When my eyes peeled open the next day a banging filled my head in an instant. After a few seconds of confusion I remembered some of last night; mostly the amount of drink I'd consumed. That was stupid and now I was well and truly paying the price.
After laying totally still for a few minutes I finally mustered up the strength to lift my head out of the pillow, just enough to look around a little. I was splayed out in the middle of the bed and as far as I could tell I was all alone in the room. And that's when I realised that I wasn't in my own bedroom, it was Natasha's. How had I ended up here?
To allow my mind to focus I dropped my head back down into the soft fabric and closed my eyes. I then began wracking my brain for answers to questions I didn't even know to ask.
But after some time I was hit with a moment of realisation. I'd kissed Natasha last night. I'd barged into her room, climbed onto her bed and then on top of her before doing what I'd been so afraid to do for weeks. But as far as I could tell she'd returned the gesture, or she certainly made no efforts to pull away. She was the one to put an end to it though, before things went too far, but that's when everything got foggy again and I had no recollection of what we'd said after the kiss. Or kisses? I couldn't remember.
The throbbing in my head quickly became searing when JARVIS' voice boomed through the speakers. "Ms Orlova you've been requested in the training room. Training began approximately fifteen minutes ago." Oh shit, Natasha would be pissed.
Pushing my thoughts and awful headache aside I scrambled out of bed and to my room. On autopilot I grabbed some workout clothes from my wardrobe before throwing them on, shoving my feet in my trainers, before simultaneously running towards the training room whilst pulling my hair up into a ponytail. I hadn't had time for a shower so I was still wearing last nights makeup, not that I'd seen myself at all so I had no idea of the true state I was in.
Breathless and hot I made it down to the training room in record time, everybody else already there and busy working out. I hated being late, especially when I was still far from proving myself to a majority of the team. To avoid too much embarrassment I quickly found Natasha and stalked towards her, although she made no effort to acknowledge my presence when I stopped before her. That was strange. Sure, I was late but that didn't warrant her being so cold straight from the get go.
"I'm sorry I'm late" I finally offered, my voice small.
Natasha didn't even acknowledge my apology though, instead just continuing on like she barely knew me. "You're training with someone else today. Ask Tony who." This was all really strange, but there was no time to question it now.
"Oh, okay" was all I said before turning on my heel and heading towards Tony who was in the middle of lifting a weight. I just stood there awkwardly as I waited for him to finish.
"Can I help you Orlova?" He eventually questioned, breaking the awkwardness.
"Natasha said I was training with someone else today, that I should ask you who." He took a seat on the bench and sipped at his water before answering.
"Oh yeah, um." Tony looked around the room, clearly about to make a spur of the moment decision about who my training partner would be. "Rogers?" He shouted, and my stomach dropped instantly at the sound of his name. Of all the people it had to be him.
"Yes Stark" I heard him reply, his tone one of annoyance at being disrupted.
"You're training Orlova today. How about some sparring? Go easy though." This couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Sure" I could hear the venom in his tone, that single word laced with hatred. "Come on Orlova, I haven't got all day." I was frozen to the spot, but I couldn't afford to annoy him anymore so I broke out of my trance and approached the ring where he was waiting. Every instinct telling me to run.
Before climbing in I looked over my shoulder, straight at Natasha who was stood in the corner watching on. In a moment of weakness I pleaded with my eyes, begging for her to help me but I knew all too well that it was too late. I couldn't afford to raise suspicion now else people will realise something happened between Steve and I. She sent me a look of apology, although it was slightly restrained, before I focused my attention on Steve again and climbed into the ring.
"Ready Orlova?" He questioned, a small grin on his face as he crouched in preparation for our sparring. It would most definitely turn in to a fight, one that I was sure to lose.
"Don't we need gloves?" I'd only just noticed that we were both readying to fight bare knuckled.
"I think we'll both be fine without. Why, you scared of a few bruises?" He was clearly alluding to the black ones he'd given me before, the ones that painted most of my stomach and ribs. Like I'd ever forget.
