*Lindsay's POV*
Love?
Now that's a tricky one.
I cannot confidently say that I've ever loved someone. At least not romantically.
I love my Mom, as my role model and rock. I love Alex, as my best friend. I care for Gio deeply, but I don't think I ever loved him, and I no longer think of him in a romantic way. I love food, but food and sex aren't really my jam. See what I did there? Never mind.
But with Shannon, it's different. Like, I want to infinitely hug and support her, I want to cut the faces off the people who upset her, I want to see her beautiful smile, and hear her amazing laugh for eternity. So, yes, I am obviously deeply attached.
Affection? There's no need to even question it. If I could only ever sleep with one person for the rest of my life, it'd be her. Her body drives me so crazy, I can't even put it into words. But it's not just her body. Her whole personality makes me want to kiss her, hug her, and make love to her.
Need.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I can confidently say I have never felt the need for someone else more than I do with Shannon. When she's gone, I want her back. When she's present, all I want is to wrap her in my arms and never let go. Do I need Shannon?
Yes.
Extreme feelings of attachment, affection, and need. Do I love Shannon?
Yes.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. You'd think that I'd freak the fuck out, but I didn't. There was no need to. In that moment of realisation, I had love. Love.
The one emotion that everyone tries to chase the most.
And I had caught it.
I was in love, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.
~~~
"Why are you never in your fucking office, Shannon?" I whispered to myself as I slid into the room. What was the point of an office if she never even used it?
I was hoping to catch Shannon for a chat, after accepting that I was in fact, in love with her. Shit, that sounds so fucking odd. I knew I couldn't tell her yet, not without knowing how she'd react. I decided to be sneaky and drop some hints, seeing if she'd pick up what I was putting out there.
I smiled when I saw a lone notepad and pen sitting in the centre of Shannon's desk. She must really enjoy my notes.
I swivelled around in her chair whilst looking up at the ceiling until I got too dizzy, then situated myself behind her desk. Grabbing the pen, I bit lightly on the lid as I thought about what to write.
Shannon,
Just a little note to say thank you. Thank you for being everything and all that you are. Thank you for blessing my life with all the joy and humour you bring. You mean the world to me, you really do.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. Would you like me to show you?
Love,
L x
'Love'.
If Shannon didn't pick up on this, she could not call herself a teacher.
I could not wipe the smile off my face. I was in love. Completely and utterly. There was no going back now. I knew, if this didn't work out in my favour, my heart would be shattered.
~~~
I walked around the grounds of the college in my spare block, enjoying the calmness of the breeze and nature. Following a small river, I was led to a park bench, and there sat one of my favourite people.
"Hi, Gio," I smiled, kissing him on the cheek, "how have you been lately?"
"Lindsay, it's good to see you. I feel like we haven't really spoken in ages," he replied, patting the seat next to him.
Sitting down, I leaned my tired head against his shoulder.
"It has, but why are you avoiding my question?"
"You caught that, huh?" Gio sighed, "I got into a fight with Mom again. She's been on my back ever since I told her about us breaking up. She keeps blaming me, urging me to get you back. She just doesn't understand."
I placed my hand over his own, squeezing it in reassurance.
"How about I give her a call, Gio? I know she loved us together, but she will love us both apart too. How are you dealing with the stress of it all?"
"You don't need to talk to Mom, Lindsay. This isn't your burden to carry. I'm just tired. She just keeps pushing me to marry, to start a family. I know she just wants me to be happy, but right now, I'm not."
Turning towards Gio, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close to me in a tight hug.
"You are still one of my best friends, Gio. I am here for you," I whispered.
"You make it really hard not to love you, Lindsay," he chuckled.
I giggled softly, retaking my position next to Gio.
"Are you doing okay with that? Do you need more space?"
"No," he muttered, "I think a part of me will always love you, Lindsay. We didn't work as a couple, but I can't lose you from my life entirely. If we just have to be friends, then I accept that. I know the right woman will come along, and when she does, I want you there to give me advice about how to not stuff it up."
I laughed and squeezed Gio's hand, "You will find that woman, and if I have to, I'll give you the best advice I have, to allow you to feel the love you deserve."
We sat in silence momentarily, but it wasn't awkward. Finally, it was just comfortable.
"So, enough about me and my depressing life. How are you doing, Lindsay?" Gio chirped, plastering on a bright smile.
"Nothing eventful. Just swimming, school, hanging out at home with Mom, Alex, and Shannon."
"Oh! Shannon's still there?" Gio questioned, with a devilish grin.
"Yes, why?" I asked, tentatively.
"You should go for it, Lindsay," he smiled, as I tilted my head in confusion, "with Shannon. It's obvious you are into her. I don't really know anything that's been going on, but I can tell you care for her, right?"
"Yes," I mumbled, sheepishly looking down at my lap.
"Then take that chance, Lindsay. You'll regret not trying. Even if it doesn't end well down the track, you'll have all the amazing memories. Those memories, of that heart-stopping love, will be worth any bit of heartbreak. Trust me."
"I appreciate you, Gio. More than you will ever know," I whispered, squeezing his hand.
"I will be there for you, Lindsay, just like you're there for me. Always."
We sat on the lonely park bench, in a comfortable embrace, until the sun started to set. I may not have ever romantically loved Gio, but he'd always have a special place in my heart.
~~~
After my afternoon with Giovanni, I came to the conclusion that I needed to slightly amend my previous letter to Shannon.
Sneaking back into her, yet again, empty office, I found the note in the same position that I had left it in.
I picked up the pen and wrote down my thoughts without hesitation.
P.S: Yesterday, I realised the true meaning of love. The never wanting to be without your love. The intense heart-thumping you experience every time you think about them. The need for them in your life. I have finally found a love. A love so deep and raw. She means the world to me, and I hope, someday, that I'll mean the world to her.
I ran my fingertips over the message, inhaling a deep breath. I was taking a chance. A chance at love.
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- T.J Starc