Why can't this thing move faster? I thought in annoyance as the carriage was too slow. Words cannot describe how elated I am today. For more than 7 years, I was separated to a dear friend whom I can finally meet up with. The fact that I am also engaged to her made my heart soar to no end. I want to meet with her right now! Ask how she has been, so why can't this thing move faster??
When the accursed thing finally did stop, I calmly opened the door out in excitement rather than wait for it to be opened. Just as I was about to run to see her, she was already there, standing calmly like a statue... No, it was a mosaic.
The young lady who is standing before me grown so much from the friend I once knew that I thought it was someone else. She was beautiful! Nay! She was exquisite! The girl before me looked so beautiful that I thought she was an elf for a second!
And she's supposed to be my wife?? Thank you father! Thank you mother for giving birth to me! Oh wait, I have yet to introduce myself. Come on Kier keep it under control. "It is an honor to meet you my lady." ... I did not stutter did I? Oh Gods please-
"The honor is mine young prince." ...Holy shit... Ah sorry my mind went blank for a second there. It... it... bah! Words cannot describe what I am feeling right now but it was amazing alright?? I can't believe I am spending time with this angel as she invited me for a cup of tea.
My heart pounds my chest so loudly that I fear she might heard it as we walk through the garden. We continued to walk for minutes without a word being spoken... I should say something... I should say something but what?? Come on brain think!
"It has been a while since we last met lady Emma." ...Really? That's it? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY!? "Yes it's been a while." Oh thank Gods she answered. Relax Kier, you can do this! "Do you still remember those days when we played at the garden?" ... Oh you gotta be-
"Forgive me young prince, but I don't recall such memory."
"I-is that so?"
'I-iS tHAt sO' Gods what is wrong with me?? This is not your first time talking to her! Keep it together! We continue walking deeper into the garden that is becoming more and more like a forest as we finally settle ourselves down.
There were tea and crumpets prepared excellently for this occasion but truthfully, I am more concern whether or not I am making a fool of myself in front of her. But that was quickly forgotten when I looked at her face once more.
She looked so... regal. As if she was older than what she seemed to be. She looked so mature despite being younger than me. I have to say something here. I have to! "You grew far more beautiful by the day lady Emma." You can do this, relax and-
"Thank you for the compliment your highness. You too grew far... young?" "M-many thanks lady Emma." I awkwardly smiled as I try to control my face... but... WOOOOOO! THAT'S A WIN! Keep it going Kier! One step at a time!
"I have heard rumors that the young duke manages to awaken his mana at a young age?" Alright let's relax a bit Kier. No need to go all in on your first day. Lady Emma responds calmly to my questions like a cute matured lady. Watching her calmly speak warms my heart.
She was perfect. From her mannerism down to her small hand gestures, there was nothing more I could hope for! She's perfect!... except one thing.
She somehow keep using 'young prince' or the likes. It is like she's being too formal. I am older than you so shouldn't be using some other titles instead? I have to stop this now otherwise we would never grow closer.
"You keep calling me young prince. Need I to remind you that I am older than you? Kier, call me Kier. After all we are going to be family sooner or later." Family... my such a nice ring to it! I cannot wait when she- wait, why does she look so pale?
Lady Emma suddenly pale when I said those words. "Are you not well my lady?" I asked, concern that she might be sick I reach out to her... but she suddenly pulled back. I did not know what to do so I awkwardly pulled my hand back.
It was... unpleasant? I don't know I just... I don't like how she reacted. "There is no need for you to worry young prince, I am still well." She quickly added in when she noticed my expression but frankly, I am more concern to this rising gut feeling I have.
It is like an animal instinct. I can feel it but... Im not sure what it is... "...Have I done something wrong to you my lady?" I carefully ask just in case she- wait... what was that? It was for a split second but I swear I saw something flicker across her face.
"Did I perhaps done you wrong in any way without me knowing my lady?" I said as I tried to control my voice. I was beginning to grow anxious. Just what is this feeling?? Something bad is going to happen right? But what is it??
"No young prince, that is not it... but I do have a request to you young prince." Oh thank Gods it wasn't it. She must have grow wary of my stares right? I should ask just in case and apologize in after. "Please do tell." I happily answered, thinking crisis was averted... Gods was I wrong.
"Please annul our engagement your highness."
"A-annul our engagement??"
What? What the fuck? WHAT?? This news is like a hammer suddenly hitting at the back of my head. I did not know what to say... but I know something must be done. I have to fix this quickly! "I'm afraid that cannot be done my lady. Only your father and mine could decide-"
"I think it would prove most beneficial for you and the royal family to engage the dukedom of the east instead. They have a stable and fairly low trade rate, a growing naval might that would prove instrumental to the empire's defense, and most crucial of them all, they are one of the three leading bread basket of the empire.
Compared to the north, we are sorely lacking in other branches save for the military. You are trading rough iron for silver and gold. It is only stands to reason that you dropped this engagement now and-" "Stop! Just... just wait a minute my lady." I can't believe what I'm hearing. Did she actually planned for all of this??
