"Formula, bottles. I got diapers and wipes already. He's good on bibs."
Harper goes down the list of things in her phone notes as she walks around the grocery store. She's been meaning to go shopping for a while now but with being so tired and not feeling up to going, she fell behind on errand running.
She has the time and energy today since Onyx has been sleeping a little better at night. He still wakes up and screams and cries even while in the swaddle. But it's for a lot less time and usually he just needs to rocked and given his pacifier again.
Harper has been making sure that he's getting enough calories in during the day so that being fed in the middle of the night doesn't need to happen. This was a suggestion on one of the mommy apps that she uses. She didn't ask the question, another mother did. But she was grateful for being able to see it and the response that followed.
It's narrowed down the options for what could be done to soothe Onyx. Harper's been noticing that if he does wake up, all she really has to do is show him that she's still around or close by and he calms a bit more after that.
Ever since the night Yoongi told her about him possibly being overstimulated, she's kept her room dim at night and she's gotten the warm tone lamp. She's also been playing videos on her smart tv that sounds of waves crashing against the beach. The screen is dark so it doesn't disrupt the hue of the room at all. She would like to think that that's also been a big contribution to Onyx's sleeping.
The morning after Yoongi stopped by, Harper texted him how her son slept and thanked him. She also requested that he tell Taehyung 'thank you' for her as well, which he did.
It's been several days and she's gotten more sleep than usual so she has energy to do things. Hence, her going through lists in a grocery store.
Harper walks down each aisle of the baby section, looking to see if there's anything that she's missing. She scans the shelves and the end caps. She gasps, pushing the cart down the aisle with the baby soap.
"How the hell was I about to forget this?" She questions herself quietly. Onyx begins to stir awake as she looks at the soap selections.
Harper squats to grab a bottle of Dove baby soap and the lotion to go with it as well. As she stands up, she remembers diaper rash cream. She should probably get some more of that. The tube is only half gone but she'd prefer to have a new one before it runs out.
She pushes the cart down the aisle and flips the cozy cover flap up.
Onyx is awake and ready to make a scene. He starts fussing and Harper checks the time on her phone. She grabs the diaper bag and takes his bottle out that already had water in it. Unzipping the main part, she grabs out the can of formula.
With each new thing that she does. Onyx seems to cry louder. As if he knows that she's making his food and is trying to rush her.
"I know, I know. I'm working on it." She tries to remain calm while opening the can. The last thing she needs is to drop it and spill the water and formula powder everywhere.
People pass by the aisle, staring at her as they walk. Harper can feel their stares without needing to look back at them. She knows what she's doing. She has to feed her baby.
Staring while her baby is crying does not help the situation. It's making her even more anxious.
Standing in the middle of the aisle, she hurriedly makes Onyx his bottle and puts the stuff back in the bag. She shakes the bottle up before putting it in her son's mouth. He quiets down and eats hungrily, allowing a sudden sense of quiet.
The people that have tried to discreetly gather to see what the commotion is start to walk away, giving Harper judging looks. She makes eye contact with none of them as her heart races in her chest. She keeps her eyes strictly on her son as the palms of her hands begin to feel slick. She gulps as she side eyes the products on the shelves.
Looking for the diaper rash cream, she scans up and down, side to side. Her eyes dart around until she finds it. Grabbing it off the shelf, she maintains her breathing. She tosses it into the cart and pushes it out of the aisle.
She speed walks and makes her way to the front the best that she can with one hand. Looking at how much of the bottle that Onyx has left to finish, Harper gets into a line with two people in front of her.
By the time they're finished paying for their things, he's finished with his bottle. She tosses it back into the diaper bag and starts putting her things on the conveyor belt. The cashier scans the diaper and wipes box so that she doesn't have to take it out the cart and she thanks him.
"It's no problem. I'm not gonna make you take them out when you don't have to."
"Sometimes they do. So I'm grateful for this." Harper replies. Onyx kicks his feet and starts cooing, grabbing both of the adults' attention.