"Let's fight then." I kept my voice flat in one last effort to gain some power over the daunting man that stood before me, the one that was about to hurt me and enjoy every second of it.
We circled one another for some time before I dared to launch the first attack. It was a simple punch to the ribs that just like I'd expected, Steve dodged easily before retuning his own. I hadn't been quite as quick in moving out of the way and so he managed to make contact with my side. A small hiss left my mouth but I was quick to regain my composure, desperate to deprive him of the satisfaction he was yearning for.
Over the course of the fight we each landed some hits, although I could tell that Steve was holding back. He was most likely trying to keep up appearances, hoping that the others wouldn't catch on to his blatant hatred for me.
But eventually he got bored, I could see his frustration bubbling over as I dodged a few of his hits in a row. I allowed a small grin to grow on my face, one that he quickly noticed, only darkening his already terrifying demeanour. After a few more lazy attempts at hitting me he waited for me to launch my own punch before coming in with a counter, one that came in the form of a heavy punch to my ribs that forced every ounce of air from my lungs. I hunched over slightly in return, desperate to remain on my feet in a stand of defiance more than anything.
This position exposed my face to him as well as hiding it from the others. Therefore making it the perfect target for his next blow. Steve came forward with a knee this time, and before I could successfully cover my face in protection it made contact with my nose and lip simultaneously. I stumbled back slightly this time in shock, my face contorted from the pain of the hit.
I'd dropped my guard, focusing down at my hands that were covered in the blood now pouring from my face. Just as I'd started to realise what was going on again, Steve rushed forward in one last effort and landed a punch right in the centre of my stomach. It was all too similar to last time, when he'd beaten me in similar places in my cell. Except this time he'd dared to injure my face, having no need to hide the injuries since they could be so easily explained away.
He'd winded me again, as well as inflicting a surge of pain that left my headache from earlier in the past. I crumpled to my knees, both hands clamped around my stomach in an effort to ease the agonising wave that wouldn't subside. I'd known this was coming, but I didn't think it would be this bad.
"You okay Orlova?" It was Steve, feigning concern as he stood over my cowering frame. Yet again reminding me that I was powerless against him, as well as to not cross him in any way. I'd never intended to but I certainly wouldn't now. My life truly depended on keeping that fateful night a secret.
After some deep breaths I managed to squeeze out a reply. "Yeah, I'm fine." With that I sucked in a painful breath and rose to my feet, staring straight at him as I felt the warm liquid pour from my nose and mouth. I couldn't let him see my fear, not that easily.
"I think we're done here. Go clean up." Before he could finish speaking I'd already turned to leave the ring, everyone staring at me but I didn't dare to look at any of them. I needed to maintain my steely exterior until I was alone, then I'd be safe to let my guard down.
I wasted no time in leaving the training room, heading straight for the elevator to take me back upstairs. I was pleased when it arrived quickly, stepping inside instantly and pressing the button for my floor. But just as the doors were about to close a hand pushed between them, forcing them to open wide again. Why couldn't they just leave me alone?
"Y/N" I looked up from the ground to meet their voice, to meet Natasha's voice. "Oh my god" she let out as her eyes scanned my face. I'd managed to hide most of it when I left training, not wanting people to see my split lip and bloody nose, so now she could see it in all its glory.
"I'm fine." I knew she hated that word, especially when I used it, but I had nothing else to offer. She'd dismissed me earlier, refused to train me only to force me to spar with Steve. She was the reason I was in this mess and I couldn't understand why. Sure, I'd probably surprised her last night, but as far as I could remember she was just as willing.
"No you're not, look at your face." She continued, not accepting my answer just like I'd expected.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal my floor, our floor. As I walked past her to head to my room she immediately followed, staying close by. When I pushed my door open she reached out to hold it open for herself but I stopped just over the threshold.
"What are you doing?" I questioned, my tone flat and cold.
