“So the house is sold now." Louis said. He was in the kitchen with Zayn.
“Is it now?"
“Yeah. Actually, the paperwork is being finalized and everything, you know? Like right now." Louis said, drinking his tea.
“So that's where Harry is." It wasn't a question, just Zayn confirming it to himself.
“Yeah."
“And you're not there because...?"
Louis raised his brow at Zayn's tone. “Your meaning?"
“Well you're always there with him. No matter what happens, you're always wanting to be there with him, for him. No offense but don't you yourself think that the lad is independent enough?"
Louis stayed silent, looking down at his half filled cup. He heard Zayn sigh after a short while.
“Listen man, Harry is not seventeen anymore. Neither is he desperate for someone to pay off for his uni. Nether is he wanting support to find a job or something. You know it very well that if he wants he can do everything perfectly. Sure it'll take more time than having you have someone do it, but he's still capable. Why do you do it?" Zayn asked.
Louis stayed silent again. He knew Zayn was right. Harry was very capable of doing everything himself. To buy and sell a house, to live alone, to do anything basically. Louis always just stuck with him and had been doing everything for him.
“I know you're trying to help, and that's perfectly fine, but don't you think that a man would suffocate after a time?"
Louis let that sink in. What if he suffocates and doesn't want to be with Louis anymore? It's not like they were together in the first place but that gave Harry more ability to just walk out without turning back.
“Louis?"
“Do you really think he'll go away and never come back?" Louis whispered.
Zayn sighed. “No. That's- That's not what I meant. What I meant was there is a possibility."
“Harry wouldn't just walk out after everything we've done for him!" Louis finally looked at Zayn, who's brows raised after hearing Louis' sharp tone.
“So you're gonna put guilt into him to get him to stay then?" Louis' eyes soften in realization after Zayn's words. “That's your strategy?"
“No. N-no. Of course not. I won't do such a thing. If he wants to leave then... he can. He can leave if he wants to. Of course he can." Louis mumbled, being defensive.
“You wouldn't like that, would you?" Zayn asked.
“I mean, who am I to stop him. My opinion doesn't matter. It never mattered, it wouldn't matter after what I did-"
“God dammit, Louis! You still think like that?" Zayn stumped his fist on the counter in frustration.
“Well how else you expect me to think?" Louis snapped back.
“Oh, I don't know. Maybe how Harry thinks."
“How do you know what he thinks?"
“If he thought for a second like you, he would be out of that door in less than a dang minute. You and I both know that!"
Louis just glared at Zayn as he watched him continue.
“You think it's easy for him to stay at a place where he was tortured?" Zayn continued. “No! It's not! I used to talk to him back when we had him and trust me he would rather have died than stayed. What makes you think changed his thoughts?"
“What would have?"
“You saving his life."
Louis licked his lips, silent again.
“He said that himself. In front of you! Why do you forget that?"
“It's hard to think about that when I have my mind on something else."
“Well it shouldn't be on the thing it's on."
“Well it is."
Zayn sighed, turning his voice low. “Louis, you can't keep doing this to yourself. What's been done is done. It's in the past. Everyone has moved on, why haven't you?" Louis stayed silent again. “I can't see you like this."
Louis looked at his tea cup, not a word coming out of his mouth. He didn't know what to say. Him and Zayn have had this conversation numerous of times before but every single time Louis was left speechless. He didn't quite know the right thing to say, or even to think. He knew Zayn was right in a way but wasn't Louis right too?
The fact that neither knew Harry's feelings. It was obvious to Louis about how the lad felt towards his dead husband. He knew Harry's feelings for him were fading away without a doubt. To anyone else it would've been a shock to see someone move on so quick but Harry had his feelings start to disappear a while ago. And he had a fair reason for that so no one can question him on it.
Louis really, really wanted to tell Harry how he felt. He did want to when he helped Harry get his apartment after starting everything brand new. He wanted to at the time of having to meet Harry every time for his education purposes. He had to every time Harry talked about the boyfriend he had. He wanted to when Harry came to tell about his engagement. He wanted to when Harry came with the invitation to his marriage. He wanted to at Harry's wedding. And he still wants to now.
But a barrier still stood in between. Though Harry's husband was now out of the equation, it wouldn't be fairly right of Louis to barge onto him and break the news to him.
The fear eating him away now was that Harry is independent. Back then he didn't have anyone except Louis and the guys to lean onto. Now he can help himself out. If Louis tells him how his heart beats just at the very sight of him, Harry can walk out without glancing back and wouldn't have any problem with it.
“I don't know, Zayn." Louis mumbled.
“What don't you know?"
“He could run away. He wouldn't ever want to see my face again. Anything can happen. I fear him running away from me. At least right now I have him. Not in the way I want but I... I still have him." Louis shrugged, defeated.
Zayn rarely ever saw his best mate in a condition like this. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Louis. But god forbid, he wouldn't say that out loud to him. He knew how much Louis loathed being pitied. Hence his tough facade in front of others.
“Lou, I know Harry isn't gonna move on from his husband's death this quick. But I do know he will eventually. And honestly you're the one he trusts the most in this world." Zayn stopped to examine Louis before continuing. “I know he likes you, though. Like I always say, if he didn't he would've gone long time ago. Yet he stayed. Doesn't that speak for anything?"