She pushes the cart up to start putting the bags in and he gets a peek at the baby.
"Oh, he's too cute."
Onyx turns his head at the sound of another voice. He gnaws on his thumb and drools down his hand.
"Thank you."
"How old is he?"
"Three months. He'll be four in two weeks." Harper informs as she looks for his pacifier in the car seat.
He still needs to be burped and she's trying to move as quick as she can. All she can think about is Dr.Kim telling her that built up gas is what makes him scream his head off sometimes. She doesn't want a full out episode of that in grocery store right now.
The cashier chuckles as he looks at the baby. "He's chunky."
Harper gives him a small smile before agreeing, gathering her bags and leaving the store. She wouldn't say that it bothers her when people call Onyx chunky. She's just tired of hearing it. The same small talk every time that she encounters a stranger about her child.
She doesn't really mind small talk too much but hearing the same thing over and over again is irritating. Especially when she's trying to get to her destination or get out the situation that she's in.
Harper does not need to hear that her son is chunky from every single stranger they come in contact with. She knows. She pushed him out.
"Okay, stink. Hold on. Mommy has to put the groceries in the trunk and then we can go, okay?" She talks to her infant as she loads the car up. When she's done, she puts the cart back and takes his car seat out.
She straps the seat in securely and sits in the back with him. She takes him out and burps him. Onyx lays his head on his mother's shoulder and burps twice.
"There you go. You feel better now, baby bear?" She rubs his back and kisses his cheeks before strapping him back into his seat. She gives him his pacifier and he sucks on it as he looks at her.
Her chest warms at the sight of her baby. It's always so random but she can guarantee that at any point in the day, just a glance at her little one will bring a smile to her face.
Harper checks all of his straps again before getting into the driver's seat and heading home. The drive is quiet. She doesn't play any music so that she can heat Onyx if he begins to fuss. She has one of those baby mirrors that strap to the headrests so that she can see him.
She checks on him often during every drive they take together. If he's too quiet, it worries her. If he's sleeping too peacefully, she'll feel the need to pull over and check his breathing. That's one of the reasons that she keeps his pacifier in his mouth. He sucks on it every now and then and that lets her know that he's fine.
When she pulls into the complex parking lot, her usual spot has been taken by a car that she's never seen in the lot before. The one next to it is free, though. She takes her opportunity and parks there.
Harper gets out, grabs Onyx's car seat and walks into the building. She pushes the button for the elevator and waits patiently for it.
Her son is sleeping so she hopes that he'll stay that way. He usually does throughout the process of bringing the groceries up but she still feels bad for disturbing his rest.
She steps into the elevator when the doors open and carries the car seat inside. She sets it on the floor for the duration of the ride up, not wanting to wind herself too early. It stops at her floor and she gets off, walking to her apartment door as a leisurely pace.
Taking her keys out from her pocket, she sets down the car seat and unlocks her door. As soon as she enters, she feels the stress roll off of her shoulders from being out all morning. But no matter how much she wishes that she could relax, she can't at the moment.
The dishes need to be washed, floors need to be vacuumed and she still has to clean the bathroom. She gets most of the cleaning done day by day. She can never clean her entire apartment in one go. The time never allows for it.
Harper gets into the living room and takes Onyx out of the car seat. She then straps a baby carrier onto her chest and puts him in it. She grabs her keys and phone and puts on some crocs instead of the sneakers that she was wearing. Her feet feel so much better in the material in these.
She walks out of her apartment and back to the elevator. As she waits for it, she fixes the straps on the carrier, making sure that they're tight enough to carry her baby. There's never any harm in double checking or even triple checking if she feels like it.
The elevator doors open and she steps in, pressing the button to the first floor. She sways side to side to keep Onyx asleep in the rocking motion.
The elevator dings and she walks into the lobby and out of the building. She reaches her car and unlocks it. As she stares into the trunk, she calculates just how many trips that this is going to be. It's looking like three and she dreads having that conclusion.
Harper groans and starts grabbing bags. Holding as many as she can carry without them ripping or weighing her down, she closes her trunk and locks her car again. She walks back into the building and gets into the elevator.