I already know all of this. My mother and I argued about it for so long. Always power, always benefits, just when can I do something I love?! And now... and now even you?? I have to stop this! I have to! There must be something I can use! Something that would change her mind! But what is it?? Think Kier! Think!.... ah.
"I understand the perspective you are trying to offer me my lady, but... but I did not choose this engagement for purely benefits. I...I choose this because of the promise we've made!" I remember our promise, you didn't forgot it... did you?
Just why are you like this? Tell me what is wrong so I can help you! I don't understand. I just don't understand! Why is she suddenly... wait... it's not... no it can't be... "...Do you perhaps don't want me my lady?" It's not right? It has to be a mistake... right?...
Her calm demeanor suddenly shattered like glass as if it was all an illusion and it was replaced by a cold, uncaring one instead. She looked so calm just a moment ago but why is she suddenly glaring daggers at me??
No, calm down Kier. You are a high prince for crying out loud. I need to examine this properly. "I-I apologize if I had done anything wrong my lady. Though may I ask what you have found most displeasing so I may better oneself?"
"May I be blunt with you young prince?"
Please, anything. Say anything at all and help me understand. I have to know why are you looking at me like that.
"...Words could not do justice what you have done to me. What you did... I will never forgive you for it."
...What?
"Your honey combed words tasted so sweet high prince, yet it is nothing but an illusion as to how poisonous it truly is. A fine wine that has been laced with venom, that is what you are."
What? What?? What???
"I have done nothing wrong, yet you speak I would do such things my lady! What you are saying now is nothing more but slander my lady!"
This is wrong! This is so wrong! Just why is she speaking like this?? I have to-
"You might have forgotten young prince, but I did not."
What? Forget what?? I don't even remember-
"You might have forgotten Kier, but what you had taken from me that day... I will never forget them... as much as I wanted to."
What are you even talking about?? I have no idea what you are saying?!
"Then what?? Are you saying you would rather taint the honor of your family's name just to annul this marriage??"
I shouted in frustration. I cannot help it. She is suddenly asking me for an annulment and when I ask her why, she begins spouting nonsense that I didn't even recall much less understand! She should explain why-
"I would rather die than to be with you again."
...What? Wait what?? Die? What do you mean die??? What?? So you're saying you would rather die than... what??? Why would you-! I can't believe this! Just what did I do wrong??
Was staring too much warrant for this bullshit??? It shouldn't be right?? It can't be. There has to be a misunderstanding here! No, I will not allow this to happen! I refuse!
"No." I firmly whispered as words begins to crawl back in my head. The gears turned as it usually has when I face a problem. "I will not allow this annulment to happen." I replied as her face frowns... I feel like shit but I have to know!
"That is not for you to decide."
Pft, and you supposedly can?
"And neither can you. Only your father and mine could decide. And even if the duke somehow tries, I will make a decree to stop this." Her eyes suddenly widen as if she did not expect this. I could not help but smirk at her seemingly innocent but odd reaction.
"I will make sure to proclaim from every street to every house to every city that you, Emma le Larrum are mine! You are mine and mine alone." ...This is probably not the best way to say it but I'm running on borrow time, I have to make use what my brain can provide.
"I am my own. I am not a thing that someone can own. Not father, not the emperor and certainly not you prince Kier."
Her disgust face made the fire inside me die a little bit. The way she jumped out of her seat made me want to kneel and beg for forgiveness... but it was a small price to pay. I have to keep going. I have to know why!
"Let me remind you lady Emma that it was yours who contacted my family first."
"And I deeply regretted it, which is why I am trying to correct-"
What are you even saying?? I have to correct this crazy mouth of hers otherwise I will go insane!
"Are you even listening to yourself?!" I didn't mean to roar, I swear I did not... but I could not help it. What she was suggesting is beyond stupid!
"Do you have any idea the shame this will brought upon us? Upon you?? Do you truly think you can leave this one unscathed?"
The shame and humiliation will follow us for a life time!! I can't let her ruin our families reputation for something so vague!
"My pride and dignity can burn for all I care. It is nothing compared to the future beside you."
...There it is again... just what did I do wrong?
"Y-you!........ do you really hate me that much?" I could not help but whimper as I did not know what to say. She hates me so much but I do not know why! I simply do not know why!
"Do you really hate me that much... to throw away your pride away... just like that?"
It can't be right?... Wait I take it back. No! Wait please! I take it back! Please don't answer it Emma! Please don't say it! I regret-
"Yes."
...This can;t be happening. It can't be.... it just can't...
"Why?! Why Emma?? You weren't like this 7 years ago! I thought you love me just as much as I love you 7 years ago!"
I pleaded as my voice grew desperate. We barely meet today yet she was already set on annulling me. If I knew this was coming, I would have prepare.
"7 years can change anyone young prince, did you think I was an exception? Did you think everyone will love you?"