"Helping you. You're going to need me to clean all of that up." She motioned to my face as she spoke.
"Why would you do that? I thought you didn't want to be around me and now you're helping me." Her eyebrows furrowed at my words.
"What do you mean?" She didn't seem to be playing dumb but I couldn't help but feel like the answer was more than obvious.
"Last night I kissed you, we kissed each other, but when I come to speak to you in training you give me the cold shoulder. One second I think you finally care about me then the next you're treating me like a total stranger and sending me off to get beaten up by your boyfriend." The last bit was a little unnecessary. She hadn't known that Tony would choose Steve to train me, and I certainly didn't think that the two of them were still together but I couldn't help myself. She'd hurt me yet again so she deserved a little bit of that in return.
"Y/N you know that's not true, none of it. I do care about you its just..." her voice trailed off into nothing, leaving the end of that a sentence a mystery. This only added to my annoyance.
"It's just what Natasha? Spit it out or leave." Every part of me was begging that she'd stay, so when she slowly retreated into the hallway my heart sunk. I'd been wrong, how could I have been so wrong?
"I'm sorry Y/N," and with that she rushed back down the hall before disappearing from view. She'd actually left, not that I hadn't given her the ultimatum, but I was hurt by the option she'd chosen. Well and truly hurt.
I slammed my door shut before stalking into the bathroom, being met with a claret painted face in the mirror. Unable to take it anymore I turned the shower on and stripped my bloodied clothes off before stepping under the hot stream, not even bothering to attempt to wash my face in the sink. There was too much blood for that.
I scrubbed at my skin, desperate to wash away the red, although this drew hisses when my hands passed over the tender parts of my face. I didn't think my nose was broken, just bruised, but I'd probably have a few nose bleeds over the coming days. Both my top and bottom lips were split, a gash running across them that was fairly deep. If only he'd agreed to gloves, then my face wouldn't be in such a mess.
Although, if I'd allowed myself to unchain my enhanced abilities I'd also be better off. I didn't exactly reap the same benefits as Steve due to my lesser dose of the serum, but I could've most definitely put up more of a fight. There was just something about him, the control he seemed to have over me that had me cowering in his shadow. He made me helpless, accepting of any punishment he was wanting to give.
I stayed in the shower until the water draining away was clear again. Once I stepped out of it I reached for a towel, although I was forced to stop when I saw myself in the mirror again. My skin had paled in the cold of the air so every new mark stood out. There was a small split on the bridge of my nose that was also beginning to bruise, my lips swollen around the bright red splits and as my eyes traced down I froze when they reached my stomach.
I was back there, back in my cell after Steve had beaten me that night. My stomach and ribs were already bruised, a light shade of green that would no doubt grow darker over the coming hours. He'd used me as his punching bag again and nobody had done anything to stop him, not even Natasha. Granted I hadn't told her the whole truth about what he did to me over those ten days, but surely she knew enough to put a stop to his hate fuelled rampage on my body. Surely.
Despite it being late morning I had no appetite, instead feeling a little nauseous. So once I'd pulled on some tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie, making sure to pull the hood up, I climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to just under my nose. I wanted to make myself invisible. Was that so much to ask?
I must've fallen asleep because when my eyes peeled open the sky was a little darker, but then I realised what had woken me up. Someone was standing in my doorway calling out to me. "Orlova, wakey wakey." None other than Tony Stark himself, a wide grin on his face as he so desperately waited for me to wake up. I just offered a groan in reply, not that keen on moving at all since my body didn't hurt as much in that position.
"Come on kid, you need to come for dinner. You've been asleep all day."
"I'm not hungry." I muttered in reply, my tone a little harsher than I'd intended although it didn't seem to bother the billionaire.
"Too bad, you don't have a choice." Just as I was about to argue again I felt someone grab my arm and practically drag me out of the bed. Tony might rely on his suits but jeez was he strong without it, although I was certainly weaker than usual given the days events.
