Why did I always run? Was I only good at that? The minute I was overwhelmed with emotions, the first thing I did was run. I rushed upstairs to Mitchell's bedroom and shut the door behind me. I leaned against the tall door with my eyes shut and collected my breath.
I'd never thought about kids, heck, there was a time I was certain I didn't want any kind of relationship. Even after Mitchell and I got together, the idea of kids scared me. However, having the possibility of ever having them taken away was a bitter pill to swallow.
Mitchell adored kids and I could tell he wanted to be a father one day. I was nowhere ready to be a mom but knew when or if the time arrived in our relationship, I'd have a mature conversation with Mitchell and take it further from there. But now, it seemed the only conversation that was due between us was if Mitchell wanted to continue this relationship or not.
Mitchell didn't run after me and I guessed it was because Odette was asleep downstairs and perhaps, he needed a moment to decipher what I just told him. Mitchell would have questions and I was going to give him all the answers.
After collecting myself and taking in many deep breaths. I paced back and forth and tried to clear my mind. As if it were a rehearsed speech, I practiced how I was going to explain what I learned from Dr. Barlos.
Not long after, I heard a soft knock on the door. My voice felt stuck, my heart raced and my stomach knotted. I was anxious because I had no idea how Mitchell was going to react and what would've become of us by the end of the night.
"Mila?" Mitchell called. "Can I come in?"
Why is being so formal?
"Ye..." I cleared my throat. "Yes."
The door slowly opened, Mitchell stepped in and shut the door behind him. He stood a good few feet away with his hands in his pockets and merely observed me.
"Odette?"
"Macy just collected her."
I nodded and nervously tucked loose strands of hair behind my ears. "Was she still asleep or did she wa-"
"What happened downstairs?" Mitchell cut me off. "What did you mean by you're not what I need?"
"Exactly that," I stated.
Mitchell deeply sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't talk in riddles."
I was fine when I was by myself but as soon as Mitchell stood before me, that awful lump was back in my throat. "I didn't want to talk about this when we were distracted by Odette, that's why I held it off all night."
"Is this about what's been going on with you?"
I nodded. "It isn't easy to talk about. I don't know what will happen to us after I tell you everything."
"Mila..." Mitchell softly drawled and stepped towards me. He took my hand in his and walked us over to his bed where we sat. He searched my face for a long moment. "Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
"Then trust that no matter what, nothing will happen to us."
"Don't speak too soon," I whispered.
"Don't piss me off and tell me everything Dr. Barlos said."
Mitchell stared into my eyes and the fear his eyes held added to my anxiety. I wished we could've spoken in a darkened room where I didn't have to look at him. Mitchell needed to know this, I promised to no longer keep any secrets between us, and no matter how hard it was, I stood by that promise.
I took in a deep breath. "I have something called Asherman's Syndrome."
Mitchell frowned. "In English, please?"
"My uterus is scarred," I stated. "As Dr. Barlos explained, think of it as a room with the walls closing in. The more it closes, the tighter it gets. That's why I've missed my period and experienced pain whenever we had sex."
Mitchell took a moment to decipher my words. "How did this happen?"
"The accident," I softly spoke. "I'd burst fibroids I didn't know I had because of the impact from the crash. They had to have it removed because of bleeding. I underwent something called a myomectomy procedure. The surgery left behind scarring and mine is quite thick and merged."
"The accident..." Mitchell muttered under his breath.
I pursed my lips and nodded.
Mitchell appeared lost in thought for a long moment before he blinked twice and turned his attention back to me. "Is it life-threatening? Can it be treated?"
"It's not life-threatening to me and the only form of treatment is surgery."
Mitchell shut his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply. "Is surgery imperative?"
I nodded. "My period has stopped and the pain has become unbearable. Not only during sex but I've also recently had very painful cramps during the time I was supposed to be on my period."
Mitchell looked away and rubbed over his temples. "When are you going in for surgery?"
"Dr. Barlos suggests next week Friday. It's not scheduled as yet but the sooner the better."
Mitchell didn't respond with words but scooted closer and pulled me to his chest. He breathed in deeply and tightened his hold. "I'm sorry. I hate that you have to go under the knife... again."
I gulped. "It's not a big procedure. The cut will barely be an inch."
"Still."
I remained in Mitchell's embrace for a long while until I mustered up enough courage to talk about what I dreaded. I pulled away and merely looking at Mitchell made me emotional. "It's the long-term effects that I'm afraid of."