Ah.... why? Why are you so cruel to me??? I felt my heart slowly being crushed to dust as I simply could not keep it in anymore. I know I had to keep in. I know I have to calmly assess the situation like a high prince should... but I can't, I simply can't.
"Just what did I do so wrong to deserve this?? To be hated like this?? I had done nothing wrong to you! I had done nothing to anyone yet why do you look at me as if I am a murderer! Just what had I done so wrong for you to look at me like this?! I-I thought we were friends! I...I.."
It's unfair! It is so unfair! Just why is she like this?? I had done nothing to her! I had done nothing wrong to her! Fuck! It's even the opposite! I love her! I love her from the day we first met. I love her so much that I am willing to die for her but why?! TELL ME GODS!? WHY?? JUST WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG?!
"What would you know?"
I was forced out of my delirium as Emma sharply snaps back. My eyes widen in despair as she was suddenly crying... like she was in pain... Wait no, don't look at me like that. Emma please don't look at me like that. I'm sorry ok?? I'm sorry if I had hurt you but please don't cry.
"You have lived your entire life in the lush comfort of your walls, high prince. You did not have to worry finding your next meal for the day nor having enough alms to seek shelter from the rain."
!!! Is the Duke starving his own daughter?? No i-it can't be... right?
"W-what are you even talking about lady-"
"Don't call me that!"
I flinch back in surprise as the pain in her voice rocks my world. The way her eyes switching from pain to seething rage hurts me. I do not know what I did to her but it hurts to be look like that.
"That name.... that accursed.... blasted name.... If it wasn't for that damn cursed name... I could have live my life... I... I could have a family... if it wasn't for this damn name..."
She softly cried as I feel something break inside me yet again. I want to hold her. I want to protect her. Please Gods, please make it stop. I don't want her to cry, please don't make her cry. Please...
I don't know the bastard who hurts her so much to make her cry like this. To be in pain like this... But I want to fucking punch him nevertheless. Even if it was one of the Gods, I will gladly do so... even if it was me... no if it was me, I would jump off a bridge. What kind of sick joke did I do to make her look like this??... I know I am self deprecating myself here but if I indeed hurt her... Oh Gods please kill me instead.
Emma suddenly glare to me again but somehow I felt something different about it. It was as if... it was as if she was going to kill me. I could not help but step back in fear as I have never seen anything like that... but it quickly died out.
Emma suddenly whispers in a clear, soft voice... but it was in pain nonetheless. Her eyes looked dull and tired as if the life were sucked out from them.... Just why is she in so much pain? Just who hurt her so much to make her look like that?
"If you truly love me... if your heart truly cares for me... then please... let go of me..."
...What was I suppose to say? 'Yes I understand have a good day?' or 'I see, have a good day then?'... I don't know. I don't know what I should do. I just don't know! Gods, ma, pa, please tell me... what should I do?? Everything is moving so fast, I don't know what to do! I can't think! My brain could not think! I was supposed to be a genius! They say I was one! What a fucking joke! I can't even save my own engagement!...
Please... anyone. Is there any out there who knows what to do??... Please... help me... I don't want to lose her. I love her. I really do love her. I love her so much that I would rather become a peasant just to be with her... so please help me... just what should I do??
...
...
...
...
...
I...I...I can't let go... curse me for all damnation but I can't let her go!
"I told you lady Emma. Only the duke and my father could do that."
Emma closes her eyes as tears leaks out from them.
I'm a coward... I AM A FUCKING COWARD! DAMN IT ALL! DON'T MAKE HER CRY YOU IDIOT! JUST LET HER GO!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!........ but I can't.... I love her... please no... don't make me do this...
"Lady Emma."
I whispered softly as I kneeled. I had to make her happy. I have to. Fuck being a high prince, I have to! Thankfully she opened her eyes and looked at me... but... The pain in those eyes... Oh Emma please forgive me...
"I do not know what I had done wrong to you to treat me like this. I do not know what I did to cause you so much pain... but please... give me a chance to prove to you that I love you. Just give me one chance to correct whatever wrongs I have committed against you, no matter how small or big it is. Help me understand what I do wrong so I can correct it... so please... can't you just give me this one chance?"
Please Gods, just one chance... I'll do anything you want from me. Anything at all but please... just give me one chance to prove myself... please.
Emma's eyes widen for a moment in surprise. For a moment, hope bloomed inside me before her eyes slowly reverting back to sadness.
No no no no no no nO NO NO NO NO!!!! Please!! One chance! I am begging you for one chance! Please Emma! PLEASE!!! JUST ONE CHANCE!!!!!
"I don't want to be with you. I don't ever wished to be with you...Why can't you just accept that?"
My whole world was crashing down before me as she escaped my grasp.
"Emma!"
I shouted after her but it was no use. She kept on running as tears trickled down her face. I slump back against the ground as I lay defeated... If I had knew this would have happen, I would have never come to this place... I would have never be so happy if I had know this would have happened.
I am so stupid... gods damn it I am so stupid.