Sometimes it really feels like I am coming undone. I don't know what is happening to me but I do know it has everything to do with you, Rosalie.
I should be in control. I've done this a hundred, maybe thousand times before. Stalk, play with their minds, make them go crazy and then kill them. It's supposed to be easy, organic, something automatic.
I used to revel in the fun of tormenting my prey. But with you I am just not so sure anymore. It's funny really. I'm supposed to make you think you're crazy but now it feels like you are the one playing with my mind.
I can't explain the jealousy I feel every time I see you with that Harry kid or the irritation that prickles my skin whenever you discover a new clue. It shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't be so bothered by you.
You're my hardest target yet and sometimes it makes me want to laugh. I never in my wildest dreams expected you of all people to last this long.
You are concentrating on this boring English lecture but are you really paying attention? Because I sure am not. All I keep wondering is how it must feel to be able to run my fingers through your hair and pull your face towards me. Specifically your lips.
Fuck. You must have noticed because you turned around to look at me and if you noticed then others might too. I need to dial back and remain as elusive as I have been.
The bell rings and I know I should walk away. Leave you to wonder if you are imagining my fixation but I just can't help myself. I am on autopilot as I bump into your shoulder.
"Nice aim," I tease, the words barely a whisper, only for your to hear.
My bait is taken and you follow me like the good little girl that you are. Maybe that's what trumps me the most about you.
You know I am no good. You know I am evil and yet here you are following me into the field. Not a care in the world about your safety. It is almost as if you trust me. Me, of all creatures in the world.
Rosalie why the hell do you trust me enough to follow me past the bleachers and into the dark. And why is it I just can't resist kissing you?
Your lips burn against mine, like fire. The cold in me is extinguished by your warmth. You are the Arabella who decided to take a chance on me.
Every girl I have ever dated, all with the same hair and similar face. They all ran when they saw who I really was. Either that or they wanted to be me, they wanted use me to live forever as a vampire.
But not you. You know how horrible I am. Hell, you are experiencing it first hand and yet here you are, kissing me back. Running your soft fingers up my chest making every nerve ignite in my body.
My heart still beats, though not how it used to when I was alive. It beats in a slow tandem, a soft mechanical thrum every few minutes. You touch my cheek and I swear it just skipped.
I hear a squeal of laughter coming from outside and you come to your senses. Sadly, so do I.
I'm still in shock as you release me. My heart has never done that before. I want to kiss you again. I want to feel that euphoric feeling again but the bubble is broken and you are looking at me like I'm the villain now.
You ask me if I am going to kill you and I smile but inside is a volatile mix of emotions I can't fathom. I need to snap back to my senses. I need to be in control here.
So I lie. "It depends. Do you want me to?"
You look broken as you slump against the pole and something in me just wants to hold you and comfort you. The only problem is I know I can't.
"A piece of advise Rosalie. Don't get too caught up in Harry's theories. He's more delusional than you think."
I walk away, letting you put together the pieces. Letting you realise that I have been watching you and Harry this whole time.
It was a warning that I hoped would deter you. But of course you surprise me over and over again.
***
At some point someone has no choice but to cut their losses and admit defeat. We are five weeks in now, Rosalie. It's been four weeks since I met you at that ridiculous bar.
I've had my victims admit to wanting to end their lives within two weeks. Some admitted in mental asylums within one to three weeks. Some even days. Trust me, no one is as surprised as I am that you have lasted this long.
I am sitting in a stolen car, idling by your house when Harry's mustang drives up and parks by the front porch. You run out in your faded jeans and loose light pink shirt. Your hair is a beautiful mess, barely secure in a ponytail and your face is fresh.
There are dark circles under your eyes, evidence of the stress I've been causing you but that does not deter me from your beauty. Not in the least.
Your parents love Harry - at least your mother does - and they let you drive off with him. For a brief wistful second I imagine myself seated in that car instead.
You run out of your house, eager to meet me and your parents wave us off, leaving us to our fun. It is the type of relationship I have always wanted. The human part of me that never died. My longing only amplified after Arabella was stolen by the plague.
Deep down I know this is what I have always craved but will never have. I feel a sharp pain in my palms and realise I have dug my nails into my skin, drawing blood.
The two of you drive off into the distance and I follow close behind, careful to keep my distance. Thankfully, you don't talk so much. Your breathing slows and I think you have slept off.
We drive into the down trodden part of the city and a small part of me sinks when I wonder what the two of you are up to again.
