Hex may have agreed to sort out a suitable hospice for Wyonna but moving her in was a whole other ordeal. And so that's what Harley and I found ourselves doing today; on a sunny Saturday morning.
I had double checked before I left the apartment if Hex was sure he didn't want to be involved and he was very much sure. Although he did make it clear that he wanted updates throughout the day.
So far everything had gone to plan. Wyonna doesn't have that many belongings that decorate her small studio style room and so it was easy to move everything.
Cherry had kept her company while she waited in the common room as we moved her out. We figured it would be the best way to keep her calm, who knows how she'll react to "strangers" taking her things from her room.
"I really like this place Harley" I say as I take a box and walk down the hallway, in the direction of Wyonna's new room.
"It's nice, isn't it?" I nod in agreement. It's bright and airy, the wall's are filled with paintings of all colours and all the nursing stuff we pass had smiled at us. "I didn't want to be reminded of death every time I walked through the doors" Harley says. I get what she's saying, the first thing I thought of when a hospice was mentioned was dark corridors, distant crying and moans of pain but this place seemed to be the complete opposite.
We arrive outside Wyonna's door and open it. The rest of the boxes that we had brought in earlier sit in stacks, waiting for us to unpack them.
The layout is similar to her room at the care home except now she has a hospital bed and multiple wall plugs surrounding it. The room is bigger too and I can only guess it's for family to fit and also so nurses can work without being cramped.
"These are the last boxes" I announce as I lower the final box with a huff. The slight pain in my spine telling me that I hadn't squatted and instead used my back.
Harley claps her hands together and runs them through her hair, pushing back the flyaways that had crept out. "Time to unpack" she exclaims and opens the first box. I follow suit.
We try and set up Wyonna's new room the same as her old one just to avoid the confusion that we know will set in when she walks through the door.
We take a few breaks in between and I send Hex update photos every now and then so he can see how we're progressing.
And a few hours later we're done. Everything is unpacked and the boxes are folded up in a corner, waiting for us to take them out to the big dumpster that sits on the side of the hospice.
"Finally" Harley huffs and slumps down on the hospital bed that we had put Wyonna's bedding on.
I slump down on a chair that surrounds her little table.
We sit in silence for a while just to gain back some of the energy that we had spent today. It's only 2pm and I'm exhausted but I use the last of my energy to pull myself out of the chair and stand.
"I'll take these out and then we'll go pick up Wyonna" I say as I bend and gather the cardboard boxes that we had stacked. I gather them under my arms and against my chest and hold on tightly, hoping that I don't drop them. I don't want to have to do a second trip.
"Can you get the door for me?" I ask Harley as I look over at her. She's still lying on the bed with her eyes closed. She sighs and picks herself up, grabbing the door for me.
"I'll be here, sleeping hopefully" she says as I walk out into the hallway. The door closes behind me and I walk down the hallway in the direction of the front doors.
I have multiple nurses ask if I need help as I struggle to hold on to the boxes but I refuse. I'll be fine and I'm sure that they have better things to do.
I take a different route to the way we walked in. The hospice is built in a circle so if I keep going around I'll eventually come around to the front doors.
The hallway lights up with sunlight as the wall is replaced by glass panels. The flowers are bright as the garden that sits in the middle of the hospice comes into view, a path cuts through the grass with seating areas spread throughout.
A smile develops on my face as the sunlight shines in and warms my skin. For a place with so much death, it really is beautiful.
My eyes follow the path, the cobble stones giving a fairytale like look to the garden.
I stumble as I come to a stop. To anyone else it would just look like I had tripped over a small raise in the carpet of the hallway but in reality it was due to my knees buckling.
In his wheelchair, just besides one of the benches sits a face I had only seen in photos. The evidence photos of what Hex had done to him.
I breathe in a shaky breath as I watch Alex Pollar. A nurse sits with him on a bench as his head rests back on the head rest behind him. A tube is inserted into his throat and his eyes are empty.
I have to hold back the vomit that wants to rise in my throat as anxiety takes over me.
I'm broken out of my daze as I drop a cardboard box to my feet.