Mitchell clenched his jaw and swallowed. "Is it about what you said downstairs?"
I nodded. "There is a chance that the scarring can recur and in my case, the chances are higher than normal. Getting pregnant with Asherman's Syndrome isn't impossible but there's a slim chance I could carry full term."
"Meaning?"
I blinked rapidly so the tears that were on the verge of breaking through wouldn't. "Meaning I'm a high risk for miscarriages and..." I took in a breath and exhaled through my lips. "Even stillbirth."
Mitchell shut his eyes and it pained him almost as much to hear my words as it was for me to say them. "I won't be able to live with that, Mitch," I whispered as tears pooled in my eyes. "I can't... I refuse to lose anyone."
I composed myself and remained strong. "Even if it doesn't recur, I'm still at high risk for other complications because of the surgery I'm undergoing. Complications that could lead to excessive bleeding. In some cases, I wouldn't even know and that could be life-threatening to the fetus and me."
Mitchell shook his head. "I would never allow for your life to be at risk."
"In conclusion, pregnancy won't be a smooth sail and I'm more prone to miscarrying than giving bir-" I choked on my words, and the tears I tried so hard to keep at bay, failed me.
Mitchell engulfed me in a hug and held me tightly. I shut my eyes and allowed the tears to fall as I held onto him. His silence was eerie and I only could've imagined how he felt and what went through his head.
I pulled away after a long moment and wiped my eyes. "I know I was doubtful about even having kids one day but to have that possibility snatched from me..."
"I know," Mitchell whispered and gently swiped the pad of his thumb under my eye. "You don't have to explain or justify how you feel."
"This affects you too, you know."
"It's just another hurdle we'll get through together."
"No, it isn't." I stared into his eyes seriously. "You adore kids and even if you deny it right now, I know that one day you want to be a father."
"Mila..." Mitchell raked his fingers through his hair and looked away.
"No, we need to talk about this," I insisted. "Look at me, Mitch."
Reluctantly, Mitchell looked my way. "This doesn't change anything."
"Don't think of now, think of ten years from now. Owen and Faith might have kids by then, Greg, heck even Katie. How do you think you'll feel seeing everyone around us starting families and not you?"
"As long as I have you, it doesn't matter."
"Don't think immaturely," I said in a snappy tone. "Right now, you see nothing else but how much you love me but as time goes, you're going to want more, and I..." I sighed and my heart felt heavy once again. "I don't know if I can give you that."
"So what?"
"Mitchell!"
"Don't raise your voice," Mitchell coolly countered. "You've expressed what you feel, now let me."
"If you're going to say that nothing but having me matters then that's bullshit and you know it. One day you could grow to resent me for stopping you from having the family you've always wanted. I could live with many things but the thought of you hat-"
Mitchell cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes. "Shut up."
"Mitch..."
"I said, shut up," he said each word slowly.
Mitchell searched my eyes for a moment and I saw nothing but love in his gaze. "I could never hate you," he whispered. "Not even if you one day decide I'm not what you need and break my heart and leave. I will still love you."
"That's childish."
"Call it what you want but it's a fact," Mitchell softly said. "You have no idea what you mean to me and I can't express it because there aren't any words to describe my feelings."
Under normal circumstances, I would've teased Mitchell for being cheesy but his words and eyes expressed nothing but honesty. I gulped and stared back at him. "But what if I'm not what you nee-"
"You are and always will be," Mitchell whispered before he ever so gently brushed his lips over mine.
"Why are you thinking this way?" Mitchell pulled away. "You should know how far medical science has progressed. Just because you can't carry a child one day, doesn't mean we won't have any. There are many other alternatives that we're both privileged enough to look into."
"Should the day arrive that we want a family, there are options like adoption and surrogacy. Your ovaries are still fine, right? We can still have a child together."
I'd never thought that far ahead and Mitchell had a point but there was one issue that, as a man, he'd never understand. "I'm grateful that we're privileged enough to have options not everyone has."
"But?"
"It's hard to explain and I don't expect you to understand."
"Try me."
"My mom used to tell me little stories of when she was pregnant with me. The first time she saw me on an ultrasound, the day she found out my sex, the first time I kicked. She used to talk about all the little experiences pregnant women feel and savor. She spoke about how all the pain she felt while giving birth meant nothing when she held me in her arms for the first time."
