He didn't quite catch how it happened, but as they walked back to the music school he suddenly found himself a ways behind the rest of the group, with Anna walking next to him.
"So, how have you guys been?" she asked him with that little smile of hers that he was starting to get to know. "You're still an item, right?"
He almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the thought.
"Er, yes. Of course."
She looked to the side, to some garish shop that sold trinkets to tourists, then turned back and looked at him earnestly.
"And are you... are you still not out?"
Oh.
He wasn't sure why her words hit him the way they did, but he almost choked on his own spit and he coughed once, twice.
"Er, yes. No, I mean. Yeah, no. We're not out."
"Wow." she said softly. "That's... wow, it's been so long. Do Todd and Ian know, though?"
She seemed to be piercing him, right through to where it counted. Jeez, how could she be having such an effect on him? How was it that she was finding all the words that hurt?
Yeah, it had been long. So long. Too fucking long.
"Yeah, they do." he told her past the lump that was forming in his throat. "But no one else does. I mean... you get it, right? I'm Asian. My mum... she has views. Old fashioned ones. I can't... I can't risk..."
How could he begin to tell her? Tell her what he means to his mum, and why? What it would do to her if she lost him, even just through her own narrow-mindedness? He shrugged the pain away and instead he asked her the thing that had worried him some.
"Have... have you told Trevor?"
"No, of course not, what do you think of me!" her voice was indignant now. "I told you I wouldn't tell a soul back then."
"Oh. Th... thanks."
She took a deep breath, and suddenly she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly.
"Eddy... look, I can't tell you what to do, and I don't know your mum. I can tell you though, that when I told my parents I was going to the con, all hell broke loose."
Shock gripped Eddy's heart as he pictured it, and flashbacks of his own struggle with that floated around his head.
"Was it that bad?"
"Yeah, it was bad. They had basically signed me up for law school already. But I stood firm, as I'm sure you did. And eventually... well, they gave in."
He looked at her, at her deep, dark brown eyes. He could see the pain in them very clearly, just underneath the shine, he could see it had hurt her. Like it had hurt so many like them for so long.
"Good on you, Anna." he said softly. "I'm sure they'll be proud."
"I hope you're right." she answered even softer. "But either way, I have to live my own life."
He nodded. The music school was coming up in the distance now, he could see the large wooden door already. And she was right, of course, she had to live her own life, but hadn't she said it herself, just now?
Parents.
For him it's not parents, it's just mum. A mum that would be all alone if she did something stupid like shunning him.
Could he ever risk that?
He thought about saying thank you, Anna, and he really wanted to ask her more, about how she was now, about how it all went. But then he chickened out, because he was simply not sure whether she wanted him to.
"The orchestra sound great, Anna." he told her feebly.
"Thanks. My last year as concert master. The struggle for who takes over has begun."
He laughed briefly.
"Oh yes, amateur orchestra politics. Gotta love 'em."
She laughed too.
"I hate them. I Can't wait to be in a pro orchestra."
He stepped into the building and waved at Todd and Ian, who were standing in the lobby with Brett and Trevor.
"You will be soon, I'm sure."
He joined the others and followed them back to the rehearsal space, back to Dvórak, but his head was still reeling with Anna's soft words.