"Fine, fine." He grinned even wider now as I'd caved, or more so given him what he wanted.
"Perfect." As he made an exit from my room he made sure to look over his shoulder to be sure I was following. Eventually he stopped down the hallway to wait for me to catch up since I was dragging my feet in some kind of protest, as well as the pain slowing me down.
"Take that hood off as well, you're indoors." Before I could stop him he pulled the thing off of my head to reveal my beaten face. I saw his shocked expression before he quickly relaxed. "Jeez Orlova, Rogers got you good. Do you need a doctor to have a look at that?" It probably looked much worse now than it did when I had my shower, definitely more bruised.
"No it's fine, I've had worse." Tony didn't exactly seem pleased with my answer but he shrugged before continuing on his way, checking again to make sure I was following.
Eventually we made it to the kitchen, everyone else already there as they'd gathered around the table. Nobody spared me a look as I took a seat like Tony gestured, although I made sure to sit as far away from everyone else as I could, which was only a couple of seats distance but it was enough for me. There were boxes of pizza in the centre, and the second Stark sat down people started grabbing the slices they wanted.
My appetite hadn't returned at all, the nausea still prevalent as I fiddled with the cutlery beside my plate. There really was no need for me to be there, other than to keep Tony happy.
"You having some Y/N?" I was shocked to hear Clint's voice calling my name, so my eyes snapped up immediately to look at him. Steve definitely still hated me, but maybe Barton was beginning to hate me a little less.
"I'm okay thanks." He gave me what looked to be a small smile before getting back to his conversation, just as I focused my attention on my knife and fork again.
A little while later someone put a bottle of water down in front of me, and this time when I looked up it was Natasha who stared back. Her smile was one of apology, to which I offered a small nod before reaching for the drink with a shaky hand. My body was desperate for some kind of food, but my stomach wanted nothing less. Water would have to do for now.
I felt relief as the cold liquid ran down my throat, the first drink I'd had all day.
I contemplated leaving the table several times throughout dinner but decided against it when I realised Tony would just drag me back to my seat if I did. He was so desperate for me to be a part of his team, most likely only because of my enhanced abilities, but it felt good to have someone want me. Even if it was for such superficial reasons.
When everyone got up from their seats though, and made their way over to the sofas, I took that as my cue to leave. There was no way I could spend another second feeling so unwanted, so I set off in the total opposite direction, towards my room. I couldn't wait to get back in bed, although I felt as though sleep wouldn't come as easily now that I was so awake.
As I headed towards my door a voice spoke up from behind me, freezing me in my tracks. "Y/N wait, please." It was Natasha, I'd recognise that voice anywhere. She sped up her pace until she was stood before me, looking over my face to no doubt try and figure out how I was feeling.
"How are you feeling?" This was definitely not what she wanted to talk about, but I appreciated her efforts to ease me into that conversation.
"Okay" I replied, a nice change from my usual 'fine' that Natasha hated so much. She smiled slightly at this noticeable difference, although I just couldn't find it in myself to return the gesture. I was so tired. And a throbbing pain had suddenly ignited in my stomach, no doubt right underneath those bruises so I fought hard to suppress a grimace.
"Can I finish my sentence from earlier?" As much as I wanted to hear what she had to say, I couldn't bear to stand up any longer.
"Okay, but can I sit down before you do." I put a hand to my side now to try and dull the ache but it didn't do much to help. She noticed this immediately though, and she seemed to understand what I was getting at as she moved to the side and motioned for me to continue to my room.
I wasted no time in limping forwards until I was in my room and beside my bed, slumping down onto it before shuffling back to lean against the headboard. Finally my muscles could relax, although the pain didn't disappear fully. Natasha stood by my door awkwardly, unsure of where to put herself. Just like I usually did in her room, how strange, and so I found myself reassuring her for once.
"Please, come sit" I offered, desperate to put an end to some of the tension that hung thick in the air.