My eyes pooled with tears. "As a woman, I'm deprived of that. I might never experience any of that and you might think I'm being dramatic but it's a pain that I can't explain."
Mitchell gulped and took my hand in his. "I don't think you're dramatic. I can understand."
"It's not fair," I muttered. "It feels like I was meant to be deprived of a family. Growing up and as a grown-up."
"Baby..." Mitchell was at a loss of words. "That's not true." He pulled me to his chest again and held me.
"We'll get through this together," Mitchell spoke softly. "I've said before that I'm here for the good times, bad times, and everything in between. I'm a man of my word and I'm never going anywhere, got it?"
His words were solacing and made me feel a whole lot better. I was stupid to even think that Mitchell would've questioned our relationship.
Mitchell's hold tightened, so much so that I couldn't breathe at first. He buried his nose in my hair and took in one too many deep breaths. "I'm sorry," he whispered, almost incoherently.
"For?"
Mitchell didn't respond but held me tightly. His silence and the way he held onto me gave me the impression that he not only comforted me but sought comfort too. "Mitch?"
I tried to pull away but he didn't let go. All this while I saw my pain but didn't think how everything I'd recently laid on his table must've affected him. Mitchell was a pillar of support and was there for me at my most difficult times but I didn't think how much of a toll it took on him too.
"Mitch." I gently pushed him away and after much reluctance on his part, he pulled back and immediately looked away. I reached for him but he didn't give in and just as he was about to stand, I gripped his forearm and stopped him. "Don't leave."
"I'll be right back."
"Mitchell." I held his face and forced him to look my way. My heart broke and I momentarily forgot about my woes when I saw tears in Mitchell's eyes. While I'd seen Mitchell vulnerable and hurt, I'd never seen him cry.
"Mitch..." Fresh tears well in my eyes.
He cleared his throat and looked away. "Give me a minute, I'll be bac-"
"No." I forced him to look my way. I wiped the tears away with the pad of my thumb and swallowed. "Don't hide."
Mitchell gulped and shut his eyes for a long moment. "I did this to you," he sounded so broken. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't opened the door that night, you wouldn't have left and..."
"I am your biggest perpetrator." More tears escaped his bloodshot eyes. "I hurt – no, I broke you in more ways than one. You're in this situation because of me. It means nothing but I'm so sorr-"
"Shut up," I used his words. "Just shut up." My eyes blurred from tears and it hurt to see him that way. "Stop blaming yourself, it's not your fault."
Mitchell sniffed and lowered his gaze. "It is."
"Stop!"
Mitchell licked his lips and shook his head. "I am the reason you might never carry... fuck!" He peeled my hands off his face and turned around.
Before Mitchell could get up, I hugged him from the back and squeezed my eyes tightly. "You are the reason I've grown so much. You're the reason I have a better relationship with my family. You're the reason I'm happy. You're the reason I can love and mostly you're the reason I'm able to move forward after losing my mom."
"How many times do I have to explain that what happened wasn't your fault?" I kissed his shoulder and held him tightly. "Stop blaming yourself."
Mitchell did his best to compose himself but I knew he must've felt hopeless to break down in front of me. Even though I hated that he was hurting, I was happy to see this side of him. It reminded me that he was human too and that I needed to be there for him as much as he was for me.
I got up and shifted over to face him. He kept his gaze lowered and wiped his eyes. I held his face and lifted it once more. "Look at me," I whispered. "I love you, Bitchell. We'll get through this too, just as we've gotten through everything else."
"You deserve better than me, you know that?" Mitchell forced a grin and lovingly flicked my nose. "But I'm too selfish to ever let you go."
"Ditto." I got on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. Mitchell buried his face in the crook of my neck and we held onto each other for as long as we needed.
***
"Ugh," I groaned. "I'm screwed."
I'd been so MIA from work since Wendi died that I didn't have notes on any of my afternoon lectures or cases that were to be discussed and presented to a bunch of third year medical students on Friday. It was already Thursday and with everything I'd been dealing with, I completely forgot about it until someone from my team reminded me.
"Never fear when Dante's near," Dante, who was a colleague on my team and more recently also Wang's boyfriend spoke. Dante placed a USB in front of me and sipped on his smoothie. "Everything you need to know is on there."
I held the USB to my chest and smiled gratefully. "You're a lifesaver. Thank you."
"Don't sweat it, we're a team."
"I can see what Wang sees in you."
Dante lowered his head and I laughed at his shyness. "Ooh, you're in love, aren't you?"