"Oh, did you need some help?" A kind nurse offers as she bends at the knees and picks up the box I had dropped. I swallow and hope that when I talk it comes out comprehensible.
"I-I'm okay" my voice cracks and I will the tears in the backs of my eyes to stay away. The nurse gives me a look, one of empathy and I can only assume that she thinks I've lost a loved one. "Thanks" I choke out and grab the box off her.
I walk on, willing myself to not look back. I feel my phone start to ring in my pocket and I know it's Hex. He can feel my emotions but I can't answer right now. One, I don't have any hands spare and two, I'm not in a state to talk to him. I don't even know how I would approach this topic with him.
If Alex is here then Hex isn't allowed at the hospice.
The thought makes me sick to my stomach. I walk faster in hopes of reaching the front doors and being able to breathe in the fresh, outdoor air sooner.
Will Hex be allowed to say goodbye to his mother? Or would the conditions of his parole prevent that? Surely they would be lenient. Right?
We can't even move Wyonna to another hospice. The only one close to us that is available is in the Eastside and Hex isn't allowed there either.
I finally pass the windows of the garden, the sunlight disappearing and my face becoming cold again. I make it to the front doors in record speed and burst through them, almost dropping more boxes but somehow keeping them securer under my arms.
The fresh air does little to help but the dizziness that washed over me fades.
I find the dumpsters, the smell not even bothering me as I throw the boxes inside before I give myself a chance to calm down.
I walk over to the fence and lean against it, needing some type of support. I wish I had of grabbed Harley's car keys so that I could sit in her car for a little while before going back inside but I hadn't thought I would need them.
How am I going to tell Hex this? He may not want to see his mother right now but I know when the time comes and she's in her last days, he'll want to see her. How do I tell him he won't be legally allowed to?
Do I tell Harley? I guess I should eventually but not before informing Hex.
It doesn't take long before I get weird glances from visitors walking in and out the doors of the hospice. I straighten and push off the fence before taking one last deep breath and heading back inside.
I walk with determination to Wyonna's room, not looking into the garden as I walk past the windows.
Harley looks as though she's just woken up when I walk in to the room. Her eyes are sleepy and she squints at her phone, like the light is too bright.
"Why is Hex blowing up my phone?" She asks as I close the door behind me. I do my best to hide my wobbly legs and make my way to the chair I was sitting in previously.
I mentally curse myself. Of course Hex would call Harley once I had failed to answer him or call him back.
"O-oh, I missed his call" I say. My voice is shaky but I hide it behind a cough as I finish speaking.
I pull out my phone and start scrolling, ignoring the way Harley is looking at me.
Hex had called a total of three times, all of which I had not answered.
I decide to send a quick text, just to ease his nerves.
I'm okay, I'll be home soon
I send it and then place my phone in my lap before looking up at Harley, only to find her still looking at me.
"Are you okay? You look kind of pale" she says as she sits up higher on the bed.
I raise a hand to my forehead and press my cold palm to my hot skin. It feels really good and I relax in the chair and close my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm not feeling too good. Think you can take me home?" I ask hesitantly. We were still meant to pick up Wyonna and bring her here but I just want to get out of this place and get home to Hex. He'll know what to do.
"Yeah sure. Let's go now" I stand up slowly, afraid that if I move any quicker that I'll make my condition worse.
"Are you sure you're okay? I can call Hex if you want?" Harley offers as she places a hand on my arm in comfort.
"No!" I say too quickly. Harley looks at me with wide eyes as she steps back. I clear my throat "I mean, no you don't have to call him. I'll be fine I just need to go to sleep I think" I reply.
Harley hesitantly nods, her face pulled into a look of confusion mixed with wariness as she holds the door open for me.
We walk in silence. Harley walks too close to me, like she's afraid I'll fall or trip over my feet.
My breath halts as we come to the windows. I had hoped Harley hadn't heard it but by the side eye she gives me; she had.
I keep my face forward and don't look but when the windows come to an end, I take a peak out into the garden and find no sign of Alex Pollar. No sign that he had ever been there, but he had and I had seen him with my own eyes.
I had seen him.