I slept through the night last night. No waking up to an empty bed and no wondering where Hex was. He must have skipped the phone call with his mother, maybe it was because Harley and I are going to see her today and he didn't feel the need to check up on her seeing as we would be, or maybe it was as simple as him being too tired.
It's Saturday today, explaining why Harley and I had both been able to see Wyonna. Darby's use to be opened all weekend when Jacob was there but since he left there was simply not enough of us to work the usual seven days so Stevie cut it down to 5 days a week. The plan was to eventually reopened to seven days a week again but until then I'm going to enjoy my weekends.
I managed to pull myself out from under Hex without waking him. He needs the sleep even though I want to wake him but Harley would be here soon to pick me up and drive us to the care home.
The sunlight shines in through the sides of the window that the curtain doesn't cover. It's warm and gold in colour as it paints the carpet, a small beam of light runs across Hex's naked back as he lies on his stomach, face squished in the pillow I once occupied. He hadn't so much as moved when stood and I had to pause for a brief minute to watch him breathe as my paranoia gets to me.
He's still asleep when Harley texts me to let me know she's waiting in her car out the front and I wonder if I should wake him to say goodbye and remind him of where I'm going but I decide against it and place a kiss to the side of his face that isn't squished into the pillow.
Mum's bedroom door is open and a glance inside shows it's empty, so is the lounge room and the kitchen. She had left her usual note on the kitchen island to let me know she's out walking. I pad to the front door and unlock it, the early morning sun almost blinds me but I see Harley's car when I squint my eyes. I can see the damage along the side panels that Amos and Ace had inflicted months ago, before Hex's court date.
Harley sits in the drivers seat and leans across to push the passenger door open for me as I hastily lock the door and jog to the car, the morning air is chilly and the golden sunlight deceiving.
"Good morning!" She says cheerfully as I take a seat and close the door, pulling on my seatbelt as she pulls out of the driveway. Her smile and happy tone is deceiving to the sad look in her eyes but I can see it. It's the same look she has whenever she has to see her mother.
"Good morning, Harley" I say less cheerfully. It's the first words I've spoken today and the sleep is still heavy in my voice.
Harley talks consistently during the entire drive, even if I don't answer her. She moves between talking to me, talking to herself or singing to the radio and I know she's only trying to distract herself.
As for me, I'm nervous. It's been months since I've seen Wyonna and the only indication I have of her condition is what I've been told but I'm still picturing her how I last saw her and I know that when I see her today it'll be a shock.
"Lovely to see you again" Betty at reception of the home care says to both of us. I'm surprised she remembers me.
The door to Wyonna's room is in sight as we walk down the hallway in the direction. A nurse exits the room just as we're getting there, she is the same nurse that had helped us when Wyonna got angry and didn't remember Hex or Harley but I can't remember her name for the life of me.
"Oh Harley, nice to see you. She's just woken up" she gives a smile of sympathy to us, to which Harley ignores.
She had just woken up? It's nearly 10am and I've never known Wyonna to be a late riser. It makes me gulp as my nerves build further.
"Thanks Cherry" Harley says. Cherry, her name is Cherry.
The room is dark and the curtain is still pulled covering the window when we walk in. Wyonna's sitting at her table, a cup of coffee in hand. She's still dressed in her night gown with a purple dressing gown pulled over the top. Her fluffy slippers cover her feet.
She looks frail and old, too old for someone her age. She's slumped over as she sips from her coffee like her body is too weak to hold her head up and her hands shake as she lifts the mug.
She hadn't so much as looked at us as we let the light from the hallway cascade into the dark room.
"Hi mum" Harley calls as I shut the door behind us. Wyonna doesn't look up and continues sipping from her mug. She side eyes us but other than that we get nothing from her.
It knocks the wind out of me, I knew she had deteriorated but not to this point. To the point that it's not only her memory anymore, it's her physical body that is showing the invisible effects on her brain.
Has Hex been talking into a phone without an answer from his mother this entire time? Does he talk and she just listens? Is this what he meant when he said she forgot she had children? Because she hadn't spoken a word to him?
"How'd you sleep?" Harley asks again, this time not expecting an answer but Wyonna does look up at her. She looks confused but doesn't verbalise it. You would think Harley spoke a foreign language by the expression on her face.
Harley and I both take seats at the table opposite Wyonna and watch her as she lives in her own world. Her mind is in its own world that doesn't involve us.