"When did I become a topic? I thought you invited me for lunch to discuss our upcoming clinicopathologic conference."
"I have your notes and textbooks for that." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the table. "I've been out of the loop and Wang refuses to tell me anything over text, so give me some details."
"I agree with Jim, we want to see more of you. Texts just don't cut it."
I sighed and rested back on my chair. "I know, I've been a crappy friend. I've just a lot going on lately."
"It's okay, Mila. We know but Jim worries about you all the time. He said it isn't normal for you to be so... quiet," Dante said seriously. "Make dinner plans sometime, he'll appreciate it. I can tell he misses your Wila time."
I scrunched my nose. "He told you we're called Wila, didn't he?"
Dante laughed and nodded. "Are you not?"
"Absolutely not. Wila sounds like an exotic STD."
"He said you'd say something like that."
"You're right, I'll call him later and make plans. I miss him so much," I said after laughing with Dante. "We should go on a double date sometime. You, me, Wang, and Mitch. It'll be fun."
"We'd like that." Dante grinned. "Jim keeps insisting that I meet the man who stole your heart. He's quite a fan of Mitch and an even bigger fan of M&M."
"M&M, huh?" I drawled with a small grim. "Wang filled you in on everything."
"Oh yeah," Dante nodded. "He said you guys went from literally ripping each other's hair off to ripping your clothes off."
I took a sip of my water and rolled my eyes. "Trust Wang to sum it up that way."
"He never said how you guys met though. He said it's a story for you to tell."
I almost choked on my water. "We met at a frat party, let's just leave it at that."
"Your vague reply tells me there's more to the story," Dante chuckled. "Now I've got to hear it."
I shook my head and was about to respond but the dreaded voice of Dr. Nowak interrupted me. "Dr. Brinson." I glanced up to see him standing beside me. He looked at his watch and then at me. "It's five after one. Shouldn't lunch have ended five minutes ago?"
Is he for real? And why is he only picking on me? Dante's lunch break is the same as mine.
"I apologize, Doctor." I plastered on a fake grin. "I took slow bites today due to... digestion issues. I'll make up lost minutes by clocking off five minutes later this evening."
"Are you mocking me, Dr. Brinson?"
I picked my trash off the table and stood. "Not at all. Now if I'm not needed, I have patients to attend to. May I?"
Nowak clenched his jaw and dismay was written all over his face. Nevertheless, he nodded and gestured for me to walk off.
"Gilipollas," I groaned under my breath. "Creerse la última Coca-Cola del desierto."
"Do I even want to know what you just said?" Dante, who followed me out, chuckled.
I shook my head and took in a deep breath. "The less we speak of him, the better."
By the time evening arrived, I was exhausted but knew work wasn't over as I had to prepare for my conference the next day. I finally had the will to shift back to my place and not stay at Mitchell's penthouse because traveling took too much time. I texted Mitchell and told him I was at my place before I went to take a much-needed shower.
Around seven-thirty, I was done procrastinating and decided to get started on the notes Dante gave me. Just as I was about to turn on my computer, Mitchell walked in through the front door. I forgot that he had a key and got a fright as he stepped into the living room with takeout bags.
"You scared me." I placed a hand on my chest.
"Hey, you." Mitchell leaned down and kiss the top of my head. "You're the one who gave me a spare key because you said you were too lazy to open the door."
"Don't blame me for being a creep."
"Don't be a smartass." Mitchell ruffled my hair and made his way to the kitchen. "I picked us up dinner."
"Did you get dessert too?" I shouted.
Mitchell was back in seconds and plopped himself down next to me. He removed his tie and undid the top few buttons of his shirt to get comfortable. "Paula picked up your favorite cheesecake."
"Paula is the best." I grinned widely. "I need as much sugar as possible to get through the night."
"I'm the one who asked Paula." Mitchell looked offended. "Where's my gratitude kiss?"
I blew him a kiss and smiled. "Love you."
Mitchell poked my cheek and chuckled. "You're adorable."
"Ay, no me jodas," I slapped his hand away. "I can't be disturbed tonight."
"So cute." Mitchell purposely annoyed me and poked my side. "Cute, sweet, lovable, angelic."
"Mitch, stop!" I slapped his hand away.
Mitchell laughed and thankfully stopped poking me. "You're really cute when you're focused."
I deeply sighed and glowered his way. "Be a babe and warm up dinner."
"It's already warm."
