us.
'You wanted me alone.' I internally groaned, he wanted me there with him, to be a good girl and do as I was told. But what would he ask of me? As my eyes raked over him, his black hair which my hands ached to tangle in, his sharp jaw which I wished to drag my teeth over and then down his long form, to his long hands at his sides.
Jesus Christ, how many ways could he kill me with those fine fingers? How many ways could he make me cum with them?
'I've been alive a long while. I know how to put on a good show.'
I didn't doubt it. I'd heard the stories of the shows he used to put on in Asgard and witnessed firsthand the glamour he was capable of fabricating.
'You want to fuck me.'
He sucked in a breath at my words and closed the space between us in one step, his hand raised. I flinched half expecting him to slap me for my foul words but instead, his tone was soft, eyes half-lidded in desire?
'You think me less than a gentleman,' his hand landed upon my cheek and the contact had me sucking in my own breath, his touch was gentle.
'I think you have your own motivations.'
'Which are?' his fingers moved over the soft curve of my jaw, and his lips began to upturn in a small smile as he did so. My throat bobbed holding back a gulp, I wasn't willing to so easily show him how he affected me. I also didn't want him to stop touching me.
'I'm not quite sure yet. I know you want to get rid of me.'
He hummed an agreement and his fingers skimmed over my lips, his thumb dragging down my bottom lip until he cupped my chin and gently lifted my it so I was forced to meet his heated gaze. 'Not yet.'
'What will you do?' my voice was small. Loki did not answer and searched my own eyes, his brows drawn together. 'If I don't obey,' I added.
His free hand moved up my naked arm and his fingertips skimmed over the shape of my breast. My eyes widened at his boldness, how far he was willing to take this. I swallowed back my moan as his fingers skimmed over my breast, a little crease between his brows forming as his fingers skimmed over my pebbled nipple.
'What do you want me to do Evangeline, darling?' he leant down to me, so close I could feel the heat of his breath, he angled his head just so that I could feel the flutter of his lashes against my cheek.
'What will drive you to insanity? Tell me.'
'Tasting you.' I angled my own lips to brush against his own, my eyes fluttered closed as he let out a deep growl and both of his hands moved swiftly, grasping my hair at my scalp and pulling so that my neck was exposed and I had to look through my lashes to see him.
'Open your mouth.'
I did as I was told and Loki spat into my mouth, he let go of my hair and pressed his hands down upon my shoulders. I sank down onto my knees, my vision clouded in pale blue, but it was in fact the colour of Loki's skin, a pallid hue. I swallowed back his spit and he let out another deep guttural growl as I placed both of my hands on his thighs.
Before me, his erection strained against his leather trousers and I was hungry for him. To see the length of him, to taste him and have him slide into the back of my throat. Though he thought himself in control of me on my knees, I knew that I could make him desperate for me.
I craved it. I wanted to see how he looked when he released himself in the back of my throat. I wanted him to moan my name.
Loki reached to lift my chin so that I could meet his gaze now turning bright red, 'I want you to keep your eyes on me, pet. I want to remember the look on your face when you taste me. When I slide into the velvet of your mouth and unleash myself. I need you to keep your eyes on me, darling.'
I could only nod as he commanded me to open my mouth once again, three of his long fingers slipping into his mouth to suck upon them and then moving to my lips to coat them with his own spit.
I clenched my thighs together, wet. Needing him inside of me. But not now. Now I had to taste him. And then after...
I caught Loki's wrist before he could release himself for me and he threw me a look of concern, it was questionable and honest. I knew he would stop if I asked.
'There's something else.'
'I'll be gentle, Eva.' I dropped his wrist and struggled to tell him the important part of what Frigga revealed to me. In a gentle gesture, Loki tucked a piece of my straying hair behind my ear. As if he could sense my fear, his eyes clouded in concern, the crimson colour receded, lips pressed together tightly. Did he think I was already regretting this, was he thinking the same?
'I have to tell you there will be more than this.'
'Of course, there will be.' he caressed my cheek once again.
'No, Loki. Frigga didn't only say we were involved intimately. It is more than sex.'
