Poetry of a lost teen

A monster

I can hear my heart beating out of my chest
I can feel my hands shake I'm in lack of rest
I feel my breathes shorten
As my thoughts dig deeper
I hold them all in
Reassure myself it doesn't matter
Nothing does
I don't care
I don't care about anything anymore
I don't care for how I look
Or what they think
I don't care what they say
I couldn't give a care in the world for what happens next
Positive affirmations
Or just false harsh demands
its not true is it
If only it was true
I'm angry
Angry I have to keep it in
Just way too much
Burning inside
A lit fire I constantly hide
And when I hide it
It just gets worse
It worsens till i can no longer control it
I lose my sanity
I lose my common sense
I lose any bit of myself I have left
It's like I'm not longer present
Some kind of absent reality
I can't go back to me
The anger gets more intense
And turns into sadness
It makes me sad that I've overreacted
But I do it again
I get angrier
I'm a monster
A monster even I'm scared of
~H1