"Then go freshen up so we can eat."
Mitchell scooted closer and kissed my shoulder. "Didn't you miss me?"
"No."
He slid the spaghetti sleeve off my shoulder and planted feathery kisses from my shoulder to my neck. "Are you sure?"
The sensation from his lips was distracting and I couldn't focus on anything other than his touch and the goosebumps they erupted. "Mitch..."
"Mila," Mitchell hummed and planted an open-mouth kiss on the soft spot behind my ear.
"I can't."
Mitchell pulled away and stared at me sadly. The reminder of what we recently learned from Dr. Barlos loomed over us. We tried not to think or talk too much about it but it always lingered, reminding us of the issues we had.
"I know," Mitchell softly said. "I wouldn't risk it... not with the pain you felt the last time."
To lighten the mood, I tenderly kissed him over the lips. I pulled away and stared into his blue-gray gaze. "I missed you, too. And I'm glad you came over."
Mitchell boyishly grinned and I poked one of his dimples. "Now you're the cute one."
"Maybe dinner needs to be warmed." Mitchell got up and I laughed.
"Before you go, please pass me my bag."
Mitchell passed the bag and headed to the kitchen. I hated how many things I had in the bag. After I dug around, I found three USB's that all looked alike. "I need to clean this thing out."
I plugged the first one in and waited for it to load. "Joder." The USB was one of my old ones that still held files from school.
I plugged in another and assumed it was Dante's because there was only one file on it, titled 'Private'.
"Are we eating at the table or like slobs on the couch?" Mitchell shouted over from the kitchen.
"Just because you're a judgmental snob, we're eating on the couch!"
I frowned and wondered why the file consisted of a video instead of notes. Unless Dante made a slideshow of pictures he took during lectures? I shook my head and scolded myself for overthinking in the name of procrastination. I skimmed my index finger over the computer trackpad and double-clicked the video titled with a bunch of numbers that looked like a date.
My frown deepened when instead some sort of CCTV footage showed up. The setting was some kind of upscale bar with very few people present. The time on the footage read around eleven PM. I was ready to close the file, assuming Dante gave me the wrong USB but stopped when the man that sat at the bar, turned in his seat.
Mitch?
I leaned forward and rubbed my eyes to make sure that it was Mitchell whom I saw. Mitchell sat at the bar and sipped on what looked like whiskey. He was by himself and spoke to the bartender who didn't seem too interested in what he had to say.
What is this doing here?
"Mit-" I cut myself off from calling Mitchell when a slender woman with blonde hair approached Mitchell. I froze and wasn't sure if I wanted to see anymore but couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen.
Mitchell first appeared surprised and even from a distance, I could tell he checked the woman out. He straightened up and words were exchanged between the pair. They spoke for a while until Mitchell grinned and the woman sat down beside him.
Maybe I should turn this off.
I fast-forwarded the footage and Mitchell spoke to the woman whose back was still to me. I wondered who she was but there was something about her posture and the way she often fiddled with her hair as she spoke that seemed familiar. I idly wondered if it was Kelsey because the conversation was friendly and there wasn't much distance between the pair.
I fast-forwarded more until I skipped past something that I probably shouldn't have seen. Curiosity got the better of me and I pressed rewind. Mitchell and the woman sat awfully close and the way Mitchell gazed at her was unsettling. Mitchell leaned into her and I clenched my teeth together when he cupped her cheek and inched his face closer.
His thumb caressed her cheekbone and he looked at her as if he were in love with her before he got closer and closer. I couldn't move nor look away when I knew I should. I felt an array of emotions run through me when Mitchell kissed the woman. The woman immediately pulled back and a sense of relief washed over me but that was short-lived when they exchanged a word or two and Mitchell took her hand in his. She moved her hand to the back of his neck and the way he looked at her was almost the same way he looked at me.
The woman caressed the back of Mitchell's neck as she leaned forward and they kissed again. A lump built in my throat and my stomach churned as the kiss they shared grew more... passionate. Mitchell tangled his hands in her hair and she practically moved onto his lap.
Turn it off! Turn it off!
I took in a deep breath and was ready to shut the damn thing off but they finally broke their kiss. Mitchell's hand still rested on the woman's waist as he wore a stupid grin and she combed hair off his forehead. They exchanged a few more words before she turned around to grab her bag off the counter and that's when I saw her face.
"Liza," I breathed.
