"So, Danny, Michael tells me you do well in school?" Mr. Sharma spoke at the dinner table. I nodded and smiled politely. Lily narrowed her eyes at me. "He's the first in our year." She added. "Unfortunately." She muttered to me. I flashed her a grin.
"Is that so? That's quite an accomplishment." He replied. "Thank you, sir." I said. "My son hates school and is barely passing, your father's lucky to have four smart children." Some random man I didn't know the name of said. "Indeed, I am." Michael said, chuckling.
"Is that all you're going to have?" Mr. Sharma asked when I excused myself from the dinner table a few minutes later. I nodded. "The food was lovely, Mr. Sharma." I told him. I didn't want him to think I was ungrateful or rude. He smiled. I grabbed my plates and went to the kitchen, putting them in the sink. I walked to the bathroom and washed my hands.
As I was walking back to the living room, I bumped into someone. Or rather, they bumped into me. They had been running and came crashing into my torso, making me wince but steady them. "Sorry! Sorry!" She said. "It's my bad." I told her and let go of her arm. She was very short; roughly a foot shorter than me.
"Oh, God. You're bleeding." She gasped as she scanned my stomach. True enough, my stitches had been reopened. "I'm okay." I told her. She looked really panicked, maybe she thought she hurt me. "I'm so sorry." She said. "It's alright, not your fault." I reassured her.
"There's a lot of blood." She said worriedly. "It's fine, I'll see if I can find some bandages or something." I replied. "I'll help." She smiled kindly, and we walked to the living room. She approached Adam and spoke to him in a hushed voice. He turned his head and scanned me, widening his eyes when he saw my red shirt.
I quickly covered it, not wanting to alert anyone else. Except it was too late, because Lily, who was sitting next to Sam, widened her eyes at me. She excused herself quickly and came running over. "Holy shit, Danny." She said as she gently placed her hand on my torso. I tried to hide my blush.
"Come on. I'll get you something for that." Adam whispered. So all three of us followed Adam out of the living room. Blake gave us a suspicious look from where he sat. I only hoped he didn't say anything to Freddie.
Adam led us to his bedroom. He emerged from the bathroom holding a huge box of medical supplies. "Here." He said, handing me some gauze, paper tape, and some ointment, making me mutter a quick "thanks." "Do I want to know how you got that?" He asked, looking worried. "I got in a fight." I muttered.
"Jesus, Danny." Lily said. "Do you need help with that?" Adam asked as I hesitated to lift my shirt. I shook my head. Trying my hardest to hide myself from them, I rubbed the ointment on myself, wincing at the sting. "Let me help." Lily whispered. She grabbed the gauge and cut it according to the size of my wound. She then took out the the paper tape and taped it to my side.
Her fingers held onto my bare skin as she delicately placed the gauze on my stomach. I felt my heart drop when I realised that she could see my scars. She put her fingers on an especially deeper, more prominent one, making me flinch and back away.
She looked at me sadly, but didn't say anything. I hated that look. Pity. But I gulped down my emotions. "You can borrow a shirt of mine. I-I'm sure it won't fit but it's better than walking around with a huge blood stain." Adam said shyly. I smiled and thanked him.
The girl who bumped into me sat silently, zoning out. I got up and walked inside Adam's bathroom. I took of the bloody shirt, cringing when it stuck to my skin. I wiped my bloodied torso and then put on Adam's shirt. It was definitely noticeably large on me, but I was more comfortable with oversized clothing anyway. I walked out to see Lily and Adam in a conversation. The girl was nowhere to be seen.
"Sorry for all the trouble I've caused." I told Adam who shook his head. "It's okay. Does it hurt?" He asked. I shrugged. "Not really." I said. I crossed my arms around my stomach, feeling their eyes on me.
"We should head back." I muttered. Lily linked our arms together and we walked out of Adam's room. She smirked at me when we entered the living room, and all eyes were on us. "I see you've changed?" Some bald man asked. "Yeah, I spilled soda on my shirt and Adam lent me one of his." I lied. He nodded and then continued his conversation with Michael.
"You look pale." James commented as he sat on the couch next to Jenny. He snaked his arm around her waist, and she seemed like she didn't even notice. She was talking animatedly with someone. "I'm fine." I told him. He narrowed his eyes then nodded. "We'll talk later." He said quietly.
•••
"Danny, can I see you for a minute?" Blake asked me. I nodded nervously. It was rare that Blake ever spoke to me. He was always engaged in conversation with Freddie. He got up and I followed him. "What happened?" He asked, looking right into my soul.
"What?" I asked innocently. "Danny..." he started, "please." I sighed, running a hand through my hair anxiously. "My stitches reopened. No big deal." I muttered. His eyes widened as if it was the most horrific thing he's ever heard someone say. "Danny, we need to get you to the hospital." He whisper shouted.