"Do you understand why I want Hex to see her now?" Harley says softly to me but maintains her gaze on Wyonna as I look at her profile. "I thought, I don't know, maybe it would bring up memories if she saw his face, maybe she'd talk". By the end she is whispering, the room too quiet to speak at normal volume.
I say nothing, unsure of how to answer as I feel my tongue physically twist in my mouth, stopping words from forming.
Harley continues talking to Wyonna and not once getting an response back. Wyonna looks between Harley and I every now and then, the look in her eyes sometimes empty and other times full of wonder.
Her body is skinny and frail, a gust of wind would be able to knock her over and I hope that she's closely monitored; it won't be long before she's unable to walk. She fell once when she was healthier and it wasn't good, if she falls again that could be the end of her.
Harley and I leave after two hours of one sided conversation. Wyonna didn't move from her seat once and she kept checking her empty mug, like she had forgotten it was empty. By the look on her face it was clear she has no sense of time or what day it is. A newspaper sits on the table, untouched.
We only left because a nurse came in to retrieve Wyonna and take her to the common room. Wyonna doesn't acknowledge the nurse but she frowns and seems annoyed that she's being fussed with as the nurse dressed her into clothes for the day. She somehow becomes even frailer when she stands as the nurse practically carries her weight with a hand around Wyonna's forearm as she walks.
We watch as she wobbles slowly down the hallway and around the corner before she's out of sight and in the common room.
Harley and I jump when we hear footsteps behind us walking in our direction. We turn around and find Cherry, her blue apron that lies on top of a blue uniform sways as she walks. Her face is friendly and kind looking and her hair is held back in a slick bun.
"I don't mean to rush you Harley but you need to make a decision soon" she says quietly, her voice like honey and her face sad for Harley as she places a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I know" Harley sighs "thanks for everything, Cherry" she says and gives her a tight lipped smile. Cherry gives one last pat to Harley's shoulder and then walks in the direction that the nurse took Wyonna. She gives me a polite nod of acknowledgement as she passes me.
Harley starts walking in the direction of the reception and I jog a few steps to catch up with her. She's in a hurry as she walks fast towards the exit doors.
"Make a decision on what?" I ask as Harley waves goodbye to Betty at the desk. We walk through the glass sliding doors, the cool air rushing at us and blowing our hair around. It sends a chill through my bones as I gaze up, the dark clouds above only adding to the mood of the day.
Harley doesn't answer me and I get that gross feeling. The sick to your stomach, goose bump inducing, dizzy feeling when you know it's nothing good.
"Harley?" I question as we sit in the car after she hadn't answered me. I don't bother putting my seatbelt on as Harley sits quietly with her hands on the steering wheel, staring ahead, her eyes empty.
"I have to pick a hospice care home for mum" Harley admits. I gulp down the vomit that has risen in my throat as I too turn to look out the front window. "She's not getting better, Poppy. I thought maybe there would be a miracle-" she shakes her head and bites her lip to keep her emotions in "-but it's too late now" she whispers.
This ending was inevitable from the moment Wyonna was diagnosed but I still wasn't expecting it. I wasn't expecting it to happen so fast, it was only a few months ago that she was mobile and verbal and I know for sure Hex doesn't think it would happen this quickly.
"Does Hex know?" I whisper. Had he kept this from me?
"No" I once again gulp, he needs to know and I selfishly don't want to be the one to tell him. "I have to do this all by myself" Harley's voice cracks.
We sit in silence for a moment longer before it's broken by Harley slamming her hands on the steering wheel, it makes me jump but I let her continue. A sob rips from her throat and it brings tears to my eyes.
She cries silently as she leans her head back on the head rest. The windows start to fog and it begins to rain outside, the sound bouncing off the cars exterior.
"He calls her every night" I lowly admit. I don't know if Hex wants Harley to know because I had never asked him but at the moment Harley needs some form of comfort and I hope this helps.
I'm unsure if Harley hears me over her crying but she slowly calms down enough to a low sniffle as she turns her head to face me while still leaning on the head rest. Her face is red and puffy, her eyes swollen and the sound of her phone vibrating from her bag can be heard as Banks feels her pain.
"He does?" She asks; her voice breaking. I nod, worried that if I talk I'll release a sob of my own. "So why won't he see her?" She questions, a tear running down her cheek.
I have to turn back to look at the front window, not able to make eye contact as I shake my head "I don't know" I whisper truthfully.