The phone by my side rings suddenly and I pick it up. I wait for the person on the other side to speak, not used to receiving calls from anonymous numbers.
"How's the stake out going?" Kayla drawls.
I grit my teeth in vexation. Kayla only calls when it involves Lavender. "It's going great. Just another road trip."
"Lavender is wondering how your progress is coming along. She misses your company."
I know Kayla is only teasing. She knows how much I hate her sister which is probably as much as she does but her words don't stop my skin from crawling and that spike of fear that shoots up my spine.
"I have it under control. Just want to play with my food for a little while longer." We reach a run down building that looks like an abandoned flat and you get down with Harry. I park somewhere nearby and then wait for the two of you to walk inside.
"Are you sure? Because it seems like your food has some help on the outside."
"Just another lost kid. He isn't a problem. Tell Lavender to stop worrying. I'll be done with her soon."
"Are you sure, Zayn? You know I'd love it if you fought back for a change. People shouldn't be dying for our greed-"
"Listen Kayla, I need to go now. Thanks for the concern but I won't be needing it." I tucked the phone under my ear and snuck into the building with lightning speed.
You were already in this Kareena persons room. A girl you've been talking about and I needed to know what you had found.
Kayla hung up after muttering that she wasn't convinced but I shoved all thoughts of Lavender and her aside as I broke into the empty room next door. My body tenses when a girl confronts you both with the click of a gun.
I'm ready to break through the wall and stop the bullet but then she reveals who she is and suddenly I am paralysed.
She is Joseph Morden's ex girlfriend and I pace back and forth, wondering how you had the guts to come all the way here. She lied to you obviously and the two of you left but soon you are back in her apartment and she is telling you all about Sally and Joseph.
This is not good. No, this isn't good at all.
You tell her you're being harassed by a vampire, just like Sally Morden was and then she turns the tv on so loud, all I can hear is static.
I feel anxious and stressed as I pace back and forth wondering what the three of you are talking about. This isn't like the bartender girl I paid off to lie about me being with you that night at the bar.
This girl is related to the a completely different person who was killed by a different vampire. Something I have no control over. Did we slip up? Like we did with Dr. Edward Styles. We've had many slip ups over the years. It was difficult to remain underground for hundreds of years.
I hated that I couldn't hear a thing. The television was so loud, it blocked out everything. On the ride home, neither of you discuss your conversation with Kareena and it was driving me mad.
I hated not knowing anything. Hated that you were one step ahead of me this time. I needed to clear my head, needed a drink so badly my throat hurt.
I stole five bottles of liquor and sat in your room as I drank myself to near unconsciousness. But every time my body wanted to shut down, the vampire part of me fought back, healing me just as quickly. It drove me to an insane amount of anger.
For myself, for this situation, for you.
Your heart beats in excitement when you first notice me and then I see your eyes cloud with fear when you see me for the monster that I really am. This is good. This was the reaction I was expecting.
You're not different, Rosalie. You're just like the rest of them and you will die just like the rest of them.
For some reason I feel the need to unload on you. It's stupid, I know and you don't deserve my complaints but I can't help the resentment I feel right now in this very moment.
"Why are you Miss Rosalie Franklin so different? While everyone else in your situation would have gone to the police, told their parents, a stupid friend. Done something that would alienate them from everyone else, but no you had to attract the one person as deluded as you."
I'm rambling I know and it is freaking you out because I see you backing up, away from me. Every step you take chips at me like a hammer and my heart clenches because you've never looked so horrified as you do now.
It makes me admit that I want to kill you. Painful words that sink to my feet, making me feel heavy with dread.
I need to divert, need to take control of the situation but I've never felt so weak.
"You love him, don't you?" I ask you about Harry. Why do I want to know this?
"It doesn't matter to me," You lie. Lies. Lies. Lies.
I push you, I want to vex you, just like you have me and then you reveal the wildest thing.
"You're in love with me?" I roll on my feet, feeling like you've just knocked the air out of me. This can't be real. Why would you love me? I know you don't mean it. This must all be some ploy. Some tactic of yours to throw me off.
A strange mix of anger and desire propels me towards you. I fist your beautiful hair in my fingers and stare at the smooth skin of your neck, eager to bite into it. You smell so fresh and divine but the fear is rolling of you in waves.
I hate that is has to be like this. Wish we could have met under any other circumstances.
I will kill you, Rosalie. This game can only end one way and that is with me winning. But for now all I want is to hold you in my arms. I want to hear you heart beat against mine, inhale your scent till I'm drunk.
I will hold on tight for now because eventually I know I will have to let go.