Tired from the walk, she sets her bag down to catch her breath. Most of the things that she grabbed in these bags are things for herself and Onyx. It's mostly hygiene products. Soap, lotion, hair products, baby powder, toothpaste. Things of that nature.
She tries to force her breaths to calm by breathing in and out through her nose. Onyx isn't really a heavy sleeper nor is he a light one. He's in the middle and can head in either direction at random. She doesn't want her heavy breathing to be the catalyst of it.
Her phone begins to ring in her pocket and her heart skips as she takes it out. Onyx moves his head as she silences the phone. She makes sure that he's still sleep before answering it.
Luckily, he is.
"Hello?"
"Good afternoon. Is this Miss Harper Taylor?"
"Yes, this is she." Harper responds as the elevator dings. She hold the phone to her ear using her shoulder and picks up the bags. The doors open to reveal two men conversing as they wait for the lift.
Yoongi and Taehyung see Harper and reach out for the bags to help her. She wants to tell them that she's got it but they're paying her no mind.
"Hi, Miss Taylor. This is Nurse Jackie from the gynecologist's office at St. Juniper's Internal Medicine. How are you today?" The woman speaks as Harper leads the men up the stairs.
"Oh. I'm good. How are you?" She unlocks the door to her apartment and the men walk inside and put the bags on the counter.
"Is that everything?" Yoongi asks and Harper shakes her head. She pulls the phone away from her ear. "No, there's more stuff in my trunk. But I can go get it. You guys look dressed for work. I don't want you to get in trouble for being late."
The doctors give each other knowing looks before looking back at Harper. They're never late to work, they're always early. Even on the off chance that they would be a few minutes late, nobody would write them up for it. They may not even get spoken to about it. They're very respected at the hospital and everyone knows that they'd never be late for no reason.
"Between the two of us, we can bring them up quickly. You don't have to make so many trips. Especially with the little guy." Taehyung smiles kindly.
Harper hears the nurse talking and puts the phone back to her ear. She holds her keys out for one of them as she gives in. There's too much going on at once for her and too many things on her list to get done. It's overwhelming.
"I'm good. Thank you for asking. I'm calling because you're due for a post partum follow up. We usually do two of those. One at six weeks and one at 10-14 weeks as well. The receptions been trying to reach you about it but were unsuccessful so I'm just reaching out to get that appointment scheduled for you."
"Oh, um.." Harper sighs as she puts the phone on speaker. She sets it on the counter as she starts taking things out of the bags.
"I've been getting the messages but I miss every time they call. I haven't returned any of them because I'm unsure of when I'll be able to come in. Things are still kind of hectic for me with my son and it's getting cool out so I'm trying to limit his time in public spaces so that he doesn't get sick." She explains as she puts the plastic bags under the sink.
"Oohh. Okay. I see, I see. How is he doing? How's life as a new mom?"
Harper stands in the kitchen as many different answers cross her mind.
Hard. Heart wrenching. Extremely hard. A rookie playing in expert mode. I have no clue what I'm doing half the time. I cry every single day and most of the night. Nobody said that it was going to be this difficult.
"Good. Everything's great. He's healthy and as long as that's in order, I'm happy."
"That's good. That's wonderful to hear. Uhm, as far as that appointment goes, I know you don't want to take him out the house. Can dad watch him while you come out or grandma?"
Harper, again, pauses in her movements. Taehyung and Yoongi walk into the apartment with the last of the bags.
"Uh... no." She replies. She picks the phone up off the counter, taking it off speaker. "Neither of those people are in our lives so it's not possible for them to take him for me."
Harper grabs the soaps and lotions in her hands and walks them to the bathroom.
"I've been looking for childcare that takes children as young as my son because I'm due to start working again soon but I still need to get that figured out. I'll just.." She inhales and huffs in frustration. She looks at herself in the bathroom mirror and runs her fingers through her hair.
Harper walks out of the bathroom knowing that she still has work to do.