My skin prickled and jealousy was easily replaced by hurt and anger. My mind automatically played back to the way Mitchell looked at her at Macy's wedding, how he acted out when she flaunted her relationship in his face. The worst memory was when she knocked on the door of our apartment and I begged him not to open but he ignored my plea and welcomed her into our shared space. I saw him cater to her wounds and stare at her like she was his whole universe while my heart silently broke.
"Mila?" My reverie was broken by Mitchell's concerned voice. He quickly sat down and I felt the pad of his thumb over my cheekbone where he wiped away moisture. I didn't even realize I teared up but the minute his skin got into contact with mine, I envisioned the image of him doing the same to Liza.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
I grabbed his hand with force and pushed it away. I slowly looked his way and he appeared utterly confused.
"Mila? Talk to me."
Instead of words, I slowly turned the laptop and showed him the screen of the paused image of him and Liza. "Is there something you need to tell me?"
The color drained from Mitchell's face and he rapidly looked between the screen and me. "How did you get –"
"Not important!" I snappily cut him off. "When were you going to tell me that you and... Liza had a little reunion?"
"It's not like that." Mitchell tried to grab the laptop but I pulled away and stared at him through my blurry sight. "Mila, please hear me out."
I swallowed and glanced at the date in the corner of the video. The footage was exactly two days before I bumped into him in Bora Bora for Owen's wedding. "Tell me what it's like because I just watched you makeout with Liza, two days before you saw me again and a couple of days before you slept with me."
"Mila," Mitchell reached for me but I put up a finger and stopped him. I glared and did my best not to lose my cool, even though I was on the verge of it. "Talk."
Mitchell sighed and frustratingly ran his fingers through his hair. "I was going to tell you. But you've been through so much in the last two weeks that I didn't want to add to your problems. I even forgot about the fucking video."
"This happened days before Faith and Owen's wedding," I calmly said. "It's been months since, did you not think it was necessary to tell me at any given time?"
"I would've if I recalled that night. To this day, I still don't remember seeing her. I was so drunk that I have no recollection of how I got home that night or that I was at the bar. I was fucked in the head, mixed too many drinks, smoked weed... I can't remember."
I took in a deep breath and replayed his words in my head but the image of the two of them made my skin crawl. I hated how much of an effect Liza still had on me. "Fine, I believe you." I squared my shoulders and did my best to act strong. "Tell me this is the first time you've seen this footage and I'll let it go right now."
Mitchell opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He slowly closed his mouth and looked at me guiltily. His shoulders sunk and he lowered his head. More tears pooled in my eyes and the lump in my throat grew. "How long?" I heard the hurt in my voice. "How long have you had this and hidden it from me?"
"Ever since I got back from LA," Mitchell softly replied. "I would've never known about it if I didn't bump into Liza and have her talk in riddles about things she shouldn't have known."
It felt like he stabbed me in the heart. "You saw her? Again?"
Mitchell paled and moved his hand to reach for me but I flinched away. "Tell me, Mitch!" I snapped. "When did you see her?"
"The Friday before I came back."
"This night I called you, repeatedly," I whispered more to myself.
Mitchell scooted closer but I moved back, I couldn't bear the thought of him near me. "I did not ignore you, you are and will always be my priority. You know Kelsey's dad isn't doing well, so as friends, we went to dinner and I stupidly left my phone on the table when I went to the bathroom. I was an idiot not to check it when I got back."
"When did you see Liza?"
"Kelsey almost passed out so I helped her up to her suite. Liza was at the same hotel and she bumped into us in the elevator. She spoke a whole lot of crap as usual and thought she was onto something when she saw me with Kelsey instead of you. She brought up your accident which I didn't recall telling her about and then insinuated that we met. I thought she was lying and requested the CCTV footage."
"Liza was right, you didn't just spill out your heart but shared a lot more too," I bitterly said.
"I swear, it was just a kiss, nothing else happened. I still don't remember that night."
I humorlessly laughed and shook my head. "If you don't remember, how can you conclude it was just a kiss?"
"I..." Mitchell was at a loss of words for a long moment. "Because I know. I remember waking up in my bed the next morning. And if you look at the video, I left the bar alone."
"I do not want to look at it again!"
"You don't have to." Mitchell pulled the USB out of the port. "You should've never seen it in the first place."
"Of course," I scoffed. "This should've been a well-hidden secret so we could've pretended that the hater of lies indulges in lies and secrets too."