As if the entire room had turned frigid, I felt Loki's interest wane. He knew what I was speaking of, my expectations. His hand dropped from my face.
'She had told me of how you need to be loved. How so many have abandoned you. You deserve it Loki. And I'm more than willing to do so, in time.'
'No.' he said.
'It is my fate. To love you. Even if so many haven't. Frigga said. She told me that our bond was intentional. I think we're fated. I've always believed in things happening for a reason and-'
'No.' his head shook fiercely, black curls moving around his face as he took a small step backward from me, 'No, Eva. No.'
I felt something lodge in my throat, something akin to desperation to try and form the right words. It was more so the fact that Loki had begun to recoil from me.
'Whatever it is I become, you are the key to helping me through it or avoiding it. She wasn't specific. Even if it is all a lie, I must love you. Even if they are nothing but empty words, eventually I could mean it and you-'
'No. No. You have no clue, you have no idea.' he was on his own knees before me grasping my face in both of his hands, 'You are being misguided by the words of a long-dead goddess, her wishes for her own misguided son's happiness. Happiness is not mine, it never has been.'
'And I could change that I could-'
Loki shoved me away and stood, moving backward until his back was against the far wall.
'No. Stay away from me, Eva. I swear it, I will sooner kill you than be led into a trap like that.'
'But Frigga said,' I shook my own head, annoyance at my incoherent thoughts not forming into the words I wanted.
'Frigga is dead!' Loki's voice was raised, a singular finger pointed out toward me, 'And you were not there. You have never been there, on my path, as a part of my life. You are nothing. You do not exist, they didn't ever speak of you. It was never going to be you. It was not meant to be you.'
Loki's words were incoherent, I began to wonder how much he knew of his own fate.
'Are you so scared, of what it might mean? To be loved by someone unconditionally.'
'Yes.' he did not hesitate, 'And if I were to choose someone it wouldn't be you. It should have been-'
He did not finish that sentence and I did not wish to stay there knelt on the floor before him, rejected; belittled and feeling like some foolish child relying on a prophecy spoken by her deceased grandmother.
Loki was right. It shouldn't be me. I don't think I could handle the rejection, the games, the constant feeling of dread when he opened his mouth to shut down my feelings. He was an ancient god, he was a mix of emotions and span of lifetimes muddled together with loss and pain and I did not wish for the rest of my existence to mirror his.
I got to my feet and sat upon the bed once more, dragging my knees up to my chin. Biting down hard on my tongue to keep the tears from falling. Truly, my rejection didn't need to be vocalised anymore.
My heart curled in my chest, a bitterness spreading throughout my entire body for the man in the room.
Neither of us spoke until Thor arrived. It could have been hours, it could have been a few minutes but the entire time I felt I had been holding my breath.
Thor popped his head into the room and it was my turn to play my part, to prove Loki right.
It wouldn't be me. I would go back to being his insolent niece and him my annoying uncle.
'You alright?' Thor asked, looking between Loki and I.
'Fine.' I answered and brushed past him into the hall. It wasn't until we reached the first flight of stairs Thor shared with us that we had been invited to stay the night.
'What for?' I asked.
'Tony's birthday.' Thor smiled but there was sadness around his eyes.
'Isn't he dead?' Loki asked. I did not acknowledge him.
'It is a celebration for the hero he was. I thought it best we stay and honour him.'
'Great.' I said through my teeth. More time spent in the presence of Loki, avoiding him and pretending he hadn't absolutely humiliated me in the space of minutes.
When we reached the elevator, the three of us inside I thought to ask Thor something I should have when I first arrived,
'When we get back home I want Kit released.'
Thor opened his mouth, probably to tell me it wasn't a great idea, 'And I want you to throw me a ball.'
The elevator dinged and we walked out into a quiet hallway, a woman dressed all in black holding a tablet lead us to our rooms.
'A ball?' Thor asked incredulously, 'Have you got a celebration in mind?'
'I want to find a husband.' and at my words, I felt eyes burning into the back of my head.
If Loki didn't want me as his lover, then I would just have to find someone who would.