"Can I give you a call back about it? Would that be okay? I'm just still trying to figure a lot of things out in regards to him so childcare is still sticky right now. How far back can I push the appointment until?"
Yoongi and Tae take things out of the bags for her, sorting them by freezer, fridge and cabinet items.
"We'd like to get you in sometime within the next two weeks if we can."
Harper takes the phone from her ear and rubs her forehead as she becomes frustrated. She was really hoping they'd give her a month or so. But then again, she has been pushing it off for a while.
"Is everything okay?" Taehyung asks, seeing her clear distress.
She remembers that they're in her house and looks at him. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just-. One second, please." She holds a finger up with an apologetic look. He nods in understanding.
"Okay. I'll see what I can figure out and call back to schedule it. If anything, I'll probably have to bring him in with me."
"Okay. Well, just give us a call and let us know. We'll schedule the appointment and get you seen. It's not a very long one so he should be okay."
"Alright. Thank you."
They get off the phone and Harper does her best to mask her annoyance, her absolute frustration.
"Is something wrong?" Yoongi asks, looking from her to Onyx. He's content in his sleep with his mouth open just a little.
"No, nothing's wrong. I just-. My doctor keeps calling me to make an appointment but I'm trying to avoid Onyx getting sick because then he'll get fussier and cry more and I won't get any sleep. And you won't get any sleep and you need to sleep because you're a surgeon. But the lady I talked to about childcare hasn't called me back yet so I'm just going to have to take him with me." She rants as she puts things away.
They notice how irritated that she's getting and how aggressive in her movements that she's becoming.
"I can watch him for you while you go." Yoongi offers. "It won't be a problem. We can coordinate a day that I don't have surgery and I'll swap with a coworker."
Harper realizes how her complaining must've seemed and shakes her head. "Oh, no. I couldn't ask you to do that. I wasn't implying the ask. Taking him with me is okay."
It just isn't something that she would choose to do. She also knows how her son can get. She doesn't want to place him in the care of anyone else. He's her fussy baby to take care of. The idea of even having a childcare provider for him is a difficult pill to swallow but it's what she's got to do.
She needs the childcare in order to work and provide for him. She has no choice in the matter. Here, she has a choice.
"I'm offering. You don't want him to get sick and I don't either. Not necessarily because of the crying. But because he's a baby and if we can avoid him getting a cold and making him more uncomfortable, then we should." Yoongi explains, hoping to ease her mind about the situation.
"Your health is also very important." Taehyung adds. "You're a mother but you're also your own human outside of that. You have to stay at your very best just as Onyx does. If you're worried about Yoongi's baby care capabilities, I can stay with him." He makes a lighthearted joke and smiles.
Harper smiles back in a nervous way. She's never left Onyx in anyone's care before. Granted, that it's something that she needs to do in order to work, it's always been the two of them. Is she going to be okay with leaving him? It'd be the same as leaving him with a provider except he's much closer.
It isn't like they'll get away with kidnapping him. She has their names and the hospital that they work for. She knows where Yoongi lives and she has his phone number.
"This won't affect your work schedules, will it?" Harper asks as she contemplates her answer.
"No. I can switch to an available shift or maybe I can give you my day off so you can schedule the appointment to line up with it." Yoongi responds.
Harper thinks about what Taehyung said. She should be at her best to healthily keep up with up her son.
"Okay. We can do that. I'd prefer it be on your day off if possible so that you're not missing out on any money. I can still pay you but-."
"You don't have to. It's fine. When I get to work, I'll text you about my days off so that you can call you doctor back before the office closes."
Yoongi sets Harper's keys on the counter as he and Taehyung leave for work.
"Thank you.. so much."
"It's not a problem. Really." Yoongi gives her a warm smile. "Onyx and I will have fun together."
Harper bids them both goodbye before closing the door. She looks down at her sleeping infant, taking him out to get him into the bassinet.
As she lays him down, she wonders just how true Yoongi's words are.
A|N
#I had a mood drop today and needed wholesome content today :) So here we are