After some hesitation she finally moved towards me, taking a seat on the edge of the bed facing me. I closed my eyes for a moment as my stomach muscles twinged before reopening them to meet the familiar beautiful green of hers.
"Are you okay?" She questioned again, clearly concerned about the pain I was in.
"I'm okay" I quickly replied, exhaling deeply.
"Well um, I guess I should finish that sentence I was talking about." I didn't say anything, instead just staring at her as a silent gesture for her to carry on. After a thick gulp she did. "I don't know what's going on between us. I know I like you and I think you feel the same, it's just that. That, I've never felt this way before and I don't know what to do. Or if I should do anything." That last bit hurt a little. The inference that maybe whatever she was feeling wasn't worth it, or that she wasn't feeling it strongly enough to warrant any kind of action.
"But you did Natasha. If I'm not wrong you kissed me back. Do you regret that?" I felt like my whole heart was on the line now, and all I could do was hope that she didn't let it down.
"No, no of course not. I just, I don't want to rush anything." Insecurity laced her voice, like she was ashamed to share her true feelings. But I couldn't help but feel relieved at her words.
"Me neither." Her eyes lit up at that, at the confirmation that her feelings both weren't unfounded, but also identical to mine. Her eyes were still darting across my every feature though, her insecurities shining through as she searched for any signs of a lie. But in a sudden moment she must've come up short as she threw herself at me and hugged me tightly.
As much as I enjoyed it she landed heavily on my stomach, on the already dark bruises that swarmed the skin beneath my hoodie. I tried to bite my tongue but a hiss of pain escaped my mouth nonetheless, along with my body jolting in reply to the sudden contact.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" She was sat back up now, although much closer than she had been before.
"No you didn't, its okay." She most definitely had but she didn't need anymore guilt, she already felt bad enough for the days events.
Her eyes flicked down to where she'd leant on me. "How bad is it?" She questioned, her voice small as her eyes stayed fixed. Unsure of how to answer I just slowly pulled my jumper up, wanting to take a look at the damage for myself as well. A gasp left her mouth when the dark bruises were finally uncovered, the ones that wrapped all the way round to the side of my body. Steve had really gotten me good, maybe even worse than last time, along with the busted lip and bruised nose.
"I can't believe he did that to you." I could, wholeheartedly, but Natasha couldn't know that. Not ever.
"He's good at what he does I suppose." My skin practically crawled at the compliment, even though it was a joke, but it did well to lessen Natasha's concern. She was my priority right now anyway, or always.
When she looked up to smile at me I let my hoodie fall back down, although now her eyes were trained on the gash across my lips. Without another word she tentatively raised her hand to my face, lightly tracing across my bottom lip with her thumb as her other fingers cradled my chin. Her touch soothed me despite the small sting that came when she hit the worst part.
But before I could think about it anymore she replaced that thumb with her lips, just as lightly pressing them against my battered and bruised ones. This kiss felt real, much more genuine than our last. So when she pulled away and our eyes fluttered open again I couldn't help but smile. It was small, but she'd given me the confirmation I'd so hoped for. She did feel the same way, without question.
A yawn escaped my lips soon after that, and I could barely do anything to hide it. "Is it okay if I stay in here tonight?" She surprised me again with that question. I'd never seen her be so vulnerable, so soft, except for when it was just us. Did I have that affect on her? Did I make her feel safe just as she made me feel?
"Of course it is." She wasted no time in climbing over to the other side of the bed, pulling the covers up over both of us as she pulled me into her chest. Hopefully sleep would come easier now, and the nightmares would hold off for a night.
"Thank you" she suddenly whispered, her voice barely possible to hear.
"For what?" My voice was already laced with sleep, but I was listening nonetheless.
"For giving me a second chance." My heart warmed at her words, but instead of speak a reply I squeezed her a little tighter. I had so much more to thank her for than she did for me but that could wait. For now it was just us and the quiet, the comfortable quiet.