"Mila," Mitchell sounded desperate. "I didn't mean to keep this from you." He pinched the bridge of his nose and moved to touch me but retracted his hand. "You've had a rough couple of weeks, I didn't know how to bring it up without adding to your stress."
"You told me that since the night of my accident, you hadn't seen Liza," I accused. "That was a lie."
"That's debatable because I don't recall seeing her."
"You should've told me," I said more to myself. "From the time you got back from LA to now there were many times you could've told me but you didn't."
"I know but..."
"But nothing," I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You preach about honesty and communication. You said no more secrets but you were the one who kept a secret from me. How do you think I feel? I had to find out by seeing a video. What if Liza found a way of telling me about that night?"
"She wouldn't."
"The point is, you should've told me. I needed to hear this from you. Not just about the video but also about seeing her in LA."
"I agree but I couldn't see you in any more distress. I guess I was just waiting for the right time."
"That's the thing, there is no right time. Sometimes you've got to rip off the Band-Aid and get it over with. I learned that the hard way when I kept the pregnancy scare from you. After that, I thought you'd know better."
"I should've, I know. I'm sorry, Mila." Mitchell rested his hand over mine.
I slipped my hand away and stared him in the eye. "Did you sleep with her?"
Mitchell looked appalled that I'd even ask such a question but I needed to or the doubt would kill me. "No, I am almost certain I didn't."
"Almost..."
"I mean, I'm certain."
"Are you lying to me or yourself?"
"I am telling you, I didn't," Mitchell exasperatedly said. "As I said, I left without her and woke up in my bed at my parents' place."
"You don't have to wake up next to someone to have slept with them."
"Mila, I didn't sleep her. Please believe me."
I wanted to believe him and a part of me did but much like he, I had a small doubt because Mitchell had no recollection of what happened.
"Did you leave immediately or was there a time lapse?"
"I... I don't know... according to the footage, I left the bar soon after we..." Mitchell exhaled. "But there was a thirty-minute gap before I was seen leaving the hotel."
His words felt like a stab in my chest. "You have a doubt too, don't you?"
"No, I don't. If I did sleep..." He huffed. "The point is, Liza would've thrown it in my face and I would've heard from her a lot sooner."
I shook my head and couldn't believe the words he truly didn't mean.
Mitchell tugged at his hair and exhaled. "How did you even get the footage? It was at my office."
"I don't know and I don't' care. I'm glad that something out there helped me find out or I would've been an ignorant fool thinking I was the only flawed one in this relationship!" I spat.
The minute the words left my mouth, a part of me felt bad. I didn't mean to call Mitchell flawed but my emotions were all over the place. It felt like an overflow, I couldn't take anything else or I would've exploded.
"I never claimed to be perfect," Mitchell said hopelessly.
"But it sure has felt like that recently. I'm the biggest reason for all our recent issues and it's been silently killing me. How do you think I feel knowing that I'd never be able to one day hold your hand while giving birth to our child? How do you think it feels to keep messing up and hurting you just because it's so hard to share my life with you? It damn well hurts knowing I'm pretty much fucked up and that I'm lucky you're so patient with dealing with me and all my issues!"
"Baby, I don't see you that way. Not once did any of those thoughts occur to me."
I stood up so he wouldn't touch me, I did not want him near me. I ran my hands through my hair and squeezed my eyes shut in hopes I wouldn't cry. "It's how I feel. I know I'm not good enough for you. Underneath all my stupid jokes and teasing, I'm still broken and I don't know if I can ever be the Mila, you perceive me as."
Mitchell stood and approached me. "You're perfect to me, in every damn way."
"Even after everything," I whispered and stared at him. "You still looked her in that way. It isn't the kiss or possible sex that hurts, it's how... warm and loving you touched and looked at her."
"I would've been a lot less hurt if it was just a quick, meaningless fuck and you left but no, there was something there... just like before."
"No, there's nothing." Mitchell gripped my shoulders and stared at me hopelessly.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you didn't look at her for a second and think of her as your Bethy."
Mitchell hesitated and his hold slowly loosened. "I do not remember a thing. I was drunk and out of it. I agree that my... actions were affectionate but I must've been thinking of you. You were the only person I could think of."
"Do not make it worse and say you saw me in Liza!"
"I don't mean it like that," Mitchell sounded as if he held on by a fine thread and I didn't blame him because it felt the same for me. "Please, Mila – Milo, believe me. I love you and only you. No one can ever compare to you."