“What if he stayed just because of you and Paul?" Louis raised a brow.
“That would've happened if we were living almost a decade ago. Right now, it's all you. Trust me." Zayn confidently said.
“He stays because of you two too."
“You the most. I said trust me." Zayn patted Louis' shoulder before exiting the kitchen.
And god, did Louis pray for Zayn's words to come true.
Not after a minute, he heard Zayn's voice from the living room. “Hey, how'd it go?”
“Job done. Finally."
Harry.
Louis unintentionally straightened his back from his slouching position.
“That's good to know, mate."
“Is Louis home? I need to tell him."
Louis' heart fluttered at the thought of Harry wanting to share something important to himself with him. He knew Zayn would take and use this to prove his point.
“Kitchen. Hug him for me, will ya?"
“Uh why?" Harry sounded confused.
“He's feeling down."
“Damn you, Zayn." Louis grumbled.
“Really? Why? What happened?" Great. Now Harry sounded concerned. More points for Zayn.
“Don't quite know myself. Maybe he'll tell you. Go ask him."
“Alright..." Then Louis heard footsteps.
“Louis?" Harry came into the kitchen.
“Hey. Is everything done?" Louis tried to get Harry's mind off from what Zayn had implanted in it.
“Yeah. It's sold. Got the last quarter of the price into the bank account today." Harry smiled lightly.
“That's good. Congratulations." Louis smiled.
“Thanks. Um, are... are you feeling okay?"
Mission failed. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. Why?"
“Well Zayn told me you were feeling down. Did something happen?"
“I'm never normally jolly, Harry." Escaped Louis' mouthed before he could contain it.
“Oh. Um..." Harry scratched the back of his neck. “Do you maybe wanna talk about it?"
“Nah." Louis shook his head. “There's nothing you can do."
“How so? Maybe I can try to help." Harry tried.
“Honestly, Harry, you can't help."
“How would you know unless you tell me the problem? Maybe I can."
“Dammit, Harry, just drop it, will you?" Louis snapped. And regretted the second later.
Harry stepped back at Louis' outburst, fear written on his face. His mind was starting to get clouded. He hadn't heard Louis' snapping tone directed towards him since when he was seventeen. His eyes were opened in fright and his hands were shaking slightly. Only one thing running in his mind.
What if Louis turns back to his old self?
“Harry, I'm-" Louis stood up from his chair to reach for Harry but the boy took a step back. “Harry, please-"
Harry couldn't listen. His mind flashed images that he had successfully had erased and that fogged up his head badly. He couldn't hear anything, he didn't understand Louis was trying to apologize. He did the only thing he could do.
He dashed out of the kitchen.
“Harry, wait!" Louis ran after him.
Harry's long legs came to his favour, he skipped steps as he ran up the stairs, Louis on his tail.
“Harry, wait! Listen to me!" Louis yelled.
“Get away from me!" Harry reached the floor and quickly ran towards his door. Zayn, on hearing the commotion, came out of his room with a confused face. Just in time for Harry to pass him and go to his room in the speed of light. He stood dumbstruck as he saw Harry open his door and slam it behind him once he entered the room. Then he heard Louis.
“Harry!" Louis came in sight and he ran to Harry's door. Once reaching, he tried to open the door which turned out to be locked. Zayn wasted no time in following swiftly.
“Harry, listen to me! I'm sorry! Why did you run like that?" Louis banged on the door. “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to snap!"
“What the fuck did you do?" Zayn pulled Louis back by his shoulder.
“You! You had my mind twisted! And I snapped at him! And now he won't fucking let me in." Louis shook the door handle aggressively.
“Stop it. Go to your room." Zayn pulled him back again.
“But, Zayn-"
“I said go."
“I need to know if he's okay." He turned for the door again but Zayn literally had to push him away.
“Go to your room. He looked traumatized. He needs time. Give that to him." Zayn dragged Louis away from the door from where a sound of whimpering came.
“He's crying. Zayn, he's crying! Let me see him!" Louis tried to get out of Zayn's grip by shoving him away but Zayn regained his balance and his hold on Louis.
“No! You need to leave him be, Louis." Zayn dragged Louis into his own room since Louis' was on the other side of the floor. He closed the door.
“I know what he thought. I know what scared him. Zayn, he thought I was gonna hurt him. I saw it in his eyes. He thought I was gonna hurt him like I did back then. I haven't seen that look in his eyes since then. He thought I w-would hit h-him again!" Louis broke down crying.
Zayn quickly held Louis in his arms, holding his sobbing friend tightly. Louis never cried. The last time when he openly did was all those year ago after realizing what he did to Harry. Zayn did hear some muffles from his room the night of Harry's wedding day and the day he got to know he got engaged. But Zayn didn't tell him that he knew.
Right now, he didn't say anything to try and console Louis because he just couldn't. The opposite of what he had told Louis had just happened, he couldn't say anything even if he tried to. All he could do was hold him close and let him pour his heart out.
All the while, Harry had his face stuffed into his pillow, muffling out his sobs alone. The flashbacks were the last thing he needed when he was just starting to open fully to Louis after all these years.
~
AN
I AM SO SORRY! I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON! I AM SO SORRY! I AM CRYING RIGHT NOW OKAY BYE!
(ps. please check out my new book 'birthday stages for louis'. okay bye x)