I shook my head. "I'm fine, see?" I lifted my shirt so that he was only able to see the gauze. "Jesus." He hissed. "Look, kid. I know you think you can handle it but you don't have to. Give me one good, reasonable cause for you not to go the hospital." Blake said patiently.
An image of Nick passed my mind. "B-because..." I stuttered. Blake frowned, realising there was a more personal reason for me refusing to go to the hospital. "Okay, okay. Fuck." He whispered. "I have to tell Freddie. I can't keep this from him." He told me. "N-no! You can't. Please." I whisper shouted.
"I'm sorry, Danny. But you're his little brother. Who's hurt. I can't betray him like that. Wouldn't you wanna know if one of your brothers is injured and in pain?" He asked. I nodded. "But that's different. I-"
"You're used to it? Is that what you were gonna say?" He asked, his eyes sympathetic. I didn't know how to respond to that, so I resorted to fidgeting with the buttons on my shirt. Blake sighed. "Sorry, that wasn't fair. Look, you've been through a lot. No one's denying that. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. To your family. You think they feel better when you don't take care of yourself? You think they don't feel unbelievable- unbearable worry every time they see you hurt or sleep deprived or hiding the fact that you had a panic attack?
"I know it's a hard thing to come to terms to, Danny. But they're your family and they love you. You have no idea how much they love you. And you constantly putting yourself last- lying about your wellbeing, pushing your emotions to the furthest possible part of you, that's not- that's not gonna change anything but how worried they are about you. I know you do that for that very reason. You don't want to worry others.
"God, you put every single person's emotions before yours. Your family loves you. They trust you with everything. They would do anything for you. You think you're protecting them from the truth, but you're just hurting them more. I know it's not your intention, kid. Just- just think about how you treat yourself may affect others around you."
He then left me there alone, thinking about what he just said, and I struggled to push my emotions back down, like he said I always do. However, I had a harder time pushing thoughts away.
I'm a fucking burden. I can't believe the amount of times I've been ungrateful to my family. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve them. They took me in, took great care of me, were patient enough to not kick me out when I had my panic attacks. They didn't blame me for the disappearance of their mother but I know that it's true. I have only caused them pain. They shouldn't love me. No one should love me. I was a complete and total mess. I was nothing. I was nobody.
"Danny? Danny?!" Someone called, rescuing me from the pool of self-pity I was drowning in. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Lily asked, frowning in worry. "I-I can't." I said, mostly to myself. "What?" She asked. "I-I can't do this to you. To everyone. I-" I started hyperventilating. Lily's eyes widened. "Shit. Okay, Danny, breathe. Inhale for 5." She told me. I did so. "Hold for 5." She continued, helping me lean against a wall. "Exhale for 5." She said.
I calmed down immediately. It was only the beginning of a panic attack, so I wasn't in need of much grounding. "Sorry." I told her. She shook her head then held my face in her hands gently. She looked deep into my eyes and I was mesmerised all over again.
"You're the strongest person I've ever met." She whispered. My eyes drifted to her lips and she must've noticed because she pulled me closer against her. "Fuck, Lily," I muttered. "You're so fucking beautiful." I whispered, staring into her eyes. She was intoxicating.
A blush rose to her cheeks. "You are beautiful," feeling bold, I placed my hand on her face as well, "genuinely, to the core of your soul, you are beautiful." I whispered. Our faces were close, our noses were almost touching. "Why don't you kiss me then?" She breathed, and pulled our faces even closer together so that our noses touched, and her mouth grazed mine teasingly. I couldn't handle the tension anymore. "Lily Park, can I kiss you?" I asked. Instead of answering, she pressed our lips together.
I think the top 5 feelings in the world are (in no specific order); Drinking coffee, eating blueberries, experiencing Lily's smile, hearing Lily's laugh, and this feeling. The feeling of Lily's lips on mine. And I didn't want it to stop. I didn't want her to ever be out of my arms. I didn't want her lips to ever leave mine.
Of course, the moment didn't last very long, because someone had to interrupt. "Get a room." Sam said as he pushed us apart and stood right between us. He smiled at us brightly and innocently. "So, how's school?" He asked Lily casually. "What?" Lily asked, her mind seeming to be somewhere else.
"How's school?" Sam repeated. "Fine." She replied, absentmindedly. "Sam, leave them alone!" Freddie called from across the room. Sam stuck his tongue out childishly. Freddie returned the gesture. "I'm gonna get something to drink, wanna join me?" Lily asked me, smiling. I smiled back and nodded. "Great, I'm thirsty." Sam said. As we were walking to the kitchen, Freddie got up and dragged Sam out of the way.
"Sorry about him," he told Lily, smiling sheepishly, "he's a bit of an idiot." He then smacked the back of Sam's head. Sam pouted childishly, making Freddie roll his eyes. "Really, don't mind him. He's a little shit." He told her, and she giggled.