"Yet days before you knew you were going to see me, you made out and possibly slept with Liza," I accused. "You couldn't control yourself in front of her, not even for my sake."
"I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't myself!"
"You once told me that a drunk Mitchell is the most honest and from what I've seen, your eyes were more honest than your mouth. You will always look at her in that way."
"Stop saying that! I thought I lost you forever, I thought I'd never hold you again! I wasn't thinking, I drank until I went numb because the alternative was fucking killing me!"
"You left, not me!" I raised my voice. "You knew why you left, I was only left with a hundred questions and a feeling of betrayal. You broke my heart and your own because of a decision that you made! Yet, I still couldn't even go on a date with anyone else but you..."
"I'm not proud of the way I dealt with losing you," Mitchell softly muttered. "But I didn't realize there was a wrong or right way to deal with grief."
"There isn't." I sighed and felt exhausted. "I don't judge your past... endeavors. But why her?" Anger and hurt grew inside me once more. "You keep blaming yourself for my accident then how could you touch the real reason you left that night? How could you feel any kind of... affection?"
"I wasn't myself!" Mitchell exasperatedly sighed. "If I was in my senses, I would've never even spoken to her."
"Yet you listened and spoke to her a couple of weeks ago."
Mitchell pursed his lips and threw his head back. "I was in an elevator, I couldn't avoid her at that moment."
"Doesn't change the fact that you never told me," I looked away and blinked away tears that escaped. "Finding out this way hurts."
"Mila." Mitchell held my arms. "Do not overthink this. That kiss and seeing Liza again means nothing. Don't you trust when I say you're everything to me?"
I shrugged his hold off and took a step back. "Overthink?" I glanced at him through blurry sight. "How can I not when I just witnessed you kiss and look at Liza as if she was your Bethy again? Call me petty but all I can see Liza as is the reason I could possibly never give birth to a child!"
"When you say that if you didn't leave with her that night, I would've never gotten in your car, you're absolutely right!" I cried and knew it came off as if I blamed him but my heart hurt so damn much. "Hell, if you never opened the door as I asked, maybe I would've been more intact than I am now! Maybe I wouldn't have almost lost my life!"
Pain flashed in Mitchell's eyes. His shoulders sunk and he gulped. "Mila..."
"Joder!" I turned my back to him and wiped my eyes. "It could've been anyone. Why her?"
Mitchell hugged me from behind, his arms tightened around me and he rested his chin on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I love you and only you. Please believe that."
For a split second his embrace felt like home but then the image of Liza on his lap, her lips on his, Liza caressing his neck, and Mitchell touching her flashed in my mind. It made my skin crawl and built an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I squirmed in his hold and shook my head. "No, let go."
"Not until you're okay." Mitchell held me closer.
I tried harder to get out of his hold. "No, no, no!" I squirmed. "Don't touch me!"
Mitchell ignored me and fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. For the first time, his touch felt like poison. I did not want him anywhere near me. "Cherry!" I yelled and he stilled.
Mitchell's hold loosened and silence filled the room. I felt his breath on the back of my neck. "You don't mean it..."
"I do!" I shoved him with my elbows and stepped away. I ran my hand through my hair for the umpteenth time. "Your touch... it doesn't feel the same. I can't do this right now." I looked away and took in a calming breath. "Go, just leave. I want to be alone."
"I don't think you need that."
I glared his way. "I do. Please, before I say something I might regret, leave."
Mitchell looked dejected and hurt but I felt worse. He was right in saying that I'd had one hell of a week but hiding this from me was a cherry on top. I couldn't deal with this right now, I needed space.
"Fine!" I threw my hands in the air. "If you won't go, I will!"
"No, no." Mitchell put up his hands defensively. "Stay right here, in your home. I'll go... I'll go."
I couldn't stand looking at him, not until I had time to calm down and think clearly. I rushed towards the door and opened it. Mitchell slowly made his way over, he stopped beside me and I looked away while he intensely stared my way. Once Mitchell stepped out, without a glance, I shut the door on his face.
A/N this was a rollercoaster to write. Please understand that Mila is going through a lot right now and no one triggers her more than Liza.
Who's side were you on, Mila or Mitch?
I also want to thank a dear friend and reader Willson_Clara for making an Instagram reel for Highway Kismet.
Her handle is @clarawillson13
Check it out if you can and give it a like and her a follow.
Let me know your thoughts on this one,
Till then,
Tina